I smiled. Terrance was fine. The way he ran that ball made him super duper fine.
Terrance jumped up and slapped the ball out of one of his opponents’ hands. It must have been the ultimate disrespect in basketball judging from the crowd’s reaction. They were on their feet screaming and hollering as Terrance dribbled the ball all the way to the other side of the court and dunked it. If they simply loved him before, they were completely in love with him now.
“Tasha,” the girl behind me said to her friend. “I want him.”
“Christy please, okay?” her friend said, irritated. “Let’s just watch the game. What about Eric?”
“Eric can’t play like that,” she answered. “Besides, what he don’t know won’t hurt him.”
“There you go,” Tasha said. “You so nasty.”
“No I ain’t. I’m grown. And Terrance is grown, too, and what two grown people do is their own business.”
No… she… didn’t. I was ready to start swinging. She better keep her eyes and her hands off my man!
I turned to exchange a few words with her, but then turned back around to face the basketball court once common sense gripped me. I couldn’t be mad at this girl. Terrance wasn’t my man anymore. What we had before no longer existed.
“I don’t know, girl,” Christy’s friend continued. “He probably got a baby somewhere. Where is he from again?”
“I can’t remember, but I ain’t heard nothing about no kids.”
“Dudes be keeping that on the low. You know how they do. They ain’t gon’ tell you about that because every female knows that along with a baby mama comes drama.”
“I ain’t scared of no female,” Christy foolishly boasted. “Shoot, if she want some she can bring it.”
Tasha laughed. “You so stupid, girl. Shut up. You just saying that ‘cause she ain’t here.”
Neither one of them knew it, but the girl they were referring to was sitting right in front of them. I was his baby’s mama. I could have turned around and popped her in the mouth for thinking that she could take me. Dizzy chicken-head…
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Karen Stephens, get yourself together, girl. Act like you got some sense. That’s the old you. That’s the old Karen. We haven’t seen her in years and we don’t want to see her again. That Karen is long gone. That Karen does stupid things, but not you. You’re grown now, and you’re more mature. Progress, Karen. Not regress.
“You heard about the party Saturday?” Christy asked.
“No, what party?”
“The guys on the team throwing Terrance a party Saturday night. It’s supposed to be off the hook, and yours truly is on the welcoming party.”
Welcoming party? What welcoming party? I didn’t hear anything about a welcoming party. Why would it be on Saturday anyway if he was leaving on Sunday? That made no sense. She was stupid. She didn’t even know what she was talking about. If anyone was a welcoming party, it was me.
“What?” Tasha asked, not believing her. “You mean you’re gonna…”
“Uh huh,” Christy answered slyly.
I didn’t like the way this sounded.
“But what about Eric? Christy, you have a man. Why you acting like that?”
“Eric, Eric, Eric. If you love him so much, you go with him. He’s old news. But Terrance, Terrance is the one I want, and I’m gonna make sure I get him.”
The buzzer from the scoreboard sounded. I waited patiently as Terrance shook hands with the other players on the court and came towards me.
“You look tired,” I told him, appreciating the sweat glistening all over his body.
He shook his head. “Nawh. Those two little games can’t hold me. That was just practice. You ready to go?”
Someone cleared their throat. “Excuse me.”
Terrance and I both looked up. Two barely dressed females stood in front of us, each one with boobs the size of Houston poking out of their shirts. They made me sick. They had to be wearing push-up bras on top of those implants. God wouldn’t be that unfair to me.
“I’m Christy,” one of the girls introduced herself. “And this here is my friend, Tasha.”
Tasha waved half-heartedly. Terrance nodded her way but I didn’t say a word. They were about to piss me off for the second time today. For all they knew I could have been his girlfriend. They hadn’t even asked. They just walked up on him like I wasn’t even there. How could they be so disrespectful?
“So you gon’ be on campus for the rest of the week, huh?” Christy asked.
Terrance nodded.
“Good,” she said, and placed a folded piece of paper in his hand. “Well if you get bored…” Her eyes drifted over to me as if she were seeing me for the first time. “Or if you just need something a little bit more exciting… give me a call. I’ll be waiting.”
NO SHE DIDN’T!!!!!
I stood there with my mouth hanging open, baffled that Christy actually had the nerve to insult me right to my face.
Her friend Tasha tried not to laugh. I wanted to jump in her face and drag her across the basketball court by her weave, but I held my composure. I had enough faith in Terrance to know he would come to my rescue. He would tell her that he wasn’t interested in the trifling escapade she had planned for him. He’d explain to her that the real reason he even came to Daytown was to see me and his real joy was being with me.
“Okay,” he said as he stuffed the paper in his pocket.
Christy looked at me like she had already succeeded in stealing him from me. Humiliated, I tried to keep a straight face as she and her friend walked away.
I was hurt. Was he really just gonna take another girl’s number right in front of me like it wasn’t anything? How disrespectful could a guy be?
“You ready?” he asked as if nothing was wrong.
I couldn’t believe it. Fine! If he could act like I was nothing, then I could act like he was nothing! That’s what I’d been doing anyway, brushing him off and pushing him to the side. He probably had plenty of opportunities to get with a lot of girls, and he had a right to. He wasn’t my man, and I told him I didn’t want him. And I didn’t. I didn’t have time to worry about him. I had to finish school. So why was I tripping on some girl giving him her phone number? He wasn’t my man and I didn’t want him.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” I told him.
He grinned and put his arm around me. I tried my best to be content, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach.
If he wasn’t my man, why did his arm feel so good around me?
fifteen
Anaya
I walked into my room and flopped down on my bed. Disgusted, I pulled out my phone and dialed Reese’s number for the fifth time since I woke up this morning. As usual, it rang four times and went to his voicemail. I flung the phone across the room and sprawled across the bed.
I wanted to cry, but I refused to. Nothing in my life was going right. I hadn’t talked to my man in days, I had no friends, and no money. I couldn’t stand my roommate, and I couldn’t stand living in these stupid dorms. Even Karen got to stay in the student hotel, but she always got whatever she wanted. It was so unfair.
I grunted, thinking that I didn’t want to stay in school anymore. In class today everyone kept talking about the classes they were taking next semester. I didn’t even want to register because I didn’t want to come back after the winter holidays. But if I didn’t I’d end up back home with Deacon Patterson and that was definitely out of the question. Regressing was not an option, but I didn’t know what else to do.
I would love to have my own place and have independence for once in my life. It’d be nice to rent out a condo on the east side of town and just live my life the way I wanted to. Then I could invite Reese over, and we could spend some real quality time together.
My cell phone rang. Yes! I knew he was going to call! I knew he couldn’t be that cold towards me, not after all I did for him the other night. He really did love me. He proba
bly was just busy and didn’t have time to call.
I scrambled to the floor and picked up the phone. My face dropped when I discovered it wasn’t him. It was Deacon Patterson. What did he want?
Frustrated, I dropped the phone back on the floor and crawled back on the bed. The phone rang and rang before notifying me that a voicemail message had been received. Feeling guilty, I retrieved the phone and listened to the message.
“Hey Baby Girl,” Deacon’s familiar voice greeted me. “It’s Deac. Look, I was just calling to tell you I made a deposit into your checking account to pay your tuition and room and board. I figured it would be easier that way instead of sending you a check in the mail. I know you have to register early to get the classes you want. I’m not sure how much it’s gonna be, but I put thirty five hundred dollars in there. That should cover everything. If you have any left over you just keep it and buy yourself something nice. I know you love to shop, so go ahead and treat yourself. I’m so proud of you, Baby Girl. Give me a call when you get the chance. Love you.”
I felt horrible. I hadn’t talked to Deacon in weeks. The least I could do was answer the phone when he called. All he wanted to tell me was that he put some money in my account. He was so sweet. The only problem was that it was for tuition, and I didn’t even want to stay in college!
I wished I could just take that money and use it to get my own place.
…
My brain got to working. Excited, I jumped up from the bed and began to pace back and forth. Thirty five hundred dollars was a lot of money. That would get me an apartment for sure. I wouldn’t have to worry about putting gas in my car, either. I’d have to get furniture, but that wouldn’t be a problem. I could just rent. Shoot, I’d even have enough left over to go shopping!
If Deacon were here right now I’d jump on him and give him a kiss. He was so naive. He thought that my sheltered upbringing would result in me becoming an honest woman. Thank goodness he was dumb enough to trust me.
sixteen
Karen
“I am stuffed,” I replied to Terrance as we walked back into my room. We’d just come back from dinner and a movie. It was Friday night, and we were trying to spend some time together before he left on Sunday morning. “That was the best Mexican food I have ever had in my life.”
He grinned as he walked past me and took a seat on the couch. “I’m glad you liked it. Only the best will do for you, Boo.”
I grinned and sat down with him.
“You ain’t got to sit so far away, though,” he said.
I looked at our positions. Two people could have fit in the space between us.
“Would you like me to sit right under you?” I laughed.
He didn’t smile. He really would have liked me to.
“I’m just saying. You all the way over there like I got cooties or somethin’. I just wanna chill wit’ you, girl. It’s been so long since I seen you, since I held you. I’m just trying to spend quality time.”
I scooted closer. He put his arm around me and rested my head against his chest.
“This is much better,” he said. “So what’s on TV?”
I shrugged my shoulders and pointed to the remote next to him on the end table. He picked it up and turned the TV on, then began to flip through the channels.
As he made his way through all of the local television stations my mind started to wonder what it would be like to be with him. Being an athlete’s girl would definitely be a change for me. I’d have to get used to his popularity and all the women constantly vying for his attention, but it wouldn’t be so bad. If he kept spoiling me like this, I might just fall in love.
“So how you like it here, babe?” he asked.
I inhaled his cologne, becoming intoxicated by him. “It’s okay, I guess. I mean, I’m not the big superstar basketball player, so I don’t know what it would be like here for you. You might have to ask one of the guys on the team. But it sure ain’t like high school.”
“Oh yeah? You always made good grades before. I thought college would be easy for you.”
I shook my head. “Nope. It’s a whole lot harder. I’m doing good, but it’s hard. I study every day just about, just to keep my B average. Plus, I got finals next week, and I know they’re gonna be extra hard.”
“Yeah…” his voice dwindled.
I looked up at him. “What’s the matter?”
He shook his head. “Nothing. I was just thinking...”
“About?”
He sighed, “Life.”
“What do you mean, life?”
“Life. It’s hard out there, Karen.”
I sat up and looked at him. He’d never been this way with me before. He was sulking.
“What is it, Terrance?”
He sighed. “Life is hard, Karen. I mean… You think it’s gonna go one way, you know? You set out and plan for it, just like they tell you to. And then boom, just like that, something happens that just messes up everything.”
He was talking about his knee injury. I felt so bad for him. It must have hurt to lose everything all at once like that. It was a wonder he had enough strength to find the hope it took to make a recovery.
He chuckled. “You know what? Before my knee got messed up, I was the man. I really was. I had everything I wanted. I didn’t have to worry about nothin’. But as soon as those doctors said my basketball career was over, everything was gone. It took me a while to figure it out, but now I know that nothing in this life is guaranteed, except for love.”
I was sad. “Why are you telling me all of this, Terrance?” I asked.
“Because I know you really love me, Karen. You wanna know how I know? Because you was down wit’ me before all the material things. You loved me when I was just a school boy from a small town with a basketball and a dream. And I did you wrong. I did you so wrong, babe, but I wanna make it up to you.”
He turned to me and hugged me close. I liked the way my body fit next to his, almost like I was made to be right by his side.
“I love you,” he told me. “I love you so much, girl. I want it to be me and you again, like it was when we first started. And when I make it to the top, I promise I’m gon’ take you wit’ me.”
This was all too much for me. Him being here, holding me and whispering sweet things to me all seemed like a dream. But this wasn’t a dream. This was real life. The man that I loved so much so long ago was with me right now, telling me that he loved me and he wanted to be with me. I gave up on this a long time ago and now it was, he was, finally, with me. I felt tears coming.
Terrance slid off the couch and kneeled in front of me. He put his face in my lap and kissed my knees. He was crying.
“I wish I could jus’ make you feel how I feel,” he started again. “I wish I could just make you feel how I feel, so you could understand. Baby, I’m not playin’. I’m not tryin’ to run no silly game on you. I love you, girl.”
I gently tilted his head up by his chin, forcing him to look at me. I saw sincerity. All of his emotions were flowing from his eyes. I’d never seen him cry before. Suddenly everything I’d ever felt for him, the love, the anger, the hate, the sympathy, all began to flow from my eyes as well.
“Take me back, baby,” he begged. “I promise I’ll be good to you.”
I didn’t know what to do or say. We were both sitting there crying.
He put his head in my lap again and hugged my legs. “You still got my name tattooed on your thigh,” he whispered and pointed to the mark on my upper thigh.
I hadn’t realized my skirt had shifted up that high, but I didn’t bother to pull it down.
“I forgot about that. It’s sexy,” he whispered, and kissed it slowly.
With his finger he began to trace the cursive marking on my thigh. It was enticing.
“Let me have you, baby,” he whispered as he traced and kissed. “I love you.”
I wanted him and I wanted him bad, but everything in me said “Not now. Not like this.”
&nbs
p; “I can’t, baby,” I whispered, remembering my celibacy. It would be a waste of two and a half years to give in now.
He kept kissing my thigh as if he didn’t hear me.
“Terrance, I can’t,” I whispered again, a little louder this time.
He kissed my thigh again, then began to trace the writing of the tattoo with his tongue.
Oh my…
He sat up and leaned against me, forcing me on my back. With soft lips he kissed my mouth, causing me to become weak.
“I love you,” he repeated, and kissed me again.
He felt good. He felt real good. His kisses were passionate, like he’d been dreaming about me for a long time.
I was scared. I wanted to speak up but I felt like I didn’t know how. Since he’d been gone I’d been so strong, denying any and everyone who tried to get this close to me. I’d purposely separated myself to wait for my future husband. I vowed to God that only my husband would touch me this way. I’d been so strong before this man showed up at my door. Now he was here, wanting to come back to me, and it was hard to turn him away.
But I had to.
“Terrance, stop,” I said, and tried to sit up.
He kept kissing me. It took everything I had to speak up and not give in.
“Stop it!” I persisted, and shoved him away.
He sat up, confused. “What’s the matter?”
A tad bit embarrassed that I had even went as far as I did, I crawled from underneath him and stood to my feet.
“I can’t… I can’t do this. Not like this.”
“What? You wanna go in the bedroom?”
I stomped my foot. “No! That’s not what I meant.”
“What are you talking about then?”
I looked at him. He didn’t get it.
“Terrance, I’m celibate.”
He nodded.
“No, for real. For real, for real. I’m celibate, and I’m not having sex again until I get married.”
Defeated, he slouched. “Oh. You’re serious.”
“Yes. I don’t do those things anymore, Terrance.”
He pouted and looked away.
Casting Down Imaginations Page 11
