“Okay,” I whispered, and quietly left the room and went into the bathroom. After relieving myself, I washed my hands, then pulled out my skin care products from the medicine cabinet to wash my face.
“Ugh,” I whispered at my reflection in the mirror, noticing the pimple on my right cheek. “You have got to go away,” I told it.
I sighed, feeling that everything was starting to go downhill, including my skin. I washed my face hours ago before I went to bed, but since I started sleeping in Terrance’s room I’d been applying makeup per his request before sleep. It made him happy, but in the past week I had to fight three pimples, and I hadn’t had that problem since middle school. Terrance didn’t know that I came in the bathroom in the middle of the night and washed my face though, just as I was doing now, and then got back up again before he woke up to put more makeup on. He complimented me on my skin almost every morning, saying that it was always so fresh looking. If he only knew.
I applied the cleansing cream to my face, happy that my skin was finally going to be able to breath for at least a few hours. And then I noticed the hickeys. I had two on my neck and one on my chest.
“Oh no,” I whispered, and rubbed at them, wishing I had the power to make them go away. How in the world was I supposed to go to class with these sucking bruises that Terrance had given me? Everyone would see them and think I was some type of freak.
I applied the rest of the cream and rinsed my face, then dried it off with a towel. I should have known better than to start sleeping in bed with him. He promised me that it was only to help him sleep better. The first two nights were fine, but the third night I woke up to him desiring me. I wanted to stop him and jump up and run to my room and lock the door behind me, but I was too weak. Now I felt like I was in trouble. Every night we got closer and closer to the real thing. It was only a matter of time until I caved in.
“What am I gonna do?” I asked, staring at the hickeys in the mirror.
Feeling ashamed, I got down on my knees in front of the sink in a praying position. Just as I was about to go before my Father, Terrance knocked at the door.
“What you doin’ in there?” he asked, still half asleep.
“I’m using the restroom.”
“Hurry up. I gotta go, too.”
“Okay… I’ll be out in a sec.”
I waited for him to go away, but I heard no footsteps. Since I was already kneeling, I quickly asked Jesus to help me under my breath and scurried out of the bathroom.
forty two
Anaya
I pretended not to see the lustful look on my client’s face as I allowed him to tuck his twenty dollar bill into my bra. I had to. I wasn’t yet faded from the Hpnotiq that I drank three dances ago, and I was trying to get all of his money. There was a cute Chanel handbag at the mall that I just had to have. All I needed was a few hundred dollars and I could go in tomorrow and get it. So tonight I was working overtime to get mine. And if that meant letting this trifling man leave his hands on me two seconds longer than I wanted him to, then I had to do what I had to do. It all came along with being a dancer at Prestige.
In reality I was a stripper, but that word was not used at this club. Prestige was upscale. You only found dancers here, even though we didn’t twirl around in ballet slippers or tutus. Strippers were found downtown in hole in the wall establishments, sometimes missing teeth, and would give you a lap dance for ten dollars. Dancers at Prestige were only the prettiest and sexiest girls. We had to be in order to entertain the likes of the musicians, professional athletes, and rich men who were bored with their wives who came our way. It cost a grip just to get in the door, and by the time the men, and sometimes women, had their two complimentary drinks, they were ready to come out of their pockets for a five minute dance.
“Let me get another dance, mama,” my client said.
I smiled at him seductively. “It’s gon’ cost you, baby,” I said like I liked him.
“How much?”
“Fifty.”
“Dang. For a dance?”
“Yep. You know you gotta pay for the good stuff. So what it’s gon’ be?”
He grunted, then dug in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.
“I know you gamin’ me,” he grumbled. “But you fine, so I’m gon’ give you my money.”
I reached for the bill that he pulled out, but he snatched it away from me.
“Turn around,” he told me. “For fifty dollars I’m gon see all that you workin’ wit’.”
I swallowed the irritation that I felt and did as I was told. Working at Prestige was nothing like I thought it would be. That’s mainly because Jeff lied to me when he “hired” me. I hated my job, but now I had everything I wanted. I was making my own money, and making a lot, too. I usually made about eighteen hundred dollars a night, minus the forty percent that Jeff took off the top. I only had to work four nights a week, so I had plenty of time to myself throughout the rest of the week. My pockets stayed full, and I already had enough money saved up to pay back Deacon Patterson the tuition money I owed him. All I had to do was show some skin to be rich. And yesterday I put a deposit down on a new apartment in Dallas that would take me far away from Mr. Pier and his trifling landlord behind. The only down side was that I had to put up with the jerks who thought that just because I was a stripper I was also a whore. I got solicited for sex just about every night by men who insisted Prestige was known for allowing that type of thing. They disgusted me. Some of them were old enough to be my grandfather.
“Don’t cheat me twice,” my client said. “Bend over and let me see it all.”
“Yes, sir,” I said, and obeyed his request.
“Yeah, baby girl,” he grinned. “Just like that…”
Alcohol, please kick in. I need you right now.
“Come on, girl,” he snapped at me, growing impatient when I didn’t continue. “You actin’ like you got this money already.”
Freaking drinks ain’t working yet!
“I’m gon’ give you what you want,” I promised, and concentrated on giving him all of my attention. I started dancing and suddenly became the sexiest woman in the world.
“That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout,” he said with eager appreciation.
“Yeah girl. Earn my money. Bend down low and let me see it all.”
I did as I was told and he placed the fifty dollars next to the previous bill he gave me. After I was finished, he had a big smile on his face.
“Damn, girl. How much will it cost me to keep you all night?”
I shook my chest in front of him. “Everythang you got.”
“I got enough to buy you, girl.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “How ‘bout we get a private booth?”
Chanel bag, you are mine.
“That’s cool,” I said. “But I’m just dancin’. None of that other stuff. You gon’ have to go somewhere else for that.”
“I wouldn’t insult you like that, girl,” he told me, and held up his ring finger. “I’m a married man. I’m just into watching.”
I believed him. “Alright. How long you want?”
“Just dance until I get enough.”
“Come on,” I told him, and helped him get out of his seat. “Let’s go.”
forty three
Anaya
“How’s your steak?” Ayden asked me from across the table.
“It’s fine,” I answered. “I’m just not all that hungry.”
I was tired and just wanted to sleep, but Ayden insisted that we go out.
“Thank you for coming to dinner with me tonight,” he told me. “I want you to know I really appreciate it.”
I shrugged my shoulders, not at all moved by the sensitivity that he showed.
“But I wanted you to come out with me tonight for a reason,” he continued. “I wanted to ask you something.”
I picked up my glass and drank from it while he pulled something out of his pocket. I almost choked when I s
aw it was a ring box.
“Ayden, what—”
“Just listen,” he said. “Look, you know I like you, and I been trying my best to be with you. You know that.”
I nodded, agreeing thus far.
“I mean, we see each other just about every day, and we’re always together. Why don’t we quit playing and make this official.”
I looked up at the ceiling, not believing that he was going there again.
“Ayden, we talked about this,” I said with a sigh. “I told you that I wasn’t trying to have a boyfriend right now.”
“I know that’s what you say,” he told me. “But I don’t believe it’s true. I think you’re just scared of getting hurt again.”
I shook my head. “Don’t try to analyze me, Ayden. I told you about that crap.”
He held his hand up to stop me, not wanting to argue. “All I’m saying is, we been doing this for a while now. I’m saying I want to be with you. I want you to be my girl, and I wanna be your man. So let’s take this to the next level.”
He opened the ring box and placed it in front of me. I stared at the heart shaped stone set on a white gold band with confusion.
“Are you proposing to me?” I asked him, praying to God that he wasn’t.
“No,” he answered. “It’s just a promise ring. I guess this is just my way of telling you that I’ve fallen in love with you.”
I let his last sentence roll off my back like it was nothing and focused my eyes on the floor. I had to, because I didn’t feel the same way about him. I didn’t even want to. All he was to me was a good time, and I’d determined a long time ago to keep it that way. I just couldn’t understand why he refused to do the same.
“Ayden, I—”
“Just hear me out,” he interrupted.
I gave him a nod to continue.
“The first time that I laid eyes on you I knew that you were special,” he told me. “When I first saw you, I said to myself, damn, I gotta get to know her. That’s why I couldn’t just give up on spending time with you after all the times you turned me away. Then that night when you came to my place, I was so happy. I was like, finally, I get the chance to know this beautiful girl. And even though it ain’t my style, we got down on the first night. But I wanna be more to you than just that. I wanna be your man, Nya. I wanna be the one you come home to, to take care of you, to take you around the world and show you things. I wanna be your hero and all that.”
I closed my eyes so he wouldn’t see them roll. This was exactly why I didn’t want to be with him. I hate sensitive crap.
“Ayden, I told you I didn’t want a boyfriend,” I said.
He pushed the ring toward me. Being stubborn, I pushed it back. I saw that it hurt his feelings.
“It’s not you,” I tried to explain. “It’s me. Honestly.”
He held his head down, embarrassed.
“I think you’re a really sweet guy, Ayden, but—”
“But you just don’t want me,” he said, his face turning red through his light complexion.
“It’s not like that—”
“It’s cool,” he cut me off, and snatched the ring up from the table and put it back in his pocket. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Ayden, you don’t even know me.”
I watched him as he picked up his fork and started eating his food again.
“Just answer me one thing,” he said with a stern voice. “If you don’t want to be with me, then why do you keep sexing me? Are you that much of a ho that you would keep sexing me without a commitment? Are you that much of a slut? Or are you just a little freak?”
“Don’t turn this around on me,” I protested, my eyes narrowing. He was about to piss me off. “You’re the one that keeps trying to turn us into a relationship. I told you I didn’t want one.”
He chuckled. “Shame on me for trying to do right by you,” he said coldly. “Shame on me.”
“I don’t see why you’re getting so upset.”
“So all I am to you is a good time, huh? That’s all—”
“Ayden, I’m a stripper,” I confessed.
His face fell. “You’re a what?!”
I looked away and pretended not to see the numerous people staring at us.
“Ayden, calm down.”
“Calm down? What the hell is wrong with you?!” he yelled at me. “You mean to tell me I been trying to get close to you like this, and you’re a professional slut?!”
“I am not a slut!” I defended myself, angry that he was becoming so irate.
“You’re a stripper!”
“That doesn’t mean I’m a slut!”
“You could have fooled me.”
“Don’t you dare judge me!” I yelled at him.
“You’re a whore!”
“You don’t know nothing about me, alright, but what I tell you. You don’t know who I am or what I been through, so don’t you dare look down on me. I’m just doing what I gotta do to make it. I had to learn the hard way that there are no free handouts in this world.”
“Except for you,” he retorted.
I cut my eyes at him, warning him to be quiet before things got violent. I wasn’t about to get clowned in this restaurant, and I surely wasn’t afraid to throw my drink in his face. He didn’t heed my warning though, and kept going with his tirade.
“You young broads make me sick,” he snarled through tight teeth. “You’re so stupid. You couldn’t even be honest with me about what you do for a living, because you knew I wouldn’t put up with it. So you lied to me, and you made me look like a fool. You’re nothing but a silly ho, and you just proved that you ain’t worth nothing but what’s between your legs. I see why you got an abortion. If I was him I would have made your silly tail get one, too!”
I reached across the table and punched him in his mouth. His head went back as others around us gasped out of fear. He grabbed onto the table to keep from falling back, but I had no sympathy for him. He had no right to bring up my baby. She didn’t have anything to do with this.
He cursed me and wiped the blood drizzling from his lip, then stood to his feet and dropped a few twenty dollar bills on the table from his wallet.
“Where you going?” I asked, fuming.
“I don’t need this,” he said. “I’m leaving.”
“Wait,” I stopped him. “Aren’t you gonna take me home?”
He looked at me as if he wanted to spit in my face. “Are you serious?”
“How else am I supposed to get home?”
He wiped at his mouth again and looked at the blood on his hand. “You’re a ho,” he said. “I’m sure you’re used to walking.”
I watched as he made his way out of the restaurant, then I picked up one of the twenty dollar bills that he left on the table and went outside to catch a taxi.
forty four
Karen
“Where is she, Karen? Tell me!”
“I don’t know!” I yelled at Daddy through the phone.
“If you know you better tell me!” he screamed.
I was ready to hang up in his face, but decided against it. “Daddy, I don’t know. Have you tried calling her cell phone?”
“She won’t answer,” he told me. “Oh my Lord. I think something’s happened.”
“Calm down. You don’t know that for sure. She could just be out taking care of some things.”
“They’ve been gone since last night, Karen. Where could she be at? Last night I came home from work, then went out to run some errands. I came back and her and Kevin were gone, and half the stuff from the house.”
“Alright, alright, alright,” I said, getting irritated. “Look, I’ll try to find her okay. And as soon as I hear something I’ll call you back.”
“Karen, I love that woman. And I love my son. And if something bad has happened to them, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
“I’m gonna try to find her,” I told him, and tried my best not to panic. “I’m gonna call you right back.
”
I hung up and dialed Mama’s cell phone number. She answered on the fourth ring.
“Hello?”
“Mama? Where are you?”
“I’m at your aunt’s. Is everything alright?”
I was flabbergasted. Here this woman was acting as if everything was fine, and just a second ago Daddy was on the verge of losing his mind with worry.
“Yeah…” I answered, still not believing how calm she was. The way Daddy acted I thought she would have at least been upset. But she seemed to be just fine. “I’m calling to check on you.”
“Why?”
“Daddy called me looking for you.”
She was silent.
“Hello? Mama, you there?”
“I’m here. Hold on just a second.”
I waited as she told Kevin to behave while she was in the other room. A few moments later she was back on the phone.
“I don’t know why he called you,” she told me. “There ain’t nothing you can do about anything. Shoot, out of all of us, you’re the one that’s doing the best. By the way, how is Terrance?”
I was getting a sick feeling. “He’s fine. Mama, what’s going on?”
She huffed. “I didn’t want to say anything, but I guess you’re grown now and it really doesn’t matter. But I’m leaving your father.”
“WHAT?”
“I said I’m leaving your father.”
“Mama, I know what you said, but—”
“I have never been more afraid in my life than I was last night, Karen.”
Her voice was solemn, and it scared me.
“What happened?”
“I was standing in the kitchen, making dinner for the three of us,” she told me. “Your dad had come home from work, but he left. He said he had some things to do. We haven’t been speaking much lately, so I didn’t say anything to him and didn’t bother to ask him where he was headed. I guess I just didn’t even care. Kevin was in the living room in front of the TV. Then out of nowhere, these three men come bursting in the house. I screamed, and the next thing I know one of ‘em scooped Kevin up and held their hand over his mouth to keep him from screaming.”
Oh my God. Kevin! Oh my God…
“Mama, is he alright?”
Casting Down Imaginations Page 26
