Casting Down Imaginations

by LaShanda Michelle

  fifty eight

  Karen

  I scampered around the apartment, desperately searching for the keys to my car. I’d thoroughly searched all of my handbags, as well as the bedroom, and so far I’d come up with nothing. I needed to hurry. The second night of the tournament started fifteen minutes ago and I knew the parking there was already a mess.

  “Keys, keys, keys… Where are you? Why are you hiding from me?”

  I hurried over to the couch and pulled out the cushions. I found my keys wedged in the crack. I pulled them out, relieved, until I saw the small portion of pink lace that came out with it. With shaking hands I pulled at it until its full identity was revealed.

  A pair of panties.

  And they weren’t mine.

  I screamed and let them fall to the floor. With keys in hand, I ran out of the house and jumped in my car, and screamed as I burned rubber away from the house.

  It was hard to breathe. I was hyperventilating as I drove, and crying hysterically. I could barely see, and the car was swerving. I pulled over into a vacant parking lot before I crashed.

  Once the car was still I rested my head on the steering wheel and pounded my seat. I was so angry, so furious.

  “Noooooo!” I screamed. I could still see the underwear in my head. It killed me to know they were only feet away from where we slept every night. He gave it to her on the couch. Where I did my homework. Where we sat and talked and ate dinner sometimes and watched TV. That bastard! After all this time. All this drama, I stuck by him, and he gave it to some skank right under my nose.

  He must have done it while I was in class. That’s why Christy came over that day. She wanted some more of what I was getting. How could he? BASTARD!

  I couldn’t even be mad at him, though. All of this was my fault. I should have never changed myself for him. I should have stuck to my beliefs instead of compromising to keep a man that obviously didn’t want to be kept. All of the signs were there. I just didn’t put the pieces together. Or maybe I put the pieces together but refused to accept what I already recognized. Terrance proved a long time ago that he couldn’t love me the right way when we broke up in high school. I gave him a child, and he hit me and left me out in the cold so he could pursue what he wanted. The only reason he came back was because his world fell apart. And there I was, dumb as can be, trying to put it back together again for him for the sake of a love that didn’t even exist. And now that his life was going right again, he no longer needed me. I was so stupid! I should have left him in my past as an ex. That’s why he was an ex, because he and I together just didn’t work, so I had to X him out of my heart.

  I felt small. I wanted my daddy. I wanted to drive home and climb into his lap like the little girl that I still was and tell him all about my heartache. And I wanted him to be there for me like he was the first time Terrance did me wrong. But I didn’t even know where Daddy was.

  I sat in the car and cried over my broken heart. I didn’t know what I was going to do, or where I was going to go. For the first time I realized how much I really depended on Terrance. I lived with him. He gave me my car, and provided me with food and shelter. Where would I go without him? Back home? To live with my now single mother who was struggling to pay the bills and take care of her other child? And what about school? I had no job, and no money of my own. I needed Terrance. What was I supposed to do now that I had proof of his unfaithfulness? Was I supposed to stay there and pretend like I didn’t know anything? Like I was happy and my heart wasn’t shredded into a million pieces? Was I just supposed to laugh and smile and walk down the aisle while everyone else knew that he was giving it to Christy and only God knew who else?

  I was tired. I just wanted rest. I didn’t want to go back home though. Not to that den of betrayal.

  I sat and I thought. It was Wednesday. Somebody was having church somewhere, and I needed to go. It would be good to go, seeing the last time that I even set foot in a church was during Christmas break. Hearing someone preach was sure to bring me some kind of peace, and would probably keep me from going back to the house and having a Waiting to Exhale moment by setting all of Terrance’s things on fire.

  I started on my way. I turned on the radio to rid my head of the mimicking memories of Christy and her big boobs sashaying into the house like they owned the place. The station was on campus radio, and they were doing live coverage of the tournament. I gasped when I heard the news that was being reported.

  “What a shame,” the announcer said. “A shame indeed. Right before our very eyes, everyone, a tragedy. Terrance Thomas, Daytown’s shining bright star, critically injured in the first five minutes of the big game that was going to change his life forever. He just made a dunk, and then suddenly fell to the ground after letting go of the rim.”

  “Yes,” another announcer added. “Thomas came down hard on that knee, and it did indeed look painful. It should be noted that this is the same knee that took him out of the NBA. Thomas made a recovery and was being scouted to return to the NBA. Some recruiters were here tonight to watch him play, and as can be imagined, they were heartbroken to witness this injury. We’re hoping he can bounce back from this, but he was indeed in a lot of pain, and a recovery, if possible, will not be easy for Thomas.”

  “Such a tragedy,” the first announcer said. “Such a young man to go through so much heartache. An ambulance has just come and taken him away to University Hospital. We don’t know as of yet what is going on medically with him, but we all hope that everything turns out okay for the guy. He’s a stellar player, a hard worker… His teammates love him. We really do wish him the best.”

  “I need to add, Bob, that when the doc looked at him, he did not seem hopeful at all. Did you see the look on his face? There was pure agony there, Bob. Pure agony. He tried to appear optimistic for the fans, but I saw right through it. He was devastated for Thomas. Absolutely devastated. And it should be noted that although Thomas was playing again and scouts were trying to recruit him, he was still having trouble with that knee from when he was in the NBA. I hate to say this, but I really do believe that tonight, we witnessed the end of a career… It’s just so tragic.”

  “Tragic indeed… You know, a team member just told one reporter that Thomas said he heard a snap before he fell, which does indeed sound like a torn ACL. But only the doctors can diagnose that…”

  I made a U-turn in the middle of the street and bolted to the hospital.

  fifty nine

  Karen

  I ran to the front counter of the emergency room, huffing, barely able to breathe.

  “May I help you?” the woman behind the counter asked me.

  “Terrance Thomas,” I panted.

  She shook her head at me. “Fans are not allowed to see patients.”

  “I’m not a fan. I’m his fiancée,” I explained.

  She smirked. “Sure you are. Just like the twenty other women over there,” she pointed.

  I turned to the waiting area of the room to see almost ever chair full of scantily clad women. I rolled my eyes.

  “I am his real fiancée,” I told her, and held my ring up for her to see.

  “I’m sorry, honey,” she apologized. “But you gon’ have to wait over there like everyone else.”

  “This is an emergency!” I snapped at her. “I need to see my fiancée now!”

  “Me too!” one of the ladies in the waiting area yelled.

  “You gon’ have to wait over there with everyone else,” the hospital worker told me.

  “Wait,” someone interjected.

  A nurse appeared beside me. “You’re Karen Stephens, aren’t you?”

  I nodded.

  “Come with me,” she said, and took me by the arm. We walked behind the counter and through a set of curtains. “I recognize you from the paper. Terrance is down the hall and in the last room on the left.”

  “Thank you,” I said, and hurried off to find him.

  “Wait,” she stopped me.

  I
turned to find her looking regretful.

  “I have to warn you. There’s been another woman in with him. I think she said her name was Christy. We tried to tell Mr. Thomas that only family and close friends were allowed, but he became upset and insisted that she was his sister. I didn’t believe him. I know a groupie when I see one. I just thought you should know.”

  My blood was boiling. Even injured he would still defy me. Before I could say anything else the nurse hustled off, back to her important duties. I hurried down the hall and into Terrance’s room, ready to bust his other kneecap, but when I saw him lying there looking so pitiful, my heart softened for him. He looked drained, and I could tell that he had been crying. His face looked pale, even with his chocolate skin. His knee was propped up on a stack of pillows with a wrap around it, and his head was tilted back, asleep.

  “Oh, baby,” I whispered in sympathy, and rushed to his side.

  He woke up when he heard me, and greeted me with a cold stare.

  “Where the hell you been?” he asked angrily. “Why weren’t you at the game? I had people looking for you and everything, and you were nowhere to be found.”

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I hurried over here as soon as I found out.”

  “You still didn’t answer my question. Where the hell were you? How come you didn’t answer your phone?”

  I realized for the first time that I didn’t have my phone. I left it when I ran out of the house, away from the pink panties that I found in the couch…

  Those freaking panties!

  I was about to bring them to his memory when Christy walked in, carrying a pitcher of water, popping her gum as usual.

  “Well, well,” she said with sarcasm. “Look who finally decided to show up.”

  If she knew what was good for her she would shut up. I was ready to bust her upside her head with that pitcher.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked her.

  “Taking care of my man,” she said, and leaned over Terrance’s bed and kissed his forehead. I was outraged by her boldness, but even more at Terrance for allowing her to be so disrespectful toward me. I was his fiancé, but he was acting like he forgot that fact by letting her parade around the room like it was the other way around.

  “You better keep your stanky lips off my man,” I corrected her, since he obviously wasn’t going to.

  She laughed. “Please. Baby, you need me to get you anything else?” she asked Terrance, suddenly ignoring me.

  I felt my eyes grow so wide, I purposely narrowed them because I thought they were about to fall out.

  “Nawh, I’m cool,” he said, staring at me the whole time.

  A pang hit me when I realized what it was he was trying to do. He was trying to make me jealous!

  “Hell no,” I said aloud.

  “What did you say?” Terrance asked.

  I just shook my head at him with disappointment. “I can’t believe you. No, wait. As a matter of fact, I can. I can, because I knew you were doing this behind my back the whole time. And silly, stupid me, being dumb, thought that maybe if I gave you some, you’d change. I was stupid enough to believe that coming from a selfish bastard like you!”

  “Bastard?” he asked, offended.

  “Yes! Bastard! Selfish bastard!”

  “You need to watch how you’re talking to him,” Christy had the nerve to say.

  “Why are you even still here?” I asked her.

  “I’m here because my man asked me to come.”

  Another pang went through me. I stared at Terrance with disbelief.

  “You asked her to come?”

  He didn’t answer me.

  “So that’s how it is? The minute you don’t get what you want in me, you run off to some other chick?”

  He still didn’t answer me. I looked down at my ring and started to take it off, but he stopped me.

  “Whoa, whoa. Girl, what you doing?”

  “Don’t stop her,” Christy said. “Let her take it off. It’ll fit just fine on my finger.”

  He punched the side of his bed, finally annoyed with her.

  “Can you leave us alone for a few minutes? I need to talk to my fiancé.”

  Christy took a few steps backward. She was clearly appalled by his request. It appeared all over her face.

  “Your fiancé?” she asked him. She was about to get loud. “Your fiancé?”

  “Christy, don’t start, man. Just go on in the waiting area and wait for me to call you.”

  “Go in the waiting area? Fool, you must be high off them pain meds they gave you. I know you don’t expect me to play number two now that she’s here.”

  “You always been number two,” I informed her.

  “Don’t say nothing to me, okay!” she snapped at me.

  “Christy, calm down, man. Have some class,” he said.

  “Class?”

  She gathered her things angrily, cursing and screaming so loudly that a nurse came in and threatened to have her escorted out by security. On her way out she felt obligated to let me know that no matter what happened, she was always going to be there, whether I like it or not, because she had a hold on Terrance. It didn’t matter if I wore the ring, she was the one he was sneaking off with at night, which meant that with her was where he really wanted to be.

  I stood there fuming, taping my foot, trying not to scream.

  “My knee is gone,” he told me. “The doctor told me it’s shattered. I won’t be able to play anymore.”

  I chuckled. After all the drama that just happened, he wasn’t going to even acknowledge the fact that another woman just told me to my face that she’d been with him. It had never been more obvious to me than it was right now. Terrance was selfish. He didn’t love me the way a man was supposed to love a woman that he was getting ready to marry. It was all conditional. We hinged solely on his wants, not my needs. He was not, nor had he ever been, the man for me.

  “How long have you been cheating on me, Terrance?”

  His eyes pierced with disapproval. “How are you going to ask me something like that after what I just told you? Didn’t you hear what I said?”

  “Don’t evade. I wanna know the truth.”

  “I ain’t in the mood, Karen. Don’t come at me with that right now.”

  “Was she the only one?”

  A tear fell from my eye when he didn’t answer. She wasn’t. There were probably countless others. All the parties he went to alone, never coming home until the next day. Coming home in the middle of the night smelling like perfume. Our relationship was over. There was no use in pretending that we had something any longer. I’d already done that, and now it was time to face reality.

  I took the ring off and placed it on his lifted knee.

  “So you gon’ leave me, too?” he asked. “I thought you were different, Karen. I thought you were the one somebody in this world who was gon’ love me no matter what.”

  “Maybe that’s the problem. You thought you could run around and do whatever and I’d stay with you because I love you. And you know what? The truth of the matter is that I almost did. I actually almost did. But I love myself more than this. I’m a good woman and I deserve a man who is going to love me the same way that I love him. And you just don’t do that for me. I love you, Terrance, and you know what? I probably always will. You were my first love.” I thought about it for a second. “Actually, I take that back. You come second. My first true love is myself, and I love myself way too much to stay here and go through anymore of this with you.”

  I fought the desire to hold him in my arms as he cried, because I knew if I did I would end up staying with him. So, I turned on my heels and walked out of the room, crying the entire time. I passed Christy in the hallway talking to a doctor, and I overheard him tell her that Terrance would not be able to play basketball again. Even though I took the elevator, she beat me to the parking lot.

  sixty

  Anaya

  Derrick stood on the other side of the do
or, looking as good as he wanted to look. He had a fresh haircut, a tapered fade, just the way I liked, and was dressed in a nice shirt with a tie. I told him to dress up because tonight I wanted to take him some place special. That special place was my bedroom. Tonight I wanted us to be intimate.

  I hid behind the door before I opened it, only letting my head hang out.

  “Hey pretty lady.”

  I smiled at him. “How you doing?”

  “Great, now that I see your pretty face.”

  “Aren’t you going to come in?”

  “Oh. I thought we were going out?”

  “We can. Later. If you still want to. Tonight I got something else on my mind.”

  “Oh really?”

  I nodded.

  “Like what?”

  “Why don’t you come in here and find out.”

  Once he was inside I closed the door and locked it behind him. His demeanor changed instantaneously when he took in the ambiance. There was a long trail of lit tea light candles and chocolate kisses leading to the bedroom, and then there was me, dressed in a red lace teddy and a pair of matching red pumps. I knew I looked good, and I smelled good, too. There was no way in the world he was going to be able to resist me.

  “Oh,” he chuckled, surprised.

  “Is there are problem?” I teased.

  “Nawh,” he laughed. “Nawh, I mean...”

  “Good,” I said, and wrapped my arms around him and gave him a long kiss. He pulled me into him and squeezed. He felt good.

  “Wait,” I stopped him. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

  He hesitated. “You sure?”

  I kissed him again, then took him by the hand and slowly blew out the candles in the living room one by one, making sure I bent over as much as possible. Then I led him to the bedroom, where another surprise was waiting on him. I’d pulled my bed out to the center of the floor and surrounded it with candles, which were already lit. It was covered with red rose pedals, and Jodeci was playing softly in the background.

  “What’s all this?” he asked.

  I climbed on top of the bed and motioned for him to join me.

  Once he did I climbed on top of him and we started to kiss.