“And what would that be?” I asked through clenched teeth.
“Stop being mad at her and take a good look in the mirror. You’re just as at fault this time around as she is. And another thing…” My eyes narrowed on him again. “Tell her how you feel.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? You did it fifteen years ago. If an eighteen-year-old could do it, so can a grown-assed man.”
True. But what happened on Friday night had left my ego flat. “Because she doesn’t feel the same way.”
“How do you know, have you asked her?”
“No.” I sighed. “I just do all right.”
“Fine, but a woman like Danica won’t be around forever, Jake. She’s single again, it’s only a matter of time.” I nodded in agreement. “By the way, Alissa and I are having a barbecue on Saturday. The wife says for you to be there. I wouldn’t…”
“Tell her I accept. I’m sure I’ll be able to use the distraction.”
“Think on what I said,” he began. “You might be surprised to know how she feels.”
Chapter 26
I lost count of how many times I dialled her number and hung up before the call could be connected.
Analyzing what Paxton told me to do, I wasn’t sure if I could. My best friend tended to be right more often than not. That fact alone freaked the hell out of me because that meant I had to have a serious heart-to-heart with Danica.
On a similar note, I thought about what Ben had told me. If what he said was true and she hadn’t wanted to leave fifteen years ago, why had she? She had a month before graduation. She was eighteen, a legal adult, she could have stayed. But she didn’t. What happened to make her go?
Jordan flashed through my mind. The kid mentioned that his Granddad had taken his mother away from Jacksonville. Jordan…he was fifteen, bordering sixteen. I did the math in my head and it couldn’t have been any clearer. She got pregnant. All of a sudden, some of the pieces fell together.
Wrapped in those thoughts, I didn’t realize I had hit the call button and that the call had been connected. “Hello?” I heard from my lowered hand and brought the phone to my ear. “Jacob?”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah… it’s me.”
“Is everything okay?”
“No, not really.” Well, it was the truth after all. I wasn’t going to tell her that I was on the verge of freaking out so I expelled a long breath. “We need to talk.”
“Okay. When?”
Now. “When’s good?”
“How about now? Jordan’s at soccer practice and then he’s got a school project to work on with Trevor. He’ll be at least another hour or so.”
“Just come over. I’ll be out back,” I said.
“I’ll see you in a few.” She ended the call and then I realized that I wasn’t at all prepared for any of what was about to take place. I rubbed a hand down my face.
When Danica came in, she came straight to the back. I sat on the chair and not the sofa on purpose, securing physical distance was of utmost importance for me right now. I needed to be able to think and I couldn’t do that if she was too close.
“Hi.” She offered a small smile.
“Hey.” I gave her my best which was a tight-lipped grimace of sorts. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“I’ll have one of those.” She pointed to my bottle of water.
After my call to her, I dumped the last of my one beer and switched over to bottled water. Since alcohol consumption had been part of the equation the last two times we were alone together, I wanted to make sure that our precursor to temptation was out of the way. I needed a clear head.
Getting up, I went to fetch her a bottle. “Thank you,” she said.
“You’re welcome.” I took my seat.
“Listen…”
My hand went up. “I have one question for you and I need you to be straight with me.” She nodded. “Why did you leave?”
She looked as if I’d hit her in the gut with a two-by-four. Her face lost its color. With a hint of green, she looked as if she was going to be ill. What the hell? Something horrible had to have happened. In that moment, my suffering didn’t quite matter.
Even if you’re her kid’s father and she’s held that information from you all these years? Anger was quick to replace the sympathy I felt toward her but I wasn’t going to give into it just yet. That would be jumping to conclusions and I wasn’t keen on making things worse. I needed answers and staying level-headed would be the way I would get them.
Danica cleared her throat and opened her mouth as if about to say something and then closed it.
She tried again. “That night…” she began and I knew that she was referring to the night where we had first been together. “It was the most amazing night ever. With you, I always felt safe, loved. You made me feel cherished. When I told you I loved you, it was real. I didn’t lie. I need you to know that.”
The emotion on her face lightened the anger I felt but not by much. “Then, what happened?”
She swallowed hard. “Please let me speak. It’s hard enough to say without having you ask more questions. I promise I’ll answer all of them, after… if I manage to get this out.” I nodded.
“When you dropped me off, Dad and I got into a huge fight about me coming home past curfew. You remember how he was back then?” I nodded again. The man had been a general. “After our fight, I snuck out of the house for some air. I ended up at the park.” Her gaze was intent on her fingers twisting around on her lap. “But,” she took a deep breath, “something went wrong.
“A guy walked by and sat beside me on the bench I was sitting on. I thought it weird because there was a free bench beside mine. He creeped me out so I got up to leave and headed home. I didn’t know he was following me until my feet hit the pavement and I heard his footsteps.” She closed her eyes, licked her lips. “They sounded rushed and then I realized that he was getting closer. I got scared.
“I ran… I ran so fast, Jacob, but he caught me.” Her eyes snapped open but I could tell that even though she faced me, she wasn’t seeing me; she was seeing the past. “He threw me to the ground, pushed up my skirt. H-he ripped my underwear off and… and…” Her voice broke and my stomach turned. “He raped me, Jacob. When he was done, he crawled off of me and ran off, as if I had been a blow-up toy and he’d had his fill.”
My anger had climbed and evolved to pure rage but it was no longer directed toward her. I clenched my fists on my lap and held my silence.
“It hurt to get up. I ached everywhere. I managed to make it back home and collapsed onto the floor when I got through the front door. Mike was there and yelled for Dad to come. They took me straight to the hospital.” She looked down and wiped at her silent tears. “The guy didn’t wear a condom.” My heart sunk into the bottom of my gut.
“That night, Daddy made the decision to move us all. He was already in the process of opening the office in Austin and he didn’t want me here where I could relive the horrors of that night. The next day, we all flew out there and he hired a moving company to pack the rest of our stuff and ship it to us.
“Despite what happened, I didn’t want to go but Daddy dismissed what I wanted, as always. He was convinced that I was too distraught to make my own decision.
“A month afterwards, I begged him to let me come back. When he asked me why, I told him that I was in love with you, that I wanted to come back to you.” Her smile contained so much sadness. “You should have seen him fly off the handle with that revelation.” Her laugh was humorless. “He said that if you loved me, that you’d find a way to contact me. But how could you when you didn’t know where I was? Sure, you could have talked to Nikki but I cut her out too.
“When that never happened, Dad pacified me with a promise that I could take a week during the summer holidays and go find you myself. I believed him.
“A week later, I found out I was pregnant.” Her hand clutched her stomach and she sniffled. “They gave me the mo
rning after pill, the night of the rape, but it didn’t work. I was on birth control too.” I nodded. I knew that. “My OB told me that the morning after pill isn’t as effective as most think and since I hadn’t been on the pill long enough, that that’s how it happened.”
“Jordan?” I whispered. She nodded. “So J-Jordan’s his?” It had to be. She wouldn’t have kept this from me if he weren’t.
“I don’t know.” My eyes widened. “They never caught the guy that defiled me.”
My head pounded as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t.
“We made love without a condom that same night, Jacob. He might be yours, but he might be his.” She spat the last bit as if it left a sour taste in her mouth. “I never said anything because I was ashamed. I still am but I can’t run from it anymore.
“First, I blamed myself for being stupid to have left the house so late at night. Second, I felt as if I had asked for it because that’s what he kept telling me while he was…” She shook her head as if forcing the memory out of her mind. “Third, when I couldn’t provide the answers I knew you’d want right away, I waited until the answers came. They never did.
“I blamed Dad for convincing me to stay in Austin. I blamed myself for doing what my father had told me to do like the dutiful and obedient daughter. We still argue about it to this day.” This brought back mine and Jordan’s conversation about him walking in on his mother and grandfather.
“Jacob, my life changed that day and most of it, not for the better. I wouldn’t trade Jordan for the world, he’s my son, no matter who his father is. It took me a long time to accept that genetics didn’t make up a person’s character.
“Back then, I thought that you’d want nothing to do with him or me if we found out that he wasn’t yours. It was shallow of me and I was a coward and I’ll forever regret taking that decision out of your hands. It was easier to disappear than to come back and deal with everything, especially when I was dealing with therapy, a child and school.” I groaned. “We were so young. My life became complicated but it wasn’t ruined. I made a lot of stupid decisions back then. Staying away from you both was and wasn’t one of them.” I wanted to ask her how she figured that but she wasn’t done talking.
“My parents supported me, Mike helped. I stayed because my dad threatened to cut me off if I left. All I wanted was to finish college and come back to you. But you had college too and law school on top of that.
“You worked so hard to get that scholarship and I couldn’t just show up with a kid, five years later, after I’d graduated and expect you to accept things, juggle us both, your school and a side job when he might not be yours. You deserved better.”
Taking a cleansing breath, she said, “There. I said it. That’s why I left. It wasn’t because I wanted to. I didn’t call or write because I’d lose my parents’ support. I couldn’t risk it. If it were just me, I would have left and come back to you but I had Jordan to worry about. I know I was stupid with the way I handled things but it’s done now. I can apologize until I’m blue in the face but I doubt it would ever be enough.”
Chapter 27
Dumbfounded, I sat with my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. “So you’re saying…” Okay, so realizing one thing in my mind and then wording it was a little difficult at the moment. “Fuck.” I took a deep breath and looked at her. “I might be Jordan’s father?” She nodded.
I knew I should be furious with her, maybe even yell and kick her out of my house. But I couldn’t. I didn’t even want to. I can tell you that I would have loved to beat on the son of a bitch that took everything away from both of us years ago, sparing a few swings for her old man. I knew the man knew how to get his way but I never once thought he’d manipulate his own daughter, knowing she’d do anything for his approval.
Overwhelmed, I wasn’t sure if I should say or do anything until I had some time to digest Danica’s revelations. There were plenty enough to give an entire neighborhood block indigestion.
Without my thinking it, I shot to my feet and began pacing the deck-boards. I paused and looked at her. She watched me but didn’t dare say a word. I shook my head and resumed my pacing. The second time I halted, I huffed out a large breath and looked up at the sky.
For the life of me, I couldn’t control my erratic thoughts. I couldn’t get them organized enough to process things so I continued with the pacing. Her hand on my bicep stalled me.
I turned to face her and was met with a tearful Danica, wrapping her arms around my torso.
My arms lay limp at my sides. My body wasn’t functioning with my head, and my emotions seemed to have left me altogether. Talk about bad timing.
“I’m sorry, Jacob.” She broke the silence. “I’m so sorry.” Her apologetic chant continued until something bloomed inside of me. I wasn’t sure what the emotion was yet but it did cause my arms to wrap around her.
At first, she stiffened in my arms and then her arms tightened their hold. I couldn’t help but return the gesture, my cheek resting on top of her head. Her chant continued at a whisper and I don’t think that she realized that she was still doing it.
I pulled away enough to use a hand and tilt her chin up so I could see her face. Her eyes were closed tight and tears streamed down her cheeks at an unstoppable rate.
“Shh…” I urged her to stop and cradled her head back to my chest. She seemed to calm down with the small reassurance.
When I deemed her calm enough, I took a step back and held on to her shoulders at arm’s length.
“Jacob…”
I let my hands fall away from her. “I need to think.” I avoided eye contact. “I understand why you left and I really can’t blame you for staying away for some of that time but…”
“You’re wondering why I hadn’t come back sooner?” I nodded and turned my back on her. “By the time I was done with school, Jordan was six and in school himself. I know it’s a poor excuse, saying that I didn’t want to take him away from his friends, his teachers, his family but it’s the truth, even though that’s what I’ve done by moving back here.
“I had also just started to work. I did try looking around but no one wanted me despite knowing my father.” Why was she bitter? “Dad was the one to give me my job at Withers International and believe me, I worked to get to where I am today. If anything, I had to prove myself more than every Tom, Dick and Harry in that place. I stayed in Austin because it was where my job was and Dad refused to let me relocate here and let’s face it, I loved what I did. I felt like I owed my dad for giving me a shot when no one else did.” Somehow, this part of her explanation rubbed me the wrong way.
“You could have called! I’m listed!” I would have done anything. But I was glad I kept those words to myself.
“Would you have listened?” I knew that my probable answer would have been a negative. “I could have called but despite my therapy, I still suffer from the same fears, embarrassment, and guilt from before. That doesn’t go away, Jacob. I had no clue as to what you’d been up to. I didn’t know if you were married or if you had your own family. I could have asked Pax but that would have invited more questions for me and I figured that if anyone back home deserved to know anything first, it should be you.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Since I wasn’t ready to spill the beans, I tried to move on.”
“And Bruce?”
“I met him when my father hired him as a consultant. They got along great and so he set us up on a date of sorts. It was a company workshop weekend. Before I knew it, we were together and a year later, we were married.
“After you, I knew that I’d never find better. Jordan was eight, he needed more than Dad and Mike as male figures in his life and in the off-chance you had a life of your own and because I was too damn scared, I settled.
“I never loved Bruce like a woman should love a husband. He never tried to stand up and be a father figure to Jordan. Honestly, I don’t think he wanted kids which made me wo
nder if he was with me for my business.” She snorted. “He proved that suspicion by trying to steal my father’s company out from under our noses. He would have succeeded too had news of his embezzling hadn’t got out until after Dad had signed those contracts, transferring everything from him to my ex. Thank God that didn’t happen and we won our case.” Our eyes locked. “Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“When Jordan said that you threw your case so we’d win, you said perhaps.” She waited but I didn’t answer. “So, is it?”
“I did what I knew was right. I knew how hard your father worked to build that company. As much as he and I never got along, it wasn’t right to see what a man has built be taken away by a crook. I was a last-minute substitute lawyer and I couldn’t refuse the case so I dug around, found things about Spalding’s business practices, and figured out a way to make him hurt. Just because your dad was stupid in hiring him doesn’t mean that you and Mike should suffer.”
She made to approach me with sincere gratitude in her teary eyes but I held my hand up to stop her. “Don’t.”
“Thank you,” she said and looked away. “You have no idea how much it means to me.”
“I would do it all over again.”
“Even after what I’ve just told you?”
“Your father’s the one who left you with no choice. He’s the one who’s used you all of these years. I…”
Danica’s cellphone rang. “I’ve got to get this. It’s Jordan.” I nodded and let her answer. Within seconds, she hung up. “I’ve got to go.” But she didn’t make to leave. “Jacob?” I looked up at her. “Are we going to be okay?”
“I don’t know.” I was being honest. Our eyes met and she nodded. I wanted to say more, to tell her that everything would work itself out, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t promise her that. Everything just seemed too bleak right now.
Almost Forgotten (Contemporary Erotic Romance) (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 2) Page 10
