“Stop, I give, I give!” she managed to get out in breathless pants.
Ethan lay down beside her, folded his arms over his chest, and said one word: “Tell.”
* * *
Sadie sighed. Tell him about her Ethan Box? Nerves clenched at her stomach as she thought about what a full disclosure of the truth could mean to her and Ethan. Nothing could ever be the same again.
But maybe that’s what they needed. Maybe she needed to confess all to him. Let him know how she’d been unable to let go of her massive crush. Spill all her secrets. Maybe they could move forward once she told him—maybe she could move forward.
Was this one of those moments of truth people always talked about?
What was it that the life coach on television had said? Sadie struggled to recall. Something about how a person could either remain static or could channel their energy and go forward. She knew what staying in the same place gave her: she was living that reality. She had no clue what going forward might do, but did she really want what she had now?
Or was she ready to take the plunge and tell Ethan about her secret dream?
She steeled her nerves. Maybe tonight was the night to make a change. What’s the worst that could happen? Ethan would go back to New York and she wouldn’t see him for another dozen years. But to tell him would be huge for her. Gigantic, really. Could she actually confess what she’d kept bottled up for all those years?
Sadie bit her lower lip, watching the light from the candles dance on her bedroom’s ceiling. Tell Ethan her deepest secret? If she showed him her Ethan Box, the secret she’d kept for years would be out. There’d be no going back. But if she didn’t show him her Ethan Box, there’d be no moving forward. She took a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll tell you my secret—and about what I broke earlier tonight. But don’t tickle me again. I’ll pee.”
At Ethan’s low laugh, she rapped him lightly on the nose. “Don’t laugh! I’m nervous.”
He stopped laughing and entwined her fingers with his. She watched his fingers stroke hers, his long and dark, hers small and pale in the candlelight.
“You, nervous? That’s a surprise. You were always the assertive one, so confident, even demanding. In fact,” Ethan said, squeezing her hand, “you could be a bit of a brat.”
A faint smile grew, teasing Sadie’s lips upward. “That’s how everyone sees me. At least, that’s how I want them to see me. But really, I’m not. I’m insecure as all get-out. You know how some women fake orgasms?” She watched as Ethan nodded, his eyes still fixed on their hands. “Well, I fake confidence. I’m a big faker.”
Ethan shot a glance at her. “Uh…what else do you fake?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she said quickly, grinning. “I swear—just confidence.”
Smoothly, Ethan shifted to his side, facing her. “So tell me what’s on your mind. It can’t be that bad, right?”
“No, it’s not. It’s just…this is something I’ve kept to myself since the first day I met you.”
He held still, soft strokes of her hair his only movement.
She gulped air, preparing herself. “What I’m trying to tell you is that I’ve had a gigantic crush on you since the first day we met.”
Ethan raised his eyebrows but the rest of his face remained impassive. No disgust showed, not bemusement. Instead, he seemed curious.
“Do you remember that day?” she asked.
He nodded. “Lia and I were out at the park for my first day of junior league baseball.”
“I saw you, leaning against a tree, a wild and scared look on your face. And you were beautiful.” Sadie paused. At Ethan’s light touch on her hand, she resumed her quiet confession.
“What drew me to you more than how gorgeous I thought you were was that when you looked up and saw me staring with my jaw on the ground, you didn’t laugh at the ugly, frizzy-haired girl with the bucked teeth.”
Ethan’s low laughter rumbled the bed. “You weren’t ugly or frizzy—you were cute. But you were wearing some pretty gigantic glasses.”
Sadie whacked Ethan on the shoulder. “Stop teasing me and concentrate—I’m trying to tell you something deep here.”
“I’m listening.” Ethan placed a light kiss on the inside of the palm she’d used to smack him.
Tingles shot through her, and suddenly her body felt like a sparkler on the Fourth of July. She struggled to regain her focus. Not easy to do with Ethan still holding her hand.
Sadie tugged her hand away. “All you did was say hello, but it was how you looked at me, with this open and caring smile, like I was special. It was as if you really saw me. At that moment you had me trapped.” She caught his gaze with hers and lowered her head to the pillow.
Ethan held still for a moment before shifting away. He fixed his eyes on the ceiling, giving no response to her confession. She held her breath. Would he jump up and run out the door now that he knew how she felt about him? Or would he give her a chance—give them a chance?
Finally, he began to speak, slowly, as if each word mattered. “I remember that day,” he said slowly. “Lia and I had just moved to Meadowview. It was two months after our mom died. Dad hated Mom for being sick, hated the world for Mom’s illness. Hated her for dying and leaving him with two kids. He was miserable, and so were we.”
Sadie nodded, remembering Joe Sawyer and his ever-pervasive stench of whisky, the empty bottles of booze strewn about the two-bedroom trailer, the cowed look on Lia’s face after he’d gone on a drunken binge.
“Dad took out his anger on me, usually with his belt. I did everything I could to keep him from hurting Lia, but that day he’d gone after both of us right before the baseball game.”
Sadie gasped but knew better than to interrupt.
Ethan’s fingers were a blur of motion as he twirled a lock of his hair. “I thought we were so alone, me and Lia. But then I met you, and you were so open and sweet. Then later that day I met your brother and Jack. My best friends.”
Shifting to his side, Ethan ran his finger along her arm. His light touch stimulated her senses, sending goose bumps flying to the surface of her skin. “From then on, anytime I needed anything, I could turn to Theo and Jack. Your families welcomed Lia and me, helped us out in ways you maybe never knew.”
“No,” she said soberly. “I didn’t know. I mean, I knew some, but not all of what you and Lia had gone through.”
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I remember that day, too, but I remember it for reasons different from yours.” He leaned back to look her straight in the eyes. “Sadie, my life started over that day.”
Her heart flung itself against the walls of her chest so hard it hurt. She turned and pulled Ethan next to her. The heat of him seeped through their clothes, bathing her in its warmth.
“Thank you for telling me,” she whispered.
He grinned, releasing the tension of the moment. “No prob. You trusted me with your big secret. I gave you one of mine.”
Stroking his hair, both their heads on her pillow, she whispered, “I was so jealous when Theo came over and you two took off, leaving me in the dust.”
“Yeah.” Ethan’s low chuckle vibrated against her chest. “Theo, Jack, and Ethan. The Three Musketeers.”
“You three were definitely a force not to mess with. ‘One for all and all for one!’” Sadie mimicked their infamous quote. “I remember hearing that call for the first time—you three were in the oak tree behind your dad’s trailer and the girls and I were catching crawdads in the creek. We wanted to join you in your tree fort but you guys kept pummeling us with acorns and shouting that ridiculous phrase.”
“Yeah, we were pretty full of ourselves.”
Ethan’s laugh delighted Sadie. She watched his eyes crinkle around the edges as he remembered the scene.
“But you three were real pests, which is why you deserved to be called Little Twerps.”
“Pests? We were downright brats.” Sadie shifted to make herself more comfortabl
e. The slight change in position brought her breasts to his chest. The brush of her nipples against his chest triggered them to form hard peaks under her dress. She still could hardly believe what was happening: he was here, Ethan was really here, on her bed, his body touching hers. Desire snaked through her, rendering her almost breathless. She wanted him, needed him, but did he want her?
“Guess we’re not bratty little kids anymore though, right?” Focused on Ethan’s face, Sadie saw a slight change in his expression after she’d spoken. He’d gone from amused to contemplative in a split second. Had she done something wrong?
* * *
Ethan breathed in deep, taking all of Sadie’s scent into him. Her warm body next to his and her sweet breath on his face sent his head spinning. When she’d moved, her boobs had smashed up against his chest, waking up parts of him he didn’t want woken up. He clenched his teeth. How did Sadie—one of the pesky Little Twerps, someone he’d always considered a friend—turn out to be the same blonde bombshell he’d wanted at the auction? How was he supposed to deal with the fact that he wanted her?
With her admission of a long-time crush on him, Ethan had felt a rushing wave of guilt. He certainly wanted her, but a one-night stand was all he could ever give her. He could never give her what she needed. Could never be in a relationship. Commitment just wasn’t something he could do, not even for someone as beautiful, sweet, and sassy as Sadie. He’d have to address her crush at some point, explain his inability to fulfill her needs. But there was a more immediate thought to consider, something Sadie had mentioned earlier.
With a start, Ethan rolled onto his stomach and pushed himself up on his elbows. She still hadn’t told him what she’d crushed, and she’d turned such a delightful shade of pink when he’d asked.
“Sadie…” he drawled, tapping her nose with his knuckles. “You can’t get away with not telling me your secret. You know I’ll just tickle you again.”
Her brow furrowed. “What secret?”
“Whatever it was you broke. Or crushed.”
“Oh, God!” She pressed her face into the pillow. “Okay, but you have to promise not to laugh,” she said, her voice muffled.
“Promise,” he answered. Good God was she ever adorable.
“There’s a box under my bed,” she said, her face still buried in the pillow.
Ethan bit. “And what’s in this box, may I ask?”
“You.”
He sat up. “Me?”
“Your stuff. Your life’s history. Bits and pieces of you. It’s my Ethan Box.”
Her what? Puzzled, Ethan reached under the bed, fumbling about until he managed to secure a hold on what appeared to be a fabric-covered box. Carefully, he lifted the box to the bed. “You were right,” he said.
“About what?”
He fingered the crumpled edges, the broken corners. “You managed to crush it quite well. What happened, did you sit on the poor thing?”
“Ethan!” Sadie smacked him with a pillow.
He grinned and grabbed her wrists before she could give him another whack. Together, they fell back on the bed. Ethan realized when he landed on her that his attraction to her had grown—literally. Something deep inside shuddered. Her warm breath wafted over his face and her scent engulfed him. Sadie. Her name echoed in his mind.
“Kiss me, Ethan. Please kiss me,” Sadie whispered. Her gaze dug in deep, as if she were seeking out his soul.
“I can’t,” he said. He swallowed. How could he? This was Sadie—Sadie, the skinned-knee, curly-headed, nearsighted kid he’d teased for years. Sadie, who he’d come to care for as a sister, not a lover. Sadie, who sent him raunchy emails and still played prank calls on him.
But this creature underneath him was also the blonde—the woman he’d been drawn to like every goddamned cliché out there.
“Yes, you can,” Sadie breathed.
“How?”
“You can start by placing your lips on mine.”
He chuckled. That wasn’t what he’d meant, but he loved her response. Gently, he released Sadie’s hands. She responded by running her fingers through his hair and pulling his face closer to hers. It felt good. She felt good.
Too good, maybe, he thought. He felt another interior shudder. He needed to get off her, to stop things before they went too far. Instead, he buried his head in her hair. “This is all so weird, Sadie. Two days ago, I was emailing you a joke and picturing you reading it. But you damned sure didn’t look like this in my mind. You were still Sadie, the Little Twerp, Theo’s little sister—my friend.”
“And?”
Ethan swept his hand down the length of her body before speaking again. “You can tell I’m insanely attracted to you. But until a couple of hours ago, you were, at least in my mind, still a scraggly, boobless teenager. My brain’s a little addled by the fact that you’re the hot blonde at the auction. It’s like I don’t even know you.”
“But you do know me,” she said. “We’ve emailed and texted and talked on the phone ever since you graduated from high school. I don’t understand how things are different. You know me. I’ve told you everything about my life—my hopes and fears, my successes and my failures.” Her voice faded as she stared into his eyes, mere inches from hers.
Ethan shifted and framed her face with his hands. “You may have told me all those things about yourself, but there’s something huge you never shared. You never told me you grew up.”
Heat built within Sadie. Ethan’s weight on her body, pressing her to the bed, brought exquisite flashes of arousal and longing that spread like liquid fire through her veins. She ached for his lips hovering a mere fraction of an inch away. And yet he refused to kiss her. So she’d grown up. So what? She no longer was the kid he used to take delight in teasing, or so tenderly wipe away her tears. Or give her the second half of his tuna sandwich because he knew she loved how he added relish, not olives. She still was Sadie…only now she existed in a woman’s body.
“That’s no excuse not to kiss me.” She twisted her hips, straining to connect their bodies. She knew Ethan wanted her—his rock-solid arousal pressed up against her belly told her so. But could he reconcile the kid he’d known all those years ago with the woman she’d become?
Ethan hitched a breath and stroked her cheek with his index finger. “It’s never just one kiss," he said slowly. “I can’t give you want you need. I just don’t do relationships.”
His single finger stroking her cheek was like a little bit of heaven. As was Ethan. She could barely breathe. She indulged in his breath stroking her cheek, his fingers stroking her face. All those years spent as a gawky kid, tagging after her brother and his friends, yearning for Ethan to notice her…and now she was seducing him.
She’d kept her crush on Ethan a secret from everyone, even her girlfriends. In high school, Ethan had always dated perfect girls with long legs, straight white teeth, and—like Liz—girls who at least looked like they had big boobs. Sadie deemed it useless to compete with perfection and never let on that she felt anything more for Ethan than friendship. In part, too, she never wanted her crush to come between her and her best friends.
The day she’d met Ethan she’d also met Lia, his little sister. It had taken less than a day and a shared peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the two to become best friends. Sadie had never dared to risk that friendship, not for something she knew she’d never get—Ethan.
Sadie had stuffed her crush on Ethan back into the box. Her high school and college years had passed filled with boys, and then later, men, but none had ever come close to how Ethan made her feel. And in all the years, she’d never had the chance to tell him. The rare times Ethan had come home to Meadowview to see Lia, Sadie had always been away. And he’d never made the time for her to see him during her brief forays to New York. Work had kept him under lock and key.
But now Ethan was here, on her bed, on her. Sadie wanted to taste him. She wanted to feel his skin on hers. She wanted—
To seduce Ethan.
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The thought came hard and strong, bulldozing its way into her mind. Could she actually seduce Ethan? Convince him to sleep with her? Could she bear to have him in her bed for one night and then let him go?
She bit her lip. It was the only way, really, to set her free from the massive crush that had lived for so long within her. She’d been holding him on a pedestal for years, always comparing anyone who expressed an interest in her to Ethan, always finding them lacking. Her teenaged mind had created him into some kind of demi-god, a man no one could ever measure up to. All the fantasies she’d dreamed throughout all the years had fixated her mind onto Ethan, turning him into a kind of addiction. Maybe if she slept with him, she could be free of the addiction, free to love another, free to let go.
In theory, anyway.
On the other hand, sleeping with him could also stoke the fire burning within her heart. Ethan would leave tomorrow, back to his old life in New York, distanced from her more by his work than the miles. If she pushed this idea and convinced him to sleep with her, she could be facing a deeper heartache than she’d ever experienced.
But she’d pushed beyond her boundaries to tell him how she felt, and the relief of sharing her years-long crush with him felt freeing. She couldn’t go back…it was time she moved forward.
Determined, she pulled his head to hers and ran the tip of her tongue across his lips.
For a moment, Ethan held his breath, not moving, not receiving her offer. And then he caught her mouth with his, lips and tongue questing, plunging, plundering, driving all thought out of Sadie’s mind. His breath mingling with hers and the heat from his body pouring over her set her on fire. She shifted, twisting her body against his, then grabbed one of his hands and slid it between their chests to rest on her breast.
He tore his mouth from hers. “Sadie,” he ground out between clenched teeth. “Tell me to stop.”
Forever The One (Meadowview Heat 1; The Meadowview Series 1) Page 5
