Because I would not have the world to see
What a disgrace my liege was subject to,
Being with a woman in so mean a house.
Foyes
Whose daughter was it that he forced, I pray?
Lemot
Your daughter, sir.
Labervele
Whose son was it that ran so mad for her?
Lemot
Your son, my lord.
Labervele
O gods and fiends forbid!
Countess
I pray, sir, from whom did he take the lady?
Lemot
From your good lord.
Countess
O Lord, I beseech thee, no!
Lemot
’Tis all too true. Come, follow the Queen and I where I shall lead you.
Queen
Oh, wretched Queen, what would they take from him?
Lemot
The instrument of procreation.
[Exeunt omnes.]
Scene 13
Enter Moren.
Moren
Now was there ever man so much accurst that, when his mind misgave him, such a man was hapless to keep him company? Yet who would keep him company but I? O vile Lemot, my wife and I are bound to curse thee while we live, but chiefly I. Well, seek her or seek her not; find her, or find her not, I were as good see how hell opens as look upon her.
Enter Catalian and Berger behind him.
Catalian
[Aside to Berger] We have him, i’faith. Stop thou him there, and I will meet him here.
Moren
Well, I will venture once to seek her.
Berger
God’s lord, my lord! Come you this way? Why, your wife runs ranging like as if she were mad, swearing to slit your nose if she can catch you.
Exit.
Moren
What shall I do at the sight of her and hern?
Catalian
God’s precious, my lord! Come you this way? Your wife comes ranging with a troop of dames, like Bacchus’ drunken frows, just as you go. Shift for yourself, my lord.
Moren
Stay, good Catalian.
Catalian
No, not I, my lord.
Exit.
Enter Jaques.
Moren
How now, Jaques, what’s the news?
Jaques
None but good, my lord.
Moren
Why, hast not seen my wife run round about the streets?
Jaques
Not I, my lord. I come to you from my master, who would pray you to speak to Lemot, that Lemot might speak to the King, that my master’s lottery for his jewels may go forward. He hath made the rarest device that ever you heard. We have Fortune in it, and she our maid plays, and I and my fellow carry two torches, and our boy goes before and speaks a speech. ’Tis very fine, i’faith, sir.
Moren
Sirrah, in this thou mayst highly pleasure me. Let me have thy place to bear a torch, that I may look on my wife, an she not see me. For if I come into her sight abruptly, I were better be hanged.
Jaques
Oh, sir, you shall, or anything that I can do. I’ll send for your wife too.
Moren
I prithee do.
Exeunt both.
Scene 14
Enter the Queen, and all that were in before [Lemot, with arm in sling, Foyes, Labervele and the Countess].
Lemot
This is the house
Where the mad lord did vow to do the deed.
Draw all your swords, courageous gentlemen.
I’ll bring you there where you shall honour win.
But I can tell you, you must break your shin.
Countess
Who will not break his neck to save his king?
Set forward, Lemot.
Lemot
Yea, much good can I do with a wounded arm.
I’ll go and call more help.
Queen
Others shall go, nay, we will raise the streets.
Better dishonour than destroy the King.
Lemot
[Aside] ‘Sblood, I know not how to excuse my villainy. I would fain be gone.
Enter Dowsecer and his friend [Lavel].
Dowsecer
I’ll geld the adulterous goat, and take from him
The instrument that plays him such sweet music.
Lemot
[Aside] Oh, rare! This makes my fiction true. Now I’ll stay.
Queen
Arrest these faithless traitorous gentlemen.
Dowsecer
What is the reason that you call us traitors?
Labervele
Nay, why do you attempt such violence against the person of the King?
Dowsecer
Against the King? Why this is strange to me.
Enter the King and Martia.
King
How now, my masters? What? Weapons drawn!
Come you to murder me?
Queen
Come you to murder me? How fares my lord?
King
How fare I? Well. [To Lemot] But you, i’faith, shall get me speak for you another time. [To company] He got me here to woo a curious
lady, and she tempts him. Say what I can, offer what state I will in your behalf, Lemot, she will not yield.
Lemot
I’faith, my liege, what a hard heart hath she. [Aside to the King] Well, hark you, I am content your wit shall save your honesty for this once.
King
[Aside] Peace, a plague on you, peace. [To the Queen] But wherefore asked you how I did?
Queen
Because I feared that you were hurt, my lord.
King
Hurt, how, I pray?
Lemot
Why, hurt, madam? I am well again.
Queen
Do you ask? Why, he told me Dowsecer and this his friend, threatened to take away —
King
To take away? What should they take away?
Lemot
Name it, madam.
Queen
Nay, I pray, name it you.
Lemot
Why then, thus it was, my liege. I told her Dowsecer, and this his friend, threatened to take away, an if they could, the instrument of procreation. And what was that now but Martia? Being a fair woman, is not she the instrument of procreation, as all women are?
Queen
O wicked man!
Lemot
Go to, go to, you are one of those fiddles too, i’faith.
King
Well, pardon my minion that hath frayed you thus.
’Twas but to make you merry in the end.
Queen
I joy it ends so well, my gracious lord.
Foyes
But say, my gracious lord, is no harm done
Between my loving daughter and your grace?
King
No, of my honour and my soul, Foyes.
Dowsecer
The fire of love which she hath kindled in me
Being greater than my heat of vanity,
Hath quite expelled —
King
Come, Dowsecer, receive with your lost wits your love, thought lost. I know you’ll yield, my lord, and you, her father.
Both [Dowsecer and Foyes]
Most joyfully, my lord.
King
And for her part I know her disposition well enough.
Lemot
What, will you have her?
Dowsecer
Yea, marry will I.
Lemot
I’ll go and tell Labesha presently.
Enter Jaques and [Verone] my Host.
Jaques
[Aside to Lemot] Monsieur Lemot, I pray let me speak with you. I come to you from the Lord Moren, who would desire you to speak to the King for my master’s lottery, and he hath my place to bear a torch, for bare-faced he dares not look upon his wife, for his life.
Lemot
[Aside to Jaques] Oh, excellent. I’ll further thy master’s lottery an it be but for this jest only. [Aloud to King] Hark you, my liege, here’s the poor man hath been at great charges for the preparation of a lottery, and he hath made the rarest device that I know you will take great pleasure in it. I pray let him present it before you at Verone’s house.
King
With all my heart. Can you be ready so soon?
Verone
Presently, an if it like your grace.
[Exit with Jaques.]
King
But hark you, Lemot, how shall we do for every man’s posy?
Lemot
Will you all trust me with the making of them?
All
With all our hearts.
Lemot
Why, then, I’ll go to make the posies and bring Labesha to the lottery presently.
[Exit.]
Enter Florila like a Puritan.
Florila
Surely the world is full of vanity.
A woman must take heed she do not hear
A lewd man speak, for every woman cannot
When she is tempted, when the wicked fiend
Gets her into his snares, escape like me.
For grace’s measure is not so filled up,
Nor so pressed down in everyone as me.
But yet I promise you a little more.
Well, I’ll go seek my head, who shall take me in
The gates of his kind arms, untouched of any.
King
What, madam, are you so pure now?
Florila
Yea, would not you be pure?
King
Yea, would not you be pure? No, Puritan.
Florila
You must be then a devil, I can tell you.
Labervele
Oh, wife, where hast thou been?
Florila
Where did I tell you I would be, I pray.
Labervele
In thy close walk, thou saidst.
Florila
In thy close walk, thou saidst. And was I not?
Labervele
Truly, I know not. I neither looked nor knocked, for Labesha told me that you and fair Martia were at Verone’s ordinary.
King
Labesha? My lord, you are a wise man to believe a fool.
Florila
Well, my good head, for my part I forgive you.
But surely you do much offend to be
Suspicious: where there is no trust, there is no love,
And where there is no love ‘twixt man and wife,
There’s no good dealing surely. For as men
Should ever love their wives, so should they ever trust them.
For what love is there where there is no trust?
King
She tells you true, my lord.
Labervele
She doth, my liege. And, dear wife, pardon this,
And I will never be suspicious more.
Florila
Why, I say I do.
Enter [Catalian and] Lemot leading Labesha in a halter.
Lemot
Look you, my liege, I have done simple service amongst you. Here is one had hanged himself for love, thinking his mistress had done so for him. Well, see, your mistress lives.
Labesha
And doth my mistress live?
King
She doth, O noble knight, but not your mistress now.
Labesha
‘Sblood, but she shall for me, or for nobody else.
[Drawing his sword]
Lemot
How now. What, a traitor! Draw upon the King!
Labesha
Yea, or upon any woman here in a good cause.
King
Well, sweet Besha, let her marry Dowsecer. I’ll get thee a wife worth fifteen of her. Wilt thou have one that cares not for thee?
Labesha
Not I, by the Lord, I scorn her. I’ll have her better if I can get her.
King
Why, that’s well said.
Lemot
[Aside to Florila] What, madam, are you turned Puritan again?
Florila
[Aside to Lemot] When was I other, pray?
Lemot
[Aside to Florila] Marry, I’ll tell you when: when you went to the ordinary, and when you made false signs to your husband, which I could tell him all.
Florila
[Aside to Lemot] Cursed be he that maketh debate ‘twixt man and wife.
Lemot
[Aside to Florila] O rare scripturian! You have sealed up my lips. [Aloud] A hall, a hall! The pageant of the buttery.
Enter two with torches, the one of them Moren, then [Verone] my host and his son [Boy], then his Maid [Jaquena] dressed like Queen Fortune, with two pots in her hands.
King
What is he?
Lemot
This is Verone’s son, my liege.
King
What shall he do?
Catalian
Speak some speech that his father hath made for him.
Queen
Why, is he good at speeches?
Catalian
Oh, he is rare at speeches.
Boy
Fair ladies most tender,
And nobles most slender,
And gentles whose wits be scarce —
King
My host, why do you call us ‘nobles most slender’?
Verone
An it shall please your Grace, to be slender is to be proper, and therefore where my boy says ‘nobles most slender’, it is as much to say, fine and proper nobles.
Lemot
Yea, but why do you call us ‘gentles whose wits are scarce’?
Verone
To be scarce is to be rare, and therefore, whereas he says ‘gentles whose wits be scarce’, is as much as to say, gentles whose wits be rare.
Lemot
Well, forwards, truchman.
Boy
Fair ladies most tender,
And nobles most slender,
And gentles whose wits be scarce;
Queen Fortune doth come
With her trump and her drum,
As it may appear by my verse.
Labesha
[To Verone] Come hither. Are you a schoolmaster? Where was Fortune queen, of what country or kingdom?
Verone
Why, sir, Fortune was Queen over all the world.
Labesha
That’s a lie: there’s none that ever conquered all the world, but master Alexander. I am sure of that.
Lemot
O rare Monsieur Labesha! Who would have thought he could have found so rare a fault in the speech.
Verone
I’ll alter it, if it please your grace.
King
No, ’tis very well.
Boy
Father, I must begin again. They interrupt me so.
Verone
I beseech your grace, give the boy leave to begin again.
King
With all my heart. ’Tis so good we cannot hear it too oft.
Boy
Fair ladies most tender,
And nobles most slender,
And gentles whose wits are scarce;
Queen Fortune doth come
With her fife and her drum,
As it doth appear by my voice.
Here is Fortune good,
But ill by the rood,
And this naught but good shall do you, sir;
Dealing the lots
Out of our pots,
And so good Fortune to you, sir.
Lemot
Look you, my liege, how he that carries the torch trembles extremely.
King
I warrant ’tis with care to carry his torch well.
Lemot
Nay, there is something else in the wind. Why, my host, what means thy man Jaques to tremble so?
Verone
Hold still, thou knave. What, art thou afraid to
look upon the goodly presence of a king? Hold up, for shame.
Lemot
[Aside] Alas, poor man, he thinks ’tis Jaques his man. Poor lord, how much is he bound to suffer for his wife?
King
Hark you, mine host, what goodly person is that? Is it Fortune herself?
Verone
I’ll tell your majesty in secret who it is: it is my maid, Jaquena.
King
I promise you she becomes her state rarely.
Lemot
Well, my liege, you were all content that I should make your posies. Well, here they be, every one. Give Master Verone his five crowns.
King
There’s mine and the Queen’s.
Labervele
There’s ours.
Dowsecer
And there is mine and Martia’s.
Lemot
Come, Labesha, thy money.
Labesha
You must lend me some, for my boy is run away with my purse.
Lemot
Thy boy? I never knew any that thou hadst.
Labesha
Had not I a boy three or four years ago, and he ran away?
Lemot
And never since he went thou hadst not a penny? But stand by, I’ll excuse you. But, sirrah Catalian, thou shalt stand on one side and read the prizes, and I will stand on the other and read the posies.
Catalian
Content, Lemot.
Lemot
Come on, Queen Fortune, tell every man his posy. This is orderly, the King and Queen are first.
King
Come, let us see what goodly posies you have given us.
Lemot
This is your majesty’s: ‘At the fairest, so it be not Martia’.
King
A plague upon you, you are still playing the villain’s with me.
Lemot
This is the Queen’s: ‘Obey the Queen’, an she speaks it to her husband, or to Fortune, which she will.
Catalian
A prize. Your majesty’s is the sum of four shillings in gold.
King
Why, how can that be? There is no such coin.
Verone
[Offering gold] Here is the worth of it, if it please your Grace.
Queen
Well, what’s for me?
Catalian
A heart of gold.
Queen
A goodly jewel.
Lemot
Count Labervele and Florila.
Labervele
What’s my posy, sir, I pray?
Lemot
Marry, this, my Lord:
Of all Fortune’s friends that hath joy in this life,
He is most happy that puts a sure trust in his wife.
Labervele
A very good one, sir. I thank you for it.
Florila
What’s mine I pray?
Lemot
Marry this, madam:
Good Fortune, be thou my good fortune-bringer,
And make me amends for my poor bitten finger.
Labervele
The Complete Poetical Works of George Chapman Page 182
