Inno.
I am for you yfaith Captaine & you go to consult once.
Quint.
I know it Lieutenant, say then what think’st thou? we talk’t of employme¯t, of action, of honor, of a co¯pany & so forth.
Inno.
Did we so Captaine?
Quint.
Did we so Asse? S’fut, wert thou drunke afore thou went’st to the tauerne, that thou hast now forgotten it?
Inno.
Crie you mercy good Captaine, I remember I am your Lieutenant.
Quint.
Well sir, and so thou shalt be called stil, and I Captaine, though we neuer leade other company then a sort of quart pots.
Inno.
Shall we Captaine, bith masse then lets neuer haue other company in deed.
Quint.
Why now th’art wise, and hast a minde transform’d with maine right, and to confirme thee, I will compare the noble seruice of a feast with the honourable seruice of the field, and then put on thy hand to which thou wilt.
Inno.
Thanke you good Captaine, but do you thinke that warre is naught sir?
Quint.
Exceeding naught.
Inno.
Why then sir take heede what you say, for ’tis dangerous speaking against any thing that is naught, I can tell you.
Quint.
Thou saist wisely Lieutenant, I will not then vse the word naught, nor speake ill of eyther, but compare them both, and choose the better.
Inno.
Take heede then good Captaine, there be some prickecar’d in elligencers conuaid into some wall or other about vs.
Quint.
If there were I care not, for to say true, the first modell of a battell was taken from a banquet. And first touching the offices of both: for the generall of the field, there is the master of the feast, for the Lieutenant Generall, the mistresse, for the Sergeant Maior, the Steward, for the Gentleman vsher, the Marshall, for master oth’ Ordinance the Sewer, and all other officers.
Inno.
Yet y’are reasonable well Captaine.
Quint.
Then for the preparation, as in a field is all kinde of artillery, your Cannon, your Demicannon, Culuerings, falkons, Sacres, minions, & such goodly ornaments of a field, I speake no hurt of em thou seest, Ile haue nothing to do do with ‘am.
Inno.
Hold you still there Captaine.
Quint.
Besides other munition of powder and shot, and so for the feast, you haue your Court, cubbords planted with flagons, cannes, cups, beakers, bowles, goblets, basens and ewers: And more glorious shew I wisse then the tother, and yet I speake no hurt of the other.
Inno.
No Ile be sworne Captaine.
Quint.
Besides your munition of manchet, napery plats, spoons, glasses and so forth; Then for your kitchen artilieri [...], there shall you see all your brasse peeces mounted in order, as your beefe-pots, your chaldrons, your kettles, chafingdishes, ladies, spits, a more edifying spectacle then your Cannon & Culuering, and yet I speake no hurt of them neither.
Inno.
No Captaine, thus farre, I goe wee.
Quint.
Then sir, as in the field the drumme, so to the feast the dresser giues the Alarme, Ran tan tara, tan tan tantara tan.
Inno.
O how it stirres my stomacke?
Quint.
First then sets forward a wing of light horse, as sallads, brothes, sauces, flew’d meats, and other kickshores▪ and they giue a charge, then do the battell ioyne Captaine Capon in white-brith, Lieutenant calues head.
Inno.
Thats my place.
Quint.
Ancient Surloigne, a man of a goodly presence, and full of expectation, as you ancient ought to bee, then haue you Sergeant Piemeat, Corporall Conny, Lanceprizado Larke, Gentlemen, Panbakex, & all the species of a company.
Inno.
Would we might fall to the fight once.
Quint.
Why now growes the fight hot man, now shall you see many a tall piece of beefe, many a tough capon go downe, and hee’rs the triall of a mans stomacke, all the while the Artillery playes on both hands, the Canons lay about them, the flagons go off, thicke and threefold, and many a tall man goes halting off, some quite ouerthrowne both horse and foote.
Inno.
O my heart bleeds.
Quint.
That is, thy teeth water. In conclusion, as the remnant of the feast, (I meane such dishes as scap’t the fury of the fight) if they be seruiceable, are reseru’d to furnish out another day if they be maim’d or spoyld, they are sent abroad to relieue prisons and hospitals. So the remainder of the fight, if they be seruiceable, they are reseru’d to supply a second field, for the fragments of the fight, viz. the maimd soldiers, they are sent likewise to furnish prisons and hospitals, how sayest thou now Lieutenant, shall we to the feast, or to the fight?
Inn.
No fighting good Captain, to the feast for Gods sake.
Quint.
Tha’rt a my mind right, and so will we presently march on to the sacke of the Emperours head, then to the May-night feast, and shew at Signior Honorios, and there will be a wench there boy, a delicate yong morsell, a kinswoman of Signior Honorios, and her fathers only child, he a mighty rich Clarissimo, and her shalt thou court, winne her and weare her, thou hast wit at will.
Inno.
But shall that wench be her fathers sonne and heire Captaine?
Quint.
Shee shall be his heire, a mine honesty.
Innoc.
But shall not my Mistris your wife bee at that show?
Quint.
Shee shall, and we could finde her; Fannio has beene abroade this houre to seeke her: the Asse is stept into some corner or other mourning for my absence.
(Enter Angelo and Francischina in disguise.)
See who comes here?
Ang.
Come Cuze, march faire, me thinks thou becom’st a Page excellent naturally, cheere vp thy heart wench.
Kisse her.
Franc.
Fie for shame kisse in the streets?
Ang.
Why not? truth seekes no corners, and ’twas a true loues kisse, and so is this.
Quint.
Ware riot, do’st thou marke Lieftenant?
Franc.
Gods pitty, my husband.
Exeunt Franc. Ang.
Innoc.
What were these Captaine?
Quint.
Vpon my life the hindermost of them, is a wench in mans attire, didst thou not marke besides his slabbering about her, her bigge thighs and her sp [...]ay feete.
Innoc.
By the meskin me thought they were so indeede.
Quint.
S’life, the hungry knaue her squire, could not hold in the open streets.
Innoc.
What should shee be?
Quint.
The Doxie was muffeld in her cloake, I had but a glimpse of her; but s’light I will know her, shee passes not so, come wee’ll follow. Ile beate the Rogue and take away’s whore from him.
Exeunt.
Enter Angelo and Francischina.
Ang.
COme courage Cuze, wee haue sail’d the man of Warre out of sight, and here wee must put into harbour. Hist, hawe Amila?
Amil.
O welcome good Angelo.
Ang.
Here take in, goe, get vp lightly, away, take heed you slip not Cuze, remember y’are short heel’d.
F [...]anc.
Hold fast for Gods sake.
Ang.
Nay hold you fast, you’ [...]l shame vs all else; so Ioue receiue thy soule [...] I take away the ladder: Now till you haue d [...]ceiued the Prouost, farewell, remember your l [...]s [...]on Cuze.
Exit.
Franc.
I warrant you.
(Enter Quintil. and Innocentio)
Quint.
&
nbsp; How vnhappily did we misse ’em? they slipt into some vaulting house, I hold my life.
Innoc.
Faith it’s good we mist’em, she was some stale punke I warrant her.
Quint.
Twenty to one shee is some honest mans wife of the Parish that steales abroade for a trimming, while he sits secure at home, little knowing, God knowes, what hangs ouer his head; the poore Cuckold esteeming her the most vertuous wife in the world. And shoude one tell him, he had seene her drest like a Page following a knaue thus, Ile lay my life he would not beleeue it.
Innoc.
Why no Captaine, wiues take all the faith from their husbands. And that makes ’em doe so many good workes as they doe.
Quint.
Mercy for that yfaith Lieftenant, stand close.
(Enter Fannio and Giacono)
Fann.
My Mistris in mans apparell saist thou?
Giac.
Thy Mistris in mans apparell I assure thee, and attended by Angelo.
Fann.
Would to heauen I had seene her, canst tell whither shee went.
Giac.
Full butt into Lorenzoes house, and if thou knewst him, thou know’st wherefore, an ill-fauourd trimming is her errand.
Fann.
’Tis very well, shee trims my Captaine prettily, in the meane time his head paies for all, and yet alas poore hornestocke, he thinks her to haue no fault, but her too much dotage vpon him, well my conscience will not let me keepe her counsaile, he shall know on’t.
Giac.
Why man if both of vs should tell him her fault he will not beleeue vs.
Fann.
No, nor if he had seene it with his owne owne eyes I thinke, I shal neuer forget how the profound Cockatrice hung on his sleeue to day, and he shoude not from her sight, shee’d follow him into the warres, one day should make an end of both their loues and liues, and then to see him the wittall, my Captaine began to stroote, and batle the pride of his merits that so heightned her affection.
Giac.
True, and how the foppasty his Lieftenant, stept in to perswade with her, to take it patiently, for friends must part, we came not all together, and we must not goe all together.
Fann.
Well, ‘twill not be for any man to follow him, if this were knowne once.
Giac.
Lord how all the boyes in the towne would flocke about him as he walks the streets, as ‘twere about a bagge-pipe, and hoote the poore Cuckold out of his hornecase.
Fann.
Well, and I were worthy to giue him counsaile, he should e’ne faire and well hang himselfe.
Giac.
No, no, keepe it from him, and say thou found’st her at a womans labour.
Fann.
A plague of her labour, the Captaines browes sweate while shee labours.
Giac.
If I were in thy case, I should laugh out right when I saw him.
Fann.
That dare not I doe, but as often as he turnes his backe to me, I shall be here V with him thats certaine: or when I follow him and his cheating stocke Innocentio, in the streets, I shall imagine still I am driuing an Oxe and an Asse before me, and cry phtroh, ho [...] ptrough.
Innoc.
S’light Captaine take this and take all.
Quint.
Not a word for the world, for if we should take notice of his words the slaue would denie all, leaue it to me to sif [...] it in priua [...]e. Now sir, what newes with you? where’s your Mistris, that you range thus at your pleasure?
Fann.
In health sir I trust.
Quint.
Come forward you rogue you: come forward, whither creepe you behinde so? where’s your Mistris sir?
Fann
At a poore womans labour sir.
Quint.
Very well sir, come Lieftenant, goe you afore, and doe you follow him sir.
Fann.
What afore my Captaine sir: you shall pardon me.
Qu [...]nt.
Afore you rogue, afore.
Exeunt
Finis Actus Quarti.
ACTUS QUINTUS.
Enter Honorio, Lorenzo, Gasparo and Angelo.
Hon.
SIgnior Lorenzo, and Gasparo, y’are very welcome, we shall haue good company and sport to entertaine you ere long I hope, shall we not Angelo?
Ang.
Yes sir, I haue enuited all you commanded me.
Lor.
This is the honest man indeede, that tooke the paines to come for me.
Gasp.
And for me also.
Ang.
No paines but pleasure sir, I was glad I had such good meanes to be knowne to your Worship.
Lor.
Nay, I haue knowne you before, to be the seruant of Signior Honorio here, I take it.
Hon.
Not my seruant Signior Lorenzo, but my sonnes.
Lor.
O, your sonne Aurelios seruant? beleeue me you or your sonne (in mine opinion, though I say it before him) made good choice of him: for he hath a good honest face, and to a man of iudgement (I tell you) that’s as good as a good surety for him. I will be better acquainted with you sir, pray you giue me your hand.
Ang.
Both my hand and heart sir, shall be euer at your seruice.
Lor.
Thanks my good friend, Ile make thee laugh anone Angelo.
Ang.
I thanke your Worship, you haue done so often.
Hon.
A notable wagge Signior Gasparo.
Gasp.
How curiously Lorenzo thinks he carries the matter?
Lor.
How now Gentlemen, ist a merry secret, that you smile so?
Hon.
No secret Signior Lorenzo, but a merry conceipt we were thinking on, to furnish our show anone, if it had beene thought on in time.
Lor.
What was that I pray?
Hon.
Marry sir, we had good sport to day with Snayle the chimney-sweeper.
Lor.
Had you so sir?
Gasp.
That euer was.
Lor.
Lord that I had beene amongst you, but what more of him sir?
Hon.
Marry sir, we were thinking how we might m [...]rrily deceaue our company that is to come, if we could haue gotten him some M [...]gn [...]ficoes sute of the Citty, whom for his lit [...]le stature and [...]ane face he might resemble, that in that habit he might haue stolen some kinde fauours from the Ladies, to make him amends and please him for the anger we put him in.
Lor.
It would haue made excellent merriment.
Ang.
You are his best Master sir, and if it please you to send me for him by some token, Ile goe for him; otherwise he will not come to these Gentlemen.
Lor.
Shall he come Gentlemen?
Amb.
If you [...]lease sir.
Lor.
Why then heark [...] thee Angelo; not for the world.
Ang.
Thinke you me such an Asse sir?
Lor.
Shall he haue one of my little brothers suites, and come in amongst the Dames for him?
Hon.
If you could, it would fit him exceedingly.
Lor.
Much; now laugh Angelo: what Gentleman was that I spi’d aloft with my daughter think’st thou?
Ang.
I know not sir; I beseech your Worship who was it?
Lor.
Franke, in mans apparell Angelo.
Ang.
O wonderfull.
Lor.
We cannot inuent a token, for my loue Angelo.
Ang.
O excellent.
Lor.
We will hit it anone Gentlemen.
Amb.
At your leasure sir.
Lor.
The swaggerer her husband, had note of it by his Page, and yet
the same Page hath perswaded him, since that ’twas but a gullery.
Ang.
’Tis a notable cracke; and his Master hath such a pure beleefe in his wife, that hee’s apt to beleeue any good of her.
Lor.
True Angelo, enough for this time; thou shalt make as if thou went’st for Snaile, and returne without him, saying thou canst not finde him.
Ang.
Agreed sir.
Lor.
Now Gentlemen, we haue deuis’d a wile to bring Snaile amongst vs, and I haue giuen Angelo order for a sute for him, that is my little brothers, and him he shall counterfeit; goe Angelo seeke him out.
Ang.
I will sir.
Exit Ang.
Hon.
Thanke you for this good Signior Lorenzo.
Gasp.
It will quicken the company well.
Enter Aemilia, Lionell, Francischina and another woman.
Lor.
For their sakes and yours, I haue done it Gentlemen; and see the faire flocke come vpon vs.
Hon.
Welcome faire Ladies, but especially you Lady, that are so meere a stranger, Signior Lorenzo you know yong Leonoro?
Lor.
Very well sir, a gallant sparke.
Gasp.
And I thinke you know his father.
Lor.
Know him? I faith sir there was a reueller, I shall neuer see man doe his lofty tricks like him while I liue.
Hon.
This Gentlewoman is his Neice sir.
Lor.
His Neice? shee shall doe her selfe wrong not to be acquainted with her deere vnkles companion:
Kisse her.
Gasp.
You know not this Gentlewoman sir?
Lor.
Not very well sir indeede, but entertainement must be giuen, mercy Franke for thy mans apparell, a plague of all swaggering husbands. Nay I must forth yfaith, Signior Honorio ▪ this is for your sake, am I not a kinde helpe to your enter [...]ainement?
Hon.
An exceeding kinde one sir, and I exceedingly thanke you.
(Enter Messenger.)
M [...]ss.
The maskers are come sir.
Hon.
Doe you and your fellowes attend them in.
Mess.
We will sir.
Exit Mess.
Hon.
Sit ge¯tle Ladies till the maskers raise you to dance.
Enter Aurelio, Leonoro, Quintiliano, and Innocentio, in a maske dancing.
Hon.
WElcome Gallants, O the roome’s too scant, a hall Gentlemen.
Leo.
See how womanly my Boy lookes Quintiliano.
Quint.
‘Twill be rare sport; Lieftenant, that sweet wench in the brancht gowne is the heire I told thee of.
The Complete Poetical Works of George Chapman Page 198
