by Mary Manners
“And if it’s not?”
He stood and tugged off his work gloves, wiping his hands on his jeans before reaching for hers. “Come with me.”
“I have guests.”
“They left for town.” He twined his fingers with hers as he tugged her along. They rounded the corner of the inn and headed toward the lake. “I saw them just a while ago. The way Mrs. Lawson went on about the bookstore, my guess is they won’t be back for hours.”
“OK.” Her voice trembled. “Where are you taking me?”
“You already know, don’t you?”
“Yes, I know.” She pressed a hand to her mouth. “But I don’t think I’m ready.”
“It’s time.” Ryder thought she might pull away and run for the shelter of the inn, but her stride remained steady at his side. “I have things to say…things I want you to hear.”
“Face your fears head-on, Ryder.” Mama Stallings’s words whispered through his head. “Because, more often than not, those fears are amplified by the unknown.”
He’d been eighteen at the time—on the brink of manhood—and concern plagued him that he’d end up like his father, drowning his disappointment in a bottle, mean and vengeful. Or, worse, he’d be more like his mother—devoid of feeling, and leaving those he should love behind. He didn’t want to be either, and the fear ate away at him like a virus.
“You’re different, Ryder. You feel things deeply.”
He did, and despite his gruff exterior—the tough-guy image he’d honed to perfection over the years—he couldn’t hide that fact from Mama Stallings.
Or from Ali.
“There it is…” Ali’s voice whispered on the breeze as willows danced along the lakeside. “Do you remember, Ryder?”
“How could I forget?” He gazed at the outcropping of rocks, sheer and glistening in the sun. Their position offered a natural jump-off and the water below was more than deep enough for a safe landing. “You taught me to swan dive.”
“And, from you, I learned the belly flop and cannon ball.”
Ryder laughed. It was true. It was also true that the sight of her in a bikini had been enough to send his pulse into overdrive. Dangerous territory.
“Josh loved to jump. You gave him that, Ryder, a sense of confidence when everyone else coddled him.”
“Maybe too much confidence.”
“No.” Ali shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should have gone back for his inhaler.”
“I was the one who promised my parents I’d look out for him.”
“But I was with you.” The grief nearly overwhelmed him. “I was so reckless, so impulsive. I made you—”
“You can’t shoulder that blame.” She shook her head, swiping her eyes. “We all carry a bit of it—Josie and Hunter, Mason, Catherine and Brody. We were all there, and I guess we all thought the other…”
“I stopped by the bookstore this morning. I saw Josie, spoke to her for a bit. She’s…different.”
“We all are, Ryder.”
“What happened to the others?”
“I’m not really sure.”
****
“Ali, can I come with? Pleeease?”
The voice, so sweet and innocent, skimmed over the breeze and Ali turned, expecting to find Josh behind her, his robin-blue eyes wide with wonder despite their unusual shape—uplifted at the corners, like slivers of almonds.
With a surge, the day replayed like a movie reel, the details crisp and sharp.
“Not today.” She’d turned to study her reflection in the mirror. Satisfied that the new bikini would catch Ryder’s eye, she shimmied into a cover-up and grabbed her beach towel along with a bag full of sunscreen and canned sodas. “This is just for grown-ups.”
After all, she was eighteen now. Time to move on from childish things.
“Alison, your dad and I have to go into town for an hour or so.” Her mother’s voice trailed through the living room. “Keep an eye on Josh for us.”
“Oh, Mom, can’t you take him with? I’m going to swim with Ryder. I’m sick of babysitting. I’ve been at it all summer.”
Even now, nearly eight years later, the whine of her voice, the callous words, shamed her.
“Alison,” Mom had come to the doorway to give her the look. “We have important business in town.”
“This is important, too.” Ryder was waiting for her. He’d told her he loved her. His words warmed her as the charm bracelet he’d given her jangled at her wrist. She had yet to remove it since he’d so lovingly draped it over her arm.
The others would be there, too. They had only a few weeks together until the summer would come to an end and they’d all go their separate ways. Hunter had earned a baseball scholarship to Ohio State. Mason had a full ride to Cal to study engineering while Brody and Catherine were engaged and planning to go into mission work overseas. Josie was the only one who planned to stay behind to study marketing with Ali at Tech. Maybe they’d go into business together one day.
Ryder talked about leaving for the military. He wanted out of Willow Lake, and since his father died the year before, that desire had merely intensified. The idea of being separated from him made Ali feel as if she was about to skydive—with her belly all jumbled and the world turned on its side. They’d been together their whole lives.
So, being Josh’s built-in babysitter was less than palatable on this particular day. She deserved this time for herself—and for Ryder.
“We’re going to the bluffs.” Ali lifted her chin toward her mother in a defiant tilt.
“No, you’re not.” Her mother’s tone left no room for discussion, yet Ali pushed.
“But, I promised Ryder and the others.”
“Stay away from those rocks. You know Josh isn’t a strong swimmer.”
“Ryder’s taught him, Mom. He does fine.” Alison sighed. Lately, talking to her mother was like struggling through a dropped call on her cell phone. “If I have to babysit, can’t I at least take Josh where I want to go?”
“Sure, as long as it’s not near the bluffs. No rocks, no jumping while Josh is with you.” She pointed a finger. “That means all of you—Ryder included. And, be sure to take Josh’s inhaler. I think he’s on the verge of another cold. And, with everything blooming, he might need it.”
****
“Ali, come back.” Ryder brushed his knuckles along her jawline, gathering tears. Her eyes held a familiar, faraway look, and he knew she was remembering. “It’s OK. It’s over now.”
“It was horrible.”
“I know.” He drew her close, felt her heart pounding in rhythm with his. “I should have been more careful, less thoughtless.”
…seek His will. His will, not yours.
If only, back then, he’d possessed the maturity to heed Mama Stallings’s warning. He’d been remiss, and thus shouldered the brunt of responsibility. Reckless and short-tempered, with the passage of time bearing down on him, he’d come to Ali that day every bit his father’s son. The memory shamed him as his actions came flooding back.
“What’s he doing here?” He’d jabbed a finger in Josh’s direction, grimacing. “I thought you said it was going to be just the two of us.”
“I thought so, too, but my parents have gone into town. I have to babysit—again.” Ali turned toward the lake and motioned downstream. “Besides, Josie called earlier to say she was coming this way, as well, along with Hunter and the others. I couldn’t say no.”
“Ali, you promised.” The words were clipped as Ryder peered down the lakeshore to see Mason and Josie, Brody and Catherine, already leaping from the bluff and splashing around in the water. Their laughter carried on the breeze as Hunter scaled the bluff on his way to another jump. Ryder grimaced and shook his head. Sure, he loved spending time with the others. But today was different—special. He’d wanted the day alone with Ali. He had things to say—important things to discuss.
“I tried. It was no use.” She shrugged and the hem of her
cover-up skimmed her knees, exposing just enough tanned skin to launch his pulse off the charts. “Mom and Dad won’t be gone very long, though. Maybe when they get back…”
“Let’s head up to the bluff.” The sight of her in the cute little dress had his heart close to cardiac arrest and his brain scrambled.
“I can’t, Ryder. Josh can’t—”
“Your parents don’t have to know.” He reached for her hand. “I’m tired of living by everyone else’s rules.”
“I left Josh’s inhaler inside. I should get it.”
“He hasn’t used it all summer, but I’ll run back if we need it. We won’t be gone long.” He turned to Josh. “Keep up, OK?”
“Yeth, Ryder.” His thick tongue made it hard to speak clearly.
Ryder barely noticed the impediment any longer. Up ahead, he heard the snap of twigs and slap of tennis shoes over rock as Hunter raced up the bluff ahead of them. Josh heard, as well, and he craned his head toward the commotion.
“Gonna jump?”
“Not you, Josh. Not today.”
“But, I wanna jump.”
“Come on.” Ryder grabbed Josh’s chubby fist, clasping the stunted fingers more roughly than he meant to. Though he was ten-and-a-half, the kid had the stature of an eight-year-old and his swim trunks sagged around his waist. Short and stout, his legs struggled to keep up as Ryder turned to stride up the incline toward the bluff. With his pale skin, Ryder knew Josh would burn to a lobster-red within the hour if he and Ali didn’t douse him in sunscreen as soon as they made it to the clearing. “Come on, Ali.”
“You’re angry.” She’d followed him, her flip-flops slapping over rock. “Please don’t be, Ryder.”
“I’m sorry.” He drew a breath, slowed his pace, and urged his pulse to steady. The task was a lot easier if he focused on her eyes—kept his gaze above her shoulders. Anything else was just plain dangerous. “This just isn’t going as planned.”
“I know. I’ll make it up to you later.” She turned. “Josh, stay close.”
The kid’s hand had slipped from Ryder’s. “He’s fine. The bluff is a hundred feet yet.”
“He’s breathing hard.”
“He always breathes hard.” Ryder drew her close and paused to kiss her. “I love you, Ali.”
“Yuck!” Josh’s voice from behind the trees reminded him they were not alone.
“I should go to him.” Ali turned away, avoiding Ryder’s second attempt at a kiss. Life was so unfair. He wanted her, needed to tell her what lay like a ton of bricks on his heart.
He’d leave for basic training within the next few weeks. He was just waiting for the call.
Time was precious.
“Josh, come back!” Ali’s voice startled Ryder from the thought. She pressed a hand to his chest. “I can’t see him anymore. His breathing’s bad, Ryder. You have to go after him.”
Tree branches snapped ahead as the sound of Josh’s wheezing reverberated off the bluffs. Ryder took off at a dead run.
What followed next played out in slow motion…Josh’s face ashen as he came back into Ryder’s view. He labored to breathe with the exertion of the climb and stumbled blindly over rock as Ryder called out. The edge of the bluff lurked just feet away and Hunter leaned toward the water, his back to them. Oblivious, he bellowed a war cry as he lunged into a jump.
“Stay there, Josh. Don’t move!”
The warning came too late. Lack of air hurled Josh into a panicked frenzy. His tennis shoe caught on an outcropping and somersaulted him toward the drop-off. Paralyzed with fear, Ryder watched him plow into Hunter. The two tumbled headfirst to the water below, grazing the rock face on the way down. The splash that followed, the horrific screams, still haunted him.
Ali’s sobs drew Ryder back from the memory.
“There was so much blood.” She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek to his soiled T-shirt. “I never realized a person—especially one so small—had so much blood inside.”
Ryder knew. He’d seen it too often on his rescue missions.
“And Hunter, he was almost lost that day, as well.” Ali slipped away from him and collapsed into the grass. She curled herself in a ball as the tears ravaged. “Oh, Ryder…It hurts so much.”
“I know.”
“Sometimes I wake up and I’ve forgotten, just for a moment, before it all comes flooding back. Then I wish I had just one more day—one more chance. I’d do things so differently.”
“I know that, too.” Hadn’t he prayed for the same miracle—a second chance to be the man he should have been? He’d enlisted in the military to numb the pain. After a day of brutal training, there was room for nothing else. The more intense the task—the more grueling the challenge—the better all the way around. “Let it out, Ali.”
He held her as she cried, cradled her gently in his arms as he should have done years ago.
“Forgive me.” He kissed the crown of her head. “That day, when I said I was sick of living by other people’s rules, what I didn’t realize was that I was playing right into what they all thought of me—everyone but you and Mama. You both knew I was something different—something more. Even I didn’t know it back then. But I do now. When you said we’ve all changed, it’s true. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing—at least not for me.”
“I forgive you, Ryder.” She nodded, pressing a palm to his cheek as her lips grazed his. “And, I forgive myself, too, because it’s the only way back to you—to us. I’ve missed you.”
“I know.” Her words loosed the knot in his belly and the fortress surrounding his heart shattered. “I’ve missed you, too.”
9
“I’m taking you out tonight,” Ryder announced as he strode into the kitchen for a glass of water. “Dinner, a show, the whole works.”
“Dressed like that?” Ali eyed his filthy jeans, ripped at the knees, and the T-shirt that had most likely been white in a former life. “You might want to rummage through those boxes that just arrived.”
“My things have finally come.” He ran his hand across the half-dozen boxes neatly stacked along the wall. “I’m sure I can find something presentable in one of these. And, if you insist, I’ll shower first.”
She pinched her nose. “I insist.”
“Comments like that will get you into trouble in a hurry,” Ryder teased, his pulse cranked into overdrive. “Have you forgotten I run faster than you—and that you’re extremely ticklish?”
“No, I haven’t forgotten.”
“Then, I suggest you run.”
Ali took off around the table, squealing as Ryder closed the distance between them. He caught her and lifted her from the tile, spinning her around until her squeals turned to laughter.
“Good grief, what’s gotten into the two of you?”
Ryder spun toward the voice, taking Ali with him, and found Josie in the doorway. Mr. and Mrs. Lawson flanked her, returned from another trip into town. They’d enjoyed their stay—and Ali’s cooking—so much that they’d extended the visit a handful of days.
“Looks like we’re interrupting the fun.” Mrs. Lawson winked, shifting a bag filled with trinkets from Then and Again. She turned to her husband. “Dear, you used to chase me around the kitchen table like that. Do you remember?”
“Of course I remember. I used to catch you, too.” His brown eyes twinkled as he took the bag from her. “I can still catch you. I’ll give you a head start up the stairs to our room.”
“Oh, Stuart.” In a dash, they were gone. Josie turned to gape at Ryder and Ali as if the two had lost their minds. Ryder set Ali down and she smoothed wisps of hair that clung to her cheeks.
“Wow, and I do mean, wow. Things have certainly heated up around here.” Josie’s bobbed black hair swished over her shoulders as she crossed the room. She plucked an apple from the bowl on the counter. Leopard-print glasses were propped on her head, revealing eyes the deep blue of a stormy ocean. Small, turquoise feather-embellished earrings dangled from each lob
e. “You two always were an adventure together.”
“Good to see you again, too.” Ryder reached for an apple of his own. His belly growled; he’d skipped lunch in order to get Ali’s surprise finished before the afternoon slipped away. “What’s that in your hand?”
“The books you ordered.” She handed them to him before taking a nibble of the apple. “They arrived today so I thought I’d drop them by.”
“Thanks.” He thumbed through the pages. “These ought to get the job done.”
“I’d say the projects in there require more than a little elbow grease.”
“I’ve got it covered.”
“Let’s see.” Ali eased in beside him, glancing at the covers.
“Miss Maclaren?” Mrs. Lawson’s voice called from the stairs. “My husband wonders if you have any of those wonderful blueberry scones left from breakfast.”
“Sure I’ll bring a basket, along with a pot of tea, right away.” She slipped from Ryder, glancing back at him and Josie as she crossed toward the buffet to fill a serving tray with the necessary items. “You two play nice. I’ll be right back.”
A hush fell over the room as Ali snatched the tray and headed toward the stairs to the second floor. When they could no longer hear her feet on the risers, Josie turned to Ryder.
“OK, Romeo, what’s your angle?”
“What do you mean?”
“It took her a long time to get over you. Heck, I’m not sure she ever got over you.” Josie tossed the core of her apple into the garbage disposal and flipped the switch. She let the grinding run its course before continuing. “Nothing stings more than to see your best friend in emotional pain.”
“I know I hurt her. It won’t happen again.”
Josie studied him with a long, pointed gaze before extending a hand. “That’s good to know. Truce?”
“Works for me.”
She released his hand and wiped hers over the thigh of her jeans. “You really need a shower.”
“Thanks for the update.”
“It’s good to have you home.”
