It had either been a dream come true or a nightmare.
He had wanted to kiss her, taste her, worship her body as though she were a goddess in human form.
Damn. Eli had never been so turned around in his life.
If there wasn’t the possibility of her walking back through the door, he would wrap his hands around his cock and relieve the pressure, the ache, the goddamn longing built up inside him. Other than some fumbling with a few whores and one soldier’s widow, Eli had little experience with women. Perhaps what he needed was to forget his dreams of marrying the woman he loved and find a wife.
No more moping because he loved a woman who thought of him as her best friend on a good day, her assistant most others. Hell, he had no excuse for not looking for a woman who would marry him, regardless of how scarce females were in the territory. Charlie never would be his wife, no matter what had just happened. Eli needed to move on. Ten years was too long to moon over a woman. It was past time he started living his own life.
He would find a good woman to marry him and put Charlie behind him.
After leaving Eli’s cabin, Charlie walked as fast as her legs could take her toward Isabelle. Soon she gave up all decorum and ran. She didn’t care if people stared at her or what they thought. She needed to talk to her sister. Now.
While she would normally walk through the door, Charlie burst in, breathless and almost vibrating with confusion. Isabelle was setting the table. Her welcoming smile faded as she took in Charlie’s expression.
“I thought you came for supper. You didn’t, did you?” Isabelle set the plates on the table. “What’s wrong?”
Charlie heaved air in and out like a bellows, trying to stop the panic that threatened to overwhelm her. “I need help, Iz. I saw Eli naked.”
Isabelle blinked and hesitated. “Supper will be ready in fifteen minutes. Let’s sit and talk in my room.”
Charlie let out a sigh and followed her sister. Dismayed to realize her hands were shaking, Charlie sat down heavily on the chest at the end of the bed.
Isabelle poured water into a basin then soaked a cloth and wrung it out. She sat down on the chest and started wiping Charlie’s face. The moment reminded Charlie so much of her mother that tears sprang to her eyes.
“I wish Maman was here.” Charlie spoke before she could stop the words.
Isabelle nodded. “Sometimes I do too. When I held Andrew for the first time, I wanted her there so much I wept. She should have lived to see her grandchildren. But then I remember both Maman and Papa are with us.”
Charlie let her sister wash her face. The cool water refreshed her overheated skin. “What do you mean, they’re with us?”
“I don’t know what is beyond this life, but I believe our parents are keeping watch over all four of us.” Isabelle wrung the cloth out again.
“How is that possible?” Charlie was more than skeptical.
“Whatever awaits us after death, I feel them with me. When I held Andrew, I swear I smelled Maman’s rosewater soap. Whether they can be beside us, they are with us when we triumph, when we celebrate and when we despair.” Isabelle pointed to her chest. “In my heart, I know they are with us.”
Charlie wanted so badly to believe that. She’d been fifteen when she lost her parents, and it had torn her apart. What followed had scraped her wounds raw, caused newer, deeper ones. She pushed away the thoughts of their wagon and the agony it brought.
“You think she’s here now?” Charlie glanced around as though Maman would pop out from behind the bed with her arms open.
“Of course. They are always with us.” Isabelle cupped Charlie’s damp cheek. “Draw strength from their love. They surround you with it.”
Tears stung Charlie’s eyes. “I’m so confused, Iz. I don’t know what to do.”
Isabelle picked up the comb Charlie had made. The youngest of the boys, Samuel, had inherited his Aunt Charlie’s hair. Using her ingenuity and a bone from an elk, she had fashioned a comb with wide teeth to untangle the thickest, curliest hair.
Isabelle moved behind Charlie and started combing. The moment resonated with memories of Maman and for once, it didn’t make Charlie sad. It reinforced Isabelle’s assertion their parents were always with them.
“Tell me what happened.”
Charlie related the story of finding Eli naked, how she had touched his skin, and how much her body had reacted to his.
“I didn’t expect it. He’s my best friend, not a man.”
Isabelle chuckled. “Elijah is a man, I assure you.”
“That’s not what I meant. He’s not a man to me. He’s, he’s, just…well, just Eli.” Charlie was frustrated by the confusion dancing across her mind and heart. “I never thought of him as being male.”
Isabelle raised both brows. “Interesting. He’s been male since you met him ten years ago. Seeing him naked opened your eyes, so to speak. The question I have is, why did you touch him?”
Charlie’s face heated as the memory of how warm his skin was flashed through her mind. “I don’t know. He looked so different without his clothes. I never thought about how he looked under his shirt, or his, um, trousers.”
“No trousers either, hm?” Isabelle continued to comb Charlie’s hair. “You have had an adventure today.”
“This isn’t funny, Iz. What do I do now? I won’t be able to look at him without remembering all of him.”
The thought of his beautiful body sent a shiver down hers.
“That, dear sister, is arousal. Passion. It’s the magic ingredient to making love. Do you remember Maman’s lectures on copulation?” Isabelle spoke so casually of sex, Charlie was embarrassed for her.
“Yes, but I always thought it was disgusting.” Charlie’s mother had been a nurse and she made sure all of her daughters knew the mechanics of copulation between men and women. None of them would be surprised in the marriage bed, or the premarital bed. At the time, Charlie couldn’t imagine wanting to have a man’s penis inside her vagina or that it would feel good.
“And now what do you think?” Isabelle started braiding Charlie’s hair.
“Do you enjoy it?” Charlie blurted. “I saw his penis and I, uh, wondered. It was big.”
“I enjoy it very much. Mason and I have only gotten more passionate over the last ten years. That’s how it is with someone you love.” Isabelle tied off Charlie’s braid with a strip of rawhide, then hugged her quickly. “Sounds to me as though your feelings for Eli have matured into something besides friendship.”
Charlie jumped to her feet. “It can’t. I mean, I can’t. He’s my friend. I’m leaving this fort alone and I can’t, I just…” She trailed off. Her thoughts whirled around and she couldn’t decide whether to be horrified by her reaction or encouraged that she was indeed a female with needs. She thought perhaps that part of her had died ten years earlier. Now she knew it hadn’t.
“What you’re feeling is normal, Charlie.” Isabelle stood. “I’ve thought for years you were in love with Eli. I am certain he has loved you from the moment he met you and you cursed at him.”
Charlie’s mouth dropped open. “Love? I don’t love him.”
“Oh, chéri, I think you do, but you have to be the one to accept it, not me.” Isabelle kissed her cheek.
“I came here to ask for help, but now you’ve only confused me more.” Charlie wanted to stomp her feet.
“I’m sorry.” Isabelle took her hands and squeezed. “My advice to you is to consider the possibility of Eli being more than your friend. What you saw pushed you out of the cocoon of you’ve hidden in for years. I’ve been worried you were going to live in that muffled existence forever. I’m happy to hear you are feeling something.”
Charlie stared at her sister’s beautiful face and wanted to shout at her. The truth was bitter on her tongue, but Isabelle was right. Charlie had been living in a c
ocoon and she liked it in there. It was comfortable and safe. Eli’s naked form had pulled away every layer of protection she had built up around herself.
What was she going to do about it?
Chapter Three
To Charlie’s surprise, Eli met her by the edge of the woods in the morning as he’d done too many times to count. She couldn’t meet his gaze as she led the gelding by the reins and they walked into the woods together. The familiar act of hunting did little to calm her nerves, but she did it anyway.
“You saw Big Buck?” His voice held only curiosity, nothing of what had transpired the day before. She didn’t know if that bothered her or relieved her anxiety.
Her stomach was twisted in knots and she was uncomfortable in his presence for the first time since she’d met him. “Yesterday, I saw some tracks that were too big for the younger bucks. I followed them to a small tributary east of here, and Big Buck was there. I was at least fifteen feet away when he scented me and disappeared, but I saw him.” She clenched her free hand into a fist. “I think the bastard smirked.”
Eli chuckled and the sound danced across her ears. “He’s been hiding from us for five years. I reckon he has a right to smirk.”
“Probably be too tough to eat, but I don’t care. I want that rack as a trophy, and that hide. It will make a tidy profit. The meat can be used no matter how it tastes.” In the dead of winter, salted meat was a commodity sought by every person who lived at the fort.
Eli didn’t reply, and the silence stretched between them until it was more than awkward. Charlie should have told him not to bother to meet her, but she couldn’t imagine hunting Big Buck without him. He had become a bond between them.
They found a likely tree and climbed, then sat side by side, not talking, uncomfortable and ridiculous, waiting for game to arrive. To her relief, he apparently didn’t feel like talking either. She didn’t know what was worse—the silence or stilted conversation.
Sweat dripped down Charlie’s forehead into her eyes, stinging and unwelcome. She dared not move to wipe her face or even take a breath. A different buck arrived with three does by his side. The elks sipped from a stream, their majestic heads bowed. She had to go for the male, no matter if the females were easier prey. She’d hoped for the damn monster buck, but this one would be a good kill.
Eli remained silent, but his gaze was locked on the animals too. She stared at the creature, its shaggy dark and light fur stark against the green of the spring leaves on the trees. The buck had obviously seen a hard winter, as they all had, and while not skinny, it was definitely not plump. She could wait for another choice, but she would regret it if she didn’t take this one down. One of the reasons she hunted in the morning was because she had to dress the carcass, an arduous and lengthy process for a seven hundred pound animal.
“What are you waiting for?” The harsh whisper came from her right.
She turned to glare. “Shut up, Eli.”
His bright blue eyes narrowed. “Are you waiting for it to wave its rack at you?”
She huffed out a breath of annoyance and the elk raised its head, ears twitching. Damn Eli for distracting her. He could cost her the kill and the money she could make. When she hunted the big animals, he always came with her. Being a female was a burden sometimes. She accepted her shortcomings, and that included being unable to strap a big kill to a travois by herself. While she was strong, she wasn’t that strong.
The image of Eli naked flashed through her mind, and she smashed it. Now was not the time to be distracted or get lost in the what-if game she’d been playing in her head.
Charlie took aim with her bow, the arrow straight and true, nocked to fly. She could hunt with a rifle, but it scared other game. It had taken years, but now she was a better aim with the bow and arrow than a rifle. She held the arrow for a split second before letting it loose. The elk moved as she expected, the arrow finding its mark. The animal died instantly, falling to the forest floor in an elegant heap.
“I can’t believe you got him.” Eli shook his head. “I thought he was gone for sure.”
She let her anger bubble to the surface. It was better than discomfort. “You need to goddamn well shut up when I’m hunting, Eli. I almost lost my shot.” She jumped down to the ground, her knees and legs complaining about sitting on a branch for an hour. Charlie shook off the pins and needles as she walked.
Eli loped along behind her. He was a tall man, but his slender form hid hard strength. Now she knew for certain what lay beneath those clothes. He was solid muscle. Sculpted skin and sinew that formed a nearly perfect body. She wasn’t one to appreciate a man’s form, but damn. Charlie was entranced by Eli’s.
It made every word she spoke awkward. Each time she looked at him, she was immediately brought back to the cabin and the sight of his naked form. She’d told him a half truth about seeing only one naked man—Mason, her brother-in-law when he’d been injured, bleeding and covered in dirt. The other man didn’t deserve remembering and she shoved the memory away. Eli was clean and deliciously appealing.
Something she never, ever expected. She’d never felt a spark of anything for a man beyond friendship, respect, annoyance or possibly disgust. Now she faced what she didn’t want—attraction and arousal.
Charlie walked toward the downed buck with her thoughts heavy. Eli fell into step beside her. She wanted to turn back the clock to when she could have waited for permission to open Eli’s door instead of barging in. A silly wish considering it would never come true. She couldn’t unsee what she saw, especially since every time she pictured him, her body reacted physically.
Charlie had little experience with men, and at twenty-five, she fully expected to live a life with only her hand for pleasure. Now there was a possibility there could be more. With Eli.
Her mind could barely grasp that possibility. She had no personal knowledge of how passion worked and only the textbook knowledge to make a decision on what to do. It bothered her to be ignorant. Charlie was smart. Her parents had educated each of their four daughters. Hell, her sister Josephine had been a governess when they lived in New York. That was so long ago, Charlie barely remembered the scent, sights and sounds of a city. Now all she knew was Wyoming Territory and the natural world that surrounded her.
Including, apparently, a naked man she had formerly only thought of as a friend, whom Isabelle thought Charlie loved. She could hardly focus as they dressed the elk and loaded it on the travois. Good thing she’d done it hundreds of times so she didn’t need to think.
Eli pulled the travois to the waiting horse and attached it with the contraption he’d invented for her years ago. Charlie watched him, intrigued but confused. How did she tell him what she was thinking about? Their friendship had been altered forever the moment she stepped into that cabin.
Charlie used her canteen to clean her hands and knife, then offered it to Eli. He nodded his thanks and washed his own hands. The morning chill had given way to a warmth that spoke of the heat of summer.
She might have suggested a quick dip in the river to finish washing off the blood, but that made her think of Eli dumping water over his wet, nude body. Shit on a shingle. She had to stop thinking about that.
Charlie jerked the reins as she vaulted into the saddle. Her gelding neighed in protest, turning his head and attempting to snack on her leg. Eli gave her a strange look as he took hold of the saddle horn. To her dismay, she almost asked him to walk the five miles back to the fort. How selfish was she? He didn’t deserve to be the recipient of her addled wits.
He mounted the horse behind her as he’d done hundreds of times. Today, however, everything had changed. She knew what he looked like beneath the clothes, the beautiful lines of muscle honed by years of hard work. She also knew what his cock looked like, which at rest was quite large. When it had hardened, her curiosity had become rampant need.
To touch, to explore, to know.
Charlie remembered every inch of it, and now it was pressed against her ass. How was she supposed to ride back as if everything was normal? Nothing was normal. It might not ever be again.
Eli tried his damnedest to sit back on the saddle as far as he could. He tried not to touch her, but it was almost impossible. His body ached to do more than rub up against the roundness of her behind. Their easy camaraderie had vanished to be replaced by strained silences. It was all due to the incident in his cabin, when she saw him naked.
The memory of those few minutes had replayed itself over and over in his mind. She’d acted as though she found him attractive. That thought made his body tighten even further.
As they rode the five miles back to the fort, he was surrounded by her scent. She bathed with a soap that smelled of the woods, perhaps made with some wildflowers or herbs. It was her unique smell, one he knew better than he knew his own.
He breathed in deep, pulling her essence into his lungs. Charlie was the one person who would always ground him. His best friend and the woman he’d loved since the moment he’d met her. She had no idea of his feelings and she never would. He had to let the dream go. She would not be his in any other way except as a friend, no matter how he felt about her.
Eli had already started cataloging the women in the fort who were possible wives for him. One stood out from the rest—Jane. She had arrived at the fort last summer with her aunt and uncle, Prudence and Fergus Flanagan. They set up a bakery and sold goods to everyone, including those who passed through the fort. Even Eli’s mother, who ran the dining hall for the soldiers, started buying bread from the Flanagans. Jane worked at the bakery. Her dark black hair and bright blue eyes made her the exact opposite of the fiery Charlie.
Jane was sweet, demure and soft-spoken. She had a shy smile and, although pretty, she hadn’t allowed any of the single men to do so much as hold her hand. Eli had struck up a conversation with her one day not long after she arrived. Since his heart belonged to Charlie, he offered Jane friendship and to his surprise, she’d reciprocated.
The Gem: The Malloy Family, Book 12 Page 3
