by Neal Doran
‘You didn’t make her jump into the first floor?!’
‘Jesus, I’m not crazy,’ James said. ‘It just made me think maybe the downstairs loo window wasn’t locked, just pushed shut, and I got lucky. A good shove and it swung open a decent way. Enough for our little secret agent to squeeze through, wasn’t it?’ he said turning to Hannah. He thought he saw her smile as she played with the edges of the sheets on Rebecca’s bed. ‘She was able to run to the kitchen and open the doors and save the day!’
‘Wow! And you climbed through the window? And didn’t get stuck? Or hurt yourself with a big fall onto the floor on the other side?’ Rebecca spoke to Hannah in an awed voice, although even James could tell the questions were more aimed at his stupidity than Hannah’s achievements. Still, he’d noticed that while they were talking about this, things were back to normal and he was going to hold onto that for as long as he could.
‘I go to gymnastics with my friend Britney. And ballet. Britney has four Barbies,’ Hannah told Rebecca, by way of explanation.
‘My goodness,’ said Rebecca.
‘She was a superstar,’ said James, ‘I’ve told her she could be an acrobat in the circus.’
‘And did you not think of calling one of their parents to see if a neighbour had a key, or if they could get back to let you in?’
‘I was panicking! All I could think was I needed to get here,’ James replied, deciding at the last second to not point out that the baby had evidently not yet arrived, despite the implication it was on the way.
‘I was in a rush to get here, so hailed a taxi. But he wouldn’t take us ’cos I didn’t have the right car seats. We’d shut the front door, so I couldn’t get back in the house so we had to take the Tube.’
‘You didn’t want to climb in the window again?’
‘I think I mentioned I was panicking? But the kids loved it, even though it was a bit crowded because of some earlier delays. The fact William had done another huge poo meant we got a decent bit of personal space though.’
From the look on Rebecca’s face he could tell that the boy, who still hadn’t been changed, was making his presence felt. James couldn’t really tell how bad it was, he’d sort of got accustomed to it.
‘I’d forgotten William’s change bag. In the house…’
Again, he thought he caught the traces of a smile. On Rebecca this time, rather than the little girl. But that passed pretty quickly. He looked into Rebecca’s eyes, but she looked away immediately. His stomach lurched and dropped in fear at the thought he could lose her. Lose this family. The physical reaction was so strong he thought he might actually be sick. He needed to say something big. Something that would get across how he felt, and how sorry he was. He took a deep breath and hoped for the best.
‘Rebecca—’
The curtain swished back.
‘We’ll need to keep these open,’ said the midwife James recognised from earlier hospital visits. Maureen, he thought it was. She seemed to be sizing him up.
‘Dad’s here now. Is everything OK?’
This got a nod from Rebecca, and an enthusiastic ‘great!’ from James, which seemed to satisfy her.
‘There’s no visiting even for the devoted daddies at this time of day, so you’ll have to wait in the public areas. Are these your little ones?’ she asked James.
‘A friend’s,’ he said. ‘Babysitting.’
‘I think that lovely boy has something for you,’ she said sniffing the air. ‘If you speak to the nurses’ station they should be able to point you in the right direction for hazardous waste.’
‘Right, right. Of course.’
As he left he locked eyes again with his wife.
‘We’ll talk soon, yeah? I’ll be back?’
She nodded, but her eyes gave away nothing.
‘Are you all right there?’ asked Maureen as she and Rebecca were alone again.
‘Great!’ said Rebecca with a forced smile.
‘I think we’ll be down in the labour ward before you know it, and he’ll be able to come back to your room then. If you want him to.’
As Maureen again tinkered with the monitor and checked Rebecca’s blood pressure they were joined by the doctor, who introduced herself as Francesca Broad. She was young, elegantly dressed, with gorgeous long hair. It seemed a cruel thing for her to do, pick a career that would put her in a room full of large pink and sweaty women. But she seemed so friendly Rebecca soon forgot to resent her. She did start resenting her a bit though, once the examination got underway. She was a bit rough with her beautifully manicured fingers…
‘As you know, the waters have broken. You’re far enough along that that’s not a problem in itself, but it does increase the risk of infection. We could wait a while to see if labour starts naturally, but I think we’d be best getting you on a drip and start inducing you. It’s a fairly gentle start if we do it this way.’
Rebecca was a little worried about this doctor’s definition of gentle after the last prodding, but she didn’t want to wait any more.
‘Let’s go for it.’
‘Great. See you later. You never know, you might even have a baby by then.’
With that, the glamorous doctor was gone, and Rebecca was left wondering how on earth she was going to get her nightie.
Chapter 43
These were not the circumstances in which James thought he’d be changing his first nappy.
As he’d settled down a bit and adjusted to his new surroundings, he’d been able to get directions to the shop where he could buy nappies and wipes and that sort of paraphernalia. Plus comics because the kids started demanding them, and sweets, because he’d promised. He’d checked his phone to see nearly a dozen missed calls from Kam and Kate.
Shit, he thought, probably a good idea to tell them where their kids are.
When he phoned his friend, Kam had been pretty frantic at first, although as James filled him in on the details he managed to regain some of his cool.
‘Sounds like they had an adventure,’ he said, ‘which is character building. But seriously, sending a text that just says “headed to the hospital. Talk later” when you’re in charge of someone else’s kids? I’ve been shitting myself.’
Like father like son, thought James.
‘Mate, you don’t do that to someone. You’ll know yourself soon.’
James could hear him quietly sniggering at the other end of the line.
‘God help that baby,’ he continued. ‘And God help you if Kate gets hold of you before she’s calmed down a bit.’
‘You’ll explain to her, right? That everything was always OK. And it was an emergency?’
‘What’s the worst that could happen? I asked myself as I went out the door. You pretty much answered that.’
‘I think I’ll withdraw my job application,’ James said.
‘You think?’ said Kam. ‘Listen, good luck with the baby. And with Rebecca. Try and get this fixed. I’ll be there for the kids in twenty minutes. Try not to lose one of ’em.’
Putting his phone away, he told the children that daddy would be here to get them soon. He’d expected cheers, but they barely looked up from their comics while they lay on the waiting room’s benches.
James checked his phone as it vibrated in his pocket.
Being induced. Could you get my bag from home?
Well, that’s progress, he thought – on the baby, and that she’s talking to me about stuff. The only problem was he couldn’t leave until Kam arrived to pick up the kids. But then he had an idea.
All sorted, he texted back. Then added xx for good measure.
Chapter 44
Rebecca wished she’d had her hospital bag with her as she changed back into her clothes to take the lift one floor to get to the labour ward. There was no way she was moving between the two, bare arse pressed against the wall in the backless gown she’d been given when she came in. With all the poking and examining she was feeling like her body wasn’t her own at the minute, b
ut not so much that she could subject every passing professional and patient to an eyeful without taking some responsibility.
Getting dressed and undressed was not one of the easiest tasks at this stage. To make it worse, she realised as she got back into the gown in her delivery room, she was going to have to get out of it again when James arrived with her own stuff. She might have grumbled about it more, except she was distracted by another midwife, standing by with her pessary. She got into bed, and smiled politely at the ceiling as the latest person to have access all areas today did their job. Come one, come all, she thought.
‘There you go, dear,’ said the midwife, ‘if you lie on your side for the next while, that should start to kick in soon. We’ll be in to check but you know where we are if you need us. Do you have a birthing partner coming in?’
‘Hi,’ said James, as he appeared at the door.
‘Lovely. I’ll leave you to it.’
‘How’s it going? You OK?’ James asked as they were left alone.
‘They’ve lit the fuse apparently. Just waiting for take-off.’
‘Right.’
‘Where are the kids?’
‘Kam came in for them. Wasn’t best pleased with me. But he said to send his love.’
‘OK.’
The couple looked at each other uncertainly, unsure how to react. They were technically separated, but these weren’t exactly the right circumstances to continue their row where they last left off. Finally, James broke the deadlock.
‘Becs, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.’
‘Do you know how hard it is for me to believe anything now?’
‘I know, but it was one stupid thing that snowballed. I’d do anything to take it back.’
‘Years you kept this from me. Years! And then there’s the way you were in cahoots with Dad. My entire pregnancy it’s been lies.’
James knew he had his reasons. And he knew that life hadn’t been as straightforward as Rebecca was painting it – especially when it came to who was keeping what quiet regarding her dad. But he knew what he wanted more than anything else was to get her back. And he knew that fundamentally, on the big things, she was right.
‘I’m sorry. I can’t say any more. I’m sorry. I want us to be a couple again. And in a few of hours I want us to be a family. Because I love you more than anything. Anything except that Bompalomp.’
He looked at his wife as earnestly as he could, trying to communicate how much he felt. She closed her eyes, her head tilted back. He walked across the room and kissed her softly on the mouth.
She winced. He jumped back.
‘Sorry,’ he blurted.
‘That, I think, was a contraction.’
‘Do we need to call somebody?’ James asked, his hands jittering. ‘Do something?’
‘Steady on now. Steady. Remember the classes, we’ve a while to go yet.’
James fumbled in his pockets for his phone.
‘I’ll time it till the next one.’
Rebecca watched her husband slide his finger across his phone screen. He looked so eager, so involved, standing there with his timer, it was hard not to soften entirely.
‘Why couldn’t you have told me about the conviction?’ Rebecca asked sadly.
‘It was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me. Until Ben…’
‘But I’m your wife.’
‘I know. And that…that is exactly why I’m so sorry. We should be a team.’
Rebecca smiled while looking at the heart rate monitor.
‘You used to say that when you wanted us to have communal showers.’
‘I couldn’t believe you threw me out of the house,’ he said, with a small smile in return.
‘Neither could I,’ she said, before raising a challenging eyebrow. ‘I also can’t believe you made such little effort to get back.’
Slowly, but steadily, they were moving back together in the best way they knew how.
‘Harassing a heavily pregnant woman didn’t sound such a great idea.’
‘But what about doing all you could to win back your wife?’
‘That’s only supposed to go as far as acts that would encourage a restraining order.’
‘You haven’t even realised I changed the locks in case you tried to get back in.’
‘Not a problem. I’d have just used a small child to break in for me.’
‘I really did, you know. I changed them.’
‘Really?’ said James, surprised out of measured nonchalance.
‘First morning after you left. Getting ready for my new life just with Bomp.’
‘Pff,’ James exhaled as he slumped back in an armchair by the bed.
‘You really were going for this,’ he said with a shake of his head.
‘What do you mean “were”?’
They locked eyes again. This time there was no overly strained attempts at mind reading, and no eyes shut. They just sort of giggled a bit.
Then Rebecca winced.
‘You OK?’
‘Another contraction I think.’
James slipped out his phone and flicked the lap button on his stopwatch.
‘Hey. If you’d changed the locks, how did you expect me to get your overnight bag?’
‘I’d forgotten. But hey, why didn’t you go and get it like I asked?’ said Rebecca, a touch of grumpiness returning.
‘Would’ve been a bit pointless wouldn’t it?’
‘But I need it and you haven’t even tried.’
‘But I couldn’t have got in!’
‘But you should have discovered that hours ago.’
‘I could have done,’ said James snappishly, ‘but I’d made arrangements.’
‘What do you mean, arrangements?’
There was a noise outside. Somebody making a trumpet call with their mouth. Then a voice.
‘Found it, dear, this is the room. We’re coming in, I hope you’re decent.
Rebecca turned to James.
‘Mum and Dad?’
‘I thought I’d best let all the grandparents know…’
Chapter 45
Howard and Penny filled the room, Howard brandishing an old-fashioned, very mumsy, overnight bag, and Penny sweeping across to hug her daughter.
Of course Howard would come, James realised. He’d contacted Penny, but he supposed it made sense she’d tell her husband. Some couples still did that.
After his bravura entrance, Howard was hanging back, next to James. Looking across James felt a bit like they were two naughty schoolkids waiting at the headmistress’s office.
‘I’ve brought clothes for you and the baby, dear. We tried to get in, but our key wouldn’t work, so I flew around Mothercare while your father Googled what to bring into hospital these days.’
‘Got a bit of a shock when I accidentally clicked on the Images tab I can tell you.’
‘I picked up some make-up and a hairdryer too, in case you need them for visitors.’
‘Got to look right for the photos, but keep ’em away from the business end!’
‘How are you?’’ asked Penny.
‘I’m in labour, and not supposed to be getting stressed.’
‘Blighter’ll be keeping you stressed for the next twenty years.’
Penny turned to her hyped-up and nervous husband, and gave him a steely-eyed look.
‘You’re right,’ she said to her daughter. ‘Absolutely right. James, Howard, I think you need to wait outside while I help my daughter get ready.’
It was a decisive side of Penny James had only really seen when he’d once tried to help out in the kitchen.
‘That’s it!’ said Howard. ‘The men will be outside getting ready for our cigars.’
Howard didn’t move far though. He seemed caught in a loop, taking a step towards his daughter, then pulling back. Blocked by an invisible barrier between them. Rebecca couldn’t watch him. Then with a determined skip he sprang forward, kissed her on the head.
‘Good lu
ck. Becky,’ he whispered.
Rebecca looked down, her chin pressed into her chest.
She could hear him and James head into the corridor, and he was his usual self.
‘Exciting times eh? Daddy time soon! Should’ve picked up a hipflask!’
Penny checked he door was shut firmly.
‘What’s he doing here, Mum?’
‘What do you think? He wanted to be here. So did I. I was glad James told us.’
Rebecca grunted.
‘Been a while since we heard from you, dear. You haven’t returned calls or texts.’
‘Yes, well. Dad told you what happened at the funeral?’
‘That you weren’t willing to speak at his trial? Yes. I can understand, would be a bit nerve-wracking. I couldn’t speak in front of all those people.’
Penny unwrapped and smoothed out a new nightdress, and put the plastic tags in the bin.
‘I’m a lawyer, Mum. You know it wasn’t stage fright, right?’
Her mum paused in her fussing around.
‘Yes.’
‘He told you my reasons?’
‘He said the timeframe of when you talked might have got a bit blurry.’
‘And?’
‘And he did say that maybe there’d been some other mix-ups in his past, but he was over all that now.’
‘And yet he’s still insisting on this ridiculous campaign?’
‘Well, that was one of the things we’ve been wanting to tell you. He’s agreed to negotiate with the police. He wants it to end.’
‘He’s pleading guilty?’
‘I don’t think that’s quite right yet. But he’s willing to see if he can meet them halfway. He doesn’t want to do anything to disrupt life for you and his grandchild.’
‘Right. And what about you?’
‘I can look after little old me,’ Penny said with a sad smile.
‘But what he’s been doing to you?’
