He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be there. His heart started pounding, and his fingers tingled. There was so much to do, and none of it would be done here. All he needed was Kate.
And he needed her now.
“I have to go,” he mumbled, starting to get out of his chair.
“What?”
“Where?”
“Why?”
“All right.”
“Nathan!” Colin protested, giving him a disgusted look.
“What?” Nathan replied, standing as well. “If Derek feels he needs to leave, then by all accounts, we should let him. Particularly when he looks like this. Don’t you think he probably has somewhere better to be?”
Colin opened his mouth, then closed it and grumbled, “There is no fair response to that question.”
“Derek, what is going on?” Geoff asked softly, his blue eyes cloudy with concern.
“I have to go to Kate,” he said, taking his jacket from the back of his chair and putting it over his arm. “We… I…” He shook his head. There was no time to explain everything, and he had no desire to relive it again. “I have to go,” he repeated.
“Very well,” Nathan said, a bemused smile on his lips. “We can finish this at another time.”
Derek nodded, meeting his eyes. Perhaps Nathan sensed what lay beneath Derek’s words. Besides having a keen intuition about people, Nathan also had a wife. He would understand how tossed about a man could be when he was in love with a woman.
“Tell Kate hello from us,” Duncan told him as he rose to shake his hand in farewell.
“Oh, I hardly think he needs to tell her that now,” Nathan disagreed, his smile growing. “Surely that can wait until later.”
Derek grinned in response, feeling his heart lighten a touch. “It just might.” He nodded at them all and turned from the room, walking rather briskly.
“I don’t understand any of this,” he heard Colin say as he left.
“You will when you’re older.”
“Oh, shut up, Geoff.”
Derek didn’t even call for a carriage to take him home. He could be halfway there before one was readied, and besides, he wanted the exhilaration of walking, knowing he was going to see his wife, that he was going to tell her that he loved her. He should have done so ages ago.
He didn’t care if she might not be able to return the words, though he hoped she would. He would wait forever if she could give him the faintest hope of a return of affection in the future. He would rather be with Kate and waiting than without her and never know.
Feeling more excitement, Derek started to jog. Walking was not fast enough. He wanted to tell Kate now. He wanted to give her everything he was and let her do with him as he wished. What use was pride when he was without the woman he loved?
The jog turned to a run and a few strolling Londoners gave him questioning looks as he passed them and he knew they would whisper and gossip.
He did not care.
Let them say that the Marquess of Whitlock was seen running towards his house, looking like a madman as his jacket lay over an arm and his cravat was rapidly loosening, soon to unravel, no doubt. Let them call his behavior shocking, his appearance disgraceful, and whatever else they wanted. He was a man in love, and he was not going to patiently ride in a carriage or walk calmly when so much was at stake.
Suddenly he became aware of his surroundings as all of his senses became alert at once. There was light in the distance, in the direction of his house, far more than would have come from the street lamps. It almost looked as though dawn were approaching, though the light was to the west. Faintly he heard a great many voices yelling in the distance, and he slowed his pace in confusion. A carriage raced passed him, a bell upon it clanging loudly, the horses pulling against their restraints as they sprinted, the coachman’s whip lashing rapidly against their flanks.
Then the smell reached him; the burning, heavy scent of ash that suddenly pervaded everything around him. His eyes darted back in the direction of the light, and he saw the thick, billowing clouds of smoke rising from it.
“No,” he breathed, his heart stopping in his chest. His legs began to move again frantically, his mind racing ahead of him.
It could not be… It could not be…
But the nearer he got, the more it became apparent that it could.
He made the last turn and saw, to his eternal horror, his home encased in fire. Bright orange and yellow and white flames raged up the sides of the house and reached towards the sky. Through windows he could see the same blaze from within, only the barest hint of furniture to be seen. The bottom floor was not yet consumed, but everything above was rapidly becoming an inferno.
The only figures he could see were those of the gathered crowd and the brigade fighting the flames.
“No!” he screamed, racing towards it, dropping his jacket somewhere in his haste. The windows on the second story broke with a deafening crash as more flames battered about and within the rooms. The roar of the fire sent a chill coursing through him, even as the heat became more and more apparent.
A man suddenly restrained him, throwing an arm across his chest. “I’m sorry, sir, but you cannot go past this point. The house is too…”
“No!” Derek raged, thrashing against him. “That is my house, let me pass!”
“I am sorry, sir, but you cannot…”
“Oye!” someone who sounded a lot like Colin called from behind them, and suddenly, the restraints were gone and Derek stumbled frantically towards the men trying to contain the fire.
“Don’t you know that’s the Marquess of Whitlock?”
“Idiot, that is his house!”
Derek heard his friends with the man, but he could not comprehend the words, not now. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he could barely speak, and nobody was listening. “Where is she?” he panted, looking around. “Where is she?”
But he saw no one but the fire brigade, and they were too occupied to reply.
He struggled to get by them, but they were unyielding. “I have to get in there!” he bellowed, shoving at two of them. “Let me through! This is my home, let me in there!”
“Sir, you will have to stand back or we cannot…”
He let out an animalistic roar of protest and reached for the house, as if he could somehow pull it closer. He thrashed against the men, kicking and punching whomever he could, but two rather burly ones pulled him back and held him firm.
“Sir, we need you to remain here,” one of them grunted.
He tested their grip, only to have it tighten perceptibly. “That’s my…” he gasped, unable to tear his gaze away from the flame-consumed building.
“Gents, we’ll take it from here,” came the rough voice of Duncan, who somehow managed to put enough authority into his tone to convince the men of it.
“Derek,” Nathan said softly, taking his arm when his captors had gone.
“She’s in there,” Derek whispered, his throat closing up even as his eyes watered. “She’s…” He shook his head. “She’s in there!” he cried, straining for the house again, only to have Duncan’s arms fasten around both of his from behind.
“Derek, you can’t go in there,” he murmured in a surprisingly gentle voice for one who could hold him so immovable.
“I have to!” he cried, struggling still.
“Derek,” Nathan said again from somewhere in his vicinity. “Derek, it’s too late. There is nothing we can do.”
“No,” he protested weakly, even as his heart sunk. There had to be a way in. There had to be some way to…
A loud crashing came from within the building, and more flames came pouring out of another window, even as a groaning and creaking of burning wood filled the air. Derek could not help the whimpering moan that escaped him as his knees buckled beneath him. Duncan released his arms, and Derek sank to the ground, watching helplessly as his dreams turned to ash with all else that was his.
Too late. He was too la
te. There was no more reason to hope. No one could survive so powerful a destruction. It didn’t matter that he had been about to tell her everything. It didn’t even matter what had been said or not said. The fire did not care. It was too late.
It was too late for everything.
His friends stood around him, saying nothing, someone’s hand resting on his shoulder, and they all watched as the fire brigade frantically try to save something of the house. He wondered why they bothered. It was just a house. There was nothing to it anymore, not for him. He dropped his head into his hands and pressed his palms deep into his eyes, wishing he could blot out the hellish vision before him and never see it again.
“So help me, Harville, if you don’t stop trying to help, I will tie you to all of the footmen.”
Derek froze as somehow he heard the voice he loved so dearly over the sound of the brigade and the blaze, authoritative and firm, and the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. But he couldn’t have, it was impossible… Even so he looked up, looked around, but no one else seemed to have heard it.
“Excuse me, I am sorry, but are you actually good at this?” the voice continued, sounding so much like the old Katherine that it made Derek want to laugh. “Because the fire is clearly not getting any better, and if you cannot do this properly, then I suggest you go and do something else.”
Now he couldn’t be imagining it. Not even his imagination could conjure up a repartee as what he was hearing. He scrambled to his feet, still looking around, but not seeing anything. His heart raced as the voice became louder and clearer, and, though he could hear his friends curiously calling his name, he would not heed them.
“Proper insurance? What do I care if I have the proper insurance to have you put out this fire? It is your job to do so, is it not? Personally, I have my doubts, so if you might direct me to some capable fire brigade members, I would appreciate it.”
“KATE!” he bellowed, running along the line of brigade members and onlookers, unable to see the source of that beautiful voice.
The words stopped and he heard a disbelieving cry of “Derek?” from somewhere before him.
“Kate!” he called again, aching with hope.
Suddenly, there was a break in the group and there, looking a little rumpled, a little sooty, but altogether well and whole in her nightgown and wrap, hair down and slightly mussed, was the glorious sight of his wife. His chest threatened to explode with the burst of emotion that surged through him as he saw her, and his throat became so constricted that all he could do was swallow. He opened his mouth, but found no words to be had, and only a weak, guttural burst of sound erupted as he surged forward and snatched Kate up, unable to believe she was well and whole.
Derek could not restrain the tears that poured from his eyes as he buried his face into her neck, his arms tightening around her and holding her as close as he could. He shook with emotion, and stroked her hair again and again, reassuring himself that she was here in his arms. “Oh, thank God, thank God,” he rasped, shuddering as he clung to her.
He pulled back and took her face in his hands, and pressed a hot, searing kiss to her trembling lips, tasting the saltiness of her tears as she returned it fully, whimpering softly at the passion. He broke off and stroked her cheeks, one hand clutching the back of her head. “You’re alive,” he said on a breathless chuckle. “You’re alive.”
“Derek,” she gasped, her tears streaming as she gripped the back of his neck tightly. “I’m sorry. The house… your family’s house, I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t care about the house,” he said quickly, kissing her again and again, raining kisses across her face. “I don’t care about the house. I love you, Kate. I love you and I’m so sorry for everything, I just…”
Now she kissed him, silencing his apology and sending his senses reeling again. “I love you, too, Derek,” she whispered against his skin. “I’m so sorry. I could never leave you, you must know I couldn’t. I love you too much to ever consider it.”
“Thank God,” he said again, pulling her to him and sighing with relief into her hair. “I thought I had lost you then, and then I almost lost you now…” He shook his head as his emotions rose within him again. “I love you,” he whispered. “I loved you a long time ago and I never said it.”
“I know,” she replied, her slender arms fixed around his neck. “I know. Me too.” Then her body shuddered and frantic but silent cries burst forth.
“Shh,” he soothed, rubbing her back. “Kate, I’m here, it’s all right.”
“I’ve never been so scared in my entire life,” Kate sobbed as she clung to him. “I was waiting for you in my room, like you asked, and I was going to tell you that I was sorry and I loved you and I wanted to forget all about duty and just be with you always, just us, and I wanted to have children because I loved you and not because we’re supposed to.”
“Kate, you don’t have to explain anything,” Derek said softly, running a hand over her hair again.
She shook her head against him, and went on. “And then Molly fell and dropped a tray, and I raced out to check on her, and when I came back into the room, my bed curtains had caught fire. I suppose my candle was knocked over and it was already too hot for me to do anything about. I called for the footmen, and they tried, they really did, Derek, but everything caught so fast, and it was too dangerous. I called them back and we ran to fetch all the others, and we got everyone out, Derek, but I was so scared. I couldn’t show it, but I was terrified.”
“I know, love, I know,” he told her, his voice choked with his own emotion. “I know, me too. But you got everyone out, Kate. Everyone is safe, and that is all that matters. You’re safe now. Everything is all right.”
Eventually, her tears quieted, and then she turned in Derek’s arms to watch the brigade fight the fire. She pulled his arms more securely around her, and leaned back against his chest, and though their home was engulfed in flames, though he was standing here watching their possessions burn, Derek was more content than he had been in days.
“I love you,” he murmured, pulling her closer still and pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.
She echoed his words back to him, laying her head back against his shoulder, a hint of a smile on her face even as she watched the fire.
Long into the night and into the morning, they stood there, occasionally murmuring words of love and apology and comfort to each other. When the fire was no more than ashes and smoke, the brigade mostly gone, and their home a shell of what it had been, now black with soot and a near complete ruin, they ventured closer and hand in hand they examined the damage.
Derek could hardly believe the sight. Where once there had been luxury, there was now waste. No room had been spared, though some might be salvageable. But most things were destroyed, and Kate could have been trapped in this, could have perished along with their possessions. He could have lost her with everything else, and she would have been the only thing he could not bear to lose. Possessions could be replaced. She never could be.
“The kitchens are in fair condition, being beneath much of the rest of the house,” Hallstead announced as he entered what was once the music room, where the pianoforte now lay in pieces. He and some of the footmen had explored other areas of the house, looking for anything that could be saved.
“The back garden is entirely unaffected, my lord,” said Jackson, who had lost his wig at some point.
“But the bed chambers are all a complete loss,” reported Jeremy.
“All of the third floor is,” said George.
“All of it?” Kate asked softly. “The gallery, too?”
“Yes, my lady,” he mourned in a low voice. “The gallery too.”
“Thank you,” she replied, swallowing with difficulty. “You may all proceed to the home of the Earl of Beverton. The earl and countess have offered to employ you all until we decide what to do. If you wish to go elsewhere, we understand.”
But all of them nodded and proceeded out together, he
aded with the rest of the servants to Nathan and Moira’s. Kate turned back to Derek, who had not looked up from the rubble of the piano yet.
“I am so sorry, Derek,” she whispered, looking around. “This is… it’s just so…”
“I told you,” he said in a low voice, not moving. “I don’t care about the house.” He slowly turned to her, his face anguished. “I almost lost you. I could have lost you so easily.”
“But you didn’t,” she reassured him, stepping closer and laying a hand alongside his cheek. “I’m right here.”
He covered that hand with his own and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I love you. That was what tormented me the most. I love you so much, Kate, and I never told you. You never knew.”
She smiled up at him. “I knew.”
He returned her smile, but in confusion. “How could you know? We fought all the time. How could you…?”
“Every day that you stayed after our agreement, I wondered, I hoped. When you told me you weren’t leaving, I knew. I doubted once or twice, but in my heart, I knew.”
He grinned fully. “I hadn’t planned on staying, you know. I was just too afraid to remind you of our agreement.”
She matched his grin. “I was too nervous to bring it up. I didn’t want you to leave. I loved you, and I didn’t want you to go.”
He sighed and kissed her hand again, then carefully led her around the rubble and ruin and out to the back garden, where everything lay as pristine as it had been the day before. “Did you know that the lilac symbolizes first love?” he asked as he took her over to the gazebo, where the lilacs had been planted.
“No, I didn’t,” she replied, bemused.
“I find it oddly appropriate.”
“How so?”
He shrugged. “You were my first love.”
Kate laughed as they entered the gazebo. “Oh, I doubt that, Derek.”
“It’s true,” he promised, turning to face her. “I never loved any woman before you.”
She looked puzzled and peered up at him in wonder. “But you only loved me recently. How could you…?”
Married to the Marquess Page 27
