“Really?”
“Yes, and you know what? She refused. She said that Hitler is the anti-Christ. She had the courage to say that to the guard. I was stunned. I was sure the guard would kill her. But surprisingly, she didn’t.”
“I’m Jewish. I don’t know what that means. The anti-Christ....”
“It’s a long story, but in essence, it means that Hitler’s no God, he’s pure evil, the devil.”
“That’s for sure. Nobody here could argue that fact. Did the guard hit her?”
“Of course. But she still refused to accept Hitler as her God. You know who the guard was? It was Dorothea, the monster. I’m sure you know her.”
“Yes,” Michal said. “I know her. I wish I didn’t.”
“Well, this Dorothea is some bitch, she did more than hit the kid. She beat the hell out of her. From what I understand, Dorothea is supposed to be some great beauty. There is gossip that she is very popular with the male SS. They all want her. It’s amazing that she is so pretty on the outside, but her heart is like a rotting tomato full of worms. She’s a true sadist. The things I have seen her do would just make you want to vomit. But, anyway, you must give that little Jehovah’s Witness girl credit,” Heida said, shaking her head and smiling. “She’s a tough little thing. I don’t know if she’ll survive this place, I doubt it, but she earned my admiration that day.”
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings, and I want you to know that I appreciate your help … but I … well … I …. have something that I have to tell you. Now, before our friendship becomes too deep and maybe you’ll be expecting something from me that I can’t give you,” Michal said.
“You are not a homosexual?” Heida said, and she laughed. “I didn’t think so. I am not looking for a lover, although sometimes I feel that the comfort of love in this place would be a Godsend. Although, love does make you very vulnerable. That’s for sure. But, believe me, I am not looking for anything like that with you. You needed help. I knew I could help. No strings attached. Just friends. We both need a friend.”
Michal smiled. She liked Heida. She liked her a lot. The woman had character, integrity. In this dungeon, Michal watched as so many women lost their humanity. They turned on their friends for so many things, for bits of bread that were used as rewards, or to avoid a beating. How could she blame them? They were starving, not many of them were brave, they were just average women, alone, hungry, and terrified. In fact, except for the political prisoners who had strong convictions, many of them were just mothers. Some of the women even had their children there at the camp with them. Those were the most vulnerable, because they would rather die or sacrifice anyone in order to protect their child. Michal couldn’t blame them. She thanked God every day that Alina and Gilde were not in this terrible place with her. Although she missed them every day and worried about them constantly MIchal would have done anything, anything at all to keep her daughters from harm, even if it meant being separated from them. But because she had no way of knowing if they were safe, she was concerned about them even more. . In a strange way, the exhausting work was so taxing that it was the only thing that kept her from going completely insane. Because at the very limited moments when she slowed down, like during a meal, she immediately felt bolts of fear shoot through her that were as piercing as any bullet. She was terrified of what might have happened to her husband and daughters while she was locked up and could not help them. It seemed like when she was working and sweating, and struggling to stay alive even though she would have welcomed death, there was something inside of her that made her take that next breath. But at least during those moments of unbelievable labor, she was so immersed in the pain of the moment that she temporarily forgot to feel the terror. And any physical agony was far better than the insane horror of constant worry. The continuous not knowing, the maddening questions that could not be answered. The truth was that she had no idea whether those she loved were alive or dead.
From the first day they met, Heida befriended Michal. Michal assumed that Heida could see how weak she was and probably pitied her. Michal didn’t care. She could accept the pity if it meant that she had a friend, someone she could trust, someone she could talk to. Heida was different than anyone Michal knew. Often she was fearless, reckless even. She sometimes stole food from the kitchen, and often stood up to the guards, enduring beatings without even wincing. Michal assumed that the guards had not killed Heida because they were fascinated by her spirit. But, not only was Heida a fighter, she was also generous with the food she stole. She forced Michal to accept extra food and warned her not to give up on living.
“If you don’t keep believing that you will get out of here someday, you will die here for sure. Every day, you must remind yourself that the time will come when you will be free again,” Heida said.
“I can’t believe that. I feel as if I am spiraling down a dark hole and at the end is only death,” Michal said.
“Self-pity is dangerous. It will swallow you up and you will drown in it. I am telling you this because I’ve seen it happen to many people.”
Michal shook her head. “I know you’re right.”
“Look at the people in here who are in worse shape than you are. Some of them are sick. Others have children to protect. You know, there is a very young woman in the other block who is in serious trouble. She looks to me to be about eighteen years old. She’s a political prisoner, and she is nine months pregnant. Because she’s been starving, her stomach is small, but if the guards find out she’s going to have a baby, God only knows what they’ll do. Any day now, she’ll have the baby, and there is no one here to help her. She’ll have to somehow manage on her own. Then, if she doesn’t die in childbirth, how will she care for a baby in this place? Babies cry, especially if you leave them alone all day. And it would be impossible for her to take the child to work with her. So, you see, Michal, you may think you have it bad. Someone else always has it worse. Try to remember that.”
Michal looked up at Heida. “I can help her.”
“Help who?”
“The girl. The young girl who is about to give birth. I worked as a midwife. I can help with the delivery.”
Heida’s eyes lit up. “You can help? That’s wonderful. I never suspected that you were a midwife.”
“Yes, I can help. But how will I get over to her to examine her?”
“Late tonight I will come and take you to her. This is dangerous for you. Are you sure you want to do it?”
“Yes,” Michal said. “I’m sure. I need something to make living feel worthwhile. At least this will give me a purpose. Right now, I want to give up. I am afraid I will never see my husband or my children again. If I can help this poor girl, then I will feel as if I have a reason to go on.”
“Stop that right now. Stop thinking about dying, Michal. Once the Nazis conquer your spirit you are as good as dead. If you let this happen, it will only be a matter of time before you are dead. I know how hard it is, but you have to keep believing that someday you will be free.”
Michal nodded. “I hope so. The Nazis have imprisoned us here without cause, so it’s hard to believe that they will ever release us. The only reason we are in this jail is because they hate us. If we were accused of real crimes, I might believe that someday if we were found innocent we would be released. But the only crime I have committed is being born a Jew. And for that, I believe, they will never release me.”
Heida pulled at her sleeve and indicated the pink triangle sewn on it.
“I am not ashamed that I am a lesbian. Somewhere out in the world is a woman who is very dear to me. I pray every day that she is safe and far away from a place like this. But, I don’t know. The most terrible part of being in here is not knowing if those you love are safe.”
Michal looked down at the ground. “Yes, I know. I worry about my family every day.”
“People don’t understand the love I have for my friend. But believe me it is no different than the love you share between you and
your husband. We are like an old married couple.” Heida smiled, a sad smile. “I miss her every day. Still, even though I would give up my life to see her even one more time. I pray that she is far away from here, even if it means I will never see her again.”
“Are you afraid of dying?” Michal asked. Then in a small voice she added, “Sometimes I am. And then other times I wish I could just die and leave this nightmare behind me.”
“Afraid? Yes, only because none of us knows what happens when we die. But, I am even more afraid of losing my will to fight. I hate Hitler, I hate everything the Nazi Party stands for.
“And I hope that I can endure whatever these bastards put us through and somehow survive to tell the story of what happened here.”
“You are so strong. I am not.”
“You’re stronger than you think,” Heida said, looking around. It was perilous to be caught loitering. “We should go before we are caught here talking. I will come and get you later tonight so that you can see what you can do to help that poor young pregnant girl.”
Heida started to walk away.
“Heida,” Michal said. Heida turned around and their eyes met. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For giving me strength.”
Heida nodded and turned the corner at the end of the building.
Michal stood alone for a minute. She knew that any second the bell would ring for roll call. But the words Heida had spoken sparked a tiny flicker of light, a flicker of hope inside of her, and she began to let herself believe that by some miracle she might get out of Ravensbruck alive.
Chapter 16
Alina, 1941
The large ship Alina and Johan boarded had a logo that said “Red Line” written across it’s side. They knew that their voyage was not to be a trip of luxury by any means. Immigration to America had slowed down considerably over the last several years; in fact it almost had come to a halt. The passengers on board this ship were lucky to be getting into the United States. Johan and Alina were directed deep into the belly of the boat in the area known as third class or steerage. The hot, stale air hung heavy over the crowded main room that was filled with poor and wretched souls. Souls who’d sacrificed everything they had to escape from Europe. The sanitation facilities weren’t equipped for the large amount of passengers on the boat, and so they didn’t work well. This lack of proper sanitation left the ship filthy with sewage and urine. Some of the passengers were ill, and they coughed loud, wet, wrenching coughs all night long. It was the middle of summer before Johan and Alina left Germany, and because they were below the open air, the heat and the smell onboard the ship were overwhelming. As the vessel was leaving the harbor in Bremen, the winds kicked up and the ocean liner rocked and teetered on mountains of white-capped waves. The motion of the water, mingled with the foul odors of the ship, made Alina ill. She gagged and vomited into a bucket. As she did, the smell of the contents of the refuse in the bucket wafted up, slapping her in the face and causing her to retch uncontrollably. Johan held her as she threw up bile.
“Shhh. Calm down. It’s going to be all right. Here, lie down,” he said once he’d found an open room with a bunk bed. Johan led Alina into the room, but he hadn’t had a chance to close the door before a young girl walked by.
“Someone told me that bed that you’re lying on over there is full of lice,” the pretty young redheaded girl said, pointing to the cot just as Alina was about to lie down. “Come on over here,” the girl said. She helped Alina and Johan find another cabin.
Alina plopped down on a bunk that was more like a hard piece of wood than a bed and held her face in her hands.
Johan sat down beside her. He felt so helpless. What could he do? If only he’d had more money, they could have stayed up in second class. That would probably have been better. But he’d spent everything he had for the visas and the papers to get in, and for the passage too. But most of all, he’d compromised everything he believed. He’d done something for Alina that he swore he would never do. He made contact with the only man he knew in America, Trevor Powell. Johan begged him. And then Johan threatened him, which forced Trevor to finally agree to act as a sponsor for Johan and Alina. Powell was a man he hated, who he’d kept buried like a bitter secret since he’d found out about him. Trevor Powell was his birth father. For years Johan had believed that the man who raised him was his father, then on her deathbed his mother had cleared her conscience and told him the truth. She told Johan that he was born out of wedlock, the son of an American who abandoned them. Johan had no desire to make contact with his birth father when he got to America. The letter he’d received from his father was enough. Even now, that letter was burning like acid in pocket. No, he would not ever contact his birth father. Once they got to America, he would do whatever he had to do to take care of Alina without Powell’s help. He’d work sixteen-hour days if need be, but he would never go to that man, never.
“Lie down, my love. Try to rest,” Johan said.
He was right, Alina thought, she felt a little better lying down. Her stomach was still sick, and the weaving of the ship didn’t help, but at least she didn’t have to worry about falling over as the boat tossed her way through the perilous seas.
As she lay there, Alina overheard two passengers in one of the other bunks in her room talking. They were saying that this boat was not nearly as crowded as the boats were in the early part of the century. America had all but closed its doors to immigrants due to the country being in the throes of a depression. A depression. The very word struck fear in Alina. Laying on a cot as hard as a concrete floor Alina’s mind began to drift back to her past., She vaguely remembered a time when she was young and she and her mother were separated from her father during a depression in Germany. She only remembered some details, not all. But what she did remember was that after her mother lost her job as a nanny for a rich family things got hard. Her mother had taken her to eat at soup kitchens. Even now, Alina remembered that they were horrible places with bad smells and dejected and often sick people. She only remembered bits and pieces, but she knew that the dire circumstances had been a big part of the reason her mother had gone to see her father even though they were separated. It had turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to the family. Her parents had reunited and together they’d built a family. A good family, a family she longed for now and missed terribly. Her sister ,Gilde, had been born, and although she should have been jealous of her sibling, Alina had felt just the opposite. She’d adored Gilde from the moment that Gilde was born. In fact as soon as Alina had a sister she no longer cared for her dolls. Everything in her world was about mothering Gilde. God, she missed her sister. Alina said a silent prayer that conditions would not be as bad in America as she remembered them as beingn Germany during that depression. She held fast to Johan’s arm. Every day her life became more and more uncertain. Johan was all she had left of Germany. Alina nuzzled her head into his shoulder. And finally exhaustion overtook her and she drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 17
Alina
When she woke up, Alina found Johan still asleep beside her. Two male passengers in the main room were arguing loudly, something about a theft. One of the men was accusing the other of taking his shoes.
It had been a rough day at sea. The evening meal was being served very late. It was close to nine p.m. and everyone was gathered into the shabby steerage class lounge. Johan felt Alina’s movement in the bed beside him and he stirred awake. He stretched for a moment. Then whispered, “Come on, sweetheart.” Johan was groggy, but logic kicked in quickly. “If we don’t hurry there might not be any food left.”
Alina rose from the cot. Her back ached and she had no appetite; in fact, she was having a hard time keeping her stomach steady. As they searched for a place at the table, the two men who had been and still were arguing began fist-fighting. Everyone tried to get out of their way but the room was crowded. They pushed each other into tables, turning them over. Johan pu
lled Alina close to him to get her out of harm’s way and instinctively put his hand over the back of her head to protect her. She was shaky from the waves of the boat and she almost fell. Johan quickly maneuvered Alina around the side of him, holding her up and putting himself between Alina and the two men who were fighting. There were too many people crowded into the small dining area for Alina and Johan to get out. They were boxed in by the crowd. Johan was trying to push Alina through the crowd to the back of the room and away from the fighters. Just then, one of the men pulled a knife out of the belt of his pants, where he had been hiding it beneath his worn cotton jacket. At first, everything was happening so fast that it seemed unreal. It was so surreal that instead of being afraid, Alina wondered how the man who was fighting could bear to be wearing a jacket. The third-class area of the boat was so dreadfully hot.
“Come on, you son of a bitch. I am going to teach you a good lesson today,” the man with the knife said. He was a massive mountain of a man with hair the color of fire and a long, thick beard to match. The exploding volcano of his voice brought Alina back to reality and she jumped. Johan held her close to him. The red-haired man’s opponent was a small, dark, rat-like little fellow who moved as fluidly and as quickly as a black mamba. The men were moving all over the room in a circle. Their eyes were glued to each other. The crowd did what they could to get out of the way. Some of the women screamed when the fighters got too close to them. Johan tried to put himself between Alina and the fighters.
Some of the other male passengers had begun to take sides. They were waging bets with each other and egging the two men on. Over the last ten minutes the storm that the boat had been battling all day kicked up and the ship was rocking even more violently on the waves. Johan had now put both of his arms out to the sides, giving Alina even more protection in case one of the fighters tripped or fell. She was trying to stay on her feet, but the ship was very unsteady so she had curled like a child into Johan’s body.
A Family Shattered: Book Two in the Michal's Destiny Series Page 9
