"So," he said slowly, "what does this mean?"
"It means that tonight, you catch the red-eye home. We've paid for the room through Saturday. When the kids and I get home, the three of us start packing." I sounded so calm. So in control. For once, I wasn't begging him to pay attention to me. It made me feel like Wonder Woman. She wouldn't have been a pansy like Anna or Hester! She would have put on her high-heeled boots and hot little costume and walked out.
"You're moving out of the house? Damn, Laura, I'm not that cold that I would make you and the kids look for another place to live. You can have the house." His voice was weak, and I knew he was hurting. I really had loved him once. Loved waking up next to him, being with him. Was I making a mistake?
"We'll go visit my mom for a while. I need some time away." Is that what I was going to do? I didn't know that! Where did a trip to Mom's come from?
"I'll do what you want," he said with resignation in his voice, "if you promise me you'll think about it before you get home so we can discuss this."
I shook my head. "I've done all the thinking I ever want to on this, Mike."
"Does this mean that you don't love me anymore?" He sounded so pathetic. So wounded. Tears stung the back of my throat, and I fought them down. I hated hurting him. How weird was that? He hurt me every time he cheated. He hurt the kids every time he failed to show up for something important, but I was worried about his feelings now.
"Not in the way a woman should love her husband," I said with a sigh. "I don't like the way you've treated us. I can't respect that. I'm sorry."
It seemed lame to apologize, but that's how I felt. It wasn't completely honest to say this was why I was leaving him. I was guilty of the death of our marriage too. But I wasn't about to bring that up.
To his credit, Mike didn't cry or yell. He simply paid for our dinner then led me out of the restaurant. All the way back to the hotel I kept thinking, It's over! In a few minutes, I can leap into Alan's arms forever!
Mike walked me to the door, standing stiffly while I unlocked it. Clara and Rory were sleeping on the bed, and I pulled the adjoining door closed and locked it. It was a few moments before I realized he hadn't crossed the threshold.
"Well, I guess I'd better go."
He looked so sad and lonely. I bit back the urge to let him stay the night because for once, he was feeling what I had felt so many times. I argued with myself that such behavior was beneath me, but I had to prove my point. I was so involved with my own head I didn't realize he was talking on his cell phone.
"I appreciate that. Thanks for letting me spend the night, Terry." He clicked off his phone, waved, then closed the door behind him. I remained frozen to the floor. Terry?
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I was grateful that Alan didn't try the door or phone. He probably watched my husband leave and desperately wanted to knock or call, but he didn't. He must have realized I needed time alone. I'd have smiled and felt all warm inside about that but for the fact I was totally freaked out.
Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I went through everything in my mind. Of course Mike would call Terry. His best friend from college lived here, and it was too late to fly out. Maybe Terry wouldn't tell him anything about Alan.
Right. Terry's pride was wounded. He would tell him. Then what? An angry Mike would storm back here in the morning and chew me out. He would sue for custody of the kids claiming adultery by vacation. With my luck, he'd get Susan to represent him. I reached for my cell and dialed next door.
"How did it go?" Alan's voice was alert. He had been waiting.
"He took it pretty hard." My voice sounded raw with emotion. "He's gone to stay the night with Terry."
"Are you serious? I didn't think about that!" Alan sounded as surprised as I had been.
"Neither did I."
"Do you want me to come over?" he asked eagerly.
"No," I lied, "it'd be a mess if he came back in the middle of the night and found us in bed together. But I do think we should head to the park very, very early in the morning."
It was as if I could feel him nodding on the other side of the door. "Ok. What time?"
We made arrangements, and I tried to sleep. In only a few hours we would be gathering the kids and racing out of here before Mike came back. I closed my eyes, but sleep wouldn't come.
Why wasn't I deliriously happy? I told Mike I was leaving him and felt reasonably good about that. I had the man I loved waiting for me a few feet away. My kids were happy. Hell, I was moving to New Mexico.
Maybe, I thought, it's the fact that Mike doesn't know about Alan. I told him the truth as to why I was leaving him, and I had a good reason. But a small voice, deep down inside asked me if I'd still be leaving Mike if Alan hadn't been here? I pushed the question from my mind. Over-thinking this one would be painful. No, Alan is just the bonus for regaining my self-esteem. Right?
I still didn't have any answers when dawn hit. For the first time on the trip, I woke the kids up and raced them through dressing. Alan and I met outside, looking around desperately as we ran the kids to the bus. Oddly enough, I felt like we were on the lam from the authorities.
There was no way Mike could know where we were. Out of all the parks, the odds were he wouldn't pick the right one. And even if he did, each park was vast enough that it would be impossible to run into him. James Bond didn't have this much trouble.
Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't over. And worse than that, Alan seemed to be thinking the same thing. The funky diner at the park wasn't very crowded. All four kids munched on their pancakes, giddily happy to be together after their separation yesterday.
Alan couldn't take his eyes off me. While under normal circumstances I'd be thrilled, this time I knew it had nothing to do with lust. Clara laughed next to me, and I realized that the kids hadn't even mentioned their father. I knew they loved him. What was happening here?
The kids were anxious to play in the nearby playground. Alan's fingers brushed against mine a few times, but he didn't take my hand. Was he having second thoughts?
With a loud, unanimous squeal, the kids ran off to play on enormous bugs, as Alan and I settled on a bench. After looking around for the one thousandth time, he took my hand in his.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alan finally ventured.
"I told him it was over. I didn't mention you. He took it pretty well, and by that I mean he didn't take out a gun and shoot me."
His fingers slid over mine, squeezing them tenderly. "That must have been very hard for you."
I looked at him, perhaps for the first time. "It was, for both of us. At least it's over. You still have to talk to Susan."
Alan leaned back on the bench and sighed. "I know. I've been thinking about that. I can't decide whether to call her or confront her when I get back. Either way, it'll be miserable."
"Alan," I bit my lip, "is there any chance you might back out of this?" Cuz I'd kill you if you changed your mind. Of course, I left that part out.
He frowned at me. "What do you mean?"
"Well, is there any possibility you might not go through with it, or that Susan might talk you out of it?"
He shook his head. "No. I'm done. I don't love her anymore. Maybe it's selfish to feel this way simply because she didn't give me enough attention, but I wasn't asking much from her."
"And because you are in love with me, right?"
"And especially now that I am completely and totally in love with you." Alan pulled my face to his and kissed me, and for a brief moment I thought everything would be alright. I pulled away and nestled against him. My stomach forgot to spin. Maybe we would be okay after all.
"What about Terry?" Alan asked.
I closed my eyes, pressing closer against him. "I don't think he'll say anything. I can't believe he'd risk Mike finding out that he assaulted me."
Alan's heartbeat was slow and steady. A fog of weariness settled in my brain. I hadn't had much sleep and was completely drained
emotionally. One by one, the sounds around us began to fade and somewhere along the line, I drifted away.
I knew this was a dream. It had to be. There I was, in the middle of a white circle. Standing around the borders, equidistantly apart, were Mike, Terry, Alan and Susan. No one said anything but they all stared at me, pointing their index fingers in my direction. I turned, facing each of them, but no sound came from my throat. They didn't speak either but their expressions showed that they were clearly angry with me. Even Alan seemed upset.
I tried to move, but couldn't. My feet wouldn't move more than a few inches in any direction. So there we were, each of them accusing me of something…of what? I could guess what Terry, Mike, and Susan were feeling. But Alan? Then the dream got weird. They all changed into purple and red plaid sled dogs, and I was winning the Iditarod…
"Laura?" Alan's voice was very close. "Baby, are you alright?"
I sat up, shaking the sleep off. "Um, yeah. I had a strange dream."
"Everything's going to be great," he said. "I've been thinking of New Mexico, watching you sleep. You're so beautiful."
I gazed into his smiling face and suddenly all the worries I had seemed to melt away. I kissed him, and his lips reassured me that, for the moment, we would be alright.
"Thank you," I responded, "I needed that."
Both of our cell phones went off simultaneously, and we sprang apart. We laughed nervously at our reaction, and checked our screens.
"It's him," I whispered, barely able to take my eyes from the phone.
"It's her," Alan answered, and we looked at each other, then slid apart and answered the phones.
I steeled myself. I wanted to sound 100% resolute, ""Mike, what is it?"
"Laura," his voice was shaky, damn him. "Terry just told me something disturbing. We need to talk."
My casual façade began to crack. "What did he say?"
Alan looked at me, arching one eyebrow while speaking into his phone. "Are you serious? Why?"
I was torn between wondering what Susan was saying to him and what Terry might have said to Mike.
Mike's voice made my decision for me. "I don't want to do this on the phone. Meet me back in the room in one hour."
"I don't understand." Alan was focused solely on his conversation. "Why now?"
"Mike, I need to know what is going on before I tear the kids away from the park." I avoided telling him which one we were at. "We just got here two hours ago."
"Sure, I'm glad you called, honey," Alan continued, oblivious to my existence. The use of the word "honey" on his wife bothered me. I tried to brush it off.
"Laura, I need to talk to you, now." Mike sounded upset. I couldn't tell if he was angry or worried. Did it really matter? There was really only one thing Terry could have told him. And now he knew. That's it. Terry was now officially off the Christmas card list.
"Mike, I refuse to be ordered around unless I know what this is about!" I didn't really think he would tell me, but I was stalling and still trying to listen in on Alan's conversation with Susan.
"Fine. Good-bye." Alan snapped off his phone, turning his attention to me.
"See you in one hour." Mike hung up in my ear.
I smiled weakly at Alan. "He knows. Terry told him."
"I've got even better news," Alan said shakily. "Susan's at the airport. She'll be at the room in one hour."
CHAPTER TWENTY
"Now what?" I asked the sky, fully expecting to receive an answer. Maybe a twenty-ton barbell would fall on me. No, wait. That's Bugs Bunny, not this place. Still, it would give me an excuse for not showing up.
"I don't know," Alan responded unhelpfully.
"As I see it, we have two options—head back to the hotel and deal with it or check into a new hotel and have our things sent over." And I really wasn't joking.
"I like the second option." Alan squeezed my hand. "How about we stay someplace nice?"
I shook my head, "We're going to have to deal with this sooner or later." Damn. I hated it when I was a responsible adult.
"Can't it be later?" Alan's sheepish smile told me he would rather avoid this too.
"I wish it could. I certainly don't like involving the kids in this. They'll see everything."
"I hadn't thought of that." Alan bit his lip, looking absolutely adorable but lost.
For a moment, I realized that Mike always knew what to do in these types of situations. He was confident and could come up with an escape plan on a dime. I didn't look forward to going up against that intellect. Especially since he was holding all the cards.
I had no idea for sure what Terry had told him. It could be anything from "Laura's having an affair," to "Laura's planning to suicide bomb the happiest place on earth." Hmmm… now there's an idea…
"Could we call Martha to watch the kids at the pool or something?"
I shook my head. "I doubt Martha will ever want to work for us again."
My stomach lurched. Another person we've lied to. What was I turning into? Alan and I had lied to our spouses, our babysitter, and our kids. I lied to Terry about what I was doing here. I lied to Alan initially about Terry. I never told Mike about Terry. At this rate, I was pretty sure I was going to get a bucket of coal from Santa this year.
"Let's go, then." I stood up. "We might as well get this over with."
Alan sighed, "Ok."
And that was that. Within twenty minutes we were on a bus and moments away from confronting Mike and Susan. I have to admit, I was completely and utterly terrified. And yet, I was about to do something I really wanted to do…right?
I couldn't talk to Alan on the trip back to the hotel, and he said nothing either. Was it because we were worried that we were making the wrong decision? His hand squeezed mine, reminding me he was right there next to me. But was that enough?
The bus pulled up in front of the hotel, and I took a deep breath and willed my feet to move. All four kids were bouncing around like maniacs. I wanted to throw up.
Focus! I repeated the order in my head. Mike wanted to talk to me about Terry. Whatever he said would affect my future somehow. I had to remain firm in my belief that I wanted out of the marriage. Refusing to discuss it further would put a stop to the discussion, I convinced myself. And I'm pretty good at self-persuasion.
The room rushed toward me, and I was afraid to slide the room key in the lock. Alan smiled at me before entering his room and closing the door behind him. Somehow, I found the courage to do the same. We'd decided to put the kids to bed for naps, with cartoons on the TV turned up really loud, and then meet up in front of the rooms, in our usual chairs. Together, maybe we could handle this. As I pulled the chair outside Alan joined me. I toyed with the idea of vomiting.
"Not here yet?" Alan said quietly, his eyes darting back and forth.
"Nope." He handed me a beer left over from the night before, and I took it gratefully, enjoying a long swallow. It was early to be drinking, but we were already skirting morality as it was, so what the hell.
"This reminds me of the first night here," I said for some reason.
Alan laughed softly. "Oh yeah. Do you know what I thought when I heard your voice behind me for the first time?"
My curiosity was peaked. "What?"
Alan drank his beer, peering off into the woods. "I thought, this can't be her. Not after all these years…"
"Wow." Ok, so that wasn't the best reaction, but I was a bit tongue-tied. Instead, I reached for his hand and squeezed it, hoping he'd understand. I felt like Wellington at Waterloo. Even with a victory it would feel like defeat.
"Who do you think will show first?"
"You sure are chatty," I responded.
Alan turned to me, and I noticed his bottle was empty already. "No matter what is said, let's agree that both Mike and Susan are out of here. Okay?"
That sounded like it would be easier said than done, but I agreed. I mean, it's a free country. Mike and Susan could refuse to go. They could follow us around the parks o
ur last few days screaming expletives at us. That would be fun.
Alan opened another beer, and together we sat in silence, waiting for my husband and his wife. For some reason, I kept thinking about sex. Images of our naked bodies writhing together slithered through my head. Why was that? I should at least have the decency to be embarrassed. Soon, our spouses would have those images in their minds as they reluctantly left Florida.
What would they think? Secretly I hoped they would arrive together, the confrontation would last ten minutes, and they'd leave before the kids knew they were there. What? It could happen.
I heard the sound of a rolling suitcase before I saw it. Down the corridor, I could see both Susan and Mike talking as they walked toward us. They did not look happy.
"So, it is true." Mike said it first as they joined us.
Susan merely said, "Oh fuck."
Alan and I seemed to be frozen to our chairs. We looked at them in silence, drinking our beer. Neither one of us said, I can explain, because we couldn't. We must have looked like a pair of surly teenagers ignoring our pissed-off parents.
Maybe it was nerves, or maybe I'd lost my mind, but the image made me laugh. That's when Susan slapped me across the face...hard. Slowly I drew my gaze back to her. Alan and Mike were startled. That's funny. Wasn't it usually the men who fight under these circumstances? For reasons unknown to me, I began to giggle.
I'd never been through anything like this before. Mike stood there, trembling with anger. Susan burst into tears. Alan looked at me with concern, and I just sat there laughing.
"Will you please stop?" Susan's voice broke my detachment. Her face was red, cheeks streaked with a flood of tears. Guilt crept into my heart.
"I'm sorry." And I meant it. I don't know what came over me.
"So," Mike's voice was measured, "what Terry told me was true. You are having an affair."
Mystery solved. That coward opted out of telling him about the sexual assault. Maybe he thought I would seek consolation with him if both Mike and Alan dumped me. Actually, if Mike and Alan dumped me, I was more likely to run off with that costumed dog. After all, he has a long nose. And you know what they say about that…
Sex, Lies, & Family Vacations Page 13
