"I just wanted you to know, I have no urge to do anything like that again."
"I know."
I raised my eyebrows. "How do you know? I don't even know! Hell, I don't know why I did it in the first place."
Alan leaned back in his chair. "You were just freaking out. That's all. Jumping out of the jeep was a metaphor."
I glanced at the kids to see if they were listening. The faux storm hit, which means they didn't even know Alan and I were there. "A metaphor? For what?"
"We are about to take a big leap of faith. Both of us. It's a huge risk. You are just acting it out." He smiled and winked. "And you picked a hell of a place to do it."
"And I suppose I was thinking of my friends and family as the predators? Like I was throwing myself at them?"
He nodded. "Exactly."
"Bullshit. I think I'm merely insane."
Alan laughed. "Or you're insane. That was my second theory. Look…" He caught my gaze. "I don't care. I want you and need you. We will both experience some abuse when we get home. But we will just work through it. Ok?"
I nodded. Instantly my shoulders started to slip back down to a natural position. Hopefully, Alan would cure me of my neurosis. Maybe I just need a prescription for a steady dose of mind-blowing sex. I can see the label, "Recommended dose, two orgasms orally or vaginally each day. Refills—unlimited."
The afternoon flew by in a haze of vacation-induced bliss. The kids had fun digging up fake dinosaurs, and we must have ridden the rides a thousand times. Alice and Clara had all but become Siamese twins. I think it's easier for girls to make close friends. But Rory and Jack weren't far behind them.
We had dinner reservations for a character dinner, so we raced to the bus to make our connections. The restaurant at the weird-shaped, expensive hotel is the best. Costumed characters visit your table every three minutes, cozying up to the kids. And every twenty minutes or so, a rousing song plays, and all the kids get up and swing their napkins over their heads. Ah…heaven.
Several six-foot tall rodents (and one dog) run around dressed in chef jackets.
After dinner, we rode the monorail to the park and watched the fireworks. The fairies flew around the sky, and our four munchkins watched through a snow-cone-induced sugar buzz.
Once back in the rooms, the kids fell asleep immediately. I'd noticed a pattern over the last week. Alice and Clara slept together, as did Rory and Jack. I turned off the light and dragged the chair out to the porch. Alan was waiting with a six-pack, his long, (insert sigh here) muscular legs propped up on the rail.
"I don't get it," I started, "now that all four kids are brushing their teeth in my bathroom, I find toothpaste everywhere." I paused to wipe my hands on my shorts before accepting the cold beer Alan handed me. "It's not just in the sink, where you'd expect it, but smeared on the floor, the base of the toilet, the shower curtain." I took a drink before continuing, "Helter Skelter was written in toothpaste on the wall, as was Death to the Pigs. Jack had a toothpaste swastika on his forehead…"
Alan laughed. "And when he looked at you, your watch stopped?"
I sighed again. I mean, how often do you fall in love with a man who gets your tasteless Charles Manson jokes? "I love you."
"I love you too." He took a drink, his gaze wandering into the woods, "I'm not even remotely tired."
"Well, I know of a really good way to wear ourselves out…" I said, feigning innocence.
Alan focused on my eyes and grinned. "Oh, I think I'm gonna like this."
I made no attempt to move. "I've got sleeping pills in my purse."
His chair scraped hard against the concrete, and Alan lifted me from my chair. Somehow he got the door open to his room, and after checking on the kids, gently closed the adjoining door.
"I don't want any sleeping pills." His mouth crushed mine as his hands unbuttoned and unzipped my shorts. His fingers were still cold from the beer, and made me jump in shock. This seemed to only spur him on.
Not wanting to be left out, I pushed him to the bed and climbed on top of him, tearing off my T-shirt. Alan allowed me to pull his off and then concentrated on my bra. He had it off in seconds. The man was good, I thought as we made our way to the bed and turned the lights out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
"Good morning kids!" I tried to sound enthusiastic, but was met with only depressed stares. They knew it was our last day in this extra-long vacation. And nothing was going to change that.
Not that they didn't try, of course. Over breakfast they pleaded for a few more days. There were even promises from doing more chores to actual financial bribes. But in spite of what they said, there was no way I was going to let Clara and Rory's college funds be used in such a manner.
I was happy. Something about making love to Alan last night made me realize how exciting my future would be. Perhaps it was idiotic to move to a place we've never been to before, but it still rang true in my heart. New Mexico, Land of Enchantment sure sounded better than Ohio, The Buckeye State. It was time to move on, shedding my rotting marriage and starting out fresh. I was a pupa, looking for my wings. Yuck. What a terrible metaphor. But I was giddy, so there you have it. The plan for the day was to hang out at one park and end with the big villains show. Alan and I led our less-than-happy spawn through the same attractions they had enjoyed earlier, but we seemed to be getting more out of it.
Now, I've read all the books and magazines. I know kids have trouble with the concept of time. So it made sense that they compared today to the end of the world. Hell, in the past I would have felt the same way. But today, I saw a bright light at the end of the Tunnel O' Adultery, and it filled me with hope.
At lunchtime, we ducked into a restaurant. Alice and Clara had perked up a bit, but the boys still looked miserable. Alan looked at me the way a cannibal views shipwrecked, overweight tourists. What can I say? I was just too damned happy.
"So," Clara began as she grabbed another roll from the bread basket, "we are really moving? With them?" She cocked her head at Alan.
I nodded. "Yup. You and Alice can share a room, and you can decorate it any way you like."
Clara and Alice burst into squeals. I believe if we were at Home Depot, they would be comparing carpet swatches as we speak. I wondered if Berber comes in pink?
Rory and Jack hugged each other silently. They were still very quiet. Was something wrong or were they just having pre post-vacation doldrums?
"And you boys can have your own room too," Alan said with an easy smile.
"Okay," they responded in unison.
Okay? Well, obviously the doldrums. Clara and Alice seemed to be fine, so I brushed all worry aside.
Throughout the course of the day, Alan and I made our evil plans of marital destruction. Since both Susan and Mike were expecting it, I suppose it wasn't exactly pre-meditated. We talked about seeing lawyers, signing the papers, packing, and moving out.
"I think it will be easier if we just take what we need," I whispered to Alan on one of the rides.
"Sure," he whispered back, "but don't forget the sentimental stuff."
I shook my head, "I won't forget the baby pictures, family things…"
Alan interrupted, "I meant the Alan box. I'm curious to see what's in it after all these years."
I laughed, "Fine. I'll remember it. But all that's in there are the notes you slid under my dorm room door."
"I'm sure it's not Pulitzer Prize winning material, but it will still be fun to read." Alan squeezed my hands, and then turned his attention to the kids in front of us.
"Alan," I whispered, trying to get his attention, "are we completely nuts?"
He nodded. "Of course we are. But we are happy. That's more important."
"True," I agreed, letting the matter drop.
A few hours later, over dinner, I noticed that the boys were still silent.
"Rory? Are you alright?" I asked gently, trying not to attract the attention of the girls.
My son nodded but didn't say anything. Okay,
I told myself, you got the answer you wanted to hear. Now drop it.
The show at the movies park is huge, filled with princesses, villains, and a giant dragon that sets the moat on fire with his breath. In other words, it's really cool. We were seated on the left-hand side of the show. Magical heroes fought off all of the villains, both on screen and animatronically. It really was something to see. Clara and Alice sat on either side of Alan, alternately clapping and burying their faces in his chest. Jack and Rory were with me, riveted to the performance. Looking down at the tops of their heads, I realized everything was going to be fine.
The only bad thing about the show, is that thousands…maybe tens of thousands of people are moving toward the parking lot at the same time. So, you are basically floating in a sea of humanity, and it is overwhelming. Alan had hold of the girls' hands as he walked ahead of us. I had the boys.
My phone vibrated on my hip. It was Alan. I looked ahead and saw that he wasn't there anymore. I let go of Rory's hand to answer it.
"Hey!" His voice was cheerful, at least. "Where are you?"
I looked around. We were in the chute, a kind of driveway that circumvented the main park, letting out at the busses. "Not far from you, I think." I felt pressure as a couple of people pushed past me.
"Well, meet you at the front gate then." Alan hung up.
I snapped the phone back into the carrier on my belt and reached for Rory's hand. Jack still clung to my right hand, but as I looked down, I realized that I no longer had Rory with me. In fact, I couldn't see him anywhere.
CHAPTER THIRTY
I stumbled into the pizza place half an hour late and somewhat disheveled. Clara and Rory didn't seem to notice I'd missed their birthday. Mike scowled at me, but the family and friends in attendance just smiled and clapped me on the back. No one knew I had just had four orgasms in the sweaty embrace of my lover a mere hour ago.
It seemed like I was walking through water. I slogged through the rest of the party like I was drunk on my own guilt.
I remember thinking that this affair had to end. I also remember it felt like the bottom dropped out of my stomach when I thought of giving up the talented, sensuous Nick.
Hours later, back at home, Mike didn't even read me the riot act. He smiled and hugged me. That was it. I sat in the kitchen, completely stunned for maybe forty minutes. Shock, dismay, anger, all traded places in my mind. I wanted to scream, I'm sleeping with another man! But I couldn't. Cowardice appears to be one of my strongest traits.
The next day, as I drove to the hotel to meet Nick, I wondered what the hell I was going to do. I almost ruined things with my kids. That wasn't what I wanted from life.
Nick was waiting for me, fully dressed and sitting on the bed. He rose to take my jacket and pulled me hard against his chest. For several minutes, I just sobbed into his shoulder while he rubbed my back.
"I'm sorry," I pulled back, wiping my eyes on the back of my hand.
"I'm sorry too, Laura. I feel awful about yesterday."
"Nick, do you feel bad about this…this situation?"
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
"The affair. Do you feel awful about that?"
"No. I guess not. Why?" He crushed my lips with his, and I gave in willingly. At least for a moment.
"We should feel bad about it, I think." I again pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed.
Nick sat facing me, taking my hands in his, "I guess the truth is, I haven't really thought about anything but getting you into bed every afternoon."
I smiled weakly. "Don't you think we should feel bad? We're cheating on our families."
He shook his head. "You're worked up because you almost missed the kids' party yesterday."
I nodded. "Yes, I am. And this is the first time we have ever talked about my kids, your kids, or our spouses."
Nick frowned again, and I toyed with just climbing on top of him and fucking those questions right out of his mind.
"You're right," he said slowly, "but that doesn't change how I feel about you."
The lust waned. "I think it changes how I feel about you, though."
He looked up sharply. "What do you mean?"
"Nick," I started, "I can't have this affair at the expense of my kids. I just can't be with a man who expects me to place more importance on being with him."
"Is that what you think of me?" His eyes narrowed.
"I don't know." And I didn't. I loved him. I wanted to make love to him so badly I was in danger of drowning in my own juices. But the thought was planted and starting to grow.
Reaching up to touch his face, I recanted, "No. I'm sorry. I'm not making any sense right now."
Nick kissed my fingers then my lips, and I knew I was lost. My hands ran down his arms and feverishly worked to undo each button on his shirt.
He responded by laying me down on the bed, leaning over me, kissing my neck. Pulling his shirt off, my fingers traveled the landscape of his smooth, muscular chest, stroking his skin before reaching down and pulling his hips hard against mine. I didn't just want to make love to him…I wanted to fuck him…hard.
"Laura," he breathed agonizingly in my ear, "Laura, I need you…I need this…"
He pulled my shirt off and reached behind me to unfasten my bra. His lips trailed from one nipple to the other. I could feel the vibrations in his throat as he moaned while taking me in his mouth.
My movements were desperate as I pulled his jeans off and removed my own. His boxers and my panties joined the rest of our clothes on the floor as we made love for the last time.
Tears from both of us sizzled on my cheeks. Nick collapsed onto his back, pulling me into his arms and together, both of our bodies were wracked by sobs for what seemed like a very, very long time.
We knew. It was over between us. You know that saying, "Quit while you're ahead?" Well, it sucks. Here was the most passionate moment of our relationship, raging with white hot emotion and lust, and we were ending it.
As we walked out of the hotel room, Nick's voice was choked with sorrow, "Laura, I love you."
I started to cry again, falling back against my car. Nick held me for a moment, then said good-bye and drove away. I waited until the tears quit falling before getting into my car and heading home.
A very important part of me died that afternoon. For the next few months, I moved from class to class like a zombie. Nick and I would catch each other's eyes from time to time, but we said nothing. We avoided each other, knowing that it would take very little to drive us into each other's arms, and that could not happen again.
I spent the afternoons we used to make love staring out of my office window. One day, I was doing just that when I heard Nick's voice in the doorway.
"Hey."
"Hey," I responded carefully. It was unnerving how that one word held so much meaning.
Nick shifted from one foot to the other and jammed his hands in his pockets, "I've taken a job on the east coast."
"Oh," was all I could come up with.
"Yeah. I leave next week. I just wanted to tell you that." His face was flushed, blue veins throbbing beneath his skin.
"Oh." I was afraid to say more. If I opened my mouth, I might beg him not to move…to stay…to meet me at our hotel in ten minutes. But I couldn't. If I did, it would never end. And it had to end, no matter how much I wanted to keep going.
Nick frowned as he nodded, then left my office. It was the last time I ever saw him. I was convinced that he took my heart with him that afternoon.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
"Rory!" I shouted, but it was no use. The crowd was too thick. I couldn't see my son! Jack looked up at me, his eyes bright with fear. The blood in my veins had turned to molasses as panic began to set in.
Calm down, I told myself. You'll find him. He's somewhere in here. I continued to look ahead of me, but several adults blocked my view. With horror, I realized he could be anywhere…in front of or behind me. I'm pretty sure I forgot to breathe. I'd lost my son!
Oh my God!
We reached the gate and found Alan and the girls. I quickly told him what happened.
"You take the kids over there," he said and pointed to a bench, "and I'll find him." Alan's eyes were dark with worry.
I shook my head, "No. You take the kids. He's my son. I lost him. I'll find him."
Alan must have seen the look of desperation on my face, because he agreed, and taking Jack, he moved to the bench.
Now what? My mind raced. Should I go past the gate, or screen everyone who was behind me? For a moment, I was paralyzed with indecision. This was no time to unravel, but that's exactly what I did.
Any semblance of a plan evaporated as I darted through the crowd, screaming for my little Rory. Please…please let him be okay! The tears were slaloming down my cheeks as I tried to keep it together. But no matter what I tried, I couldn't find him!
Finally, the last of the crowd had filed through the gate, but no Rory. He must have gotten past me! I raced through to the busses, calling for him. Rory wasn't there. I stood, doubled over and panting, wondering what to do next.
My imagination broke free, thinking of pedophiles and kidnappers. I turned back toward the park, running with everything I had left in me. A sharp pain in my side stopped me just short of the gate, and I again doubled over. I felt like vomiting.
"Ma'am?" A security officer put his hand on my arm to steady me.
"My little boy…lost…can't find him…" I managed through gasps.
"It's alright, Ma'am. We'll find him."
I stood up and looked at him, hoping he had some kind of magic wand that would find Rory and make my life perfect. Tim, the security guard, helped me search each bus with no luck. We rejoined Alan at the gate, but he hadn't found him either.
"Oh God, Alan! What are we going to do?"
Alan looked into my eyes, "We'll find him, Laura." But he wasn't fooling me. I could smell the fear behind the words.
"And what if we don't?!" I shrieked.
Alan looked at the three worried faces at his waist, and then drew me aside. "Laura! You have to calm down! The kids are scared enough."
Sex, Lies, & Family Vacations Page 19
