He had only one thing on his mind. That was the problem. “Things didn’t go so well with Cass the other night.”
“I wondered why I haven’t seen her around.” His old man leaned against the fence as if he figured they’d be there a while.
“I told her I had to get back to riding, and that was it. She completely shut down.” He’d seen fear drain the color from her face and leave her cheeks as pale as the haze hovering over the mountains. Levi gazed at Reckoning, now penned back in the chute, and finally found the courage to voice the question he’d been asking himself. “Maybe I should give it up. Walk away.” Then they could be together. Riding was the only thing that stood between them. And he wouldn’t be able to ride forever anyway…
Instead of agreeing like he’d assumed his father would, the man stared him down. “Why do you ride, son?”
Something told him Luis already knew. “I ride for Cash. Because he can’t anymore. When I’m out there, I feel like he’s still with me.” The very thing that made him feel closer to his late best friend was also the thing that kept Cass away.
“Then you can’t give it up,” his father said in his quiet, wise way. “It’s helping you heal. Cassidy wouldn’t want you to quit anyway. Unless I miss my guess, she wouldn’t let you.”
“She won’t let me quit, but she won’t let me get close, either.” She’d all but admitted she’d rather be with someone she couldn’t really love.
“Don’t give up on her.” Luis gripped his shoulder and squeezed—the same affectionate gesture he’d always used when Levi was a boy. “That girl has been through hell. She’s still in the middle of it. Sometimes it’s hard to remember the good memories when the ugly ones are still so much a part of your life.”
“That makes sense.” Cass still saw the evidence of her brother’s death every day when she looked at her mom. She felt it in the constant stress she lived under. In all the time Levi had spent with her over these last weeks, they hadn’t reminisced much about the good times with Cash. There had been so many. That’s what he had to remind her. Even though they’d lost him, the good years were what made loving someone worth the risk.
* * *
Cassidy would’ve been content to never step foot on the Cortez Ranch again, but obviously her mother had other plans. When Lulu had called and said there was a problem with the Jeep and she needed a ride home from the shelter, Cassidy had been tempted to get her an Uber, but that likely would’ve taken hours and it probably would’ve cost as much as her first month’s rent in Denver.
So here she was, driving down the familiar gravel road, doing her best not to look up at the meadow where Levi had told her about his plans to build a house or at the creek where he’d pulled her out and held her against his solid body…
The memories burned through her, leaving her heart raw, but she’d gotten good at flushing out sadness with rationalizations. Once she moved, she wouldn’t have time to miss him. Everything she saw wouldn’t remind her of him. She’d get a clean start, and maybe she’d finally be able to leave the past behind.
Instead of staying on the main driveway, she veered onto the ruts in the grass that led up to the backside of the shelter, where she wouldn’t even see the corral, and parked next to the outdoor kennels. She climbed out of the car and quietly closed the driver’s door before slipping in the shelter’s side entrance.
“Cass-a-frass!” Her mom sat on the floor with Sweetie, cradling the animal’s head in her lap while Jessa changed a dressing on the dog’s hind leg.
“Well, look who it is.” Her friend eyed her as she finished taping the bandage in place. “My long-lost bestie sneaking in the side door.”
“Not lost.” Cassidy forced a smile. “Just busy.” And yes, avoiding Levi’s sisters-in-law. They would no doubt have a lot of opinions about the whole situation, and she wasn’t in a place where she wanted to hear them. “So what’s wrong with the Jeep?”
Lulu and Jessa shared a conspiratorial glance. “It wouldn’t start,” her mother said in the same fake voice she used when she talked to someone she didn’t like. “Strangest thing.”
“Mmm-hmmm. Okay.” Cassidy headed for the front door. “Should I go take a look?” Without waiting for an answer, she marched out the door and over to the Jeep.
There was action in the corral—she could hear it, shouts and the sound of stampeding hooves—but she refused to look. Instead, she climbed into the Jeep’s driver’s seat and tried the key. It wouldn’t even turn over. She rolled her eyes. “The battery is dead.” Obviously. The overhead light hadn’t turned on when she’d opened the door. “You must’ve left the lights on,” she called to her mom, who was walking Sweetie through the door on a leash. Jessa wasn’t far behind.
“Did I?” The surprise in Lulu’s voice was a little too obvious to be believable. “Oopsy.”
Cassidy scrambled out of the car. “You two are unbelievable.” Seriously! She should’ve known.
“I don’t know what you’re so upset about,” her mother said sweetly. “It was an honest mistake.”
“Could’ve happened to anyone,” Jessa added, batting her eyelashes. “But don’t worry. I’m sure Levi would be happy to give you a jump. I’ll just send him a text.” She pulled out her phone and started typing.
Lulu pressed her fingers against her mouth as though she was trying not to laugh, and she looked so healthy and happy that Cassidy couldn’t get mad. At least her mother was engaging in something—even if it meant she was meddling in Cassidy’s life.
She walked over to them. “Listen…I appreciate what you guys are trying to do, but things aren’t going to work out with Levi.”
“Why not?” Jessa slapped her hands on her hips. “You two looked so in love at Luis and Evie’s party.”
“You really did,” Lulu agreed with a sigh. “It was adorable.”
Oh, the party. That word was enough to reinstate the hot flashes Levi had ignited in her body. Of course, it had all gone cold the minute he’d told her he was riding again. “Like I’ve said all along, we were only having a fling—”
“Everything okay over here?”
Cassidy froze, her shoulders straight, squared, and suddenly very, very tense. Instead of turning around, she shot her mother a stern frown. They could’ve told her Levi was walking over. A little warning would’ve been nice.
“Oh hi, Levi!” Lulu purred. “Everything’s fine. We’re just having a little car trouble is all.” She gently tugged on Sweetie’s leash as though she wanted to walk away. “Maybe you could help Cass figure it out?”
“There isn’t much to figure out,” Cassidy reminded her mother tightly. She’d been set up.
“We’ll let you two handle this.” Jessa rushed to the shelter’s main door and jerked it open. “We really should get Sweetie back inside so we can feed her.”
With a guilty smile and a little wave, her mother followed Jessa inside, leaving Cassidy with no choice but to turn around and face Levi.
If the memories of Levi’s kiss had burned her, the sight of him standing there consumed her. Dust covered his body—the ripped, worn jeans and leather chaps, the heavy-looking vest he wore, the tanned skin on his face. His hair was tousled and sexy—exactly the way it had looked when he was lying next to her on the couch touching her and making her moan.
“So what’s up?” His stance widened, and god, he was manly and hot and so in control that she had to look away. Because the sight of him broke her control.
“The Jeep,” she croaked out. “The battery’s dead.” She decided not to mention that it was premeditated murder at the hands of her mother and Jessa.
“That’s it?” His head tilted as he looked at her. “Jessa sent me an SOS text and said you needed me right away.”
Shocking. “That’s it.” It took way too much effort to work her shoulders into a casual shrug. That so wasn’t it. There were other things she should say to him, words he deserved to hear—that she wished things were different. That she wished she
could be braver. That she would always remember how special he made her feel. But she was too damn scared to say any of it.
“I’ll send Tucker over in my truck. He can jump it for you.”
“Right. Great. Thanks.” Levi didn’t walk away. He simply stood there and stared at her as though he could see right through her polite pretenses. She dropped her gaze, focusing on his protective vest. “So you’re training today?” There was an edge to her voice, a subtle reminder why she had to keep her distance.
“Yeah. I’ve gotten in some good rides.” He said the words quickly, as though dismissing them. “You’re still planning to help with the rodeo clinic, right?”
“Oh.” No. Why did she find it so hard to say no to the man? “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” It was a terrible idea. If she had to be this close to him for a whole day, her heart would likely give out.
He stepped closer, and her lungs drew in a sharp breath in anticipation of his touch, but his hands stayed at his sides. “I could really use the help, Cass. If you’re up for it. We’ve got a full roster, and it’d be great to have a nurse around.”
Those eyes. Those magic, sad, hazel eyes. She was caught in them. “Sure. Okay,” she heard herself say. “I’ll help out.”
A hint of a smile moved like a shadow across his lips. “Guess I’ll see you then.”
Chapter Nineteen
You’re driving awfully slow.” Lulu pursed her lips into a knowing frown.
Cassidy glanced at the speedometer, which had barely inched up to fifteen miles per hour. “I’m being careful.” She nodded toward Theo, who sat in the backseat. “We have precious cargo today.” So there. Her caution had nothing to do with the fact that they were on their way to the rodeo grounds to help with the clinic. Where she would be forced to work with Levi for an entire day.
“The speed limit sign back there said thirty miles per hour,” Theo mentioned helpfully, while he bounced as much as the seat belt would let him. His mom had to work early, so Cassidy had offered to drive him to the clinic, and he obviously couldn’t wait to get there.
Unfortunately for him, she could. She should’ve told Levi she couldn’t help. By now, she thought the sting of his dejected expression would’ve worn off, but she couldn’t stop thinking about how sad his eyes had been when she’d seen him at the ranch.
“I heard Wilma Mackle got a ticket for driving too slow last week,” her mother warned. “You know how Dev gets when he’s low on his quota.”
“Fine.” She made sure both Theo and Lulu heard her sigh. “I’ll go a little faster.”
“Is there a reason you’re taking your time?” A phony innocence brightened her mother’s voice. “Are you nervous about something?”
“No.” That was the biggest lie she’d told since she’d informed Jessa and Naomi she couldn’t meet them at the Farm yesterday.
“When I’m nervous, my mom tells me to take deep breaths.” Theo strained against his seat belt and reached up to give her shoulder a hearty pat.
Even with the anxiety knotting her stomach, Cassidy had to smile. That boy had the biggest heart.
“That’s a good idea, Theo.” Lulu’s eyes were full of humor as she looked at her daughter. “Maybe you should take a couple of deep breaths.”
Something told her deep breaths would not soothe the painful ache that gripped her heart when she thought about seeing Levi again.
“Are you okay, honey?” her mom asked quietly.
“Sure.” Even to her it sounded hollow. She wasn’t okay. She’d tried to be, but truthfully, it scared her how much she missed Levi. She’d seen him only a few days ago at the ranch, but she missed his cocky smile. The way he teased her. The way he seemed to sense exactly what she needed before she had to say it. Not that she wanted to discuss that in front of Theo.
Instead of meeting her mother’s questioning gaze, she glanced in the rearview mirror. “What about you, Theo? Are you nervous about camp?”
“No way!” He scooted forward, both of his legs kicking the seat. “I can’t wait to be a cowboy! I’ve been practicing real hard.”
“I could tell.” She’d seen him outside in front of his house every evening, swinging his rope above his head while he attempted to lasso the deer statue his mom had finally bought at a garage sale.
“You’re a natural.” That was the main reason she hadn’t bailed on Levi. She wanted to be there for Theo.
Cassidy pulled the car into the rodeo grounds’ parking lot. Already, a short line had formed outside of the arena’s main entrance, where a crowd of kids impatiently waited to get checked in.
Uncertainty settled again, weighing heavy against her shoulders. “Hmmm…where to park?” She cruised down row after row of empty parking spots, pretending to take her sweet time weighing the pros and cons of each one.
“What about there?” Theo suggested, pointing. “Or that one! That one’s perfect!” Panic flared in his dark eyes as the car rolled farther from the main entrance.
“I don’t like to park right next to other cars.” Turning down another row, she kept a lookout for Levi. She hadn’t even seen the man yet and already her heart beat somewhere between anticipation and panic.
“How ’bout this spot?” Theo tapped her shoulder repeatedly.
The poor kid was obviously trying his best to be polite, but judging from the pained grimace on his face, he’d all but lost his patience.
“You know, buddy…that one looks perfect.” She swung the car into the spot a good football field away from the entrance. Before she’d even cut the engine, Theo had set himself free from the seat belt and bolted outside.
“You guys comin’ or what?” He danced around the car.
“We’ll be right there, honey,” her mother called through the window. Her smile fell away when she looked at Cassidy. “Now, I’ve done my best to stay quiet, to stay out of this whole thing between you and Levi…”
“Out of it?” She widened her eyes at her mother. “Really?”
“Okay, fine. I haven’t exactly stayed out of it. But it’s only because I love you, hon. And you seemed so happy. I don’t understand what happened.”
Lulu wouldn’t understand because Cassidy hadn’t told her much. During the last few years, her mother hadn’t exactly been her confidant, but that was starting to change.
Outside the car, Theo had impatiently started his lassoing practice, ensnaring a small wooden pole that marked off the parking spots.
Her mother waited quietly, obviously content to sit there until Cassidy answered.
It still amazed her how much Lulu’s face had changed in a few short weeks. Energy brightened her eyes again, and she’d gone back to wearing a touch of makeup. She almost looked youthful. Youthful and determined. Hope swelled in Cassidy’s heart.
“Levi wants more than I can give him,” Cassidy finally said. More than she could give anyone. She’d been giving for so long. She didn’t regret it, but she was tired. “And…” This part was much harder. “I can’t do it, Mom. I can’t send him off to competitions every weekend wondering if he’ll come back.”
She expected sympathy, a pat on the hand, but instead, Lulu turned to her almost looking angry. “Don’t do this, Cass. Don’t push him out of your life because of fear.” Her eyes flashed a strong warning. “There will always be risks. It doesn’t matter who you love.”
It did matter. She knew the statistics, the injuries bull riders dealt with, the high potential for something to go wrong, no matter how safe they were, no matter how much protective gear they wore…
“Hey guys! Are you ready?” Theo swung his rope in their direction as though he wanted to lasso them.
“Be there in a minute, buddy,” Cassidy called. The forced cheerfulness stung her throat. She withdrew the keys from the ignition, but Lulu grabbed her hand.
“Your father added so much to my life,” she murmured, her eyes misting. “Loving him made every experience more significant.”
That was it? Her best a
rgument? “But it fell apart. Dad left.” Love hadn’t been enough to save either one of them. Her mom had lost a son and her husband…
“I let it fall apart.” Her mother squeezed her hand harder—another show of the strength that had eluded her for so long. “After your brother died, I couldn’t let your father in anymore. I couldn’t let anyone in. He tried, Cass. Instead of grieving with him, I shut him out. That’s why he left. He couldn’t handle the pain of losing both Cash and me.”
That was what scared Cassidy. The pain of losing someone else she loved. So much could go wrong. Or the physical distance between them could be too much, too difficult to overcome. “I don’t want to risk it,” she admitted. The feelings she had for Levi already went so deep…if she let herself fall, she’d never recover.
“I understand.” Her mother let her hand go. “Trust me. But I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made. It’s so empty, sweetie. A life without loving anyone. A life without letting anyone love you.”
Empty. That’s exactly what the last six years had been. Empty and long. A wasteland.
“I would do it all again,” Lulu said. “Even knowing the pain that was waiting for us. I’d still marry him.” Passion echoed in her words. “Love can make the pain bearable, if you let it. I didn’t know how. I wasn’t brave enough.” Her mother turned Cassidy’s face to hers. “But you are. And so is Levi. You don’t have to settle your entire future right now. You only have to find enough courage for each moment.”
The tears Cassidy had been trying to swallow back spilled over. “I miss it,” she whispered. “Our family. How it was before.” She missed the security, the surety it had given her in this unstable world.
“I do too.” Her mom hugged her tight. “But you can build that for yourself, Cass. You can build it and hold on to it. You don’t have to make the same mistakes I—”
There was a knock on Cassidy’s window.
She pulled away from her mother and peered up at Levi. His mouth curved slightly when her eyes met his, like he couldn’t help but smile.
Renegade Cowboy Page 20
