Logan began grabbing knick-knacks from the shelves by Savannah’s bed. “And then I met you and Sylvie. That one night took away that last few things I thought I knew about myself.”
“Logan, if we’d known what it would do to you…” Dom began.
Logan paused in what he was doing, his eyes downcast. “I don’t regret it. I wouldn’t change any of it,” he said vehemently and Dom believed him. Then his voice dropped to a near whisper when he said, “I feel like I’ve been wearing blinders for my entire life and now they’ve been ripped off and everything’s too bright – too harsh. Part of me wants them back so I only have to see what’s right in front of me.”
Dom watched him carefully put the figurine he’d been clutching in the box. “What does the other part want?” he asked, refusing to acknowledge that twinge of hope that curled inside his chest. But Logan shook his head, the refusal to answer leaving Dom frustrated. He was finally beginning to realize that loving Logan was slowly destroying him, the wounds deeper even than the ones Sylvie’s death had left on his soul.
“I have to stay away from you,” Dom said softly.
“I know,” Logan nodded, his eyes studying the remaining items on the shelves. His voice sounded empty and hollow. “Find Sam. Please. I need Savannah to be safe.”
“I will,” he said as he left the room. His promise hadn’t been about Savannah though, even though he cared a great deal for the young woman. No, it was for himself. Because he wouldn’t be able to completely walk away from Logan until he knew the man was safe, so even if it took every penny he had, he’d find Sam Reynolds and send him back to the hell he’d come from.
Chapter 11
Logan was packing up the last of the items in the bar’s storeroom when he heard the raised voices in the alley behind the bar. He stepped outside and saw Cade standing toe to toe with Declan Hale.
“Fuck off, Detective,” he heard Cade say.
“Cade,” Logan called out and when the other man looked at him, he shook his head. Cade stepped back to let the other man pass.
Declan Hale was a big guy like Dom, but had light hair and his features were less harshly beautiful than Dom’s. Logan expected to see animosity in the other man’s gaze as he drew closer, but he didn’t. What he saw almost looked like regret.
“Can we talk inside?” Declan said, as he motioned to the doorway leading into the bar.
Logan nodded and as he followed Declan inside, he saw Cade walking towards them, clearly intending to follow.
“I’ll be fine,” he said to Cade as he drew near.
“I don’t trust him,” Cade responded as he reached for his phone.
“Don’t, Cade. Please,” Logan said, knowing who Cade was planning to call. The other man must have heard the pleading in his voice because he put the phone away. Logan realized then how lucky he was to have found a friend like Cade.
“I’ll be right here,” Cade muttered as he leaned next to the doorframe. He grabbed a cigarette which Logan promptly took away from him.
“Enough with these,” he said as he dropped it to the ground and crushed it under his work boot. Cade grumbled, but didn’t reach for another one.
Logan went into the bar and found Declan waiting for him just inside the main room, his eyes studying the darkened windows.
“Heard you were selling,” Declan said.
“What can I do for you, Detective?” Logan said, already on the defensive.
“There’s been some progress on your case,” he finally said as he turned to face Logan. Excitement went through Logan at the thought that maybe this would all be over soon, but that hope was quickly dashed when Declan said, “It’s not much, though.”
“What is it?”
“Once we realized the body we found here wasn’t Reynolds, we started to check with area hospitals to see if any of them treated burn victims. It seemed unlikely that he got out of here without some kind of injury that day,” Declan said as he moved around the small space. His fingers drifted over the bar that Logan had started stripping the finish from so long ago, but never finished.
“We didn’t find anything locally so we expanded the search. There was a hit in Spokane. A man with a badly burned arm showed up there at the ER with some story about an accident with his grill. They admitted him and treated him for a couple days before they realized the name and address he’d given them was fake. He also had some injuries that couldn’t have been from the fire. Mainly scratches on his neck and face and there was some minor trauma to his eyes. Your sister’s statement indicates she used some self-defense moves on him that she’d learned.”
Declan pulled a picture from his pocket and handed it to Logan. It was grainy, but the man in it was definitely Sam. “He took off before cops could question him, but we got some good pictures off the security footage.”
Logan handed him back the picture. “So you really don’t have anything, do you? He could be anywhere by now.” He couldn’t help but be angry, but he wasn’t sure how much of it was pointed directly at Declan for more personal reasons.
“I said it wasn’t much,” Declan grunted.
“Yeah,” Logan said, then stepped away from the doorway and crossed his arms, sending a clear message.
Declan turned his back to Logan again as if he was once again studying the bar. “She was my baby sister,” he heard him say brokenly. “She was all I had left.”
Logan was surprised by how much pain was in the words. He softened his stance, but didn’t move from where he was. “She was amazing,” he finally said and he saw Declan look over his shoulder at him.
“You knew her?” the other man asked.
Logan wasn’t about to discuss the circumstances of how he’d come to meet Sylvie, so he simply nodded, then said, “She gave me something I didn’t know I needed.”
Declan studied him and Logan wondered if he knew he was talking about Dom.
“She was twelve when she was diagnosed the first time. Leukemia. I took her to all her treatments, held her when she cried from the pain, carried her when she was too tired to walk, celebrated with her when she went into remission,” Declan said painfully.
“Where were your parents?” Logan asked.
Declan snorted. “The same place they are now. Overseas somewhere. Probably attending some party or political function. Being Ambassador to some hole in the wall country is more important than childhood cancer – especially if the prognosis for recovery is more than fifty percent.” Logan saw Declan’s fists clench. “They made sure to ask for prayers for their little Sylvie during their speeches though. Sent a nice big flower arrangement for her funeral too.” Declan seemed to finally notice how much anger was radiating off him, and he took a deep breath as if forcing himself to calm down. “It came back in her twenties, but she beat it again.”
But not the last time. Declan didn’t need to say the words. Logan felt a wave of sadness go through him at how much Sylvie had suffered – how all three of them had suffered.
“She was lucky to have you,” Logan said softly.
Declan shook his head. “I couldn’t handle it – not the last time. Not when the doctors told her there would be no more remissions. She was a rock though. Dom too,” he said. “I knew he loved her, but the things he did for her…” Declan’s voice trailed off.
Pain went through Logan at the reminder of the man he’d lost his heart to.
“The things I said that morning,” Declan began, his tone uneven. “I had no right and it was none of my business,” he said, his head hanging low with shame.
“You were looking out for your sister. Like you always did.”
“She would have been ashamed of me for how I acted – the things I said.”
“Declan,” Logan said softly and was pleased when the other man looked up at him. He hated to see the torture this man was putting himself through. “We’re good,” Logan said. “We’re good,” he repeated firmly.
Declan hesitated, then finally nodded. He moved past Logan
towards the back door. “I’ll keep you posted if there are any more developments,” he said.
“Thank you,” Logan responded and watched him disappear. A shadow fell over the doorway and Logan looked up to see Cade studying him. “All good,” Logan said. Cade nodded, then disappeared again.
***
“I changed my mind,” Eli said as he shifted uneasily in front of the door.
“It’ll be fine,” Dom said as he heard footsteps approaching on the other side. Even though he had two guys covering both the front and back of the apartment complex, he still kept his eyes on the hallway.
The door opened and Riley smiled brightly at him. He didn’t even get the chance to greet her before she was hugging him. “Dom, it’s so good to see you. I’m so glad you called,” she said, then turned her radiant smile on Eli. He had expected the kid to shrink back, but he stood stock still when she said, “You must be Eli,” then pulled him into her arms as well.
Gabe appeared behind her in the doorway and he felt Eli nudge closer to him. “Eli, this is Riley and Gabe,” he said.
“Come in,” Riley said as she dragged Eli into the apartment, the kid’s eyes wary as they looked Gabe up and down.
“Hey Eli, nice to meet you,” Gabe said as he stuck out his hand in greeting. Eli hesitated for a long time, but Gabe was patient and Eli finally shook it. Then his eyes widened in delight at the sight of the Pit Bull sitting next to Gabe, its long tongue lolling out of its wide jaws.
“This is Bella,” Gabe said as Eli dropped down in front of the dog and began crooning over her, just liked he’d done with Baby. He was seeing a theme with this kid.
“Thanks for keeping an eye on him for me,” Dom said as he watched Bella roll on her back so Eli could rub her belly.
“We’re so happy you asked us,” Riley said before she sat on the floor next to Eli and the dog and began chatting about how Gabe had rescued the dog.
Gabe motioned to the door and Dom followed him. “Sweetheart, I’ll be right back, okay?” Riley smiled at him and nodded.
Gabe led him into the hallway and pulled the door closed. “Any more leads?” he asked.
“They’ve identified another one of the women. She worked as a prostitute in Portland. I’m heading down there now to see if I can find out anything else. The cops couldn’t find any family so I’m hoping some of the women she worked with might talk to me.”
Gabe nodded. “Logan going with you?”
Dom recoiled at that, but forced his features to stay expressionless as he shook his head. It had been two long weeks since he’d seen Logan, heard his voice. And it was fucking killing him. Gabe seemed to be studying him, his dark eyes too perceptive for Dom’s liking.
“How’s it going with Raul and Trevor?” Dom asked, referring to the two men he had watching the couple.
“We’re glad they’re here, but it’s been hard on Riley. She’s still trying to deal with her piece of shit ex’s attack.”
The young woman had been lucky to escape with her life after her ex-fiancé had tracked her to Seattle and threatened her with a gun.
“Maybe we’ll get lucky and Portland will turn something up.” He turned to go.
“And what happens then? What happens after you find him and he’s behind bars where he belongs?” Gabe asked.
Dom sighed because he knew what Gabe was really asking him. “Things will go back to the way they were,” he finally said.
“You’re okay with that?”
Dom studied the other man for a long time. He motioned to the apartment door. “You love her more than anything, right?”
“Yes,” Gabe responded without hesitation.
“She knows what you used to do for a living?” Dom asked.
“She does,” Gabe responded.
“She doesn’t care, right?
Gabe hesitated briefly, then said, “She says it doesn’t matter to her.”
“Do you think she’s lying to you?”
“No,” Gabe said firmly.
“But there’s still something there for you. Regret? Shame?”
Gabe sighed and said, “A little bit of both.”
“Multiply that by a thousand and that’s where Logan is. How do I take that away from him? How do I give him back the trust that Sam stole? How do I convince him that what happened to his sister wasn’t his fault? That he can trust his friends again even though they kept things from him? How do I reassure him that it’s okay for him to have feelings for a man after a lifetime of only ever wanting women? What do I say to take away the guilt he feels for wanting someone whose wife of nearly fifteen years died less than three months ago? Tell me that, Gabe. Please.”
Gabe leaned back against the wall and remained mute, the frustration that he didn’t have an answer clear in his expression.
“Thanks for watching the kid,” Dom said quietly. “I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back. If he freaks out, use the dog to bring him back,” he said.
“Be careful,” Gabe said.
Dom nodded and left.
***
Logan watched the waters of Lake Michigan lap at the shoreline as snow fell softly around him. Everything was blanketed in white except for the green-blue water. He’d expected Shane’s parents to have some ritzy apartment downtown, not a sizeable Tudor style home north of the city. They’d had an excellent view of Chicago when they had arrived in Dom’s plane earlier in the week, but it had only reminded Logan how far he was from where he wanted to be.
When he, Riley and Gabe had gotten to the Seattle airport, he’d been stunned to learn that Dom was lending them his jet for their flight. It hadn’t even occurred to him as a possibility when Riley and Gabe told him they would take care of the travel arrangements that would take them to the Midwest to spend Christmas with Savannah, Shane and Shane’s parents. So when he’d stepped onto the luxurious airplane, it had instantly felt wrong. Dom should have been on that plane with him. He should have been sitting next to Logan as they looked out the window and admired the view of the snow-capped mountain ranges below as they flew east. It should have been Dom’s hand he clung to instead of the armrest when then plane bumped and shook as it touched down in Chicago.
But Dom was back home where Logan couldn’t hurt him anymore. He’d ached when Dom said he needed to stay away, but the man had been right. Their physical attraction was just too undeniable to even be in the same room together. And since he couldn’t give Dom what he deserved, it wasn’t fair to expect him to maintain any kind of connection. He’d hoped that the agony of not seeing or talking to Dom would start to fade if enough time passed, but instead it grew worse and he was finding it harder and harder to get through each day.
“Logan?” he heard his sister from somewhere behind him.
“Yeah,” he said without turning, needing those few seconds to try to collect himself.
“You forgot your jacket,” Savannah said as she appeared beside him on the beach.
He couldn’t tell her that the frigid air on the outside made it feel a little less cold on the inside, so he thanked her and took the jacket. As he shrugged it on, he felt her reach up to straighten his collar. He couldn’t stop himself from flinching away from her and he saw her startled look as he fixed the collar himself.
“You guys get the tree done?” he asked with a smile, hoping she’d ignore what had just happened.
She nodded, but blinked her eyes rapidly and he knew she was fighting back tears. But what could he say? How could he explain that he was so raw that one touch would have him coming apart at the seams? That his wounds ran so deep that nothing she said or did could fix them.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” she said quietly. He nodded and watched her return to the house. Darkness was just starting to seep over the edges of the cloudy skyline and he saw the Christmas lights that Shane’s parents had covered the house in light up and twinkle in celebration. The Christmas tree inside the bay window came on too, a plethora of bright colors and shimmering tinsel. He sa
w Gabe and Riley admiring it, his big arms wrapped around her smaller frame. Shane was there too, his arms opening to Savannah as she walked back into the house. He turned away from the homey scene and glanced back over the water. He wondered what Dom was doing. Hopefully Vin had made it home by now so Dom wouldn’t be alone tomorrow. But then again, Logan was surrounded by the people who loved him most and he’d never felt more alone.
***
“Merry Christmas everyone,” John Matthews said as he lifted his glass high. “Or Merry Christmas eve rather,” he chuckled. “I want to thank my lovely wife for this amazing dinner she’s put together for us tonight,” he said as he smiled at the woman beside him.
“And to Savannah and Riley for the beautiful job they did on the tree,” he said. He glanced at Shane before saying, “We’re so blessed this year to have you all here.” He looked around at each of them. “You’ve been my son’s family for so long and he couldn’t have picked a better one. We hope that maybe you’ll all consider us your family now too. And as your own families grow, we hope you know you’ll always be welcome here. It would be good to hear the pitter patter of little feet in this house someday,” he added with a wink.
Everyone laughed and raised their glasses. Logan took a sip of the champagne in the delicate glass that had been placed in front of his plate, but it may as well have been water because he couldn’t taste a thing. Food started appearing in front of him and he couldn’t remember if he’d put what ended up on his plate there or if someone else had. Silverware clanged as everyone dug in and he looked up and to his right to see Gabe and Riley laughing about something. He had ended up at the head of the table across from Shane’s father while Savannah sat to his left on the corner. Shane was next to her and he saw his hand close over hers briefly as they shared an intimate look between them.
He dropped his eyes back down to the plate in front of him and picked up the fork and knife. Then time just seemed to stop as his eyes focused on the sharp knife in his right hand. The light caught it and reflected off the serrated edge.
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