by Heidi Lowe
I gawked at him in open-mouthed shock. "You mean we can get drunk off other people's blood?"
He was lost to the world by then, fangs sunken into the soft flesh of the girl. She moaned with delight as he drank her up.
"You didn't know?" the other girl said to me. "That's why this place is so popular. Free drinks for us, and you guys can get drunk through us. Win, win."
How did I not know about this? Oliver was no doubt right – Jean didn't want me to know. She wanted me to stay ignorant and inexperienced, and "good".
"The effects wear off after a few minutes," Oliver added when he came up for air, blood dripping down his chin. "So you have to keep drinking to keep the buzz going."
Fleeting inebriation was better than none, right? At least, I thought that way. The last few weeks would have been a thousand times easier to bear had I been able to drink my sorrows away. If Jean had really wanted to help me, she would have told me about this little blessing in disguise.
I was still in wonderment at my good fortune in stumbling upon Oliver, when the girl smashed her lips to mine. I didn't open my mouth to invite her in, I was too stunned at her move.
She slid closer, and started peppering my face with kisses, gradually working her way to my neck. She felt young, inexperienced, the way you kissed when you were still in high school and kissing for the first time. It was extremely off-putting for that very reason. Besides, I wasn't interested in kissing. Not her, anyway. Every kiss from another woman only reminded me how much I loved Jean's, because everyone else's kisses were incomparable.
I felt my mind wandering as she pecked my flesh. And then my gaze landed on her neck, the vein that gently throbbed there. The pounding of her pulse beat shouldn't have been audible over the music, but I heard it loud and clear, just as before.
My mouth watered, my breathing quickened. I'm not hungry, I screamed inwardly. Why is this happening?
The fangs tore through my gums, and before I knew it I had pierced that soft, warm flesh, punctured the vein that had been teasing me.
She let out a long, low moan as her body went limp in my arms. The liquid that flowed down my throat was warm and delicious, more delicious than the cold stuff that came in bags. Like a week of desserts all rolled into one. I swallowed as much of her down as I could, losing myself in her. This was what I had been missing, this was how blood was supposed to be enjoyed.
The body in my arms grew limper and limper, but I didn't stop; I couldn't. I never wanted to stop taking, and taking, and taking...
"Whoa, slow down!" It was Oliver who practically tore me off her. I didn't know how long I'd been drinking. "You've had enough for now, I think." He was laughing as he sat the girl up, slapped her face to wake her.
Blood dripped from her neck and into her cleavage; her head rolled almost lifelessly on her shoulders. Only when her eyes, albeit slightly, opened did my heartbeat steady. Thank God she was still alive.
"I nearly killed her!" I shrieked, pressing a hand over my mouth. "I wasn't even hungry but I still couldn't help myself."
"No you didn't, she's fine. You just drank too fast, that's all. You have to take your time, especially with the young ones. Give her a few minutes, she'll be ready to go again."
I shook my head. "No way. I'm done."
I believed it at the time, I truly did. But within seconds of declaring that, the effects of the alcohol in her blood hit me. And boy did it hit me hard.
Getting drunk as a vampire differed somewhat from getting drunk as a human. For starters, there was no build up. I'd gone from sober to intoxicated in seconds, with nothing in between. Then, and most notably, none of the horrible side effects accompanied the feeling. No dizziness, no head weighing a ton, no spinning rooms, no sickness. Just pure, unadulterated intoxication. That feeling of being invincible, being able to float, increased tenfold. For the three or four minutes that my high lasted, I felt like I could do anything, and every care I'd ever had vanished into the wind.
When you experience something like that, something so profound, all your good intentions go out the window. I needed to drink again – from her or from anyone, it didn't matter who. I longed for that drunken mist to return.
The girl, foolishly and naively, allowed me to take from her again and again once she had recovered. I controlled myself better after the first go round. No well-meaning voice in my head could convince me that I was doing something wrong.
The house was in darkness when I got in that night. With just an hour to go before dawn broke, I'd cut it close. Oliver did mention that beneath the club were coffins, set up for emergencies, in case vampires left it too late to get home. Had I been alone in the world, truly alone, and didn't have someone waiting for me back home, I might have stayed, partied and drunk longer.
She'd tried calling when one a.m. struck. At which point I'd switched the ringer off. I didn't dare look at the phone again now to see how many more of her calls I'd missed.
I moved through the house without switching on the lights. She was in our en-suite bathroom when I entered the room. I sat and waited for her in the armchair.
She came out toweling dry her black hair, another fluffy white towel wrapped around her body, concealing the most beautiful parts of her. She stopped dead when she saw me.
My breath caught in my throat at the sight of her. It seemed she got more beautiful every day. Wet hair and water clinging to her body, she looked picture perfect. Out-of-this-world perfect. Heart-stoppingly so. I hated this about her as much as I loved it.
"Lissa," she said, surprised to see me. "I tried to call you."
"I know," I answered tartly. If she only knew how much I wanted her, how much my body ached for her, she would have seen right through my facade. I always wanted her, that was an absolute. She was always beautiful, and I always wanted her.
She came closer to me, and she smelled delicious and fresh. "Why didn't you answer? I was worried."
"I was busy," I said. God, she was so close now, standing over me, just a towel separating me from paradise. All I had to do was reach out and grab her, my girlfriend, and everything would be all right.
"Where did you go? The sun will be up soon. You can't stay out late like you used to. It would be danger–"
You know how I said all I had to do was reach out and grab her? Well, that's exactly what I did. I couldn't help myself. I pulled her close and buried my head in her stomach, wishing the towel would just fall and leave us alone.
I needed this woman more than I could ever express to her, or say aloud to myself. She felt so good, I didn't know if I could ever bring myself to let go.
"Oh, honey," she said, stroking my head. She didn't pull away, but deep inside I knew she wanted to. How could she not? This was just her going through the motions, being polite. Now that I was a vampire, now that I couldn't please her the way I once did, I had outlived my usefulness.
Everywhere ached for her, my sex was no exception. What a cruel fate to have this woman in my life now when I could no longer enjoy her the way I used to.
I let go of her and pushed her away, got up and turned my back to her so she wouldn't see how upset I was.
"Why do you do that?" she said. "Why can't you just let me hold you?"
"I don't want you to," I lied. "And you don't want to either. So let's stop pretending."
"What are you talking about?" She sounded genuinely distressed. All an act, no doubt. She would admit it soon enough, admit that there was nothing in this for her anymore.
"You know where I was tonight?" I asked, a mischievous tone to my voice.
"Where?"
I turned to face her so I could see her reaction to my news. "No Man's Land," I said with relish.
She just stared at me, not saying a word for the longest time, until she took in a deep breath and said, "What were you doing in that awful place?"
"Making friends. You know about it, then?"
"I've heard of it. Lissa, who told you about it?" Her face was serious.
"A friend."
"What friend? Another vampire? You don't know any other vampires."
"You're not the only bloodsucker in my life now, Jean."
"Whoever took you to a place like that can't be a very good friend," she quipped.
"I beg to differ. Only a true friend would tell me that I can get high from drinking the blood of drunk humans." I knew this little revelation would get a rise out of her, but I wasn't prepared for how much.
She looked at me as if I had just admitted to slaughtering a roomful of people. "Lissa, did you take blood from the source?"
"Is that what they call it?" I laughed. "Yeah, I took a lot. Turns out this town is full of people only happy to spend time with me, just because of what I am. Of women falling over themselves to please me, all for one, little bite."
"You're too new to take from the source. You can't control yourself yet. Why would you do that?"
"Because it's fun, and it tastes way better than the crap you give me in bags. Besides, did you not hear what I said, I actually got drunk tonight!"
"Lissa, this isn't the life I wanted for you. This isn't the way to do it. It's depraved and dirty, and you're better than that."
"Am I?" I shouted. "You keep saying that, but I think it's bullshit. This is who I am. What I am. Accept it."
I stormed out of the room. She didn't come after me. And when we retired to the lair for our long sleep, she didn't speak to me.
Maybe, just maybe, she had finally accepted it.
TEN
"Lissa, hold your sister's hand," my father said as he collected the groceries from the trunk.
I took April's tiny hand in mine so she couldn't wander off into the street. At two she was so curious about everything, and always wanted to explore.
In my other hand I clutched tightly, and proudly, to an A3 piece of paper with colored pasta shapes stuck to it, arranged to resemble the Statue of Liberty. The teacher had called it magnificent, and that had become my favorite word from then on. I kept using it, even on things that didn't warrant it.
I walked April up the driveway and to our little house. She'd been singing Old McDonald all the way home from school and daycare, getting the words wrong, and including animals that would never be found on any farm. It made me and my dad laugh.
"Do you want to ring the bell?" I asked her. Her face lit up as she nodded, and I lifted her so she could reach the bell.
Three long presses later and no answer. Mom was supposed to be home, just like she always was.
Dad came with the shopping and let us in. I ran through the house, calling my mother's name. Odd.
"Where's Mom?" I said when I returned to my dad.
"Who knows?" he said, and didn't seem to care that she wasn't there. "She'll turn up at some point."
An hour later, when he went to their bedroom and realized her things were gone, I heard the loudest, angriest curse words coming from the room, and things smashing.
"Your mother's gone," he said to us later that evening at dinner.
"Gone where?" He'd sounded so cold when he said it that I knew he didn't mean permanently. He couldn't have.
"I don't know, honey. I don't know anything that woman does."
That night, I dreamed of my mother. She was in her nightgown, locked in a house, and couldn't get out. She was calling to me, calling for me to help her, but I ignored her. I ignored her because I knew that if I let her out, she would come back home, and the fighting and arguing between her and my father would start again...
*****
I woke up crying this time, which, between that and screaming, had become somewhat commonplace.
"Baby, it's all right, it was just a dream." Jean's voice and arms around me had also become commonplace when I woke in this manner. "What was it this time?"
"I was relieved," I wept. "I didn't realize how relieved I was when my mother left. I blamed her for the fights."
Those first few minutes of waking from my nightmares, from my memories, were always spent in Jean's arms. No matter what had transpired the night before, what things were said, there was an unspoken rule that we both obeyed: if I had a nightmare, she was there to make it all better, and I would let her.
But then it would all be over once my nerves had settled, and once I remembered that I was still punishing her for loving me.
"Are you going back to that place again?" she asked me later, while I was getting dressed.
"No Man's Land? I might."
In the mirror I saw her pained expression as she sat on the bed, watching me. For the last week and a half since she'd found out about my visit to the debauched bar, that sinful paradise, she'd been asking this question every time I got ready to leave the house. If she could have physically stopped me from going there, she would have. But her only recourse was to make disparaging comments about the place in the hope that I would finally see it the way she did.
"Don't you know what people say about the vampires who frequent places like that? And don't even get me started on the humans."
"I don't care what they say. I don't care what you say, either. I'm stuck with this disease, so I might as well have fun with it."
"Will you at least tell me who you've been spending all this time with?" That was the thing that bugged her the most, I reckoned. I'd thus far managed to keep my friendship with Oliver secret from her, adding to the mystery. I knew she wouldn't have approved of him; heck, I didn't even approve of him.
"Just a friend," was my standard, unchanging answer, and I knew it irked her.
I heard her tut, then she stormed from the room. She'd been doing that a lot lately – walking away instead of arguing with me. Wasn't that a feature in all dying relationships? When a couple were too tired to fight, that signified indifference.
When she closed the door behind her, I sat on the bed and let the mask fall. In front of her I played the role of fun-loving hedonist who didn't give a damn what anyone thought of my decadent lifestyle choices. But deep down, I was crying inside on the days when the tears didn't reach the surface. I felt more alone than I ever had, more isolated. I didn't know who I was or how I was supposed to feel, and that scared me. The woman I loved could only see me as something to be pitied, not loved for its own sake. My place in society had changed.
My cellphone buzzed on the chest of drawers. I caught it before it toppled to the floor. My heart sank when I saw the caller I.D.
"Hey, big sis." April's voice was always jubilant and lively when she called, as though bad moods didn't exist in her part of the country. Or maybe it was just that speaking to me made her happy. This thought knotted my stomach.
"Hey," I said, forcing cheer into my own voice. This was the first time we'd spoken since my change. Before this she'd tried to call several times, during the day, getting nothing but my voicemail. Texts had thus far gotten me out of the tricky situation of speaking to her.
"Why can't I ever get you during the day? I even tried calling on weekends. What's that about?"
"I, uh, I work during the day. Some of us have to work, you know," I said.
She laughed. "I forgot, sorry. How are the animals? I still can't imagine you taking care of animals."
"They're fine..." It killed me to lie to her, but this was the only way. It would kill me if she ever found out what I had become. I would lose her forever. "Animals love me, I'll have you know."
I couldn't enjoy our periodic conversation. It would be a while before I did again. Listening to her babble used to fill me with joy, just hearing how happy she was, how normal she'd turned out despite our terrible start. But as she spoke, my mind drifted to images of her reaction at finding out what I was, at her telling me she never wanted to see me again, that she didn't have a sister, that I was dead to her.
"...so I thought that it was time to come see my big sister."
"W–what?" I jumped out of my reverie just in time to hear that sentence.
She laughed. "Well, I know you hate coming out here, and I wa
nt to meet your new flame, so I thought I'd come out there. How's next week for you?"
No! She can't come here! I thought, panicking. She can't see me like this.
It hadn't occurred to me that she still didn't know that Jean and I were back together, and that Dallas was history. I hadn't had the chance to tell her.
"You can't come here," I blurted out, a thousand different excuses running through my head as I tried to pick the most believable one.
"Why not?"
"Because...because I won't be here. Yeah, I'm leaving the country for a few weeks. It's an art thing. I don't know when I'll be back."
Silence followed from her, so much so that I thought she'd hung up.
Then, "That sounds like a lie. Why are you lying to me?"
"I didn't want to tell you this, but...Jean and I are back together." Given the circumstances, this seemed like the easiest truth to tell.
I heard her take a long, deep breath. "I thought you'd come to your senses, Lis. What happened to the other woman you were seeing? Denver or something?"
Dallas. Dallas was her name, and that bitch is the reason why I am what I am, why your sister is a vampire, the voice inside me yelled. If only she knew. Hilarie, my condescending doctor ex, who Jean had told me a little while back had been cheating on me for the duration of our relationship, always came out looking like an angel compared to the two women that had followed her. April would have seen it that way, certainly.
"That's over, April. She wasn't a good person," was all I could say without bursting into tears.
"And you think this thing is? They're evil by nature, Lissa. They're not good, and they're not people. Why can't you just see that already?"
"April, I have to go now," I said, but this time I couldn't conceal my tears. She didn't know that by hurling insults at Jean, at her race, she had inadvertently insulted me. Her hatred for vampires was so strong, ran so deep. I could never tell her; which meant I could never see her again.
"Lis, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You know this isn't personal. I love you, you're my sister, and I don't want anything to happen to you, that's all."
