by Mj Fields
Copyright © MJ Fields 2015
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of MJ Fields, except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976.
This is a work of fiction. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
1st Edition Published: June 2015
Published by MJ Fields
Cover Design by: K23 Designs
Cover Photo: Shutterstock
Edits by: Kellie Montgomery
Edits by: Asli Fratarcangeli
Formatting by: IndieVentions Designs
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Epilogue
A bit of Shadows
Connect with MJ Fields
Check out these other great reads
Dedication
This book is dedicated to the members of our armed forces.
Those on the front lines and the ones who stand behind, or beside them, supporting them in all the ways they need.
Thank you for your service.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU don’t want to get married again?” I am panicking. Couldn’t help it. She wasn’t gonna get away, I wouldn’t let her.
“We already are,” she says scowling down at the laundry basket on the end of the bed. “Look,” she holds up a pair of my boxers, “How much more married can you get? I’m folding your underwear.”
“Tell me why?”
She looks up again, “Because, the day I said yes, it meant something to me. The day and place we exchanged vows was perfect and that, Jaxson Irons, was our wedding day.”
“But on paper-”
“I don’t care about a piece of paper.” She sets the clothes down and crosses her arms.
“We need it.”
“So go get it.”
“Just like that, no big deal?”
“Jax,” she huffs, walks over to me, climbs up, and straddles my lap. “It was the best day of my life.”
She runs her nails up my scalp.
“I gotta fix it somehow.”
“The fuck pad. Take me there.”
I smirk at her, “Say that again.”
“Fuck. Pad.” With each word she rolls her hips into me.
“Again.”
“Fuck. Pad.” She does it again and I am hard.
“It takes four words and less than twenty seconds to get me hard, Frankie.”
“Fuck-” She squeals when I roll her to her back.
“Son-of-a-bitch,” I half laugh, half whine when I hit my leg on the bed frame.
I look down at her and she tries not to smile. “You hurt your leg?”
“You trying not to laugh at my discomfort?”
“I suppose I am,” she shrugs a little.
“That’s nice of you,” I say as I push her hair away from her face.
“That’s love, Jax.” Her voice holds a slight hint of sarcasm.
“Marry me-”
She pushes on me and groans, “Get up, fly boy.”
“Crash boy,” I stick my bottom lip out, hoping it will gain me some favor. Her hand slides down my back and under my shirt. She pulls it over my head and then grips my face in her hands.
“I’ll take you either way.”
Our lips collide and our tongues dance. They fucking dance like they know each other’s next move, because they do.
“Jesus, Angel,” I say looking into her eyes with my forehead to hers. We are panting and it’s only two minutes into a kiss. Two fucking minutes and I know my eyes mirror the need I see in hers. We are both wound so tight that it’s hard to breathe, “I need inside, now.”
I reach down, release my cock from my shorts, and shove hers aside. I rub my tip against her swollen, lips, and she cries out, arching her back. Her nipples are so hard they’re visible through her tee-shirt and I reach back to pull it over her head at the same time I ram my cock inside her.
She starts to fall back and I stop her, by holding her up with my arm at her back, as I bow my head, taking her breast into my mouth and biting down on her nipple.
“Jax,” she cries out and I pull her up as I pump into her over and over until I feel her tighten around me.
She is coming hard and I am so close.
“Come with me,” she whimpers. Her hands hold my head against her as she rides out her orgasm.
“Not. Yet.” I try to slow her but she isn’t having it. She grinds against me and starts riding. I can’t hold back, “Frankie, fuck!”
“Come,” she moans, and I do.
She is beautiful, she is my heart, my angel, the only woman I have ever loved, the only one I ever will, and she is all mine.
Her arms tighten around me as our bodies press even tighter against each other. “I love you, Jax.”
“Say it again.”
“I love you, Jaxson Irons.” She squeezes me tighter, “Take me away.”
I lie back, pulling her with me. Thinking of how much I want to do, just that, as my grip tightens and I listen to her breaths become less labored.
I open my eyes and realize we have fallen asleep. I roll her to her side, cover her beautiful tan body with a sheet and push myself up off the bed.
I hop to the doorway and close my eyes as I try to push down the regret that is causing my stomach to ache before making my way to the kitchen.
I grab the phone and dial my mother’s number; she answers immediately.
“We need to talk. I will meet you in twenty minutes, alone.”
I message Russ, who is still posted outside, watching over the place, to tell him where I am headed and ask him to come in when I leave.
I write a note to Frankie and let her know I will be back soon.
Both Shadows and Titan message me as soon as my ass hits the leather seat of the Mustang, one telling me I shouldn’t be driving, the other that I shouldn’t be going anywhere alone, injured and with so many unanswered questions.
I don’t respond.
I pull into the parking lot of the public beach I had messaged mother to meet me at and waited expecting her to come to me. She didn’t. She sat in the Town Car waiting.
Before I had met the Cruz family, I would never have even given a second thought to the fact that my mother, the woman who gave birth to me, was so cold. The next immediate thought was of Firefly.
I take in a deep breath, ready to begin what I knew would be the start of a war. A war that would change everything for me, for Frankie, and for everyone around me. I open my door, and get out, using one crutch to hop to her car.
The driver gets out and I make a mental note that he is new and to ask the men to look into him. As I get closer, I look at his eyes; they are cold, like hers, and like I am sure mine had been until Frankie.
He opens the door without a word and I climb in.
“Jackson, I am glad you contacted me. Now, what can I do for you?” she asks as she glances at her phone that sits beside her.
“Do I have your undivided attention, Mother?”
She says nothing; she just looks at me.
“I’ll take that as a yes. What you can do for me is tell me what it is you have planned and, more importantly, you can give me the truth.”
“In regards to?”
“My fucking life.”
“You watch your tone with me, son.”
“You watch yours with me and answer my damn question.”
“You know what I have planned. My son has been raised to be a man, a man who will someday run this country. Everything I have done since the day you were born was so that you could become the most powerful man in this country, the world.”
“Everything mother?”
“Of course everything!”
“I am done playing games…”
“This is not a game, Jaxson, this is your future, your life…”
“Francesca is my future…”
“Oh, this again,” she throws her hand in the air. Something I have never witnessed, a touch of control lost.
“Tell me what happened to our marriage license.”
“I am telling you I don’t believe for a minute…”
“That’s fine. I will go to Arthur Deveroux.”
Her eye twitches slightly. “Francesca Cruz-”
“Irons,” I interrupt.
“She is a distraction. She is nothing but a part of William-”
“Listen to me closely, Mother. Francesca is my wife. She will be the mother of my children. My partner in everything from here forward.”
“She’ll ruin you.”
“She will do anything I ask of her. She has given me-”
“You’re delusional-”
“You will answer my questions, or I will look for answers elsewhere.”
“You’re being-”
“Tell me how I ended up in bed with Mimi all those years ago. Tell me why I have no recollection of that night, and then tell me why-”
“I have no idea,” she spat.
“You are a liar-”
“How dare you speak to me that way!”
“It won’t happen again.” I reach over and open the door.
“I am not finished here!”
“You certainly are.” I step out of the car and lean back in, “I will get back everything you have taken from me, and if you try to stop me, or harm anyone I care for, I will take you down.”
“What is that supposed to mean, Jaxson?”
“You have been warned. Stay out of my life, and out of my way.”
I slam the door and hop to my vehicle. I get in, start it up, punch the gas, and peel out of the parking lot.
Never in my life have I had a home that I could go to when I felt this overwhelming amount of emotion.
Emotions were weakness.
I was stronger than feelings. Realizing now, that it was because the only feelings I had ever experienced as a child were wanting to be honorable, better than the average man, and fearless. I overcame my one childhood fear: alone.
When I met Will, I felt emotions. They were emotions that were projected. The love of his family that I had been able to experience, the loss of control I had watched weaker men exhibit and then a younger Francesca, when she became emotional. All of those feelings were learned, for the first time, as a young adult. All of those I felt like a bullet to the chest when I watched a man I admired comfort her, exchange hugs, kisses, obvious adoration and love for his family.
William was a strong man, who had a heart full of love, yet was not weak. He had a strong head on his shoulders. William Cruz, was the strongest man I had ever met. The revelation hit me hard at this moment. This wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time I allowed it without trying to erase it with physical exertion or drink. I absorbed it, let its truths sink into my pores and I reveled in it.
Because of William, I had a place I needed to be. More importantly I had someone who needed the kind of love I now realized I could have, and it would not make me weaker. It had the opposite effect. It made me stronger.
I pull over to the side of the road and allow myself a moment to let fear and regret mix together. I then allow myself to pull from deeper than I ever have before to find strength, the kind of strength William possessed. The kind that was stronger than fear and regret. The kind of strength that would help me face Francesca, who I promised not only my heart but the truth, regardless of how ugly it was. And it was about to become ugly.
As a man, I want to shelter her from these things. I want her to see beauty all around her. To feel that I am her protector, her provider, hell, I want to be her everything. Life isn’t a fairytale, I know this first hand. I have seen ugly, I have seen death, devastation, and caused a bit myself, for the greater good. These facts make me no less wanting the others for her.
But in order to win a war, you have to fight. Nothing and no one will stop me from winning this war.
Exhausted, both physically and mentally, I am going to go back to Frankie. My wife. The woman who, for a week now, has said Firefly’s name in her sleep every night and has hidden the effect of knowing my secret. A secret that I keep to protect the people I need to protect. It now burdens her, which pains me. But the revelation of how my Firefly is living burns; no not burn, it scorches my heart, my soul, every cell in my body.
I could have easily ignored it, knowing she was safe, fed, cared for. She was far better off than millions of children around the world. I could easily take comfort in those facts if I hadn’t seen her, and if I hadn’t recently been shown what love is. Protecting her from my family, from Mimi’s family, was no longer the mission. Loving her regardless of its cost seemed far more important. But I am a smart man, logical, even when I allow my heart to come out and play. I had to be damn sure I could keep her and Frankie safe. I had to be damn sure I could love them the way my angel loved me.
Frankie needs to be prepared; she is strong, we are strong, we can do this.
I look down and see three missed calls and a text message.
Angel.
I throw the vehicle into drive and head towards home as a calm begins to blanket me, a calm that only a soldier knows is needed when faced with battle, a calm that only she can bring when I am the one starting the war.
I WAKE UP FROM YET another dream of Lily, Jaxson’s Firefly. She is constantly there. Even while I sleep, I think about the day I discovered Jaxon was a father. It plays over and over again in my head, like a movie reel.
“But now that you know about her, you’ve seen her, how can you just walk away?”
“To keep you safe. To keep Mimi safe, to keep peace, Frankie.” He slammed his fist on the table. “For the greater god damned good!”
“She’s your child, Jaxson.”
“She has parents, Frankie, she wears a little pink tutu, she smiles, she’s polite, and she’s happy. What the hell can I offer that is more than that?”
“Her parents travel the world, she’s raised by a nanny, she goes to a private school; she’s been in three different schools in two years. She has dyslexia, she struggles with friends, is being tested by shrink after shrink because they are trying to decide what they can do for her to help her socially, but whenever someone gets close to discovering what could help her, they move schools.”
“What are you talking about? What is she talking about?” He looked at Titan and Shadows.
I started talking, “Her parents get a large deposit every month through an online company they run. They supposedly sell medical supplies. The woman you saw her with is a nanny, the third in two years.”
“And what do I do? Go to Canada and say, this little one is mine and snatch her up? Bring her here and say, ‘hey kid, I’m your dad and your grandparents are thugs, but because they have money they get away with it and will be running the state of
Virginia soon?’ I mean think about it, Frankie, she’s better off without me in her life.”
“You’re more than capable, Jaxson.”
I snapped at him because I knew he was. I knew it better than anyone. The look of disappointment that crossed his face caused me to realize, immediately, that I never wanted to see that look again.
After pouring myself a cup of coffee I asked Titan and Shadows to leave us. Then I sat down at the table and looked at Jax.
“Jax, she needs you.”
“Frankie, she won’t be safe, she -”
“She’s not safe now. You and I got married, that made her unsafe. Mimi is a loose cannon, I read the messages between the two of you-”
“You got in my phone?”
“Yes, I did. Get pissed all you want, you asked for answers and I was trying to help.”
“And how did the snooping work out for you, Frankie? The way you are looking at me, the way you feel about me now.”
“The way I feel, Jaxson, I’m pissed that you hid things from me. I’m pissed that you didn’t trust me-”
“I was trying to keep you safe.”
“And I’m pissed that I understand that. But, Jax, if anyone can keep that little girl safe and loved-”
“No. She is better off without me.”
“Fine.” I didn’t want to push him. Admittedly, he wasn’t good at the emotions he was just now allowing himself to feel.
“What does ‘fine’ mean?” He stood, looking at me intently.
“It means your mind is made up. It means it doesn’t matter what I think, it means-”
“Are you going to leave me? Cause I swear to Christ, Frankie-”
“I’m not going anywhere. My vows mean something, Jax. Let’s see if yours do.”
“You know they do.”
We sat looking at each other. I was trying to mask my emotions, but I wasn’t as good at it as he was. “We will get through this together, Frankie.”
It was more a question than a statement. But my answer was yes, yes we would. My private plea was that he would come to the decision to do what’s right by her on his own. That he would believe he was more than a soldier and more capable of loving someone other than me.
