by Mj Fields
I look over when I hear a door shut.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Lily says, rubbing her eyes
Frankie gets up and holds out her hand, “I’ll snuggle with you in our bed.”
“Can you snuggle in mine?” Lily yawns.
“Of course.” Lily walks over and takes her hand. “Ms. Sanchez, this is Lily Irons. Jaxson’s and my daughter.”
In Lily’s half asleep state, she smiles and holds out her hand, “Nice to meet you.”
“Very nice to meet you, too.” Maria smiles back at Lily.
When they are in the room, I look down. Frankie just called her our daughter, called her by the name that appears on the paperwork we filed making us her legal guardians, her parents.
“She is beautiful,” Maria says bringing me back to the here and now.
“She’s been through a lot. We’ll make sure she is okay.”
“I don’t doubt that at all.”
“My wife, that little girl-”
“Your little girl,” she interrupts.
I nod and smile, “My little girl.”
She gives me a moment to revel in the realization.
“I won’t put them in danger.”
“I will help make sure she never is.”
I study her for a moment. She still has more she isn’t telling me, she knows I know this, too.
“I’m adopted. Lived in an orphanage in Brazil until I was five. My parents and grandparents saved me. Four or five more years and I would have been put in situations that are unimaginable. I promise, she will be sheltered from as much of this storm as she can be.”
“White grandfather,” I nod.
“Bigoted five percent.”
“Hmm,” I nod.
“Frankie is the reason I’m here.”
“Well, we have something in common then. But not all Republicans are-”
“I know this. Just a secondary reason for me. Personal.”
~*~
The next day, Frankie is sick. Lily is concerned, so after very little convincing, Frankie allows me to share the news with her. She also realized last night was the first time she had called Lily her daughter, so we decide to show her the copy of the paperwork proving it true.
“So yes, Lily, you are ours and we are yours. You are our first child, and you will be a sister to the one growing in Frankie’s belly,” I tell her.
“How many babies do you two want?” she asks curiously.
“How many siblings do you want?” Frankie asks.
“A lot,” she grins.
At around noon, I get a message from Mother. She is on her way over. I tell her not to bother.
Half an hour later, she is walking in the door and I am on the couch with Frankie and Lily, who is snuggled against her. We are watching a movie.
I look up, “Mother, nice to see you; have a seat.”
She looks at me, then at Frankie who has been asleep for a while or she’s faking it; I wouldn’t blame her if she was. Then she looks at Lily.
“How very domestic,” she mumbles as she sits.
“Lily, this is my mother, Helen. Helen this is my daughter, Lily.”
Lily smiles at me and waves hello with her bear’s hand.
“Lily, could my son and I have a moment alone, please?”
The way she speaks to her pisses me off. “Okay,” Lily says quietly.
“No Lily,” I try holding my temper. She looks at me confused, “The movie isn’t over yet. If Mother wants to watch with us, she can. I did tell her I was busy. She obviously didn’t listen. This is our time. You sit still, watch the movie.” She looks at me with no less confusion. “Family is important.”
“Okay.”
I look at my mother and her glacier stare is no less harsh.
“How long until it’s over?”
“Not sure. Why, you have somewhere to be?”
“I’m sorry about your husband,” Lily says, interrupting me.
“Thank you, Lily,” she says and looks down.
“This movie is good,” she says and settles back.
Frankie opens her eyes and then looks at Mother. “Oh, oh I didn’t realize-”
“We’re supposed to watch the movie,” Lily says.
“Right,” Frankie nods.
Lily looks between my mother and Frankie. “So, you must be excited about becoming a grandmother again.”
Frankie’s eyes widen and I look at Mother. I give her a look, one that says this is it, you bitch. Show me what you are made of.
“Things have been very busy, Lily. I haven’t really had time to let it all settle in.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault, Firefly.” I watch Mother, waiting for her to dare say anything more.
“He’s right. It’s not.”
“We can pause the movie?” She looks at me.
“We really don’t have to,” I smile at her.
“There’s a button to make it stop. I have to go to the bathroom.”
“I do too,” Frankie hands Lily the remote. “I don’t think Jax realized about the button. We don’t get to do this often at all. You wanna show us?”
“Sure, right here.”
Once the movie is paused, they leave us alone.
“You have however long it takes for the two of them to get back here.”
“She’s pregnant?”
“You suspected it already.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, Mother, otherwise Lily wouldn’t know. Now, what do you want?”
“Maria Sanchez. She interviewed Arthur-”
I interrupt, “Interesting, she interviewed us as well.”
“So we heard. She knows about Lily.”
“She saw us coming out of the hotel. I was going to try to keep things quiet for a while, for Lily to adjust. I won’t lie about her.”
“You made him appear to be a liar.”
“She dug, Mother, I simply said he had suffered a loss. I also said he chose to do what is best for Lily and that Mimi hid this; Arthur wasn’t painted by me as a liar, even though I know better.”
“If she digs-”
“Reporters dig. Mimi was mentally unstable. Something you didn’t give a shit to share with me.”
“We had no choice, you were dating her.”
“My wife, her? Yes, and I made that clear.” She looks around, angry. “You did that to cover your lies. Your lies to Father, to me, to everyone else.”
“Now you wait a minute-”
“No, you wait a fucking minute. I covered your ass, his ass, and you come over here acting like-”
I stop when I see Lily and Frankie walk out.
“Conversation over,” I whisper. “Come on ladies, let’s watch, whatever this movie is.
“Annie,” both Frankie and Lily say at the same time.
THERE WAS ONLY FIFTEEN MINUTES left in the movie. Fifteen minutes where I sat and felt the weight of that woman’s eyes on me. Fifteen minutes that I didn’t care because for fifteen minutes, Lily got to see a little girl who came from a horrible situation have a happily ever after that every little girl dreams of.
When the movie is over, Helen Irons stands, and Jax looks at Lily and smiles. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to walk Granny Irons out the door.”
The look on her face is priceless. If I had a camera, I would take a picture, maybe two.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Lily,” she says.
“You too.” Lily smiles and looks up at me.
I give her a wink, “Shells?”
“Yes, please.”
“Be right back, ladies,” Jax says as he hops with one crutch to the door.
As soon as we walk out, my mom looks at me and Dad scoops Lily up, “Tides out, if we hurry we can find some crabs.”
“Eww,” Lily laughs.
I look at Mom, “That woman-”
“Granny Irons,” I say in the same obnoxious manner Jax had. We both cover our mouths and laugh.
A
fter I recover, I take my phone out of my pocket and send Maria a text telling her about the visit. She replies that she’ll get back to me.
Mom and I walk down to the beach and I take a few pictures on my cell phone. I try to stay present but I am concerned with what Jaxson is dealing with right this very moment.
I know he isn’t alone. Someone is always outside and I take comfort in knowing Helen Irons is more than likely aware of this, too.
I take more pictures and then I see Lily through the screen and she looks like she is struggling with something.
“You okay, Lily?”
“Yes, I, um, can I call you Mom or Frankie?”
I wasn’t prepared for that. I wasn’t prepared for the fact that I would be so affected. I can’t even speak. I look to my mom and she is just as emotional as I am.
“What do you want to call her, Lily?” My father steps in and saves the day. “Because you’ll have to call me Grandpa or-”
“Abuelo,” she smiles shyly.
“And your grandma, Abuela.”
“Is that okay?” She shrugs.
“More than okay, dulca nina.” He smiles, “Much more than okay.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Sweet girl,” he pulls her into a hug and I click and click and click.
“Mama,” I say as I laugh through my tears.
She looks up immediately, “Mama.”
“You better come and hug me,” I say as she makes her way to me. “I love you, Lily.”
“Thank you.” As much as I want to hear her say it in return, I know that things will only get better, and each day she seems more comfortable. When she pulls back, she whispers, “Jaxson isn’t Spanish.”
“No, he’s not.”
“Will, my father was?”
“Yes.”
“So he can be called Papa? If I want to talk about him, he can be called that, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“I want to know about him.”
“I want you to know about him.”
“And Jax, he can be Dad?”
“Yes, Lily, he can be.”
“He is on those papers and you are Mother, right?” I nod. “Okay. Do you think it will be okay with him?”
“I know it will be.”
I look up as Jax walks out, “You all wanna head out and make some memories at a different location tomorrow?”
“A vacation, Lily. You want to go on a vacation?”
“If you are. I mean, it will be all of us right?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“We need to pack,” Mom says.
“I’ll help you, Abuela.” Lily smiles and my mother melts.
“Oh sweet, sweet girl, you just made me the happiest woman in the world.”
~*~
“You read to Lily tonight. I’m going to have Maria come over.” He kisses my head and turns to walk away.
“Hold up there, Jaxson. You wanna tell me what’s going on?”
“Not sure yet. After telling me she wasn’t a granny, I told her in name only. She said if she had to carry that hideous name, I better be prepared for her to be around more. Then I told her I was endorsing Smith.”
“You didn’t,” I gasp.
“It’s going to be on the news tonight anyway, and it felt pretty damn good to piss her off.”
“Jaxson,” I shake my head. “You have to be a little less hot-headed.”
“That woman’s presence pushes buttons, Frankie; I can’t help it.”
“You better call Smith and give him the heads up.”
“Already did, he told me I was an ass,” he smirks. “But he and his wife are going to join us tomorrow at the cabin. Strategy planning.”
“Vacation?” I remind him.
“After bed, we plan.”
“After she was in bed, I planned to have you to myself.”
“I’ll tell him not to come.”
“No, it needs to happen. It’ll also be good for Lily to get used to him.”
“Agreed. But make no mistake, Angel, there will be plenty of time to do whatever you want with me.”
I am in Lily’s room packing while Jaxson is on the phone, via flashlight, when my phone chimes. I see a message from Mary asking me to call her.
I reply to give me ten minutes.
When Lily’s bag is packed I walk out; Jax looks at me and covers the mic on his phone, “Everything okay?”
“Lily is packed, I’m going to pack us while I return Mary’s call.”
“You should see if the two of them want to come up. Maria mentioned wanting to meet them.”
“Good idea,” I say as I walk over and kiss him. “Love you.”
“Again,” he whispers.
“I love you, Jax.”
~*~
“Everything okay?” I ask when Mary answers the phone.
“No. I mean yes and no.”
“Okay. What’s going on?” I ask and then it hits me, “Shadows?”
“Please don’t tell Jax. I mean anyone, but especially Jax. Frankie, I-”
“Jax will kill him,” I groan as I flop back on the bed.
“I think Jax will kill me if he knows I’m upsetting you. God, you’re pregnant, wow. I mean, really, wow. I am so happy for you and-”
“Deflecting. Let’s hear it.”
“I don’t know-”
“Did you sleep with him?”
“No, but yes, like-”
“Oh, Mary,” I sigh.
“No sex. God, he was drunk-”
“Please don’t tell me he couldn’t get it up. And if he couldn’t please understand that I am going to ride his ass so hard-”
“That’s not what I’m saying. We slept together. No sex, but other things.”
“Other things? Did you want those other things to happen?”
“I have a boyfriend,” she whispers.
“Shadows knows that, too. What an asshole.”
“No, Frankie, I’m the asshole. He is single. I’m not. You know what, forget I called-”
“No-”
“Please, I shouldn’t have called.”
“You need to talk or you wouldn’t have called me.”
She is quiet for a moment. “I just. He left me with a lot to think about. He also left and even though I have no right to ask this and please, please, please, don’t tell Jax, but I need to know he’s okay.”
“Do you love your boyfriend?”
“Yes. I love our relationship.”
“Mary, that’s not what I asked.”
“I just want him to be okay. I just want to know that he’s okay.”
“Did he leave on good terms?”
“He left before I was awake.”
“What a dick!”
“No, he left a note.”
“A note?”
“Yes. ‘Thanks for last night, Little Lamb. Perfect send off. Much appreciation. Be true to yourself.’ He signs it, Oh God! Joking, in parentheses and then just his name, Shadows.” I hear her crinkle up paper and sigh.
“Oh God?” I ask, then pause, “Oh, oh. Mary, spill it.”
“Frankie, I can’t. Just please let me know when you hear from him. I just want to know he’s okay, and another thing, I don’t want him to know.”
“You can talk to me.”
“But can I trust you?”
“Of course you can. That’s a silly question.”
“I know. I know.” She sighs again.
“Look, Jax and I are going back up to the cabin. He asked me to invite you and Renee. It will be a cross between work and strategy. Come. We can talk about it, or we don’t have to. It’ll take your mind off it regardless.”
“When?” she asks softly.
“Tomorrow.”
“Perfect,” she says. “I’ll talk to Renee.”
“Okay. We will have someone come pick you two up. I’ll text you.”
“Who?”
“Not sure. Someone who looks totally sketchy and scary and i
s both, but totally harmless to you.”
“I look forward to it.”
“Stop beating yourself up, get some sleep. Tomorrow night you can drink enough wine for both of us and tell me everything you can’t sober.”
“Don’t you dare get me drunk enough to spill it. I just want it to go away.”
“Gone, done. I promise I won’t bring it up.”
“Thank you.”
“No, Mary, thank you. Thank you for being a friend, I know it’s not easy.”
“It’s so easy.”
I hang up the phone and close my eyes. “I’m gonna kick his ass,” I laugh out loud.
“Kick whose ass, Angel?” I jump when I hear Jax. “Shadows?”
I sit up but don’t answer him.
“He told me he didn’t slaughter the lamb,” he growls. “That fucker was not supposed to slaughter the lamb. I swear to God-”
“Jax,” I laugh, “He didn’t slaughter the lamb. He just-”
“Just what?”
“Just, I don’t know? She’s not talking but.” I stop. “She’s not talking, I’m not asking? It’s a girl thing, Jax. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s weirdness.”
He sits down and looks at me.
“Sorry, it can’t be explained.” I smile.
“You are so beautiful.”
“Awe thanks, I’m glad you feel that way. You’re pretty beautiful yourself.” He doesn’t say anything, not one word but his eyes say a million. “Talk to me, Jax.”
“You are so incredibly young. I am thirty years old and you are twenty-four. I feel guilty every time I look at you and think, she could have so much better. So much less stress. She could smile like that for someone who doesn’t take it undeservingly.”
I climb up on his lap and straddle him, “You’re talking crazy right now.”
“The way you were on the phone reminds me of your youth and I feel like a thief, not a soldier. I feel like I stole that from you.”
“Jax-”
“I can’t give it back, I won’t,” he says. “God, forgive me. I will never give it back.”
“Good, because without you, I would be asking to get my ass beat so that I could feel-”
“Don’t say shit like that, Frankie.”
“I would. You know it just like I do. I also would not ever have smiled again, or felt love the way I feel it. I would not have just one, but two nieces, or a little girl who called me Mama today. My parents wouldn’t have grandchildren. Lily, Jax; Lily would not know love and-”
