by Caz May
Sensing I’m lost in my own world, Hunter comfortingly places a hand on my thigh and smiles at me.
“Baby, are you in pain?” he asks softly.
“Yeah, it hurts all over.”
“We’re nearly home. I’ll try to make it better yeah?”
He smiles again, and seeing the obvious love in his eyes, and loving the way he’d said home, I know he’d do anything to take away the pain and trauma of the past hours.
What happened was horrific and I can't change the fact that it’d happened and how it made my world literally come crashing down, bringing unbearable pain but I know I have to focus on the future with the gorgeous man next to me.
If I’m being honest with myself and how I feel about Hunter, then gorgeous doesn't even sum him up. Yes, he’s gorgeous, handsome, any of those words, but he’s more than that.
His amazing personality, his caring nature and his charm make him the total package.
He’s everything any girl would want and for some reason I can't decipher why he wants me.
~ ~
Arriving back at the farmhouse we’re eagerly greeted by Blitz. He turns his head to look at me as though he’s asking if I’m ok.
I’m not ok, but I will be once this whirlwind of a day is over and I can escape the physical pain by sleeping it off.
It doesn't seem like it has just been a day though, as time had ceased to exist for the most part of it and the sun still being up because of daylights saving makes it seem like it isn't as late in the evening as it is.
Hunter takes my hand, helping me inside the farmhouse as I lean against him struggling to walk on my aching ankles.
”How about a cuppa tea?" he asks once we’re inside and he places his hat on the stand by the doorway.
After his reaction in the hospital I feel more comfortable around him so softly I reply, "Sounds lovely and maybe some painkillers to.”
When in the kitchen he drops my hand and proceeds to make a cup of tea for me, waving at me to go and sit on the couch while he does so.
I stumble towards the lounge room, trying not place too much pressure on my ankles. The sound of the kettle boiling and the scuffle of his shoes on the floorboards are the sounds I focus on as they are sounds of being home, and being with Hunter is starting to feel more like home than being with Dante ever did.
Hunter enters the lounge room with my cup of tea in his hand. Carefully I take it from him and lift it to my lips, taking a slow sip.
“Take these baby,” he says softly, handing me two Panadeine Forte tablets. The tea seems to seep through my veins, making me feel as though things are going to be ok.
I mutter an 'mmm' as the warmth of the drink made with love fills my body.
Hunter has pulled up the ottoman to side of the couch next to me, opening the beer he’s clutching and sipping it, his gaze on me.
He has one leg on either side of it and his legs are spread. He catches me staring between them, and smiling asks me, "Taste good baby?"
"So good. I needed this for sure,” I say, licking my lips as I look straight up into his eyes.
Being locked in the boot and essentially ripped apart by Dante not even twelve hours ago I'd honestly thought I'd not be able to feel anything like how Hunter makes me feel again, especially so soon.
But he makes me want to feel those things just by being him.
He shakes his head at me in response to my tease.
"I'd love to baby but you need to talk to me first. What you’ve experienced today is beyond traumatic and I’m not going to do anything to hurt you.”
He’s right that I do need to talk to him about what happened, not just the recent events but the past that led me here.
I have so many thoughts in my head, tumbling around I don't know where to start, but I have to say something, as muddled as it may be.
I don’t want to remember the trauma, but I know it’s important to let Hunter in. It will take away some of the pain, verbalising it so it isn’t just in my mind.
"Hit. Me. Abuse. Rape."
No,I can't tell him anything. He won't love me anymore.
I close my eyes.
I can't do this. I’ve already gotten myself in too deep and now I’m going to spill everything. I just can't do it.
My eyes shoot back open though when Hunters hand brushes my cheek.
"It's ok if you're not ready, baby, but I really think you need to open up to me."
"It's so hard. I don’t want to think about it, let alone say it.”
"I know baby. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."
The tears sting my eyes then as Hunter looks up at me, and I can see his heart breaking for me.
He brushes my cheek again. “Baby, please don’t cry. I don’t want you to think about the pain now.”
“But…I..want to tell you Hunter.”
“Not tonight, baby. You’re not ready. I appreciate your teasing but I can’t take advantage of you tonight.”
The tears break free then, cascading down my cheeks as I look at him.
He’s so obviously in love with me, and he genuinely cares about me too.
“Oh Hunter i’m sorry, I just…I just…” I stutter, not even sure what I’m going to say.
“Don’t you dare say sorry Savannah. You have nothing to be sorry about. Come here, you need a hug,” he says standing up next to the couch in front of me.
Standing up next to him, I fall against his chest, his arms wrapping around me as I melt against him.
“Hunter, I…”
I want to tell him how I feel, but the words are stuck in my throat, the trauma of the day taking over.
“Don’t speak Savannah. Just breathe,” he says softly kissing my hair.
“Will you come and lie down with me until I fall asleep?”
“Of course baby,” he muses, slipping his hand lower towards my butt, scooping me into his arms to carry me to his bedroom.
I wrap my hands around his neck, feeling safe in his arms as he carries me.
Reaching his bedroom, he places me softly down on the bed, pulling the sheets back and helping me crawl in. He undoes his jeans sliding them to the floor, but leaves his t-shirt on as he climbs into bed next to me. He pulls me close to his side and I flinch when he touches a sensitive bruise.
“Sorry baby, did I hurt you?”
“No, no it’s ok. It’s just a bruise.”
He looks across at me. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this Savannah. I should have been there with you.”
“Please Hunter, I just want to forget about it, please,” I beg, snuggling into his side.
“Ok, Savannah. I’m here for you though. I want you.”
“I know Hunter. I want you too, but right now I just need to sleep and erase this all from my mind.”
He doesn’t reply at first, instead presses a soft kiss to my forehead as I close my eyes.
The room is silent for a moment, and as I drift to sleep in my half asleep state I swear I hear him say, “Goodnight Savannah, I love you.”
Part of me wants to open my eyes and tell him ‘I love you too’ but I don’t want to startle him, and I’m not ready to admit how I feel about him out loud.
~ ~
A couple of weeks have passed since the whole ordeal with Dante. My ankles have healed enough to not have to bandaged and my bruises have started to fade.
Hunter has been super sweet, asking me constantly if I’m ok, holding me close to him as I slept, comforting me when I woke up from nightmares reliving that day. At times it’s easier to block it out than others.
I’d bled for a few days, and once that subsided I felt a little more at peace with what had happened, as though that was a cleansing process and part of my healing.
Hunter had just been there for me, truly showing he cared for me every day and it was making me fall more in love with him.
Walking into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes I find him at the stove cooking oats for breakfast.
“Mo
rning,” I say softly, as I hug him from behind.
“Good morning, baby. How are you feeling today?”
“A little better I guess.”
“Only a little?”
“Yeah.”
“Baby? What are you thinking about?”
“Hunter, I’m ready,” I declare, sighing.
“Ready for what?” he asks, pouring the oats into two bowls, and handing me one with a spoon.
I inhale it, speaking softly, “Ready to tell you about my past.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, can we eat this in the lounge room?”
“Of course.”
He follows me into the lounge room and I sit up on the couch, crossing my legs with the bowl in my lap.
Hunter sits next to me on the couch, looking at me sweetly.
“Eat first baby, and tell me whenever you’re ready.”
I lift the spoon to my mouth, moaning softly as the warm oats slide down my throat. They’d never tasted so good and I know it’s definitely time to open up.
Putting the spoon down I touch Hunters leg lightly, looking up at him, taking a deep breath as I begin to talk, "Well, it all started about five years ago when Dante came into the bookshop where I worked. He was so incredibly good looking and he flirted with me."
I sigh, thinking back to how nice Dante had been when I first met him.
My heart lurches for a moment thinking that maybe Hunter will be the same, but I shake the feeling away. Hunter has clearly shown me already he’s nothing like Dante so I continue, "He kept coming in and after a few times he asked me out and he was really sweet. He completely swept me off my feet.” I pause, looking for some acknowledgement in Hunters eyes. He brushes my cheek softly, urging me to continue.
"He showered me with gifts and I fell hard and fast. We only kissed, nothing else and had been together for a couple of months when he asked me to marry him."
Hunter is now looking at me confused. I can't read the expression on his face at all. I spoon another mouthful of oats into my mouth, savouring the taste, but I want him to say something, so I let out a deep sigh. He knows what I mean.
"So he changed after you got married?" he asks me worriedly.
"Yeah on our wedding night, he took my virginity so forcefully he left bruises and scratches all over me."
"Oh Savannah that's horrific,” he almost yells in disgust.
"And then after that he started hitting me for little things like forgetting to buy milk, or dinner not being ready as soon as he got home."
Tears begin to trail down my cheeks. Hunter leans forward, wiping them away with his thumb and pressing a soft kiss to my cheek.
"Savannah I just can't even believe it, what your telling me."
"It got worse.” I start sobbing.
Hunter’s words comfort me. “Take your time and only tell me if you want to."
I do want to. Telling Hunter all the pain I'd been through just seemed to make it feel better.
"I want to,” I say softly, taking his hands and holding them with mine on the edge of the couch.
"So one night I got home late from a very rare night out with friends and I hadn't been able to tell him why I was late because my phone battery was flat."
I withdraw my hand from his and lift up my t-shirt to show Hunter the scar from my breasts to my hips.
"And he did this to me, telling me if I ever did anything like that again he would slice me right open."
There are tears in Hunters eyes now and I've only told him the half of it, nothing about how against my better judgment I put up with sleeping with Dante just to have a baby, but it failed time and time again, only to work through IUI. I need to tell Hunter more, as much as it will hurt him. His head is down and I touch his cheek to get him to look up at me.
"Hunter did the doctors tell you anything about what happened?"
"About when I found you?"
"Yeah."
"No nothing because I wasn't family."
He half scowls, showing that he’s angry about not being able to know what happened when he cares about me, but I get the sense that he knows something but wants to hear it from me instead.
"I was pregnant."
"What? With his child?"
“Yes, and the bleeding was from a miscarriage."
“Oh, Savannah that's so horrible. Why would you want to have his child though?"
"I don't know. I thought it would make things better."
He doesn't reply but I know he’s thinking I’m a little naive and stupid for doing that to myself amidst all the trauma Dante put me through. I know I had been, but I'd wanted a baby so desperately I didn't care at the time.
"And well you know what he did after that.”
"I don't even want to think about that baby.”
(37) Hunter
I was absolutely shocked at Savannah opening up to me about her past. I'd wanted to take the pain away before, to show her how much I love her, but now I feel her pain, like my heart has been ripped out it hurts so bad.
I can't fathom how anyone could do such heinous things to her or to anyone for that matter. I have no words I could say that would even begin to comfort her or take the pain of her past away.
I want more than anything to be her future and telling her I don't even want to think about what he's recently done to her only a couple of weeks ago is the only way I can help her block it out and deal with it.
I don't know all that happened but I don't need to, don’t want to.
I stand up from the couch for a moment to stretch, my shirt untucking a little from my jeans exposing the skin of my hips.
Savannah is looking straight at me, and lets out a little moan.
It feels wrong that after her ordeal her little moans are sending signals to my pants and I want to act on them.
To try and control myself I sit back down on the couch, looking across at her again.
"Are you going to be ok baby?"
I expect her to reply but instead she leans across towards me on the couch pressing her lips onto mine. It’s unlike any kiss we’ve shared before.
It’s loving, emotion filled and I find myself melting into it.
The feeling of her lips on mine sends warmth through my veins and I curse myself for wanting more than her sweet kiss after what she’s been through.
I can’t do that to her, so pulling back from her kiss I press my hands into the couch so as not to push her away.
“Savannah, are you sure?"
“Yes, Hunter. I want you."
"But after whats happened?"
"Take it slow,” She murmurs licking her lips.
She knows that drives me crazy.
"Oh Savannah you didn't just do that,” I tease.
She giggles and a delicious teasing smile spreads across her face.
I fumble with the hem of my t-shirt lifting it over my head before leaning over her and pushing her down on the couch.
Our bodies are so close, our faces just a whisper apart. I brush a stray hair from her cheek, and kiss it softly before I start trailing kisses down her neck.
In her ear I whisper, "Savannah you are breathtaking."
Her amazing little moan escapes her lips again and she grabs my cheeks in her palms pulling me to her mouth in a passionate kiss. She runs her tongue along my lips, forcing me to smile as I deepen the kiss.
I can feel the desire for her rising in my jeans but she doesn't flinch, instead she breaks the kiss and lifts her t-shirt over her head. I let out a gasp seeing her scar up close and the bruises that haven’t quite healed still dotted over her milky skin.
“Savannah, you're so god damn beautiful."
I begin to kiss over the lace of her bra, loving how her body responds. I continue the trail of kisses down her scar, kissing every inch of it until I reach her hips.
She bucks her body in response and I stretch back up to her mouth kissing her again fiercely.
Pulling back from our kiss again, I wrap my
arms around her waist, lifting her to carry her to my bedroom, like I’d done that night.
Putting her body down on the bed I lay next to her trailing my fingers across her scar.
"I don't want to hurt you baby."
"You won't."
Grabbing her again, she flinches when I touch a bruise.
"Are you sure baby?"
She nods rolling over to face me. She unclips her bra letting it fall off her body. Seeing her naked takes my breath away. Teasingly I kiss her nipples, loving how her body responds.
Pressing a passionate, heated kiss to her lips my hand wanders down to run across her hips. I know it isn't time to take things further, so instead I deepen the kiss, teasing her with my tongue. Just having her in my arms and kissing is enough for now.
Pulling away even though my body is aching for her is so incredibly difficult. She looks at me with a mixture of fear and lust in her eyes.
I know she wants me but after what she’s been through she’s scared and I completely understand. Her body needs time to heal and her heart needs time to let me in.
"It's ok, baby,” I say pulling her body closer to mine. I want so much to tell her I love her, and have her actually hear it this time but she speaks first, shocking me with her words.
"My name isn't Savannah Galison," she blurts out, turning her head to face me, "Its Trinity Haslett."
Her body feels tense in my arms when she says her actual name, but still I say, ”Well Trinity Haslett it is then."
She cringes, hearing me say it, like it’s a verbal reminder of her painful past.
"Call me Savannah, please."
"Is that what you want?"
“Yes, I want to focus on the future with you, not the past."
Her words make complete sense but a part of me is afraid that she’s still going to run away from the pain more.
"Promise me you'll stay with me Savannah."
"I will, I promise."
I press a soft kiss to her lips. The words I want to tell her are on the tip of my tongue again, but I keep my mouth shut, knowing she’s still awake and not ready to hear them.
I close my eyes, falling asleep holding her naked in my arms.
It doesn't get any better.
