“I feel like I can leave here satisfied, knowing the gods themselves scolded you for your treatment of me. In fact, I might actually be able to die happy right after I tell Adira this happened,” Layla replied with her chin in the air.
Ashni groaned, gave her offerings of her favorite sweet fruits by the oracle’s throne, and rushed out of the room before she committed unspeakable acts in the holy place. The sound of bare feet on the floor chased after her, letting her know Layla was right behind her. Danish wasn’t far behind, murmuring what might have been excuses or prayers for them. Ashni didn’t care. She was about to grab destiny by the balls.
Chapter Two
ASHNI FELT CERTAIN LAYLA told Adira about their visit to the oracle even though Adira didn’t say anything. There was just something in her eye, a glint that made it sparkle like a brown diamond. Ashni resisted the urge to pluck out said eye. Saniyah would never forgive her for blinding Adira, even if Adira deserved it, and she needed to keep Saniyah happy because the woman was a genius war engineer. Still, there had to be some way to get Adira to stop looking at her with something like amusement and pity.
“Are we going to get ready for the march?” Adira asked, standing at the bottom of the dais. Ashni sat on the throne, back straight, shoulders squared, gazing down at her as if that somehow made up for the expression on Adira’s face. Adira could have been a hundred feet beneath her and she was certain her friend would still be the victorious one.
“Isn’t that your job?” Ashni replied.
“You’re usually more hands on with this. What’s wrong now?” Adira groaned, as if just asking pained her.
Ashni growled. She refused to say it aloud. Everyone knew what was wrong, though. She heard the servants whispering. The only reason she hadn’t slaughtered all of them was that Layla kept her occupied, but she wasn’t sure how long that would hold. It was easier to slay gossipy servants than a princess with a tight control over shadows and darkness.
Ashni pointed out of the throne room. “Go do your job.”
“I am,” Adira replied, arms folded across her stomach.
Ashni narrowed her gaze on her general. Adira was supposed to be preparing their armies to storm the West in a much more permanent fashion rather than dancing over Ashni’s raw nerves.
“I have an idea.”
“About?” She doubted she wanted to know.
Adira looked at her like she was the idiot. “About your problem.”
“I don’t have a problem.” She’d be better when Nakia was by her side, but until then, she could function. She could lead. She could fulfill her destiny. The gods said so. Yes, it was in a snide way that only further proved she had done something to fall from grace, but she could fix that. She could. I am strong enough to do what I need to do without the gods holding my hand.
“Okay, you don’t have a problem. But, if you did, I have a solution that’s just crazy enough to work,” Adira said.
Ashni scowled. “What’s your idea?” Her tone was sharper than she meant, but it didn’t matter.
“We propose an alliance between us and Phyllida. For this alliance, you’d marry Nakia. It would offer them protection none of their neighbors could offer. Hell, even privileges none of their neighbors will enjoy once they’re part of the Empire.”
Ashni scoffed. I expected so much better of Adira on ideas. And then she expected better of herself as she dared to imagine Nakia dressed in teal, gold, and red robes with pearls in her hair as they bonded together at their wedding. Do you want things to go that far with her? She didn’t have an answer. I do know I want her back. “That would never work. You know how the West feels about women being together. Even Nakia thought it was impossible and this was after we were together.”
“I think the confusion might work in our favor. They won’t understand what you mean and I’m sure the King will think he can fool us. He won’t ask questions. He knows he can’t beat us on the battlefield. This would be the best way for him to avoid a fight,” Adira said.
Ashni rolled her eyes, more for show than anything else. At least Adira thought this out more than it seemed. “He won’t go for it.” Any other people might, but the West was set in its thoughts of what women could and couldn’t do.
Adira curled her lip in a sneer. “Can we at least try? You don’t usually give up this easily.”
“You usually have better ideas.”
Adira ground her teeth together. There were undoubtedly endless insults on her tongue, but she swallowed them, which surprised Ashni. Adira wasn’t one to be bashful.
“Say it,” Ashni ordered with a motion of her hand.
“I have nothing to say. Why would I? You’re not listening. I don’t know who you are and I don’t know how to approach you anymore. I get losing someone you’re close to, but what do you want to do with this? Do you want to sit here and pout for the rest of your life? Did it ever occur to you that’s why the gods were so snippy with you? You’ve forgotten yourself.”
“I know who I am!” Ashni pounded her armrest. “I am the Chosen One, the Sky Cutter. I command a divine power and stand by the greatness that was my father, our great Amir. I know who I am.” I am strong and I need to do something about this.
Adira blew out a breath. “The person you just described wouldn’t be sitting here, pouting.”
Ashni shifted in her chair and rubbed her palms together. She wanted to say she wasn’t pouting, but that would be a lie. Something was wrong inside of her, broken possibly, and she was all too aware what it was. She could feel it spreading, slowly, but surely and soon it would conquer the whole of her. If she didn’t do something about it, she’d lose herself and lose sight of the greatness she’d been chasing her entire life. Is this feeling part of falling from grace? I lose the gods’ favor, fall away from the light of Khurshid, and end up frozen in a dark pit of despair and inaction. She couldn’t live this way.
You don’t have to live this way. You decided you could do this without the gods. It felt like she was at war with herself. One part mourning, not just losing Nakia, but losing the gods, and the other part fired up to prove she didn’t need the gods. You can do this. You have the best people with you. Go take what’s yours. Command what’s yours.
“Do you think the marriage proposal would work?” Ashni found herself asking. It seemed like such a stupid idea. But what the hell else do I have? She could take her army and raze Phyllida to the ground. Would Nakia still want me then? Does Nakia want me now?
The question sparked up the other her. Why wouldn’t she want you? Her brain tripped over itself to provide more than enough reasons and the frost under her skin nipped at her nerves.
Adira shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt to try.”
Ashni grunted. “I suppose.”
“I’ll write it up. For all I know, you’ll offer the whole empire to Dorian for Nakia.” Adira smirked.
Ashni wished she could dispute that, but she felt like she’d lost her mind and she’d definitely give her right arm for Nakia. “Show me when you’re done.”
“Of course. While I work on that, do you think you could go make yourself known to the army?” Adira asked.
Ashni glared at her, even though she took the point. Adira made the point, Ashni took her point. Adira had neglected her duty long enough. Nakia wouldn’t approve of her behavior. She took care of military duties for the rest of the day. Her soldiers all seemed quite pleased, and maybe even a little relieved to see her. Step one to showing you’re strong will be appearing before your troops more often. She returned to the palace for the evening meal. Adira joined her.
“I have a first draft of the alliance proposal,” Adira said. She passed a scroll across the table to Ashni and set about finding some sustenance, wasting no time mixing chicken and rice on a piece of flatbread before covering them with gravy.
“Is that what we’re going to call it?” Ashni asked. She was more interested in this than eating right now. Eating had been hard since Nakia was taken. Her s
tomach refused her beloved sweets, especially apples, as the taste reminded her of her hellcat.
Adira took a delicate bite of her food. “I think it’ll go more smoothly than saying marriage proposal to people who don’t think women can marry each other. Where they get that from, I don’t understand.”
Ashni waved the comment off. “These are the same people who think women are inferior.”
“I wish we could just drop your mother off there and come back in a month. I’m sure those attitudes would change.”
“Right. Just leave my mother and Princess’ mother. They’d properly train the West.”
Adira chuckled. “I wonder why they don’t understand spirit bonding. I mean, my people believed in that before the Roshan Empire came in.”
Ashni nodded. “My mother’s people didn’t believe in spirit bonding in a romantic sense, but it’s because they believe marriage is about children. You go elsewhere for romantic involvement.”
“Your mother’s people also believed your mother could defeat your father, so I’m not counting on what they know.” She smacked her lips together as she took a much bigger bite from her food.
Ashni rubbed her chin. “Were they wrong, though?” Her father had been ready to do anything for her mother, including defying his own father. He willingly gave her mother power well beyond what anyone thought an outsider from the hills deserved. And you are his child, ready to give up everything for an outsider from across the sea and make her your equal if she’d let you.
“A marriage should be about balance. If your spouse doesn’t balance you, what good would your children be? How could you ever raise children who were greater than you?” Adira’s face scrunched up.
“You’re speaking from the perspective of someone who plans to raise her own children. You have to remember, not everyone does that.”
Adira curled her lip. “And those that don’t are disgusting.” She finished off her chicken, rice, and bread and started on a bowl of stew.
Ashni didn’t argue that. Her parents had raised her and her brothers, even as they were conquering and governing. The Roshan believed it was a parent’s duty to rear their own children, to grow them into the best versions of themselves. A child was a seed and needed to be cultivated as such, treasured as a precious crop, and tended by those who needed them the most to make sure legacies carried on.
“We’re off track,” Ashni said. She didn’t want to think of children, not while her kitten was so far from her. Would Nakia want to bear children? Does the West believe in adoption? She quickly shook the curiosity away, certain that path led to madness.
“Yes, we are. It’s very simple so far. In exchange for Princess Nakia, we’d leave Phyllida to Dorian and wouldn’t even need a dowry from him, even though I never specify we’d be taking her for you to marry her. A simple alliance. We get her, and he gets this illusion of governing Phyllida.”
“You think he’d go for that? He’d be a figurehead at best.” Dorian would see that. “He’s not the type to give up power so easily.”
“He has to know we can devour his darling city from the inside and out. I don’t care what type of army he fields against us or whoever he begs to come to his aid. We’ve got more soldiers now than when we went the first time. We have new weapons and better tactics. That was a taste. This is the meal,” Adira replied.
“Include the old numbers of our ranks. I’d like to scare him a bit, but tell him those numbers wouldn’t be used against him. They’d be with him, as we’d be his allies.”
Adira nodded. “See what happens when you start thinking clear? We’re going to get her back.”
Ashni didn’t say anything. She couldn’t understand why losing Nakia affected her so much. All she could think about was getting Nakia back, but she couldn’t think of any way to make that possible. What has that slip of a girl done to me?
Adira chuckled as she grabbed some bread to dip into her stew. “It’s all right, you know?”
“No, you’re going to tell me, though.” Ashni sighed. She was sick of Adira and Layla acting like they knew her so well.
“It’s all right to miss her and be miserable without her. I voluntarily leave Saniyah to go with you and I miss her every day, think about her every spare moment I have when we’re not on the battlefield, and use thoughts of seeing her again to motivate me. You had Nakia ripped from you and I don’t think either of you ever considered what you were doing together. You didn’t get a chance to understand what you had. That’s why it feels this way.”
Ashni cracked her knuckles for lack of a better thing to do. “This makes no sense.”
“I don’t think you’ve realized it yet.”
With a scowl so tense Ashni feared her mouth would splinter from her face, she glared at Adira. “What? What the hell don’t I realize?”
“That you’re in love.”
Ashni narrowed her gaze on Adira. “What’s this idiocy you’re speaking?” She knew what being in love looked like and was quite sure she wouldn’t dare do such a thing.
“You’re in love. I’ve seen it on you before.”
Ashni blinked, certain Adira lost her mind. And they think something’s wrong with me. “You’ve seen me in love before? With who?” She had never come close to being in love.
Adira had the nerve to wag her finger. “Not with a person. Never with a person, but an idea, a dream. The spark in your eyes when you talked about our great conquest, the hitch in your voice as you discussed your father’s dream. The way you waxed poetic about how we’d be remembered forever when we became the masters of an empire the gods would envy. You’re in love with this lofty notion of the world being Roshan and I’ve always respected that.”
Ashni kept a stony facade. Is that being in love? She held her father’s goals in high esteem, but she never thought of it as a love affair like Adira described. “And now?” Have I lost Adira’s respect? Just like I lost Nakia and the gods? Her stomach dropped. How can I do this without Adira? How far have I fallen if I’ve lost Adira?
A small smile settled on Adira’s rough face. “I respect you even more when I see the same look because of the princess. I know what it’s like to love a difficult, free-spirited woman with a mind of her own. I know what it’s like to want to do everything in your power for her. I want you to know we don’t think less of you for this. Well, unless you let it stand in the way of our collective dream.”
“Never,” Ashni vowed, feeling the cracks in her soul heal a little. She had to keep it together for Adira, for Layla, and every other person who followed her. The West would be theirs, even if she had to do it without grace.
Can you do something like this without the gods? Do not dismiss them so easily, especially if this is a test. The voice inside of her trying to hold onto her religion sounded suspiciously like her mother. She wouldn’t let the gods down any more than she had already. She’d just have to figure out how to remain in Nakia’s favor, if she was even still there, as they flooded the West.
“Then this isn’t a problem. We’ll get Nakia back. As I know you’d never rest if I lost Saniyah,” Adira said.
Ashni nodded. “I would never.”
“And as much as I would act like I didn’t need your help, I know you’d still help and I’d be pissed about it, just like you are now. This is why you’re not getting rid of me. Princess, on the other hand, just wants to see her sister happy. The little weirdo.”
“Leave my sister alone.” But, Ashni felt a smile on her face for the first time in a long time. She had people who would do anything for her, as she would for them. So, she needed to get herself together and let them help. Kitten, I’ll have you back…if you’ll have me as well.
***
Nakia lost track of how long she had been home already. The days ran together worse than they used to as she tried to find ways to keep herself occupied. She didn’t like being home. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Or maybe it never did and she didn’t know until she left and returned. But, if
this isn’t home, what is? Her heart knew the answer and her brain feared it, so she buried it under the strange smell of Phyllida and dreams of freedom.
More and more often, she stared at the horizon, waiting for signs of the invasion. The sting in her eyes came from the crisp autumn wind as she sat on her balcony, not the fact that she wanted to cry over her captivity. She wasn’t sure what would happen if Ashni did invade, but part of her still hoped for rescue. It was a miserable thing to be home and waiting for a rescue. Would I feel the same if Father listened to me and acknowledged me? She doubted she’d find out.
“Highness, your father calls for you,” a servant reported from behind her.
“Where does he want me?” Nakia did not bother turning around. She had grown weary of her father long ago. His questions about the Roshan were tiresome and he refused to tell her more of the man he promised her to.
“He’s in the throne room, your Highness.”
Nakia nodded, but didn’t leave her balcony, didn’t stop staring out where the sky met the land, green trees pushing up to clear blue. Never before had she wanted to be outside of the city walls. Now, it was all she could think about. Beyond those city walls weren’t only freedom and respect, but Ashni. Her heart fluttered at the mere thought of the warrior queen. When did she affect me so?
“Highness,” the servant said again.
“Coming.” Nakia sighed, putting her longings away. She turned, following the servant out of the room to her father.
Her father was on his throne, scrolls piled up high front of him as he read through one. The maroon and gold at his back seemed to mock her. For her whole life, she stared at those colors and never dreamed she could sit on a throne, could rule anyone, and then she met Ashni. A queen, a woman who beat her father at every turn, except for this moment. Ashni hadn’t fought him for her, but she didn’t fault Ashni. The Queen respected her decision to honor the agreement, just as Ashni honored the agreement. Her father never would do such a thing. Even now, as he worked, she knew it was some underhanded dealing to cut down the Roshan and manage to control more of Kairon than he already did.
Taming the Wind Page 3
