Nakia handed over several strips of paper to the priest. He walked over to the sacred fire and said prayers before he took a bowl to the goat. She flinched as the goat cried out when the priest slit his throat. The priest caught some bright-red blood in a small bowl and dipped her prayers in the blood, finally throwing the paper in the fire. With luck, the message would make it to the heavens and Felicio would care about her wellbeing again.
“If you pass your fingers through the sacred flame, the gods are more likely to acknowledge you,” the priest told her.
Nakia knew that, as the priests said that anytime someone came to pray, but she had never done it before. The thought of touching her finger to a fire so hot it burned blue never appealed to her. Yes, she wanted the gods to hear her, but she didn’t understand why she’d hurt herself for that to happen. Today, she didn’t hesitate. She shoved two fingers into the fire, expecting it to bring her great agony. Instead, she felt nothing.
“You should feel the gods touch you and a light come into your heart. That light is love and hope,” the priest said.
Nakia wished she could confirm that. There was nothing there, though. She didn’t feel anything, no better, no different, not even worse. It was like the gods had turned their backs on her. She wasn’t even worth their wrath. It made her feel beyond tiny, not even insignificant. Something even smaller than that. Why should I have thought otherwise? When have the gods been on my side? They gave me to a worthless father, who doesn’t even care for me as a protector like he should. Her time in Khenshu, with Ashni, and even meeting Bashira had been a mockery from the gods, a taste at a life that would never be hers. They turned to see her long enough to have a prank at her expense.
Oddly enough, what should have been more than enough to snuff out her fire, didn’t. Maybe some gods had laughed at her expense. Maybe Felicio was even one of them, pretending to give her happiness, but she had impressed someone divine. I can do it for the rest of the gods. I’ll show them that I have value.
“Thank you,” Nakia said to the priest.
The priest didn’t respond. She left, her servants picking up with her as she began her journey back to the palace. This isn’t home. What makes some place home, though? Had Ashni made Khenshu home for me? Ashni seemed to think so if she truly did propose marriage.
Ashni wants to marry me. Why? Nakia felt like she should be able to answer that, but didn’t, couldn’t accept what her mind offered. Her body felt it. Her heart fluttered. It was like she could float off into the sky, but the feeling was short lived as she reached her rooms.
Her father waited for her, and Nakia’s heart sank into an abyss. She watched him with caution, but she wouldn’t let him intimidate her anymore. He didn’t care about her, only what she could gain for him. Ashni cared. Ashni would come for her.
“Where did you go?” her father said, eyeing her with a narrowed gaze.
“To pray to Felicio for happiness.” There was nothing suspicious about this. What bride wouldn’t want her marriage to be happy? Still, she watched her father, waiting to see if he believed her or if she needed to try something else.
“Having children will make you happy. Being a mother will make you happy.”
She didn’t respond. She never thought of being a mother, of having children. It was odd. She should’ve imagined that as her future, as that tended to be the future of all Kairon women. But, it never felt like her future. She didn’t think there was anything wrong with being a mother though she never imagined herself as such. She didn’t know how she thought she’d exist in Kairon society without having children or getting married, but now she had seen the alternative. None of the women she met in the Roshan Empire were mothers. They chased other dreams. Hell, they had other dreams. Maybe she could actually dream a dream before she got to chase it.
“I was wondering why you think the barbarian queen would propose a marriage alliance,” he said.
Nakia shrugged. “Why would I know?” She brushed imaginary dust from her sleeve and maintained eye contact for a moment longer than was proper.
Dorian’s jaw clenched, like he chewed on that answer. “You’ve spent the most time with them. You should know how they think.”
Nakia arched an eyebrow. “Should I?” He was suddenly giving her a lot of credit, like he believed she could observe matters and piece together what was going on. Quite unlike him.
“We both know how observant you are, how you get into places you shouldn’t, watch things you shouldn’t. I know you did that there. So, tell me what you saw. Tell me why the barbarian queen would do this.”
Nakia took a breath. “The Roshan…” She shook her head. “Women marry women there. So, I suppose she’s decided just as you did with Caligo, an alliance. She’s not breaking her word.”
Dorian grunted and glared at her with such fierceness it was easy to forget he was her father. “You dare suggest she’s better than I am? I’m trying to save our people!”
“You’ve betrayed the agreement you made with them.” She had learned from the Roshan, from Ashni, how important a promise was.
“To save our people. Besides, what does an agreement mean to animals? You said it yourself, women marry women there. Even female animals don’t pair up. Do you think they even understand what it means to be allies?”
Nakia tilted her head. “Do you really want my opinion?”
He waved the question off. “Of course not. My point is I’m not breaking my word. I don’t know what that bitch thinks she’d do with you, but I wouldn’t let them defile you like that.”
No, you’d just let this creep you want me to marry defile me. He reached out and took her hands in his. His hands seemed to swallow hers, like he seemed to swallow her. She felt covered by him, shaded from the world. An unbearable cold overcame her, and she feared if he held her long enough, she’d die from the gelid numbness annihilating her very being.
“And what will you do after you defeat the Roshan?” Nakia found herself asking. The idea itself made her stomach twist.
Dorian frowned and stepped away from her. He studied her for a while, like a specimen in a jar, like he was trying to decide who she was or what happened to her, but she wasn’t sure why. It’s not like he ever really knew me in the first place.
It was a bit disappointing to realize her father didn’t know her because he didn’t want to know her. But, that meant he could fill in whatever blanks he desired and had no problem treating her any way he wanted. She relaxed, needing to come off as docile as she had been lately. She didn’t want him to come up with some new way to use her for angering him. Do not tempt him or the gods.
Dorian patted her on the shoulder, the motion impersonal and heavy. “It’s nothing for you to worry over. Focus on keeping your husband happy. His army, his power is a key to victory.”
“And how do you know he won’t turn that power on you after?” Nakia didn’t understand why her father got into bed with this man.
“Because we’ve agreed you’ll send your first son here to learn how to govern. He’ll be my heir.”
Nakia blinked. First off, the thought of bearing the child of Caligo made her skin crawl. If a simple gesture like him touching her hand felt like touching death, she could hardly imagine what it would be like to be intimate with him.
Beyond that, Nakia couldn’t believe how worthless her father’s word was. She never remembered him being such a liar, but he seemed ready to go to any lengths to win against the Roshan. And he has the nerve to think lowly of other people? Has the nerve to think basically nothing of me? She ground her teeth for a second, swallowing down both disappointment and fury. “Father, you’ve already agreed that Saffi’s first-born son would be your heir.”
He shook his head. “And Saffi has done nothing to help the process along. Barren undoubtedly. Useless to the end.”
Nakia held in a flinch as best she could, but felt her neck jump. This was frightening to her, for someone’s entire existence boiled down to having children.
Saffi was her older sister, Dorian’s middle daughter, and while she was practically a stranger, it was infuriating to hear their father dub her “useless” for not bearing children. She recalled her sister was well-read and elegant. Saffi had also been considered “unruly,” for arguing with noblemen over matters she always seemed quite knowledgeable about. If she were a man, their father would probably praise Saffi’s intellect and standing.
Instead, Saffi had been sold to people considered barbarians by Dorian and Phyllida and maybe even all of Kairon. Some tribe from even further west who wore animal pelts and painted their skin. Their king seemed to think marrying Saffi would give them legitimacy and her father bowed to that in exchange for a military alliance, as well as a claim to Saffi’s first-born son since Dorian had no heirs. Saffi seemed to get the last laugh there. I’m on that level and I doubt I’ll have even the smallest laugh. There went her stomach again. She winced from the pain.
Dorian gave her a hard look. “Don’t question my methods. If all goes well, our family will rule this land. I’ll unite the cities under me and drive out the Roshan.”
Nakia held her tongue, but it seemed like he needed Caligo for this to work. What would stop Caligo from taking all the credit? What would stop Caligo from turning on him? Phyllida was powerful, but it seemed like Caligo was even more so.
“Do your part, daughter.” Dorian took her by the shoulders and gave her a rough squeeze. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to be affectionate and botching it or if he was threatening her. Neither worked.
With those words he was gone, and she was left to mull everything over. She understood her father’s agenda, and she knew Ashni’s agenda. Caligo was a mystery. And what about Owen? He had found his way into her father’s inner circle, so there had to be more to him. She’d have to think on it, piece together what she knew, and see if the knowledge could help her in any way.
***
Ashni sat at her evening meal alone, eyes focused on nothing. Her closest companions were preparing for war and, yes, she had been more involved with that lately, but she was preoccupied with worry over the reply to her alliance proposal. When Adira entered with Layla, she knew the news was bad, could simply feel it from them. Gritting her teeth, she waited for them to report. Layla helped herself to food while Adira wrung her hands together, probably thinking of the best way to approach the subject.
“Dorian said no,” Ashni said.
“Beyond that. Spies report he saw through the wording and laughed,” Adira replied.
Ashni clutched the table, almost crushing it beneath her grip. Her anger spiked. “Laughed at me?”
Layla sucked her teeth. “What a fool.”
“Do they not call me the Daughter of Death?” Ashni said. Now, she was a joke to him for simply wanting to marry his daughter. Is this also from the gods? They’ve turned you from the Chosen One to something even a flea would snicker at? I’ll show them all.
“He has an ally whom he seems to think will tip the scales against us. We haven’t found out much about this new player, except he’s from some land north, which may or may not be part of Kairon, as it’s across a great river. A barren piece of rock we wouldn’t care to think about, but somehow Dorian’s interested in him. He also has the husbands of his other two daughters and their kingdoms. So…” Adira shrugged.
Layla leaned forward, elbows on the table, a dark smile curled onto her impish face. “I could so easily enter the palace and slit his throat for you, sister. I could bring you his head even. While your kitten is annoying as hell, I can’t stand for us to be disrespected like this. How dare he turn you down for some…” She looked to Adira.
“Walking corpse at this point if he plans to oppose us.” Adira rubbed her palms together, as if in deep thought.
“Do you think Nakia had a part in turning down the proposal?” Ashni asked. The notion caused an ache in her heart.
Layla scoffed. “Why? She’s lucky you want someone as troublesome as she is.”
“Nakia doesn’t seem to have a say in who she can marry, so she didn’t turn you down. None of the spies say she reacted. I have one person shadowing her, and she went to pray after she heard the news. I think she’s waiting for you,” Adira replied.
“I’ve learned you’re a romantic,” Ashni said. Still, the ache in her heart eased and strengthened her. Her nerves jumped, lightning buzzing through her. She wouldn’t let her hellcat wait for long.
Adira snickered and squared her shoulders, like she was proud. “I am, but I’m also practical. She can’t turn you down. She doesn’t have the right. Dorian turned you down. He thinks he’s going to get the better of us.” She grabbed a handful of grapes and ate them one by one.
“Well, we can’t let that sit.” Ashni couldn’t stand by and let a fool halt their goals. She wouldn’t let him stand in the way of her happiness either. “Do we know anything about the man Dorian’s forcing on my hellcat?”
“His name’s Caligo Mor. I’ve already ordered scouts to his desolate piece of nothing called Nex. We’ll have more information before we reach the shores of the West. It’ll all come together,” Adira said.
Ashni scratched her chin with her thumb. She wanted to know as much as possible about Caligo Mor. She wasn’t sure if it was based on him being an enemy or a romantic rival of sorts. There was no way he was worthy of her hellcat or any danger Nakia would want him, but that didn’t matter. He’d have Nakia, whether she wanted it or not. Nakia, a person so precious she might have been divine herself. Ashni couldn’t stand the thought of it. The frost that had been devouring her since Nakia left spread to the point it infected her spirit.
Phyllida would be a reminder to the West because of Dorian and this Caligo Mor’s actions. They needed to remember what the Roshan were capable of. I’ll remind them who we are and what we do. The thought stoked fire in her veins. Now, she had a purpose beyond her dream and beyond retrieving Nakia. Thanks, Dorian. The gods might have placed him in her path, maybe even gave him the courage to think her a joke, but in the end, she was still the Daughter of the Amir Khalid. Her father had given her every tool imaginable to march as far as the burning gates of Jaha and storm the heavens themselves. I may be out of your favor, but I will not be stopped.
“I need everything. As soon as possible,” Ashni said.
Adira snapped her finger and soldiers came in with satchels of scrolls. Adira was probably waiting for this moment, waiting for her fire. The wait was over. She’d crush the West just for taking her hellcat from her. The disrespect and breaking their word, they could have those things. She’d destroy everything in her way until her kitten was in her arms again. And should Nakia decide she didn’t want Ashni or she didn’t care about her homeland anymore, gods save them all.
“There might be a change in plans soon,” Ashni said.
Layla scoffed. “We’ve been expecting that from the moment Nakia was dragged from the marketplace.”
Ashni nodded. “You guys are smart. I guess I’ll keep you for now.”
“If you didn’t keep us, you’d have died a long time ago,” Adira replied.
Ashni rolled her eyes, but fought down the urge to argue. She had reading to do, strategies to study, and punishments to imagine. Dormant energy from weeks without Nakia was back. If the West thought she was the Daughter of Death before, they were about to see what that really meant.
***
Nakia had to fight down the urge to throw up as she was packaged into her wedding clothes, her servants tugging at her as they tried to make everything perfect. There were servants down in a hall somewhere, doing the same to the wedding space. This was all happening so fast. It seemed like Caligo had only just arrived, like she had only just gotten news of getting married, but maybe it had been days. A week even, maybe. She wasn’t sure. Her mind couldn’t keep track. Everything was tilted and wrong.
The white linen of her wedding garb felt heavy, like it cut into her bones, weighed down with the might of circumstances and lack o
f choice. Has Felicio forsaken me or is this a test? She didn’t have the answers, and it didn’t matter. The Roshan weren’t on the horizon and her wedding feast was made and ready. Maybe Ashni didn’t want her.
Her stomach rolled at the thought. Ashni had to want her. Ashni proposed a marriage for her. There was no way Ashni would leave her to this horrible, terrible fate. Right? The bile rising in Nakia’s throat seemed to think so.
“Your Highness,” a familiar male voice said, drawing her out of her thoughts. Her servants paused, shocked by the new presence.
Nakia turned. No man should be in her rooms right now, except maybe her father. Instead, she was face to face with Owen. There was a glint in his light eyes, and Nakia fought hard to keep her face passive. She wouldn’t give anything away to him.
“You shouldn’t be here, sir,” Nakia said, waving away her servants. The dress was fine at this point. She didn’t care. None of this was for her anyway.
“I thought I could come with a proposal for you,” Owen said with a smirk. He brushed off his velvet red sash, as if showing how nonchalant he was. She glared at him, but it didn’t have any effect.
“You’ve picked a poor time for it.” Her voice sounded harder than she meant it to be. He didn’t seem bothered by that either.
He continued to smile, a smug twinkle in his eyes. “I think this might be the perfect time for it. I mean you no disrespect by being here. I merely wish to talk to you for a moment.” He took a step back, hands up in surrender, even though he was barely in the room.
She wanted to scream for him to leave, but she buried that, too curious about his attempt to be non-threatening. What’s he trying to pull? “Of course.” Does he consider me a pawn, too? No, you’re not a pawn. You’ve been taught how to predict moves, how to win. Do your best to play the game and win. She wasn’t sure how she could win, but if her father could see an outcome where he won, then why not me? She needed to take a moment and think rather than react to each moment that happened around her.
Taming the Wind Page 5
