“You’re everything.” He yanked off his baseball hat and scrubbed his hand through his hair. That bitterness fell from his words like fat raindrops. “You can’t love me.”
“Why not?” The air chilled. Or perhaps that was only the void inside her. “Why is my love so hard to accept?”
“I’ve always been damaged goods.” His arms crossed over his chest, bodyguard intense. “Except on the football field. Even my dad returned for the football player.”
But his dad had never returned for the boy. Never just Chase—his son who battled dyslexia and only ever wanted his dad’s approval. Chase had accepted her no-bonding terms in Tahoe because he’d been the boy she’d feared Wesley would become. The child waiting for the phone call from his dad or the surprise visit or the quick show of affection. He’d been that child waiting for a father who never returned and yet he’d hoped. Always hoped.
She discovered more tears—these ones for the lonely, hurt child still inside Chase. She wanted to seize his pain and hurtle the burden back onto his careless father. She pushed her words through her anger and the tears she swallowed. “Your father was the broken one, Chase. Not you.”
“Do you believe the same about your parents?” He eyed her, his voice guarded and restrained. “That it was their shortcomings, their inability to give you the stability you needed as a child. That’s why they sent you to live on the farm.”
Nichole blinked. She’d never considered that. Her grandmother always claimed her parents loved her in their own spirited fashion. But they were free spirits, wanderers, travelers. Always content to let the wind carry them away like dandelion fluff on the breeze. Whereas Nichole was like an oak, according to her grandmother. And the best thing for a tree was to plant it and let the roots grow. “I suppose it’s time I do. I suppose it’s past time we both do.”
“I can’t be the man you want me to be.” His shoulders fell, his voice deflated.
“I only want you to be Chase Baron Jacobs.” The man she loved.
“I don’t know who he is.” He tugged his cap lower on his forehead as if hiding from himself already. “Or if I even like him.”
Then how would he ever love? An all-consuming numbness seized her. She reached behind her, rapped her knuckles on the railing and left the pieces of her heart scattered on the grass. She worked her way up the stairs backward, away from Chase and everything she’d ever wanted. Her love would never be enough until he learned to love himself. She pressed against the porch door. “Then I guess we’re done here.”
He stepped forward, then caught himself. “What about launching In A Pinch?”
“It was always a long shot.” Just like his love.
* * *
ONE HOUR LATER, too restless to remain inside her empty house, Nichole slipped out her backyard gate, walked several blocks and jumped on the city bus. Brooke had invited her over for dinner. Dan and Ben had gone to Nichole’s grandparents’ farm. Wesley had asked Ben to come and learn to ride with him and the great-grandparents had promised Dan hot cherry pie after dinner.
Nichole had skipped lunch and her appetite had dwindled after Chase’s unannounced visit. Food held little appeal but being alone held even less.
Brooke opened her front door, wrapped Nichole in a long hug and ushered her inside the house she shared with Dan and Ben. No questions asked. No reprimands for being very early. No demands for an apology. Nichole leaned on her friend and walked into the kitchen.
“Nichole.” Josie rose from the kitchen table and enfolded Nichole in another warm hug. “You don’t have to talk, but we’ll listen.”
“And offer our advice.” Mia stood and walked around to expand the hug into a group one. “We always have opinions. It’s not fair to tell you that we’ll only listen.”
“I’m so sorry. So very sorry.” Nichole clung to her friends, grateful for their support. She needed them more than she’d realized. “I never should’ve lied to you guys.”
Her friends simply held on to her. Offered more support and their forgiveness, unconditional and absolute.
Nichole wiped at her damp eyes and glanced at the table. Brooke gathered photographs into a pile. Nichole asked, “What are you guys doing?”
Her friends glanced at each other, their gazes skipping from one to the other as if waiting for the other to field Nichole’s question. Nichole stepped toward the table, caught a glimpse of a crystal and beaded wedding gown and familiar lily bouquet. The same bouquet Nichole had held for the photo shoot. Those were the photographs of Nichole, pretending to be a bride. Believing in the fantasy. But fantasies were only illusions. And illusions were always shattered. Certainly, the truth had been captured in those photographs, and the lies. “Are they...”
“Stunning.” Josie squeezed Nichole’s hand. “Yes, they are.”
“And magical.” Brooke paused on a photograph and sighed. “There’s magic in every shot.”
Chase had called her stunning that day. And standing inside his embrace, she’d started to believe again in magic. It was all a lie. One big publicity stunt.
“You missed your calling, Nichole.” Mia returned to the table and picked up another 8x10 photograph. “You should’ve been a professional model.”
Models received paychecks for playing a part on camera. Chase had tried to pay Nichole, too, for the part she’d played in his publicity stunt. But the cameras hadn’t been there in Tahoe. Hadn’t recorded their conversations in front of the fire or the kitten rescue. He’d listened and shared. Held her hand with affection, kissed her with emotion. Nichole stepped to the table, clutched the back of a chair and held on to something real. “Thanks for trying to make me feel better. Now you can all stop exaggerating.”
“It’s the truth,” Brooke argued.
Josie shrugged. “And we haven’t even started trying to make you feel better. That happens later with lasagna from Mia’s mother-in-law and homemade red velvet cheesecake.”
“There’s always cheesecake and extra whipped cream for times like this.” Mia rubbed Nichole’s shoulder.
“Give me a picture.” And I’ll prove you are all wrong. Nichole held out her hand. “The stunning one. Or the magical one. Doesn’t matter.” She’d point out the truth inside each photograph and highlight the deception.
A dozen pictures later, Nichole slumped into a kitchen chair and studied a picture of Chase and her outside the cathedral. She struggled to find the deceit on his face. Or to recall the dishonesty in his embrace. She examined another one. Chase had picked her up and twirled her around. Again, only joy radiated from his face, delight widened his smile. Bliss highlighted his open gaze that was fixed completely on her.
Looking at the pictures, she forgot. Forgot he’d only been acting. Forgot he couldn’t love her. “How can we look so real? So authentic?”
“Because your feelings are real.” Mia eased the photograph out from under Nichole’s fingers. “And in this moment, so were Chase’s.”
Nichole cradled her face in her hands. “You heard him yesterday. He’d claimed it was all one big hoax.”
Then that morning he’d tried to pay her off like her ex. Claimed it was all he could offer. Ordered her not to love him. As if he could dictate her heart. Even she struggled to command her heart to withdraw. To let him go. She shoved the pictures and the memories away from her.
“I was at the pet store this morning helping Sophie with more rescues.” Brooke slid a sealed large folder-sized envelope across the table toward her. “Sophie asked me to give this to you.”
“What is it?” Nichole turned the envelope over and noted the unfamiliar law firm name in the corner.
“It’s from Drew Harrington.” Brooke hesitated as if she was working to regain her voice. “Chase asked him to look into Fund Infusion. Drew wanted you to know what he’d found.”
“Solid financials and fair business practices, I’m su
re.” Nichole fingered the envelope and willed her sudden disquiet to retreat. Surely Vick and Glenn hadn’t deceived her too. Played for a fool twice in one day would be something of a new low.
“Want us to open it?” Brooke chewed on her bottom lip.
Nichole shook her head and slipped her finger under the sealed flap. The folder inside contained detailed financials. Nothing fraudulent or illegal was on the profit and loss statements. Fund Infusion was legitimate like she’d told Chase. Nichole skimmed through several pages before stopping abruptly. Everything about Fund Infusion was genuine. Everything except the company’s intentions for In A Pinch.
“What’s wrong?” Josie scooted closer to Nichole.
Brooke reached across the table and touched Nichole’s arm. “If it’s bad, we can fix it together.”
“We can’t fix this.” The same as Chase’s money couldn’t fix her broken heart. Nichole swallowed. Nothing removed the distaste. The bitter sting. “The investors want to buy my app to kill it.”
Mia gasped. “That’s not fair.”
“That’s their right if I sell my app to them.” Nichole pushed the folder away. “Their largest client is my only competitor.” And just like that, her future as an authentic and talented app designer with a program successful on a national level was ruined.
Had Chase known last night? She’d seen him talking to Drew Harrington.
“Why didn’t Chase tell you?” Josie read through the paperwork in the folder.
“I wouldn’t have listened,” Nichole admitted. She’d needed to believe in Glenn and Vick. Needed to believe she could secure her own family’s future. “But Chase offered me money today to launch In A Pinch myself.”
But he hadn’t offered her his heart. Or his love. I don’t even know who I am. Nichole squeezed her eyes closed. She knew who he was. He was the man she loved. The man she wanted to share her life with. And the man who couldn’t or wouldn’t accept her love.
“Did you take it?” Mia asked.
“Please tell me you have the money,” Brooke said.
“I refused.” Nichole stood and paced away from the table and her friends.
She’d accepted the money from her ex, used it to start her new life with Wesley. She hadn’t really wanted her ex’s heart. She saw that now. But she wanted Chase’s trust and his love more than his money. She could provide for her family and take care of Wesley like she had been for years. And now she finally understood her grandmother was right. Love was enough and all she’d ever really needed. Except she didn’t have Chase’s love.
“What if Chase actually wanted to help?” Josie rose and walked over to Nichole. “Maybe he thought he was giving you exactly what you needed for your future.”
“I need him in my future, not his money.” Nichole clutched Josie’s hands as if pleading with her friend would make Chase understand. “But he doesn’t believe me.”
Josie held on to Nichole and looked into her eyes. “Maybe you have to show him.”
“Show him what?” Nichole glanced at Brooke and Mia.
“That his love matters to you more than his money.” Brooke stepped around the table. “More than football.”
Nichole winced. “I possibly ruined his football career. Football was his life.”
“Was his life,” Mia repeated, and joined their group huddle in the middle of the kitchen. She held up the picture of Nichole and Chase. “But he could have a new life with you and Wesley.”
“I don’t know.” Nichole skipped her gaze away from her friends. Another risk. Another jump. Could she take it?
“Do you love him?” Brooke’s quiet voice pulled at Nichole.
She never hesitated. “More than I thought possible.”
“Then you need to fight for that. You need to fight for a life together.” Josie pointed at the picture. “Fight for the love in this photograph.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Nichole confessed.
Her friends wrapped their arms around her and laughed. “It’s a good thing then that we do.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHASE KNOCKED ON the office door, peered inside and skipped over any greeting. “Surgery is scheduled.”
His sister spun her chair around and stood up. “Good to know.”
Chase stepped into Mallory’s office. Too restless to sit, he tapped the folder containing his pre-op paperwork against his leg. “It’s next week on Tuesday.”
“I’ll check the schedule, see who’s staffed that day.” Mallory folded her hands together on her desk and watched him. “But our docs are the best. They’ll take good care of you.”
Chase stilled. The folder quieted against his thigh. “I’ve been down this road before.” Just not without a recovery plan on the other side. Not without a strategy that would return him to the football field as soon as possible.
“You haven’t been down this road with a broken heart before.” Mallory frowned. “Unfortunately, modern medicine hasn’t discovered a medical cure for that specific condition yet.”
He had an injured shoulder, not a fractured heart. “I wasn’t looking for a cure.”
“That’s good.” One corner of her mouth tipped up, more annoyed than amused. “Because you’re the only one who can fix it.”
He was already fixing what he could: his shoulder. Wasn’t that good enough? His sisters always pushed him. Always challenged him. The same as Nichole. You could stick around and fix it yourself. Then he’d have to pretend he belonged. But what if he really belonged? What if he accepted Nichole’s love? Then he’d have to admit... “I should get going. Let you work.”
“Chase...” She stopped him at the door. “You can fix everything if you wanted to.”
He’d offered Nichole money to fund her app launch. She’d refused. Denied his help and him. He’d done the right thing. For once, he’d put someone else first and let Nichole go. “Things are as they should be. Leave it alone, Mallory.”
His sister walked over to him and shook her head. “I love you, little brother, but you can be quite dense sometimes.”
Chase stared down his sister. “That’s encouraging.”
“I’m not trying to be encouraging.” Mallory set her hands on her hips. “You need the truth, not encouragement.”
“What’s the truth?” He straightened to his full height as if that had ever convinced his sister to back down.
Mallory set her hand on Chase’s chest, directly over his heart. “You offered Nichole the wrong thing. You know it but refuse to admit it.”
“There’s nothing to admit.” His heart pounded in his chest. Could he love Nichole like she deserved? He’d only ever loved football and his life on the football field. What did he really know about loving another person? He could fail. Hurt her even more than he already had. He’d hate himself even more. “We don’t work. Nichole and I are too different.”
Mallory stepped back. Her gaze wide, her voice surprised. “For such a risk-taker and thrill seeker, I’ve never seen you more scared.”
Chase stared at the floor. Considered running out of his sister’s office but knew the truth would only pace him every step. “I’m facing the end of my career, Mallory. Of course, I’m scared.”
“We not talking about your career,” Mallory countered. “This was never about football.”
But it was supposed to be. It was only ever supposed to be about football. It was never supposed to be about finding his place off the field. Or seeing a future—the one he’d always wanted as a kid—the one that included a wife and children. And him being the dad he’d always wanted his own father to be. But this wasn’t like throwing an interception in the first half of a game. In a game, he had two more quarters to correct his mistake. To find a way to win. They were talking about life. Real life.
And the probability of making a mistake quadrupled. The risks piled up like
the defense on a loose ball. But the rewards...
Mallory adjusted the collar on his jacket and touched his shoulders, drawing his focus back to her. “Go home, Chase, and spend some time alone.”
“How will being alone help me with the end of my career?” How would being alone help him win in the game of life? That would be if he wanted to play at all. His heart bumped against his ribs.
“It probably won’t.” Mallory kissed his cheek. “But you just might learn to like yourself again.”
“I’m fine with who I am.” Then I guess we’re done here. He flinched at Nichole’s words. All because he’d admitted he might not like himself. Now his sister expected him to like himself too.
“Keep telling yourself that.” Mallory patted his shoulder. Her voice was strong and sure, unlike her indifferent affection. “And one day you might believe it.”
Chase closed his sister’s office door and shut off her suggestion. He’d already spent too much time alone, avoiding the press and his feelings for Nichole. Now his sister wanted him to be alone and actively aware of that fact. As if.
Pre-op bloodwork complete, lunch several hours in the past and the kittens worn out from chasing a feather on a string, Chase stretched out on his living room couch. The silver kitten kneaded his chest, the gray one curled into a ball beside her sister. He should name them, but nothing sounded right. Nichole would’ve come up with cute names. Or better yet, Wesley would’ve shouted his ideas until the kittens responded. Chase grinned. Indoor voices were always difficult to master. Or they could’ve had a contest for the best names. Or a board game tournament to earn naming rights. So many options and every single one included Wesley and Nichole.
Not Chase, alone in his house, adjusting to the silence.
His doorbell rang. Thanks to several texts from Travis, Chase already knew his agent intended to stop in. Chase called out, “It’s open.”
Travis appeared in the open foyer and studied Chase from a distance. “What exactly are you doing?”
Her Surprise Engagement Page 22
