by Gail Sattler
Watching it happen almost brought tears to Shanna’s eyes. Her children were more responsive to the landscaper than they were with their own father. And he responded as if it were normal.
It was difficult not to be jealous of her children’s ability to be so open and trusting. She wanted to be the same way. For the first time in her life, she’d met a man who didn’t judge her or insult her for being stupid, and he made her feel valued as a person. She wanted to be hugged the same way as her daughter; yet as soon as Brendan came within two feet of her, she couldn’t control the gut-wrenching terror that the fantasy was over and it was payback time.
She felt the movement of Brendan beside her, accented because of her heightened awareness of him and his size. He leaned down to whisper in her ear.
“Harry, er, Pastor Harry is a good speaker, isn’t he?”
“Yes. He is.”
Brendan snickered. “When he was still in college, whenever our senior pastor let him speak for a Sunday service, I used to sit in the front row and do everything I could to distract him. I keep telling him that’s why he’s such a good speaker. Because of me. It keeps him humble.”
“Shh! He’s about to start. Pay attention!” she whispered without turning her head.
As Pastor Harry shared his sermon, not only did Brendan pay strict attention, but he wrote notes in both his bulletin and in a very worn Bible, already full of notes in many different colors of ink.
Shanna forced herself to breathe. How could she think that Brendan was the least little bit threatening? He’d gone to church all his life, and his best friend was a pastor. His Bible was well-read and full of notes, obviously used often—probably every day. Her children loved him. Even her dog loved him. She didn’t know what was wrong with her that she couldn’t do the same.
“Shanna? Are you okay?”
She looked up at him. Even though they were both sitting, he was still big. “I’m fine,” she muttered. “I was just thinking of something.”
Before she realized what he was doing, he reached down and picked up her hand. He twined their fingers together, gently closed his fingers over her hand, then patted their joined hands with his other hand. “Everything will be fine. I promise.”
He smiled, straightened, then settled back into his chair, except he didn’t release her hand.
Her first impulse was to pull away, but before she actually did, she realized that he was holding her hand without any pressure—he was allowing her to pull her hand out without resistance if that was what she wanted.
That wasn’t what she wanted.
He was giving her a choice, and she chose to keep things as they were.
Her heart raced, and her cheeks grew warm.
She wondered if this was how the teens felt holding hands in church.
It was innocent yet meant so much—at least it meant a lot to Shanna. Even when they were dating, when Roger held her hand, he made it clear that they were holding hands because he wanted to, and he didn’t release her hand until he was ready. Even then it was a demonstration of power. He’d just told her it was because he thought she was special.
Brendan was making it completely her choice, putting himself in a somewhat vulnerable position to be rejected if she chose to pull away. That he was willing to let her make the choice showed that he didn’t need to demonstrate his power—his strength was inside, where it could be seen only if a person cared to look.
She gave his hand a little squeeze to let him know she appreciated his gesture. He smiled without turning his head, still paying attention to Pastor Harry’s sermon.
Shanna sighed. If only Brendan were a foot shorter, a hundred pounds lighter, and an accountant. And didn’t wear green.
When the sermon was over, Brendan released her hand to stand and sing the last song.
All through Pastor Harry’s benediction, Brendan grew restless beside her. At the closing “amen,” instead of filtering to the table at the back of the room to get coffee and a doughnut before the children were dismissed, she followed Brendan to the front of the church.
Pastor Harry smiled when he saw her, although she did notice that he tried to hide his surprise that she’d come with a man.
“Shanna! It’s so good to see you!” Pastor Harry extended his hand toward Brendan. “And I see you brought a friend.”
Brendan’s hand met his friend’s, but when he spoke, he spoke with a fake accent so bad that Shanna couldn’t tell what he was trying to imitate. “Reverend Harry. Shanna, she has told me so much about you.”
Pastor Harry’s smile faltered momentarily when Brendan didn’t let go of his hand. “That’s good to hear. . . .” His voice trailed off. “Do you live nearby?”
Brendan increased the speed of the handshake, and his fake accent thickened. “I come from very far away. Very, very far.”
“How long will you be visiting our country? Would you and Shanna care to be our guests for lunch?”
When Brendan still didn’t stop shaking his hand, Pastor Harry looked down, while Brendan replied, “Ah, yes! It would very much honor me to accept your invitation. I hear your wife, she is a fine cook. Makes good borscht but doesn’t use beets.”
Pastor Harry raised his head, his eyes narrowed, and he leaned forward. “Brendan?” He straightened and began to laugh. “Brendan Gafferty! What did you do to your face?” Both men laughed, released each other’s hands, and embraced in a manly, back-slapping hug.
When they stepped back, Brendan was still grinning. “I hope you know that you can’t take back your invitation for lunch.”
Pastor Harry wiped his eyes and grinned. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Noon?”
“See you there. I hope you’ve got good ice cream.”
“Brendan!” Shanna hissed.
“Don’t worry. His wife always keeps a couple of cartons of Rocky Road in the freezer. One of them has my name on it.”
Before Shanna could say any more, Ashley appeared in front of Brendan, offering up the craft she’d made in Sunday school.
He hunkered down and accepted it graciously, then looked up at Shanna. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you first. I hope you don’t have plans.”
“I was expecting to go home, but I’ll gladly accept the invitation, even though I think you took advantage of Pastor Harry.”
“He had it coming. Besides, he borrowed a few of my tools that I need back. If you want to go visit with your friends, go ahead. I’m going to help clean up and stack the chairs, and then we can go.”
Nine
Brendan drove away from his friend’s house slowly, giving Ashley and Matthew ample opportunity to wave at Harry’s wife, who was standing in the window holding their little poodle-mix dog.
“I’ve got an idea,” he said quietly, so only Shanna could hear, as he turned onto the main road. “How would you like to pick Boffo up and go for a walk around Green Lake?”
She turned and looked into the backseat. “Ashley hasn’t had a nap. She’ll be pretty cranky tonight, so I’m not sure.”
“What if she has a short nap on the way there? Would that work?”
“She’s not a baby. Do you really expect her to fall asleep with all this action going on?”
“Will she be able to sleep after she calms down if everything else is quiet? It will take about half an hour to get there from your house. I can put her booster seat in the front with me, since this truck was built before the days of passenger-seat air bags.”
Shanna turned and looked over her shoulder at her children, who were in the backseat of his crew cab. “That sounds like it could work. It’s such a nice day; I’ll take the chance.”
While he drove, Shanna told the kids what they had planned. She gently suggested that Ashley sit still and that they would only have fun if everyone was quiet enough for Ashley to have a nap.
He drove quickly to Shanna’s house so they could all change into more comfortable clothes, including Brendan. He always kept some clean clothes under the seat since he
often got dirty on the job.
To keep things quiet for Ashley, Shanna, Matthew, and Boffo shared the backseat of the cab, and Brendan buckled Ashley’s booster seat in the front beside him. They kept the music low, and talking in the back was reduced to just above a whisper. Ashley fell asleep about five minutes after they left Shanna’s house.
Being a single man, he was accustomed to his truck being silent, as he usually drove alone. Everyone was being silent for Ashley, which somehow emphasized the crowd. They could have been a family, complete with the family dog curled up and sleeping in the middle of the backseat.
It made Brendan wonder if this was what it would be like when he finally got married and had a family of his own.
Strangely, he couldn’t picture anyone except for Shanna and her two kids in his truck, with maybe the addition of a baby’s car seat in the middle.
Mentally, Brendan shook his head. He had his life planned out. He was going to have two—exactly two—children of his own, and a purebred golden lab. He would give his children everything he’d never had, without killing himself or ignoring his family to do it. It wasn’t unreasonable, and it was realistic.
He couldn’t find a parking spot at the park, but he didn’t mind parking a couple of blocks away. They were already planning to walk the three miles around the lake, so another couple of blocks wouldn’t make any difference.
Ashley woke up as soon as they stopped moving, which was a good thing; because the exact second Brendan turned off the engine, Boffo roared to life.
Brendan reached into the bin between the seats and pulled out the leash he always kept in the truck. “Boffo, sit,” he commanded.
The dog sat, but Brendan could tell by the wiggles that Boffo’s willpower wouldn’t last long.
The second the clip of the leash signified that it was attached, Boffo’s control ended. He practically flew into the front seat, landing squarely in Brendan’s lap.
“Good job training that dog, I’d say.” Shanna giggled.
Brendan mumbled his response, but inside he thought it was good to hear Shanna laugh. She didn’t laugh enough. The heartwarming sound made him want to make her laugh again.
They scrambled out of the truck and walked quickly to the park. Before they started on the path, Shanna took Ashley into the public restroom.
“Is this going to be fun?” Matthew asked while they waited.
“Yes, it is. Haven’t you ever been to Green Lake before?”
“No. I was sick the day my school came here for a field trip.”
“Didn’t your daddy ever bring you here?”
“No.”
“Then where did he take you when it was just you and him?”
Brendan waited for Matthew to tell him some of the other places they’d gone, but Matthew only shrugged his shoulders, which Brendan thought unusual.
He thought of other places that would be fun for a father-son outing.
“Did your dad ever take you to Bainbridge Island?”
“I never been to no island. I can’t swim good.”
“You don’t swim there. You go on a ferry. That’s a big boat you can park your car on.”
Matthew’s eyes widened. “I’ve never been on a boat like that.”
Never been on a ferry. . . Living in Seattle and never been on a ferry. It was a sad thought. He wondered what else Matthew had missed out on.
Brendan remembered the many times his mother had taken him north into Canada to go shopping when he was a boy. He didn’t particularly enjoy shopping, but the adventure of crossing the border had been memorable, especially waiting in the long line of cars. Then, once they were across the border, all the speed signs were different, on the metric system. He remembered having his calculator out, and every time they passed a new sign, he figured out how fast they were supposed to be going. But then, if Roger had never taken the boy to Bainbridge Island, he doubted Roger would have taken the trouble to go as far as the border.
Brendan doubted Matthew’s father would have taken him to Pike Place Market, either, so he didn’t ask about that.
He knew Matthew liked to play baseball. When Brendan was little, he’d gone to the old Seattle Kingdome with his father just once before his father died. As an adult, he’d watched the news when the Kingdome was demolished, feeling as if a part of him were being chopped away, along with a part of history. But now the new stadium with the retractable roof had been constructed, and it was a major hit, given the Seattle weather. When the weather was good, it was an open-air stadium; but when it rained—and it rained often—they could close the roof. It only took ten minutes if the weather was calm, or twenty minutes at the longest if it was windy. The first time he’d been there while the roof closed, he’d been fascinated. It still fascinated him, even as an adult. “What about baseball games? Did your dad ever take you to Safeco Field to see the Mariners play?”
Finally, Matthew’s eyes lit up. “We watched lots of baseball games on TV. He said it was better that way because the beer was cheaper at home.”
Beer. He remembered Shanna saying that Roger had died in an alcohol-related automobile accident. It stunned him to think that sitting and drinking beer was more important to Roger than taking his son out to an action-packed ball game.
“Do you go places with your mother and your sister?”
Matthew broke out into a full smile. “Mommy took me and Ashley on the Space Needle! It was way high and real fun! Have you ever been on the Space Needle?”
Brendan smiled back. “Yes. It was fun to be so high.”
Shanna’s voice stopped him from asking Matthew any more questions. “We’re back and ready to start our adventure. Let’s go!”
Brendan held Boffo’s leash and walked beside Shanna as they made their way around the park. Since he hadn’t expected to do anything after church, he hadn’t brought his camera, but Shanna had a small digital camera with her. She took countless pictures of the children running and playing, the lake, the ducks, and even a few of him walking with Boffo—which he couldn’t understand, but he put up with it.
About halfway through their walk, the children stopped running in circles around them and started to walk more quietly beside him. By about the two-and-a-half-mile point, Brendan gave Shanna Boffo’s leash so that he could carry Ashley.
When they were nearly at the end, Brendan asked, “Who wants to have supper at Spuds?”
Shanna stopped walking. “Spuds? I haven’t eaten there in years. What a great idea!”
Brendan shuffled Ashley into one arm and reached for his wallet in his back pocket.
“This was my idea, so this is my treat.”
“I can’t let you do that. There’s three of us and only one of you. Do you know how much that’s going to cost?”
He didn’t want to tell her that he was hungry from all the walking and would probably eat as much by himself as the three of them combined. “Never mind. This is my treat. If you want to feed me, I’ll stay at your place for supper one day. I don’t get many home-cooked meals.”
Ashley was too tired to respond, but Matthew started tugging on his mother’s arm. “Did you hear that? Mr. Brendan wants to stay at our house for supper! Can we make spaghetti?”
“I think when Mr. Brendan stays, we can make something more special than just spaghetti.”
Brendan turned and headed toward the restaurant. “It’s a deal. Come on. I’m starved.”
Because of the dog, they couldn’t sit at a table, so he lowered Ashley onto the grass under a tree and left them all at the park. This way they could have a picnic, like several other people with dogs were doing.
He bought one-piece fish-and-chip dinners for the kids, a two-piece dinner for Shanna, and a three-piece dinner for himself—knowing he would finish what the kids didn’t eat—and then joined them at the park.
They didn’t talk much while they ate, but he did notice Shanna sneaking glances at him, as if she couldn’t believe the amount he was eating. It almost made him n
ot want to touch what the kids left behind, except Spuds fish and chips were too good to waste. He finished up the leftovers without guilt, even though they all stared at him. He still managed to sneak a few pieces to Boffo, who was drooling so much there was a wet spot on the grass beneath his lolling tongue.
The walk back to his truck was much more sedate than the walk to the park. He almost laughed at how quiet the return trip was.
By the time they arrived at Shanna’s house, he was yawning almost as much as the children.
“They’ll sleep good tonight,” Shanna said, yawning herself. “This was a great idea. Thank you.”
“I’ll help you take them inside. I think Ashley needs to be carried.”
Shanna grinned. “She doesn’t need to be carried. But she does like to be carried.”
“Then that’s an even better reason to carry her in. I want her to have good memories of this day.” I know she never had these kinds of days with her father. Brendan had good memories of his own father and things they’d done together. That never would happen for these kids, but he could give them memories that were second best.
Ashley leaned into him a little more with each small bounce on the steps. Even though he usually took the stairs two at a time, today he walked up one step at a time, just to make the trip last a little bit longer.
Once at the couch, he didn’t want to put Ashley down, but he felt stupid just standing there holding her. Slowly and gently, he nestled Ashley into the corner against the armrest. While he settled her in, Shanna picked up the remote, and VeggieTales came alive on the screen.
With Ashley and Matthew occupied, Shanna walked down the stairs with him to the door. He tried to keep a straight face when she didn’t go all the way down. She stood on the second step so she was nearly at eye level with him. Being at the same height gave him thoughts as to the possibilities.
“If you give me your e-mail address, I can send you some of the pictures I took.” Shanna yawned. “When I get the energy to download the camera.”
Her yawn was contagious. Brendan raised his hand to cover his wide-open mouth as he yawned, too. “That would be great. I can’t believe how much energy it takes to keep track of two little kids.”
