With the desk between them, he felt too far away for what he wanted to say. He took the spare office chair and moved it around the side of the desk so it was adjacent to hers. He set the gift bag on the desk, sat in the chair, and took her hands in his.
“I know you told me it’s over, but I’m here to change your mind,” he said. “I’ve been such an idiot, but I think I’ve finally wised up.”
He could hardly hear his own words over the pounding of his heart. Hayley smiled like she was one step ahead of him.
“Go on,” she said.
He shifted in his chair. “You know how everybody kind of has a set of beliefs about themselves that they don’t even know they have? Like some people believe they’re destined for greatness and others believe they don’t deserve anything good to ever happen to them?”
She nodded. “I believed nobody would ever even notice if I got lost.”
“Exactly,” he said. “And I believed I had to race the Iditarod because I owed it to the guys back in Afghanistan. The injured guys, the ones who might never walk again, and the guys who didn’t make it home at all.”
“How so?” she said.
“Out there, if I had the opportunity, I used to sit with them at the field hospital while we waited for their evacuation, and I’d tell them stories to help pass the time.” He latched onto her eyes. He’d never told anyone this before, and he felt vulnerable. The understanding he found in them encouraged him to continue. “To everyone who doesn’t live here, Alaska is this wild last frontier sort of place, and the Iditarod is, of course, the last great race on Earth. I’d always tell them about how I used to help my neighbor train his sled dogs, and what it was like to be out there in the frozen tundra when it seemed like I was the only person left alive on Earth, and what a peaceful feeling it was. How to me, that was heaven, or what I imagined heaven was like.”
“You were trying to give them a sense of peace,” she said.
“Absolutely.”
Her eyes were steady on his. He could read her feelings again, and what he saw in her eyes was his own soul reflected back. She was with him.
“When I’m out there racing on the trail, the guys are with me,” he continued. “That’s why I did it. I could feel them so acutely, all around me. It was how I honored them. That’s what I believed.”
She nodded, his beautiful, perfect, perceptive Hayley. “I get it.”
“And I could hear them sometimes. It was almost like a movie playing in my head. Me against the odds, struggling to stay in the race, and they’d push me on. Encourage me. Tell me I could do it. They’d tell me to persevere, tell me not to be a wuss.”
She smiled and squeezed his hands. “Josh, you’re the least wuss-like person I’ve ever met.”
“So this movie that’s been playing in my head for so long now had a different ending during this weekend’s race. This time, the guys weren’t encouraging me onward. Instead, they were telling me not to lose the one person who’s really made me feel alive. This time, they told me not to be an idiot. They told me to go and get the girl.”
Hayley laughed. “I like these guys.”
He brushed a strand of hair off her shoulder. It was all he could do not to stroke her soft cheek and kiss her, but he couldn’t—not yet.
“Hayley, I’ve been lost for a long time, but I think I’ve found myself again, thanks to you. I know what I want now, and it’s love and marriage and maybe some kids. And I want it with you.”
“Josh!” Hayley’s eyes were hopeful, but she still shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re saying this.” She pinched her own arm. “I mean, you’re the guy who can be summed up in five words: I don’t do long-term.”
“Crazy, right?”
“Crazy,” she said, her eyes serious and struggling to make sense of the change.
“I know I messed up with you, but I was hoping you might be willing to give me a second chance,” he said.
She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she processed his words.
“You want a second chance,” she repeated.
“Well, not exactly,” he said. “I actually want forever.”
Her eyes sparkled with tears. She withdrew one of her hands and put it over her heart. “If you could feel how my heart’s beating …”
He took it as an invitation and put his hand over hers. Sure enough, he could feel her gentle heart racing.
“This is overwhelming, Josh. I was going to wait for you—I decided just this past weekend that I’d wait for you as long as it took.”
“You don’t have to wait at all. I’m ready.” He remembered the gift he’d brought her and handed her the bag. “Before you say anything else, open your gift.”
Hayley brushed back the tissue paper and withdrew a jar of luxury bubble bath, followed by a bottle of good red wine.
“Oh, yes,” she said. “This is the sweetest thing ever.”
“Here’s what I’m thinking,” he said. “I know you’re busy with your business and all the things you do for the community, and I’ve got my crazy shifts at work which keep me unavailable for days at a time, and it’s going to take awhile to figure out what I’m going to do with the dogs, so I think we need a ritual to bring us back together after we’ve been apart. A way for us to reconnect and catch up with each other and unwind together. Maybe light a few candles. Drink a little wine.”
She leaned forward and kissed him, threading her fingers his hair. As always, her touch comforted him and her kiss aroused him. It was soft, a prelude to her response.
“You’ll do anything to get me naked,” she said when she pulled back, teasingly.
He laughed. “You know it. I’m going to be scheming how to get you naked for the rest of your life.”
“No scheming necessary.” She kissed him again, deeper, and her lips promised him a cascade of experiences with her, and he couldn’t wait. “You want me? You have me, Josh. It’s as simple as that.”
Josh wrapped her in his arms and remembered what his dad, a fellow insomniac, had told him. You can sleep at night with a good woman beside you, he’d said. That’s how you know you’ve found the right one.
Hayley was the one.
This was the beginning, and she was his forever.
Epilogue
It was snowing hard and Hayley almost hated to leave her cozy apartment, but it was seven o’clock on New Year’s Eve, and Josh would be arriving any minute to pick her up. He’d surprised her a couple weeks before with tickets to the New Year’s Eve bash at the Pioneer Hotel, and she’d been looking forward to it ever since. She’d even gone back to Venus and Vixen at the mall to pick out a new dress for the occasion, which she now zipped up with a happy wriggle. It was body-hugging black, knee-length, with a deep sweetheart neckline and crocheted long sleeves that showed flashes of skin in just the right amount.
She finished her getting-ready routine with glittering chandelier earrings and a spritz of perfume, right in time for Josh’s knock on the door.
“Hey, you,” she said.
Josh’s appreciative gaze roving up and down her body told Hayley that she’d made the right choice with the dress.
“Let’s not go out,” he said. “I want to stay here, in bed, with you.”
“Mmm,” she said. “I have to admit it’s tempting.”
Josh grabbed her around the waist and nuzzled her neck, sending pleasant shivers through her. “You’re tempting.”
“But we’re meeting Maggie,” Hayley reminded him. “She wanted a last hurrah before she leaves.”
Maggie Barnes had decided she’d had enough of the Alaska winters, and she’d taken Hayley up on her offer to sign up with a traveling nurse program. Maggie had a job lined up in Idaho, and while it wasn’t the balmy tropics, it did have a months-shorter winter and plenty of sunny days, and Maggie’s best friend had moved there a couple years earlier. While Hayley was sorry to see her go, she was glad for the obvious enthusiasm Maggie had shown about the change. She knew about fresh
starts, and how sometimes it was just what a person needed.
“Maggie will have other friends at the party,” Josh murmured against Hayley’s skin. Then he kissed her neck once and pulled away. “But okay. There is a part of me that wants to show you off to the world so everyone can see how damned lucky I am.”
Hayley beamed at him. A few days ago, she and Josh had sat down with a film crew and talked about their success story. The folks at Devotion.com had loved the “started as a dating coach” angle, and while Josh’s profile would no longer appear on the singles area of the website, Hayley knew the heartfelt story of how he’d fallen in love with her was way more of a draw. And damn, had he looked good on camera. Her heart filled with pride and gratitude every time she thought about how Josh—normally so private—had opened up about his love for her.
She put on her snow boots, stowed her heels in her bag, and pulled on the new fur-hooded North Face down parka that Josh had gotten her for Christmas, all sleek and technical and as flattering as a winter coat could be. She’d protested—meekly—against the expensive gift, but he’d told her with a cheeky grin that instead of spending his money on the Iditarod, he had to spend it on something.
The walk to the Pioneer was short, and despite the hard weather, the streets were filled with bundled-up revelers. It seemed like most of Golden Falls was out to celebrate, and Hayley sent a quick thought of support for her friend Elizabeth Armstrong, bartending at the no-doubt-packed Sled Dog Brewery.
The foyer of the Pioneer Hotel was decorated with gold lights, fresh white and yellow chrysanthemums, big hanging starburst decorations that looked like fireworks, and the antler chandelier sported a banner saying “Happy New Year.”
“There’s Maggie,” Josh said, waving at his sister across the room.
“And Jack,” Hayley said.
Josh looked at her quickly. “Jack’s here?”
Hayley bit her lip. “I hope it’s okay. I told him we were planning to be here.”
For a moment she wondered if she’d overstepped her bounds. Girlfriend she might be, but she knew family dynamics held a gravity of their own. She just hated to see Josh at odds with his brother, and she knew that in spite of whatever issues were going on with their father, Josh and Jack really cared about each other.
Josh’s face showed tension, but then he regarded Hayley and his look softened. “I’m glad you did,” he said. “Let’s go say hi.”
They made their way through the crowd, hand-in-hand, and reached the nook where Maggie and Jack stood.
Hayley hugged Maggie first, then Jack. “Happy New Year!”
Josh gestured to the drink in his brother’s hand. “Cognac?”
“You know it,” Jack said.
Maggie took Hayley by the arm. “Hayley, want to come with me to the bar? You guys need drinks, and first round’s on me. I owe you one for setting me up with the traveling nurse program.”
“Sure. But only if you let us get the next round.”
“They have an amazing Fireball concoction,” Maggie said as they walked to the bar.
“Fireball!” Hayley looked at Maggie, who waggled her eyebrows mischievously. “Sounds dangerous. And delicious. Just my thing.”
“I’ll pretend you’re not referring to my little brother.”
Hayley giggled. While they waited for the bartender to make the cocktails, including one for Josh, Hayley kept an eye on him from across the room. She saw him deep in conversation with Jack, both brothers with a serious look.
“What do you think happened to cause the rift between your dad and Jack?” Hayley said. “I mean, you must have a theory or two.”
“I don’t,” Maggie said. “The way I remember, we went from being a big, loving family to having this animosity overnight. It was around the time our mom died, and it was so bad that whatever it was, it made Jack quit the police force just to get away from him.”
“Jack was a police officer?” Hayley’d had no idea.
“He was a rookie, and I thought he really liked it, but then he quit, stopped talking to Dad, and got on the fire department instead.”
“It’s so weird,” Hayley said. “I like your dad and Jack so much, and neither seems unreasonable.”
“Families are weird,” Maggie said with a shrug. “You should see the things I see at work.”
“It’s interesting that Josh followed in Jack’s footsteps—as a firefighter, I mean—rather than your dad’s as a cop,” Hayley said.
“Josh is a healer,” Maggie said. “I could never see him as a cop. Besides, despite the friction, Josh adores Jack. As he should, because Jack’s always been an awesome older brother. He’s always made time for Josh, and sometimes he’s the only one who can get our stubborn little brother to listen to reason.”
Drinks in hand, they returned to where Josh and Jack stood. Silence followed, an awkward silence that warned Hayley the brothers may have been having a quiet argument.
“We come bearing gifts of Fireball,” Hayley said to lift the mood. She handed Josh his drink and kissed him on the cheek. “And Jack, I hope your New Year’s resolution includes letting me find you a woman.”
Jack smiled indulgently. “We’ll see.”
“I think my big brother likes his bachelor life,” Maggie said. “Sitting around in his big old house drinking cognac, pretending to be a classy lad.”
“He probably smokes a pipe, too,” Josh added with a grin.
Jack laughed. “I do, occasionally. But no, I’m pretty sure there’s no one in town for me. Or if there is, I haven’t met her yet.”
“Guys like you are exactly why I’m starting the ‘Bring Your Heart to Golden Falls’ campaign,” Hayley said. “I predict you’ll be married within a year.”
“Maybe I can snag a guy in Idaho and then we can all be married within a year!” Maggie said.
“Engaged, anyway,” Josh said, and Hayley’s heart raced as Josh raised his glass for a toast. “Here’s to happily ever afters for the Barnes family—both looking for, and found.” At the word found, Josh looked down at Hayley, and then pulled her into a quick kiss.
Hayley felt like she was on a cloud of happiness.
Mayor Walters came up to say hello, his eyes twinkling above his magnificent white beard, his petite wife by his side. Hayley and Josh then went to mingle for a while, and for the first time, the first New Year’s Eve, Hayley felt at ease with herself in a way she never had with previous boyfriends at previous parties. It wasn’t just that she knew half the people in the room, or that she’d established herself as a businesswoman in her own right, although that was part of it.
It was having Josh by her side, and the intensity of his love for her that radiated out from him, warming her with every glance and every touch. It was the complete lack of doubt that this was a forever love.
As they made their way around the room, they greeted common friends and introduced each other to strangers. Josh introduced Hayley to Fred Moran, the fire chief, and Doc Bauer, who ran the community health clinic. In turn, Hayley introduced Josh to Gazette editor Alice Abbott and Clyde Harrison, the Gazette’s gossip columnist. She took a special satisfaction in introducing Josh as her boyfriend to TV anchor Michael Driessner, who not that long ago had told her she sucked as a woman.
Near the food table they came across Claire talking animatedly to a small group of people, including Jack and Andrew Blake, who hugged Hayley and gave Josh a hearty handshake.
“Your dad was in for a haircut the other day,” Andrew said to Josh. “It was good to see him up and about. He said you’re not racing the Iditarod this year?”
“Nope,” Josh said, with an easy acceptance that Hayley wouldn’t have believed two months ago. “I’ve raced the Iditarod twice, finished it once, and while it was a rewarding experience—despite my last-place finish last year—it’s a big commitment. I’ve got other priorities now. Much sexier ones.”
When he grinned at Hayley, she felt a spark of lust. She loved that he called her sexy—in
public, no less!—and she thought ahead to the private celebration they’d later share. Back at her place, they’d drink champagne in front of the fireplace and get busy on the bearskin rug.
“Josh sold his dogs to a kennel down near Anchorage,” she told Andrew. “They run a tourist business in addition to racing, taking visitors out on rides, so his dogs will be happy and busy even after their racing days are over.”
“Yep, and I’ve got plenty of friends with kennels who’ve said I can run their dogs any time I want. So all’s well,” Josh said.
“Well, that’s great,” Andrew said.
“Thanks,” Josh said. “Not to mention, Hayley’s got so much going on with her matchmaking business that I want to be available to help her if she needs it. Are those mini pies?” Josh peered past Hayley at the delectable buffet-style spread. “I’m going to fill my plate.”
“Go for it,” Andrew said. “The lamb meatballs are fantastic, too.”
Both Hayley and Josh perused the buffet, made their selections, and rejoined the group just in time to catch the end of something Claire was saying.
“—and it’s never been found!”
“What’s never been found?” Hayley asked.
“The half a million dollars Nate Armstrong stole from the police evidence room way back when,” Claire said. “It still irks me that he’s got that money hidden away somewhere.”
Hayley felt a pang of sympathy for Elizabeth, daughter of the town’s criminal pariah. No wonder her friend never wanted to talk about her family life.
She noticed that Jack’s jaw was clenched and his hand held his cognac glass so tightly that Hayley worried it might shatter.
“Everything okay, Jack?” she said.
“Peachy.” His tone was strained.
Mystified, Hayley shared a glance with Josh, who gave her an almost-imperceptible shrug.
“Bruce mentioned Nate Armstrong and his upcoming release from prison the other day, too,” Andrew said. “He thinks Armstrong is innocent of the theft.”
Bring Your Heart (Golden Falls Fire Book 2) Page 26
