“Xartief be extolled! Xartief be extolled! Xartief be extolled…” over and over and over.
Whizzing, whirring, and rising rapidly into the Atmosphere, Frank, Faye, Charleston, Chance, and Chief flew away on the Llopinator, which had left Mr. Keeze and Constance behind, drowning out Constance’s cries in the deafening whir of the propellers or whatever they were. The ascending Faultsoms flew into the enormity of a sky so magnificent that they felt it drench their souls in a kind of revelation.
From time to time, Mistress Bublem Eeb would descend and land upon continents of glorious color, and the Faultsoms would hear her slurp and hum to herself contentedly before she launched again into the cerulean expanse of sky. If Frank and Faye hadn’t been so concerned about Constance, they would have enjoyed the ride immensely, but their hearts were troubled with an anxiety that only parents can truly know, even in Wonder.
The boys, on the other hand, were entirely exhilarated and, frankly, not unhappy at all to have Constance, with her often bossy big-sisterness, far away. To Charleston, Chance, and Chief this was the best ride of their young lives. It couldn’t have been any better if they were taking a rocketship stocked with gummy worms and french fries all the way to the moon!
And so, the fantastic journey continued with stops in between to dispatch Llopen passengers at various destinations and, apparently, to refuel. Somehow Frank, Faye, and the boys stayed aloft and board together, taking in the exhilarating journey.
Suddenly, a massive gust of wind blew Mistress Eeb backward for quite a distance, and then upside down and around in circles. The Faultsoms experienced G-Forces that made their heads spin and their insides almost turn into outsides.
“Aaaahhhhh!”
“Eeeeeeeeeekkk!”
“He—lllllppppp!”
They screamed their heads off in sheer terror. All except for Chance, who couldn’t get enough of this wild ride; his screams were shrieks of sheer delight. The Llopens, as well, were having a marvelous time, continuing their high-octane chatter with inexhaustible excitement. Chance shared in their wild, exuberant outbursts, fitting right in with them.
“Oooooahhhh! What a riiiiiiiddde! De—liiiiightful!” the Llopens yelled.
“Oh yeeeeaaah, way coooooollll! Dudes, check this out, we are doing 360s!” Chance hollered. As was his way in almost any new setting, he had instantly made friends of the Llopens and together they revelled in the thrills of the flight together.
After several circles and upside-down to rightside-up maneuvers, the Llopinator managed to steady herself and fly straight into the wind with intense resolve. Eventually, the gusts began to weaken, and their flight pattern leveled off. Seemingly in need of a rest, however, Mistress Eeb landed upon a vivid pink landscape and everything fell silent. There the Llopinator sat, apparently in utter exhaustion, with her body heaving as if to catch her breath.
As they sat quietly upon the pink tarmac, the family thought about what this flying thing was and how they knew “she” was breathing? How was it that everything in Wonder seemed to be singing and communicating thoughts and feelings to them? The longer they were in this strange realm, the more the Faultsoms became attuned to the language of Wonder.
As they collected themselves, Chance managed to sprawl out on his Llopen sofa, energy expended, enjoying the high of his spinning head. Charleston, on the other hand, sat erect, quietly calming himself, breathing deeply and listening to the amazing storm of music that echoed in his ears.
“Hey, Hon…Hon? Ah, you okay over there?” Frank called hesitantly to Faye, who had nearly passed out and was babbling incoherently to herself:
“Get…the clothes, get the clothes out of the dryer. I can’t make it stop…somebody…please turn off the dryer — now!” Faye’s brain was on tumble dry, and Frank was a bit “green around the gills” himself.
A whimpering sound came from Chief atop his Llopen:
“Cheeperths, Ma…I think I’m gonna be thick…Maaaaaah?!” He was curled up in a ball, considering whether or not he would puke, but ultimately decided against it.
This break in the action was most welcome to all of them, but in Wonder, if nothing happens, it is not for very long. Just as soon they each started to find the bottom of their stomachs again and their inner gyroscopes had reoriented, the Llopens, upon which the Faultsoms were deposited, began to disembark from Mistress Eeb, barking orders to one another.
“Move ’em out, fellows!”
“It’s our turn to be deployed!”
“Time to be off!”
With that, the family found themselves upon some sort of sticky, limey green landing pad and were released from the goo that was keeping them attached to the Llopens ever since they had left the Microspangoria tubes inside of “Sir Raneth.” Now they were able to walk about freely on the fibrous surface of the tarmac.
A moment later, Mistress Eeb, apparently having recovered from her exhaustion, took off, leaving the family surrounded by cheering Llopens shouting their goodbyes and appreciation for the “lift.”
“Goodbye!”
“Thank you for the journeying, Mistress Eeb!”
“Ho Ho, toodle-oo!”
Then they returned to their mission.
“Here were are at last, fellows! Well worth the wait! It’s time to Down and Dig, Down and Dig!”
“Goodbye, Mistress!”
“Yes, yes, yes, Down and Dig. Let’s get to it, boys!”
At this, the Llopens began to chant a silly refrain that Chance and Chief found quite amusing. It was the kind of song that only goofy adolescent boys seem to appreciate, but Charleston, ever the serious one, couldn’t help but find it catchy as well.
Downitty down, down da down!
Diggitty dig, dig da dig!
Downitty down da diggity dig!
Da down a diggitty down-a-down dig!
Stigmastyle, a stigmastyle.
We’ll be Down Downing a Stigmastyle
“Again, lads, let’s sing it again!” a Llopen shouted. And so they all began again, but this time they belted it out as a round, with Llopens entering, over and over again, at different times. It seemed to go on forever until Faye and Frank thought their skulls would explode, while the boys, much to their parents’ chagrin, added to the cacophony by chanting along at the top of their lungs.
“Frank?? Frank…make it stop. I thought the clothes were out of the dryer…but it sounds like it’s still running…make it stop! Frank?”
Faye was still trying to sort herself out after their frenzied flight as Frank made his way over to her and wrapped his Llopen-sticky arms around her shoulders and held her close. He gently kissed her tacky forehead and whispered into her ear:
“It’s okay sweetie, it’s gonna be okay…”
The family stood on the spongy landing pad surrounded by the ever-nattering Llopens, when the sky abruptly darkened and immense plops of water hit the landing pad around them. If this was rain, the drops were the size of boulders, more like water bombs than drops. Much to their dismay, Frank and Faye were hit by an enormous plop of water, nearly flattening them. They were instantly soaked and utterly shocked!
“Eieieieehhh! Aaahhhhhh!” came their shrieks of surprise and outrage.
It would be an understatement to say that they were not at all happy about this development, but their boys, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious!
Charleston, Chance, and Chief stood, their hands over their mouths, and snorted as they tried to contain their snickering. All of a sudden, several more massive water bombs came out of the sky and landed right atop the boys, dousing them thoroughly and knocking them down — which now Frank and Faye found quite amusing. What a ludicrous, soggy shambles they all were, but this was nothing compared to the sight of the Llopens!
Their chattering was swiftly squelched by water plops falling upon them as well. The outlandish orange fuzz balls now looked utterly ridiculous and forlorn, with their wet droopy fur straggling down. They were quite the dazed, deflated lo
t of fellows, and the Faultsoms, one and all, burst into great peals of laughter at the sight of them. It was a deep and refreshing laugh they shared together. And once the Llopens had recovered from their own shock and surprise, they joined them in the merriment.
As it happened, the rain bombs had washed the Llopen goo off the Faultsoms completely. They stood in the afterglow of these comic events, noticing that the skies above them had cleared and a luscious cinnamon-roll kind of warmth was pouring down upon them, quickly drying them up.
At the same time, the soggy Llopens all about them began to swell. It seemed like they might burst open, but then, from inside each one, a snakelike appendage emerged. Each of these wiggling Llopen arms worked its way out and toward the center of the limey landing pad, found an opening, and pushed itself down inside of it.
One Llopen shouted his greetings to the landing surface they all stood upon, as his snakey outgrowth emerged and dug into it.
“Salutations to you, Miss Mistag! You are a marvy place to light upon! We are coming in…the Down and Dig does now begin!”
“Downitty down down da down! What fun!” A Llopen right next to the Faultsoms began to chant.
“Hey there, Lad Amazeling!” he cried out to Chance,
“You seem a jolly sort. Why not join me for The Downing! I shall make a way in for you.”
Needing no more encouragement, Chance ran to the snakelike arm thing, dove toward it headfirst, and vanished!
“Oh, Crime-in-itly! Is there no way to keep track of anyone here?!” Frank blurted out in frustration and alarm.
“Come on, guys!” he shouted.
And wasting no time, he took Faye by the hand, ran forward, and jumped toward the Llopen appendage just as Chance had. They both disappeared, followed quickly by Chief and Charleston.
Each had made quite a leap of faith into what turned out to be a tube, and their arrival was a slippery one, for they did not land on a floor but found themselves sliding down the inside of the tube as the “Downing Song” echoed around them.
They were slipping on some kind of fluid and just ahead, they could see two gleaming blue orbs sliding in front of them and a glowing red one lighting the way. The tube was a tunnel, no, a slide. No, it was a living, growing tunnel slide! They could see the end of it just past the orbs ahead, but each time they thought they would all hit a wall or crash through one and fall into utter oblivion, the tubeslide grew longer right before them!
Chief loved slides and this one was the ultimate of slides. As the Faultsoms slid down farther and farther, it occurred to Chie that it might never end! It could go on and on as the tunnel kept growing and growing and might never have to stop. This was another adventure tailor-made for the Faultsom boys.
As he slid down, Chance’s brain was filled with ideas and applications for a self-elongating transport device that he could create if he ever got back home. Charleston felt that he was discovering new depths of knowing and of understanding the way of love, as he watched the two blue spheres and their red lantern guide his family to the brink of a continuing precipice upon a living conduit that never let them collide or fall.
And what about Frank and Faye? Somehow the thorough washing they’d received from the rain bombs not only refreshed them but also imparted a new vigor, just as the light shower had done when they first arrived in Wonder and were all so full of defeat and dread. Showers here were a cleansing, revitalizing flow that didn’t just clean their bodies but also lifted their spirits, even as Wonder’s warmth didn’t only dry them but embraced their souls with reassurance.
As a result, and much to their boys’ amazement, Frank and Faye were having a ball remembering their favorite childhood sliding experiences. Here they were slipping along inside of this incredible living tunnel with a giddiness that overtook all their adult inhibitions and their anxieties about Constance. They were whooshing through memories of sliding into big splashy puddles with their galoshes on, and the final slides of the day that helped them overcome sad good-byes. They remembered the train rides down slippery surfaces with favored playmates, familiar friendly slides they mastered easily, and big daunting slides that demanded their bravery but rewarded them with feelings of invincibility. They remembered all these, and they recalled the happy faces waiting for them at the bottom of their best slidings and they could feel again the safety of their parents’ arms that had scooped them up just as their feet touched the ground.
Frank and Faye relived these experiences as they watched the glowing orbs ahead plunging them into the darkness of a tunnel that extended right in front of their eyes, all the way down. As if this wasn’t astonishing enough, they realized that the angle of their descent inside the living tunnel was almost straight down! It was a scary, thrilling feeling and yet they felt supported somehow. This was a miracle for the easily queasy Faye.
As they continued to slide, Faye and Frank and the boys began to discern the temperaments of the two blue spheres that led their way. The Llopens had been immature and goofy and could be quite annoying, but these new entities were of a much more sober demeanor. The one that ventured forth first, behind the red lantern orb, was a bright blue color and it morphed into a royal, iridescent purple the farther they descended. The sphere seemed to grow in nobility and change color as the journey continued. There was a knightly quality to him, and the Faultsoms knew that he was on a mission.
The other orb that followed behind was also blue but developed a luminous turquoise cast along the way. They were like a knight and squire riding forth on a quest with the lantern of the red sphere leading before them. And it was as if the tubeslide was a horse with boundless stamina upon which they rode toward the object of their zeal.
How long the descent took, none of them could say, but the Faultsoms would later recount that for The Knight and Squire, the journey had the quality of a quest, as if it were a voyage of preparation and transformation. The two morphing blue orbs were of a single purpose, but each with a different role to play.
The Faultsoms continued their slide deeper and deeper down, and after what seemed like ages, they finally reached the bottom, where the family could hear the next verse of the Llopen song.
“Diggitty dig, dig da dig…” the song went on as the tunnel leveled off and moved forward more or less horizontally.
They craned their necks to look past one another and watched as the end of the tubeslide tipped upward. It ascended and they could see its now open end pass through a hole in a thick wall. Then it dug upward and into what seemed to be a very large chamber. When the tube had penetrated the enclosure, the red lantern orb receded, as The Knight and Squire gathered themselves, preparing to make a dignified entrance into it. It was as though they squared their shoulders, which of course orbs cannot do. But the Faultsoms could see that the Knight, now a golden-flecked purple, and The Squire, now a vivid turquoise, each possessed a confident and noble bearing as they sallied forth out of the tunnel. At this, the silly “Diggity Dig Digging” refrain transformed into the music of a Grand Purpose reverberating all around them and the family sensed that something of great importance was about to unfold. Excited to see what it was, they scrambled after The Knight and The Squire climbing up and out of the tubeslide as quickly as they could.
What the Faultsoms saw when they emerged from the tunnel was quite a surprise. There on the floor of an enormous egg-shaped, dimly lit, and womblike chamber sat Mr. Keeze and Constance, leaning upon one another, fast asleep and snoring loudly.
“Xartief be extolled! Xartief be extolled!” Constance heard the rosy-pink dancing balls of light whisper to her, again and again, as they swayed to the music of their otherworldy passacaglia. A strange feeling overtook her and she felt herself lift up and out of her body. She floated over a snoring Mr. Keeze and began to take her place among the courtly maidens before her.
She had never felt so pretty, or graceful, or valuable. She was one of the loveliest of the ladies, strong, beautiful, and part of a Grand Purpose. She wasn’t st
riving and she was not trying to be perfect. She wasn’t feeling misunderstood or left out, and it wasn’t her job to make things happen. She was in perfect sync with her surroundings, playing a unique role in what was utterly essential to the completion of the dance, yet she felt free to express herself in flowing fancies of movement, with no fear of making mistakes and no responsibility for everything around her.
She found herself chanting that strange word with the other dancers:
“Xartief…Xartief…Xartief be extolled!”
She knew that all of this movement and mystery was The Way of Xartief. She knew this…even as she was known, entirely.
Floating glowingly and gloriously, she thrilled to the dance and her part in it, when the maidens around her began to circle and curtsy to her, and give her an honor far above their own.
“Miss Amazeling, Beauteous Constance, you are Bride, Generation awaits you.” This took Constance’s breath away.
Could this be true? She was The Bride? That gorgeous creature that carried such compelling power and grace?
“Beauteous Constance, you are Bride, and Generation awaits you,” they repeated.
“Xartief be extolled!”
The atmosphere around her was quaking with the presence of Xartief…
Constance shuddered.
“Hey, wake up, Sleeping Beauty! You were snoring like a water buffalo with a head cold!” Chance was briskly shaking his sister as a relieved Faye and Frank bent down over her and the snoring Mr. Keeze. Chief chimed in. “Hey Thith! Wake up! We’ve been flying and thliding! Have you been thleeping thith whole time?”
Constance awakened, her eyes widening as she took in her surroundings. The vision of the orbs and their music faded as she blinked and stared up at the sight of her endearingly kooky family.
Mrs. Amazing and the Seed Page 8
