by Emma Hart
“Well, I won’t argue that,” she replied. “You’re allowed to go out with your friends, Kai. But you have to make sure your phone is charged so she can reach you if she needs to. Regardless of your relationship that you really need to sort out, physically speaking, you’re the person closest to her. If she needs someone, you have to be accessible for her. She’s clearly struggling right now and you need to be responsible about that.”
I perched on the arm of the sofa and ran my fingers through my hair. I couldn’t describe how fucking guilty I felt right now. I couldn’t believe I’d been laughing and drinking with my friends while Ivy had been sick back in my own apartment while my sister looked after her.
And all because I’d forgotten to charge my phone.
Anna slapped the back of my head. “Don’t be a fucking baby. You can’t change it now, and you’re not gonna sit there feeling sorry for yourself when she’s been throwing up all night. Go to her apartment, take a shower, then bring your sorry ass back here. I’ll make a bed on the sofa for you.”
“The sofa?”
“Kai William Connors, if you think your sorry ass is going into your bed and disturbing her, you can think again.” She shoved some keys into my hand and shoved me off the sofa. “You can feel miserable when you’re done showering. Now fuck off.”
Fighting with her was futile, so I left without a word and let myself into Ivy’s apartment. It was weird being here without her, but I brushed off those thoughts and headed for her bathroom.
Shit. I hadn’t grabbed any clothes.
Hopefully Ivy had clean towels that weren’t pink.
After a detour to her linen closet to retrieve a towel that thankfully was not pink, I stepped into her bathroom.
The thick stench of vomit filled the air, and I felt too guilty to even revolt at it. Instead of getting in the shower, I went back to the kitchen for some cleaning products and a cloth, then set to cleaning her bathroom.
By the time I was done, the smell was all but gone, and both her toilet and her sink sparkled.
It was the least I could do.
With that done, I quickly showered. I felt ten times better in general after doing so, although the heaviness of my dead phone still weighed down on me.
It’d been a long, rough week with Ivy. We’d been forced together faster than either of us had ever imagined we would be, and it was easy to forget that as my life moved forward as normal, she couldn’t even have a night with her friends without feeling unwell.
I dried myself off and changed back into my dirty clothes. It didn’t feel good, but it was all I had, and I wasn’t going to wander across the hall in a towel.
There were enough people in this little town talking about me and Ivy right now.
I made sure I locked up behind me and her apartment was secure, then let myself back into mine. The only light that was on was the kitchen, so that meant Anna had gone to bed.
Thank God.
As she’d promised, she’d put a pillow and blanket on the sofa for me, and she’d even added a phone charger.
Great.
I was never living this one down as far as she was concerned.
I had a clean basket of laundry that I hadn’t put away, so I quickly changed into some clean boxers and some shorts and retreated to my makeshift bed for the night.
In related news, I really fucking needed a new sofa.
It was total shit.
I didn’t bother charging my phone. Everyone who needed me was in this apartment, so I spent the next twenty minutes tossing and turning on the sofa, trying to get comfortable.
I couldn’t.
I lay on my back and threw my arm over my eyes. I was going to sleep in my truck if I couldn’t get comfortable. This sofa simply wasn’t long enough for someone who was over sex feet tall.
“Kai?” A croaky voice that sounded suspiciously like Ivy floated in my direction.
I jerked up. “Ivy?”
She rubbed her left eye with her fist, and a gentle light from my bedroom illuminated her figure. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders, and her body was swamped by a Montana Bears hockey t-shirt that had to be at least ten years old.
Jesus Christ, why did she have to wear one of my shirts?
I knew she wasn’t feeling great, but she looked so fucking hot.
“Why are you on the sofa?” she asked, sleep making her voice thick.
“You were asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you. I didn’t, did I?”
She shook her head. “I just—I just wanted some water.”
“I got it.” I threw the blankets aside and stalked into the kitchen. “Do you want it cold?”
She nodded, stifling a yawn.
I grabbed a bottle from the fridge and cracked the top for her. She took it gratefully, and I got a bottle for myself before I closed the door.
Ivy took several small sips, and I didn’t miss how she winced between each one as if she was waiting to throw up again.
“Are you all right?” My tone was hesitant, but I wasn’t sure how she was feeling. Sure, she was tired, but she was probably really mad at me.
And she deserved to be.
Ivy nodded, screwing the cap back on her water bottle. “Just thirsty.” She glanced over her shoulder. “I can go back to my place if you want.”
“No, don’t be stupid. Stay here. It’s fine, honestly.” The apology sat on the tip of my tongue, almost vibrating with the need to be spoken, but she looked so exhausted I couldn’t bring myself to say anything other than I needed to.
“Okay. Thank you.” She turned back to my room, holding tight to her bottle.
I went to the sofa again and perched on the edge, reaching for the remote.
“What are you doing?”
I peered over at her. “I can turn it off if it’ll disturb you,” I said, motioning to the TV.
“No, I meant why are you sleeping there? On the sofa?”
“I didn’t want to wake you up. Also, Anna threatened me.”
Ivy’s lips tugged sadly to one side. “I’m not going to kick you out of your bed, Kai. Besides, I’m already awake.”
“Well, I think you should stay here tonight, so I’m happy to sleep here.”
She dropped the arm holding her bottle and walked over to me. Her fingers curled around mine, and she dragged me across the living room toward my bedroom. “Don’t get any ideas,” she muttered, letting go of my hand as we reached the door.
“Are you sure?”
“Damn it, Kai. I’m too tired to fight with you right now and my throat feels like someone’s slashed it with a razorblade,” she said tiredly. “Either you sleep in here with me or I go home.”
I stepped into my bedroom and closed the door.
“Thank you.” She returned to the bed. “I really didn’t want to walk across the hall. This bed is closer.” She put the bottle of water on the nightstand and crawled under the covers, wrapping herself up like a burrito.
I hesitated. “Do you want me to put on a shirt?”
“I really don’t care,” she murmured. “Wear a hot dog suit if you want. Just be quiet.”
Well, all right then.
I pulled off my shorts and climbed in the other side of the bed, lying on my back. Ivy reached out and turned off the lamp on the nightstand, swamping the room in darkness. It took a long moment for my eyes to adjust, and I traced the shape of the curtains with my gaze.
This was fucking awkward.
I wanted to apologize to her so badly, but the words wouldn’t leave my tongue. They were stuck there, and I hated that I couldn’t just spit it out right now.
Ivy rolled over so she was in the middle of the bed. I looked down at her only to meet her eyes. They were black in the darkness, but there was still a little glint in them.
She nudged my arm.
“What?” I whispered.
She did it again, except this one wasn’t so much a nudge as it was a light punch, and she combined it with shuffling closer t
o me.
Right.
I lifted my arm so she could snuggle into me. She moved so I could loop it around her body, and she rested her head against my chest. Her arm fell gently over my waist, and I shifted my legs so one of hers could rest between them.
After one more wriggle, she stilled.
I bent my arm so I could stroke her hair. It was soft, and my fingers easily glided through it. I kept it up until her breathing became slow and low and I was pretty sure she was asleep.
I guess the fact my heart had been thumping at her closeness hadn’t bothered her at all.
If she’d even noticed.
I sighed softly and turned my head so my lips were brushing the top of hers. After a few more minutes, when I was certain she was asleep, the words I’d been dying to say to her fell from my lips.
“I’m so sorry,” I murmured against her hair, still stroking it. “I hate that I wasn’t here for you. I should have been. I promised you, and I’ve already broken it.”
She said nothing. Not that I was expecting her to.
She was asleep, after all.
“I’m so damn sorry,” I repeated on another whisper. “I know you can’t hear me right now, and I’ll have to apologize again in the morning.”
Still nothing, just the steady in and out of her deep breaths as she slept on me.
I closed my eyes, my lips still pressing against the top of her head. “I just fucking wish you knew how much I really cared about you. I wish you knew how crazy I am about you.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN – KAI
What did you feed a pregnant woman who may or may not want to throw up in the morning?
Google was no help, and Anna had merely glared at me before stomping out of the apartment.
Probably to go tell Mom how terrible I was already.
Like she hadn’t spent her entire life moaning about how annoying her siblings were.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t a big breakfast eater, so I didn’t have a lot of food that would pass for breakfast. Fortunately, I was an early riser thanks to having to be up for work early every day, so I’d already been to the store and stocked up.
I had pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausage, eggs, various syrups, and a range of pastries. I’d also added orange juice, apple juice, three different smoothies, and a protein shake.
Like I said, I had no idea what to feed a potentially nauseous pregnant woman. But after my accidental disappearing act last night, I felt like I had to do something.
Ivy had slept soundly all night, eventually rolling away from me and freeing up my arm. At some point during the night, after that, I’d followed her, and I’d woken up to me spooning her.
I didn’t know if she was awake right now, but I didn’t want to disturb her, so I left what most hotels would call a continental breakfast on the kitchen island and walked into the living room.
I lay down on the sofa and opened my news app while I waited. Not that there was anything particularly happy in the news these days, but it was always good to keep yourself grounded.
I snorted at my own thoughts.
My current situation was pretty grounding.
Not only did I have to apologize to Ivy, but how she responded to it would determine if I was going to come clean to her or not about how I felt.
If she took it well, I’d admit that I had feelings for her.
If she took it badly, I’d take the verbal beating I knew I deserved and keep the truth to myself.
My phone buzzed with a message from an unknown number.
UNKNOWN: Have you spoken to Ivy? She’s not answering my texts.
ME: Who is this?
UNKNOWN: It’s Tori. Colton gave me your number.
ME: Oh. She’s fine. She’s at my place, sleeping.
TORI: What happened? She went home because she was feeling shit.
ME: She had a rough night. It’s a long story. I’ll tell her to text you when she wakes up.
TORI: Thanks. I should have left with her last night but she said she was just tired and a little nauseous.
Yeah, well, she could add herself to the list of people who were on a guilt trip. She’d have to wait for her ticket.
“What’s this? Hotel Connors? Do I have to pay extra for the breakfast?”
I craned my neck back to see Ivy as she walked into the kitchen, rubbing her eye just like she had been last night. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty. How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been hit with a freight train.” She picked up a smoothie and examined the label. “Where did this all come from?”
I got up and joined her in the kitchen. “It’s my way of apologizing for last night,” I said, motioning to it all. “And I didn’t know what you might want to eat. Or if you’d want to eat at all.”
She picked up the protein shake. “I assume that’s what this is for?”
I offered a weak smile and shrugged. “Yep. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you last night. My phone died.”
“It’s fine.” She looked down and busied herself reading the labels on all the pastries. “You don’t need to be at my beck and call every second of the day, Kai.”
“I know, but you should at least be able to get hold of me if you need to. Especially like last night. What if you’d needed to go to the ER and I wasn’t here?”
“I was fine. Anna called my doctor and she said that it’s okay unless I go twenty-four hours without being able to keep water down, then I need to go. But I can keep water down now, so I guess I just ate something that didn’t agree with me.” She shrugged a shoulder and opened a plain croissant. She tore a little off the top and put it in her mouth, chewing it thoughtfully for a moment.
“Ivy—”
“Leave it.”
“I just—"
She put the pastry down and looked at me. “I know you’re sorry, Kai,” she said softly, finally looking at me. “I heard your apology last night.”
Shit.
I rubbed my hand down my face.
I suppose I didn’t have to worry about telling her how I felt anymore.
“So I guess you’re not the only one who has to apologize,” she said, turning and opening a cupboard.
“What do you mean?”
Ivy continued searching my cupboards. “The other day, after the doctor’s appointment. You brought up us dating for real and I brushed you off. I’m sorry.” She stood up and brandished a frying pan. “Do you want eggs?”
Talk about whiplash.
“You don’t have to apologize for that. I understand why you brushed it off. Besides, if you knew how I felt, I know you wouldn’t have said it like that.” I handed her some oil for the pan. “What were you planning on cooking?”
“That doesn’t matter. Do you know that I spent two hours arguing with my sister and our friends on Thursday night? I insisted that there was nothing going on between us, and now I have to admit that I was wrong. And you should know that I’m never going to live it down.” She flashed a look over her shoulder. “And I was going to make cheesy scrambled eggs with sausage and bacon on the side. If you’re hungry. But if I don’t eat in the next twenty minutes, I’m going to collapse into a starving pool of crying pregnant lady.”
I took everything she needed for breakfast over to the counter where she was standing, including grabbing cheese, butter, and milk from the fridge for the eggs and another pan to fry the sausage and bacon. “Ivy, I said that last night for completely selfish reasons. I needed to get it off my chest, and I was going to tell you how I felt this morning if you didn’t yell at me. I understand how you feel about us dating just because of the baby.” I opened the bacon. “I’ll cook the bacon and sausage.”
She retrieved a jug from the cupboard and opened the egg carton. “Honestly, I don’t know how I feel. Do I think we’d date if I wasn’t pregnant? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean I’m necessarily against the idea, I just don’t want us to be together because we feel like we should be.”
“Ah, as opposed to the fake m
arriage you cooked up because your grandmother made you feel like you should be.”
Ivy pouted, looking over at me. “Do you have to keep bringing it up?”
“Only when it works in my favor.”
She wrinkled up her face. “Yes, fine, just like the fake marriage I cooked up for both of us.”
I grinned, catching her eye. “It’s fine. I know you like me really.”
“And just how do you know that?”
“Because you’re the one who rolled over and demanded cuddles last night.”
“I did not demand anything.”
“You punched me in the arm.”
She paused for a moment, holding the whisk still in the jug. “I suppose I did punch you in the arm. In my defense, you deserved it.”
“I deserved a harder punch.”
“I can arrange it.”
“I’ll pass,” I replied, flipping the sausage patties. “Maybe hit me with it when I least expect it.”
“I’ll take that as permission.” She poured the whisked egg mixture into her pan.
I turned the bacon, staying silent, neither denying nor confirming that it was permission.
It didn’t escape my notice that we hadn’t finished our conversation about anything between us.
That was becoming more and more normal for us—we’d start a conversation and never finish it.
Our poor baby was never going to have a name, was it?
Jesus.
We finished cooking, scarily coordinated, and I pulled two plates down from the cupboard for us. Ivy served both meals up while I poured two glasses of orange juice, and we both sat down at the small, circle table passed as my dining table.
Well, it passed as long as my mother wasn’t here.
According to her, it was a glorified side table.
We ate in companionable silence. It was nice—comfortable, the kind of thing I could see myself doing on a regular basis.
And we still had to finish that conversation.
When we were done, I cleared the table and put everything in the sink. “So, are we going on a date?”
