When he let go of my arms, the look of disbelief that seized Garrett’s features was disturbing. I did not understand why he would be so shocked. Wasn’t that what a good sub was supposed to do? Please her master?
“You would have gone through that for me?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I wanted to.” I shrugged. “Not sure if I could have, though. Talking about it was one thing. Being there on that stage with all those people staring at me….” I shivered.
His hands rubbed up and down my arms to alleviate my shaking. “I’m sorry. I sometimes think I should have kept on walking that first day I saw you at that park. There was just something about you that I couldn’t…. I hope one day you can forgive me for all that has happened.”
“I have no regrets. If it hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be here now.” I cuddled into his strong chest. “Didn’t you promise after the ceremony to take me home and claim me all over, again and again?”
He curled his arms around me. “Yes, I seem to remember that.”
“You also promised I would enjoy every minute of it.” I gazed into his eyes.
“Are you asking me or telling me, Lexie?” His lips came closer to mine.
I pressed into him. “I’m begging you.”
He grinned. “I like the sound of that.”
When his lips kissed me, he felt different. Not the master or the manipulator he had been, but softer and more vulnerable…like me. His mouth became more insistent as his tongue skirted the edges of my lips. I hungrily accepted him, starving for more. This was not the calculated kiss of a man weighing every syllable of my words or testing me. It was the kiss of a man getting lost in his passion. He wanted me. I could feel his arms tighten around me, holding me even closer. He was kissing my cheeks and neck as he positioned me beneath him. His hands skimmed over me, while his thumbs flicked my nipples, and he knelt between my legs. When his fingers dipped into my wetness, I hooked my legs around his waist, yielding to him, needing him.
He arched over me, gripping my hips. “Christ, I want you.”
I ran my hands up his arms to his thick shoulders. “Then take me,” I breathed.
His penetration was swift and deep, making me arch with delight. He thrust into me with all of his might, and then he stopped.
“Open your eyes, Lexie.”
When I did, he was gazing down at me, his brown eyes warmer than I had ever seen them. He kissed me gently and then slowly eased into my flesh, as if savoring every inch of me.
“Keep your eyes on me,” he pleaded, as he pushed all the way inside of me.
His eyes stayed on mine as he moved in and out. The tenderness of emotion in his features was mesmerizing. I was completely his in that moment, shielded from the world beyond that bedroom. As his hips moved faster, bringing me closer to climax, a rush of electricity awakened in my body.
“Garrett,” I cried.
He bowed his head into my chest, breathing hard as his orgasm began. He slammed into me again, drew in a ragged breath, and squeezed me in his arms.
“Lexie,” he groaned as his body shook above me.
I held on to him, resting his head against my chest while our bodies luxuriated in satisfaction. In all the days we had spent together, I had never felt closer to Garrett. I closed my eyes, thankful for that moment. I had seen that part of him he had fought to keep hidden. I had finally caught a glimpse of Garrett Hughes, the man.
Day 17
I awoke to streams of sunlight shining in my face. Opening my eyes was painful, and I quickly covered them with my hand. Eventually, I was able to peek through my fingers to the source of the blinding sunshine. The partially closed long beige curtains to the side of the bed were allowing just enough light through to let me know it was well past morning. Sitting up in the king-sized bed, I looked about the bedroom, orienting myself. Flashes of my night with Garrett came to mind, and the warm ripple of excitement I had felt in his arms quickly returned.
“Was it five or six times?” I giggled, trying to remember the exact number of times Garrett had claimed me.
The funny thing was, each time he took me in his arms the intensity and tenderness from him had deepened. Just when I thought he was done with me, he would roll over, kiss me, caress me, and move me into a new position. Every time his passion had reached a climax, he had called out my name.
A sense of accomplishment made me smile. Sometime during the night, I had changed from his sub to his lover. The man who had made love to me was not an elite master seeking to control me, but a man wanting me…the real Lexie Palmer.
I threw aside the white sheet covering me and noted the rumpled light red spread at the foot of the bed. Soon, the overpowering smell of coffee hit my nose. I searched the floor and spotted my yellow robe where I had left it the night before.
While tying the belt on my robe, I emerged from the hallway and into Garrett’s expansive living room. I found him in the kitchen at his cooktop, tending to a pan on the burner. With a spatula at the ready, he flipped some scrambled eggs, and reached for a black mug of coffee on the counter next to him. I observed his movements, treasuring the opportunity to see him doing something as trivial as making breakfast. It made him less intimidating, and sexier than ever to me.
“You’re up,” he proclaimed when he spotted me across the room. “Good. Come and eat some breakfast before I take you home.”
I walked across the hardwood floor to a stool by the curved breakfast bar. Two plates had been set out with some utensils, a butter dish, and glasses of orange juice.
“I thought you said you never cook at home,” I remarked, taking my stool.
“No.” He turned to me, carrying the pan of scrambled eggs in his hand. “I said I’m never home to cook. I do manage to keep some food in the apartment…hence, breakfast.” He scooped some of the scrambled eggs onto the plate in front of me.
I picked up my fork. “Since it’s Sunday, maybe we could go do something fun after you take me home. I could change and we—”
“I have work to do at the office,” he interrupted. The coldness had returned to his voice, and his eyes were once again impartial. The man I had been with last night had vanished. “I have designs I need to finish up for contractors next week,” he added.
I picked at the eggs on my plate. “I should get back to my book.”
He took the pan to the sink. “Yes, you have that to finish.”
We said nothing for a bit, and the sound of running water seemed to accentuate the silence between us. When Garrett turned from the sink, he picked up the coffeepot from the maker and brought it over to me.
“I would like to read your book when it’s finished,” he admitted, filling the black mug set next to my plate.
I dropped my fork on my plate with a loud clang and picked up my coffee. “Sure.”
His heartless brown eyes were all over me. “You’re angry. Is it because I want to read your book? I thought we agreed that—”
“It’s got nothing to do with the book,” I shouted. “What is the matter with you? Last night we—”
“Last night was last night, Lexie.” He calmly returned the coffeepot to the warming plate on the coffeemaker. “Don’t read too much into it. We had a good time, but we both agreed to one night, and now we’re done.”
I banged my coffee mug down on the counter. “It was more than a ‘good time’, and you know it, Garrett.”
“Master,” he advised in a raised voice.
“Oh, I see. The asshole is back.” I jumped from my stool and was heading to the bedroom when he came up behind me, grabbing my arm.
“This can’t go on between us.” He wheeled me around to face him.
“Why not? Why do we have to stop after one night?”
His lips angrily pressed together as his arms held me. “I can’t have this. I don’t want this with you.”
“What about what I want, Garrett?” I tried to wiggle free of his grip. “Tell me to call you master one more ti
me and I swear I will—”
He let me go. “I was right about you. You are a Dom, and I could never tame you, never switch you to be my sub.”
“Is that what you have been trying to do this whole time? Tame me? Make me give into you?”
“Submit to me, dammit.” He turned away, raking his hand through his hair. “You wanted to get research for your book. I tried to show you how it is, being my sub, but it was always there inside of you, that last refuge of unwillingness to comply.” His eyes veered back to me. “Last night I thought I had you, had finally made you mine, then…you’re not meant for this, Lexie. Can’t you see that?”
“Do you ever let it go, Garrett? Do you ever once stop being this paragon of domination, and just let yourself be a regular guy?”
“Not around a sub…and never around you.” He marched toward the hallway.
“And last night?” I called behind him. He stopped in the middle of the room, keeping his back to me. “What were you then, Garrett? Because you sure weren’t the master you’re trying to be now.”
His shoulders sagged, pushed down by an invisible weight. “I am a Dom and you must be my sub. Last night was a mistake.” His sigh was heart-shattering. “I did something I don’t do, and I can never do again. Do you understand?”
“No!” I flung my hands in the air. “Why would you want to throw away a chance with someone? What difference does it make how we come together, as long as we are together? Don’t you want me? What in the hell are you so afraid of?”
“For God’s sake, will you stop trying to change me?” When he faced me his eyes were as dead as winter. “I’m not going to give up what I am for you!”
His words ricocheted about my head until the shockwaves settled over my heart. I wasn’t trying to change him. Couldn’t he see that? Or maybe he didn’t want to see it. Shades of my marriage flashed before my eyes, and I was again confronted by a man who could not see the real me.
“I’ll find something for you to wear, and then I will drive you back to your place.” He headed down the hallway toward his bedroom.
Standing in the middle of his Spartan living room, I felt my world come crashing down around me. I thought I had broken through his defenses, but I had only made them even more impenetrable than before. Gutted by the realization that he would never again be the man he was last night in bed, I knew I could not go back to how we had been before. I wanted the gentle Garrett, the tender man who had made love to me. Not the one that ordered me about like an overzealous director on a motion picture set. He was right, I wasn’t meant for that. I needed more. Following him to the bedroom, I was eager to get some clothes and return to the life I had known prior to his arrival. I had been safe before, tucked away from the world in my little apartment and writing my stories. I could be that way again. In the end, I was sure I could make myself forget that Garrett Hughes had ever existed.
* * *
We drove in silence from his penthouse. As his stylish black car parked before the converted mansion on Esplanade Avenue, I yearned to run to the sanctuary of my apartment. Before my hand touched the door, he pulled at the rolled up sleeve of the large white dress shirt he had given me to wear. Keeping my eyes on my tennis shoes, I waited to hear what he had to say.
“I should never have brought you into my world, Lexie. This was my mistake.” He let go of my sleeve. “I’ll tell Mabel you’ve changed your mind about the club and insist she leave you alone. I’ll vouch for you, and she can make sure you’re never bothered again.”
I turned to him. “What if I do submit to you, agree to let you run my life, and be my master? Would you want to give me up then?”
His hands gripped the steering wheel. “You don’t want that, Lexie, you never did.”
“Maybe I do now.”
“Think about what you would be giving up. It’s not you. You’re too strong for this.”
“That’s not true.” I reached for the door handle. “Do you even know me, Garrett?”
He didn’t answer.
I opened the car door, and without looking back said, “I’ll send you a copy of the book when I’m done.” Slamming the car door, I rushed up the walkway to the main entrance, not caring who saw me returning home in such attire. I figured at this point, what was a little humiliation among neighbors.
Back in my apartment, I set the deadbolt and immediately went to my bathroom. Flipping on the shower, I wanted to wash the smell of him from me. I needed to remove every last trace of our night together from my life. Throwing his shirt to the floor, I jumped beneath the hot spray of water and began soaping down my body with gusto. The harder I scrubbed, the more empty I became. Finally, as the tears welled up in my eyes, I sank to the bottom of my shower stall and cried.
Day 18
Sitting before my desk, I was staring at my manuscript, unable to type a single word. I was numb from head to toe. The ache in the place where my heart had once been had not let up from the time I had stepped from his car the previous morning. I could not sleep, could not eat, and I hated him for what he had done to me.
What exactly had he done to me? Had he made any type of declaration about his intentions, or had he professed his undying love? No. With Garrett it had never been about words, but actions. It was those actions that had made me believe there was more to us than just a book. There had been moments when I knew I had gotten through to him. For some unfathomable reason, he had pushed me aside. Perhaps I had been wrong about him all along.
Just when I thought my desolation had hit a low point, my cell phone rang. Springing for the phone on my desk, I hoped it would be him. It wasn’t. Sighing, I took the call.
“Hello, Mom.”
“Where have you been?” Her usually placid voice sounded a bit frazzled— very unlike Lily. “I’ve been calling your phone since Saturday night. Were you out with Garrett?”
I dug my fingernail into the soft wood on my desk as my exasperation bubbled. “Why were you calling me? Don’t you think we’ve spoken enough for one year?”
“Oh, you’re in a great mood. What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
My fingernail dug deeper. “What is it, Mother?”
“Okay, Alexandra.” Mom gave one of her long sighs, making my eyes roll. “What happened? Is it Garrett? I can hear it in your voice, something is wrong.”
I tightened my grip on my cell phone, denying the tears brimming in my eyes. “Garrett and I are done. He…we decided it wouldn’t work.”
“Uh huh.” Then silence.
Worse than my mother’s sighs were her bouts of silence. If I was in the room with her, I could just walk away. On the phone—short of hanging up—there was no escape.
I wiped away the shavings of wood I had carved into the desk with my nail. “If you’re not going to talk, Lily, I need to get back to work.”
“You scared off another one, didn’t you?” Her voice was flat and emotionless, another telltale sign of her disappointment in me.
“I didn’t scare Garrett off,” I argued, my voice teeming with frustration. She always assumed everything was my fault. Ugh!
“Yes, you did. You always scare men away. You’re too smart for most men. God knows that was true with Sid. I had hoped not so with Garrett. He’s smart, but he’s not as brave as you are.”
That made me chuckle. “Brave? Since when have you considered me brave?”
“You’ve always been that way, Alexandra. Ever since you were small, I could see it in you. You never backed down from a challenge and always ventured headfirst into any firestorm. You’re just like your father in that way. Elliot was a risk-taker. At least you found a constructive outlet for that trait. Your father didn’t.”
“That just makes me stupid, Mom, not brave.”
“You’ve never been stupid. I think that’s what Garrett likes about you. He’s afraid of you, too. You can see it when he looks at you. You scare him, but in the way a man should be afraid of a woman. Afraid of someone who will tame them and make them want
to settle down.”
“Tame Garrett?” I laughed out loud, almost letting the phone slip from my hands.
“What’s so funny?”
I wiped my hand over my eyes. “I think Garrett was the one who wanted to tame me.”
“He’s already done that, hasn’t he? I can hear it in your voice, Alexandra. The man has done what no other could do. He’s reached inside that thick armor plating of yours and found the real you.”
I shook my head, remembering our fight the previous day. “Garrett never knew the real me.”
“Yes, he did. Why do you think he walked away? He knows you need to decide if you want him. You have to be the one to define the relationship. If you don’t, you will never believe in it, never trust it.” My mother laughed, something she rarely did. I was reminded of our time together feeding the ducks, and how her laugh had always comforted me. “I think this man is just as stubborn and as proud as you, Alexandra. Someone is going to have to give in first. Until that happens, you’ll never know what you could have together.”
“What if you’re wrong? You have a lousy track record with men, Mother.”
“I’m never wrong about men. I know them, too well. I’ve been with a few good ones, a lot of cheaters, some liars, too many rogues, and one swindler. I’ve never met one like your Garrett, though. I’ve never been lucky enough to find a loyal one like that. You need to go after him, Alexandra, before you both regret it.”
A short lapse of silence filled the line, as I digested her words. Squirming in my chair, I redirected my thoughts. “So why did you call, Mother?”
“That man may be a whiz at figuring you out, but he sucks at fixing garage door openers. I just wanted to tell you that the damn door is stuck again.”
Laughter poured out of me. Just when I thought we had made a connection, Lily once again became the acerbic woman I had always known her to be.
“If I see him again, I’ll be sure to let him know,” I chuckled.
“If…?” Lily snorted. “Just tell him I’ll be waiting for him to come and fix it for me.”
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