Lena had never made me feel nervous. Loving her was as easy as breathing, and I couldn’t let her know I was nervous. I started to pace like Gabe did when his nerves took over.
What if she didn’t like the nervous me? I wondered if she was even up for a date. Could she even keep down food? Every time we ate, she got sick or felt worse. I felt useless. I couldn’t help her the way I wanted to help her.
Then a voice in my mind spoke. What is wrong with you? Just be yourself. And then I knew what I had to do. Be me.
***
I had been ready for what felt like an eternity. It turned out it had been only an hour, which was practically the same thing to me. I sat and watched TV while Gabe ignored me as he typed on his iPad. I wanted to talk to him, but he was being so odd.
“Gabe,” I said quietly, and he looked up at once. Maybe he could hear the defeat in my voice. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I just have been thinking of ways to help Lena today. I don’t know what there is to do.” He turned the screen to me. And I saw the image of a brain that was deformed and immediately realized whose it was. “I made a sketch of how her brain looks. I was trying to remember what happens when each lobe of the brain is damaged. Each damage is equally bad.”
He didn’t explain what he meant, and I was grateful that he wasn’t being blunt. I didn’t know if I could take it. “So what’s the solution?”
Gabe didn’t turn to me and he spoke to the couch. “Jared, it seems that she’ll die if we don’t hand her over.” He didn’t look at me, but heard the hopelessness in his voice.
“No,” I yelled to him. “We haven’t tried everything. We’ve only tried one thing. I know I told you not to touch her again, but if it is necessary, then you must help,” I shouted over the TV.
He flinched but didn’t back down, and he faced me. “Jared, do you want her dead or alive as a different person?” There was the bluntness I didn’t want.
I didn’t answer, because neither option sounded like something I could live with. “Neither. Can’t we just try something new?” I pleaded calmly.
“Enjoy your night, and we can discuss this in the morning. We can try one of my theories, but what if they damage something in her brain? Think about that.”
“I would still love her and want to be with her,” I told him, and his face softened.
“Enjoy tonight. You need to be with her and show her how much she means to you.” He got up, and I got the feeling there was something he wasn’t telling me.
Chapter Twenty: First Dates, Last Dates
I WAITED IN the kitchen alone for Lena while Gabe was downstairs in the lab, completely ignoring his duty of watching the food. So I made it my job to make sure nothing burnt. I continued to wait for about forty more minutes, and I slumped in my seat with annoyance. I wanted to ask him why he was still looking when he had no intention of helping Lena, but I decided against it. I didn’t want to fight with him. I heard a door slam, and I walked to the hallway and saw Gabe with his nose in his iPad again.
“What’s wrong?” I asked angrily. “Shouldn’t you be watching the food?” I could tell he was embarrassed because he slouched over as he walked into the kitchen and rested a hand on his face. He had every reason to be. He didn’t want to help her, and he should have been ashamed.
“Why should we both be up here while you’re watching?” he asked sarcastically before continuing. “Jared. I want to help her. I don’t want to just let something bad happen to her. I’m panicking at this point. I have no clue what the right thing is to do with her.” He didn’t seem to be dealing very well with the fact that he had no idea what to do, but he continued. “I know you love her. If I didn’t want you happy, I wouldn’t be here searching for answers. Maybe I can figure out something. Enjoy your night and let me fix this. I will fix this for you.” He put his hand out for me to shake, and I laughed and slapped it away. “I’ll watch the food now. I promise.” He laughed as he threw his hands up, but something caught his eyes. He froze in place. Holland walked forward, and I wanted to chuckle, because Holland made him shut up. No one made Gabe shut up. Ever.
Then I saw her. Lena wore a tight black skirt that grazed the tops of her thighs with a silky gold shirt that hung loosely on her shoulders. Her shoes were black heels that were high enough to reach my height, and I knew that Holland put her up to it. Then I reached her face and saw why Gabe froze in place. It was her face, perfectly clear with no trace of rotting skin in sight. Holland must have covered it with makeup. Her eyes looked glassy but stunning. They were bright green, but her right eye seemed to have dimmed even more than before, but they made my heart soar as she stared at me fiercely through them.
“Sorry we took so long, but I wanted you to feel comfortable.” Holland faced Lena. Lena smiled sweetly and pulled Holland into a bear hug. She whispered something, and when Lena released the hug, I saw Holland holding her mouth as tears spilled from her eyes.
“Have fun, you two,” Holland barely made out as she backed down the hallway to her room, probably to recover from whatever Lena had said.
Lena walked to me, and it was like a glow was around her. She walked straight into my arms and she didn’t have to stand on her tiptoes because of her shoes. She was shorter than me, and it was nice to see her face straight on for once. She wrapped a hand around my neck and pulled me into an embrace. Her lips found mine, and I forgot where I was until Gabe cleared his throat. Lena moved quickly away as she blushed.
“Sorry, Gabe,” she told him, but I knew she didn’t mean it, because she gave me a look as if to say later.
“Shall we?” I asked delicately. She nodded, and I looped my arm through hers as she giggled. It sounded almost natural. It was as if she wasn’t sick at all. Maybe she didn’t feel sick, because Holland made sure she didn’t look sick. I led her down the hallway, and Holland looked out to the hallway from her room. Tears still filled her eyes, and she moved away to the shadow of her room as we passed by.
All the nerves from earlier had swept away as soon as I saw her. I knew who I had to be and what to say whenever she walked into the room. I had to be myself. The person she already cared for and loved. I opened the door to the library, and Lena gasped at the sight. Even now, it was as if I were seeing it for the first time. The light almost glittered into the air. Her eyes glistened with tears, and I wanted to cry as well. I was so glad to be there with her.
“You did this for me?” she asked in amazement just as I did earlier. She grinned for a while, waiting for me to answer. When I hadn’t, she chuckled lightly. “It’s a test.” She beamed at me. I was at a loss for words, and I finally recovered.
“No, I didn’t,” I said finally and cleared my throat. “Holland set this up, but I hope that’s not a problem. I’m just really dumb when it comes to signs, I guess.” I smirked as she made a face of shock.
“Ah,” she remarked. “I wondered if you’d be honest. Holland already told me that she was the mastermind behind this.” The lights hit her eyes and they shimmered radiantly. She looked around the room in admiration. The light flickered, and she rotated to me.
“I love books. When I was younger, I told my parents that I wanted a library for myself, just me. I wanted a chair and a lamp and then all four walls covered with books. Reading is my escape. If I had a bad day, I wanted to read and go to a different world.” I watched her in enchantment as she walked along the shelves, brushing her hands along each book as if they were a sea of pages. “I just wanted a room of my own where my imagination would run free. My father promised me he would build it for me one day, but my mom was so sick he focused all his time on finding the cure. I forgave him, and I know that he would have given me the world if he could have. I was such a selfish child.” She looked ashamed of herself. “I wanted too much and took too much for granted. I never want to do that again. I want to put others before myself from now on. I want to put you before me. Do what you think is right for me. I’m fine with whatever the outcome as long as you
’re happy.”
I couldn’t bear to see the way she talked down on herself, but I stood in place. “That isn’t fair. You matter, too. You matter more than I do, because this is your life. You shouldn’t have to feel like you can’t decide your fate. I want you to tell me what the best thing is for you to do. I will not take away your decision.”
She didn’t seem convinced. “I think that I will let you and Gabe do whatever you need to while you try to fix me, but if you can’t, it’s okay. I want you happy, and I’m fighting to hang on, I really am, but I don’t know how long I will last.”
She looked defeated. I grabbed her into a full embrace. She relaxed from her tense stance as soon as my arms wrapped around her. “Don’t talk like that. I won’t give up and Gabe won’t either, so neither should you.” I spoke into her hair and gave her kisses in between each word. She giggled as I tried to tickle her.
“Let’s forget this tonight. We can focus on that tomorrow. What do you say?” I extended my hand to her, and she grasped it tightly. I brought her to the table and kissed her hand as I pulled out her chair for her to sit. She smiled and told me “Thank you” as she lowered herself to sit.
“Okay. So what’s on the menu for tonight?” she asked eagerly. She nearly jumped in her seat, and I was full with butterflies. This was a side I had never seen from her.
“Holland is making a roast and a surprise dessert.” She nodded and didn’t say much. I wondered if she was feeling nervous now. As I sat, she wrapped her foot around mine. She smiled widely to me, and I grinned back.
She was happy, and I could almost forget that she was sick. Her face was covered flawlessly. Her blouse was beautiful and on top it was the necklace she always wore. She even slept with hit. I noticed it when we had stayed in the motel. It glowed in the flicker of the lights now. I never asked her why she wore it, and I didn’t know if she would tell me. It must be important to her.
My gaze lingered a little too long, because she instantly grabbed it and began to twirl the key in her hands. “It’s beautiful,” I told her. “Why do you always wear it? Do you just love it that much?”
She looked down as she spoke. “My father gave it to me the day he died. It is my favorite memory of him actually. I loved it when I got it, but now it means much more than that. It was the last thing he gave me. It’s very special to me.” She didn’t look sad; she instead looked angry. I grabbed her chin and lifted it until she was eye level with me.
“What is it? What’s wrong? We don’t have to talk about anything. I just wondered where it came from,” I said in puzzlement.
“I’m just so angry that I didn’t see that this would happen. I shouldn’t have let my mom go out, and my dad shouldn’t have gone out that day. He was hiding, and I fought with him the night before to come and then he died.” Angry tears streamed down her face. “Dang it. My makeup will be ruined, and I will have to face the truth.”
“Hey,” I said softly and got up to kneel beside her. “It’s not your fault. He knew what would happen. He knew what was coming. He wanted you safe and you were. He is watching over you and always will.”
“Then why did this happen to me?” she asked gingerly.
“This is my fault. I didn’t protect you, and I’m sorry. I broke my promise to him to keep you safe. I should have put the clues together. You were losing so much blood that day. I didn’t think twice about the hospital.” I felt a stab in my heart as I remembered why she was in this situation to begin with.
“It isn’t your fault. I would have been dead anyway from blood loss. I could have been looking for a cure myself, but I was selfish and lived in a depression.”
“You had every right to feel that way. You lost special people to you. It is okay. Don’t cry. We can talk later. We should enjoy our date.”
I wiped her eyes and her cheeks. “You’re right. Let’s have fun.” She faked a smile, and I kissed her cheek, then her forehead, and she stifled a chuckle. She kissed my nose and winked to me. As soon as I sat back down, Holland walked in with our food.
“How are the love birds?” she asked in a cheerful tone. “Gabe gave up on me and went to the lab. He never stops.” I flinched, but tried to hide how I was feeling right now. Holland continued. “I made something I think you will love for dessert. I’m so excited. I watched the Food Network last night for the recipe.” She babbled on, but I just stared at Lena while Lena gazed up at Holland. Holland continued to speak and then when I glanced back up to her, she was gone.
We were silent when Holland left. Until Lena’s soft voice broke through. “I wish I had good friends like you do. I mean, my only friend abandoned me the night I saw you.” She stopped in place as her head fell between her hands. “What if Kaley died that night?” Her face turned to desolation. “Although you told me she wasn’t a good friend, I still worry about her. And you know what’s sad? I believe you when you say she talked badly about me. Full heartedly. But what happened to her? I will never know.”
“Gabe can find out for you, because we have records on everyone missing from that day. You are wonderful, and who cares if you don’t have her as a friend. You made two new friends here.” She looked down to her food and picked up her fork.
“I would like to find out what happened to her. You’re my friend, too. You’re like my best friend.” I knew she meant this, and I thought so, too. I loved her much more than a friend, though. That was when a sickness fell over me. I didn’t want to be dishonest with her ever. I had to tell her the truth.
“There’s something I want to tell you. I want to be honest always.” She gripped my hand from across the table. Her grasp was tight to encourage me to go on.
“Lena, I went back home to find my father.”
Her face dropped. “So, you lied to me?” she asked quietly.
“Well, yes. I was on a mission to kill him. I was going to shoot him, but then I thought, what logic is that? So many followers have the information already. Gabe tried to tell me this before I left home, but I wanted my own revenge.”
“So what?” she asked as hurt registered all over her face.
“I knew I was going to die if I shot him in front of those people. As soon as I saw you, out and about, I knew they would target you. And I didn’t want to save you, not at first. I thought you were a silly girl who knew nothing. But then I thought of your father and I remembered you were his world, and I kept replaying how he said the answers lie in you. And I knew that I had to save you or stop them from hurting you.” I hesitated and gripped her hand because she had loosened her tight grasp. “Lena, I want you to know that this is real. Your dad didn’t make me come find you. I just didn’t want you to be afraid of me. I wanted to help the world, and eventually, I wanted to help you.”
“Is there more that you’ve hidden from me?” she whispered. It pierced the silence, and I wished she’d yelled instead.
“No. I.” I stopped. There was more. There was no hope of her surviving anymore. Should I tell her? I didn’t know what the right thing to do was. So I picked honesty. “Gabe is losing hope after the last time we went into your brain.”
“What does that mean?
“It means you might not have much more time with me. We have to make the most of this. I want you forever, and I want to fix you, but what if we can’t? I just found a reason to hold on and live, and it’s being taken from me.”
Tears filled her eyes, and I felt them reaching mine, but I had to be strong for her, for us. I felt like an idiot for ruining our moment, but I wanted to be honest with her. I loved her, and she was strong. She and I both knew she could handle anything.
“I wish I could always be here with you,” she said slowly, “but I told myself the truth a while ago, and even if I’m not on earth with you, I’m with you always. I’ve realized something else that I didn’t want to tell you.”
“What is that?” I asked quietly after a few seconds, breaking the silence.
“That I really think I’m in love with you. You have pr
otected me this whole time, and brought me to this house. You have made me feel like I understand my father now. Wait, you did know my father, right?” She smirked at me, and I reached across the table and touched her face.
“Well, I do know that I love you. I’m in love with you and I know it. It’s okay if you aren’t sure if you love me this way. I will always wait for you,” I told her.
“We don’t have much time to think, though,” she stated quietly. “I’m in love with you. Not because the time is gone, but because no time will ever be enough with you. I will love you, and you will always remember in here.” She pointed to my heart.
She stood and plopped down onto my lap. For a moment, we forgot our troubles as she kissed me. She put her head against my neck and whispered that she loved me. And for the moment, that was enough.
Chapter Twenty-One: I Don’t Want Tonight To Be Over Yet
WE FINISHED THE dinner, and Lena was glowing. She continued to sit on my lap even when we ate the caramel cake that Holland made. We split a piece and then another.
I discovered little things about her that night. I realized stuff she didn’t have to tell me. Like the way she scrunched her nose when she talked about something she didn’t like or when she was frustrated. She glowed as her laughs echoed off the walls. I couldn’t get over what I discovered.
She smiled at me and laughed at my jokes as if they were the funniest things she had ever heard, even when I knew they were terrible. We laughed in our little paradise for six hours. I found out she loved to sing when she sang a song, and we danced to her voice. I fell in love with her even more that night.
She asked me questions that no one else ever cared to ask about. She asked about pets and my favorite memories. She cared about the little things. Then she asked the question I almost wished I never had to answer.
Antidote Trilogy: The Complete Box Set Page 15
