“I was sold to Rome when I was a toddler.”
“Besides,” Occipus said, “the legal age for marriage under my rule is thirteen.”
“Thirteen?!” shouted Cordelia. “You are one sick—”
“I suggest you hold your tongue, young lady,” said Occipus, “or I will have it removed, and Felix will have the distinction of being married to a wife who cannot speak!”
Cordelia stayed silent, terrified. What can I do? Nothing for now. I have to play along. This is all about survival. All about getting from moment to moment, until I can find a way to sneak us all back into our home. Once we’re there, we know all the secret passages. The Roman guards will be at a disadvantage. And we’ll find a way back to Mom and Dad. Just play along, Cordelia, and survive.
“Now,” said Occipus. “The next two words out of your mouth should be I do.”
“I do,” Felix said.
Cordelia swung her gaze around the arena, where everyone was on their feet, eagerly watching the ceremony. Emperor Occipus gave one thumb up to Rodicus.
“It looks like the groom has accepted the marriage proposal. But what about our bride?”
“Cordelia,” said Occipus, “do you take Felix the Greek as your husband?”
Cordelia felt as if she were about to faint, throw up, and wet her pants all at the same time. She had been through some pretty scary life-and-death situations, but nothing quite as gut-wrenching as marrying someone she just met.
Occipus raised an eyebrow. “Your answer, please?”
“No, no, no, no, no!” interrupted Brendan, shouting as he ran across the arena. “Her answer’s no!!”
“How dare you interrupt my ceremony?” said Occipus. “How did you escape?” But then he saw his dark-haired mistress following and realized she had let them come down from their seats. Eleanor and Will were being held back by guards in the upstairs viewing area.
Occipus smiled. Of course, this could all be part of the grand spectacle. Brendan’s appearance created more drama, more conflict for the crowd. And they loved it! The Colosseum sounded like it was full of excited hyenas.
Occipus dropped Cordelia and Felix’s hands. He stepped toward Brendan, making grandiose gestures as if he were in a play.
“You think you can speak to me as if I were a commoner? Why don’t you give me one good reason not to have you executed, ‘lion tamer’?”
The emperor drew his finger across his throat. Seeing this, Rodicus announced to the crowd: “It looks as though Brendan has offended our great emperor! We may have a wedding and a crucifixion in the Colosseum today!”
The crowd screamed and whooped. Brendan dropped to his knees.
“Okay, fine, sorry!” he said. “It won’t happen again!”
“That’s more appropriate,” said Occipus, and he helped Brendan up, waving to the crowd as if to say, I’ll let this one live.
Rodicus announced: “The emperor’s empathy knows no bounds!”
The crowd cheered. And Brendan realized that Occipus had the Roman people completely under his thumb. As long as he kept up bizarre stunts like marrying Cordelia off and threatening Brendan, they would be entertained—and he would hold on to power. It was brilliant, really.
“Back to our lovely couple,” said Occipus. “Miss Cordelia, do you take Felix the Greek to be your husband?”
Cordelia had a plan. She looked at the emperor and said, “I’m starting to understand how wise you are. A marriage to a gladiator I favor would be wonderful. But where will we live?”
“Live? You’ll live in the slaves’ quarters.”
Cordelia had to fight to hold down her disgust. Her feelings about this stubby, selfish emperor were exactly the opposite of Brendan’s. Where Brendan saw a skilled manipulator, she saw someone who had squandered an opportunity to lead. If she ever got home, ever got to grow up and become a leader, she would use her power wisely, to help people, not gorge herself on food and stage wasteful stunts.
“Supreme Emperor, as you know,” she said in her most delicate voice, “my family and I are not from here. We traveled here through the magic of our house. And we need to stay in that house.”
“Why?”
“To make sure that you and your people aren’t hurt by the house’s magic.”
“Are you threatening me?” asked Occipus.
“I’m protecting you.”
Occipus jutted out his lip, pondering Cordelia’s words. Then he nodded at one of the guards, who ran off the field toward the black gates where the lions and polar bears had emerged.
The gates raised. In a few minutes, a line of slaves stepped out of the darkness within. The slaves were all hunched forward, with ropes slung over their shoulders, heaving as hard as they could. Line after line came out, each pulling a heavy rope.
Inch by inch, Kristoff House came into the arena.
“You’ve got your wish, young lady,” Occipus said. “Are you ready to complete the ceremony?”
Cordelia stared at the house. The barrels underneath it were still intact; the slaves were using them to roll the house forward. (Kristoff House had been on stilts back in San Francisco, with barrels attached to its underside, to help it float in case it ever fell off the cliff where it was perched.) Even in this strange place, it was her home, and it nearly brought a tear to her eye.
Cordelia took a deep breath. The marriage won’t count anywhere but here. And in a few hours we’ll be back inside Kristoff House, and then we’ll find some way to get back to San Francisco, and then anybody who says he’s my husband will go to jail.
She glanced at Felix—he was giving her the same kind, reassuring look he had before. She looked up to the emperor’s balcony, at Will, held captive by guards with swords; he didn’t have his gun; he shook his head ominously. She looked to Eleanor, next to Will; she shrugged.
Cordelia decided that no matter what happened, she could take care of herself. She was a Walker. Surely she could handle a phony marriage.
“I do.”
Occipus clasped her hand to Felix’s and raised them both. “I pronounce you man and wife!”
The crowd roared. Occipus stepped away satisfied. Cordelia realized that Felix’s face was very close to hers. Oh no, I’m supposed to kiss him!
Oh well, Cordelia thought. Keep your mouth closed tight, grit your teeth, and give one lightning-fast kiss the way you used to with Granny, who had pointy black moles and a prickly mustache. It’ll be over in no time!
But as Felix leaned toward her lips, Cordelia saw something inside Kristoff House that stunned her. She opened her mouth wide, but not to give Felix a kiss. To scream.
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What did you do to Kristoff House?”
Cordelia could see through one of the living-room windows—and inside, the house was totally trashed! It looked like burglars had gone through it and dumped everything on the floor—plus a bunch of furniture was missing. She broke away from Felix and ran to the house, as Felix protested and Occipus laughed wetly.
“What did you do?” Cordelia yelled to the emperor. “Why would you mess up our house like that?”
“For this,” said Occipus, as a slave approached him with Cordelia’s mother’s silver tray that she used for fancy dinners. On top of the tray was all of the jewelry in Kristoff House: Mrs. Walker’s necklaces, rings, bracelets, earrings . . . even Dr. Walker’s Keith Richard skull ring that somebody gave him as a joke. Emperor Occipus stuck his hand into the pile and started putting things on.
“Hey! That stuff belongs to my mom!” said Cordelia.
“Not anymore,” said the emperor. “I’ve also made sure that the slaves removed any bedding and furniture that I thought would be appropriate for my personal quarters. Plus any books that may fit well in my library. But I’m sure there are a few things left in the house for you to enjoy, since you insist on living ther
e.”
Occipus turned to the crowd and shrugged with his hands full of Walker family heirlooms.
“I declare these games to be over!” Occipus said, making a signal at Rodicus, who repeated the announcement at high volume.
The people cheered for minutes as Occipus waved. It sounded as if they had just witnessed the Super Bowl, and Cordelia could picture them all going home, talking to one another, recapping the day’s events and ignoring the fact that they each had a life expectancy of about forty-five. She hated Rome.
“My wife,” Felix said, “are you coming?”
Cordelia flashed red, then looked up to see Will, Brendan, Eleanor, and Felix headed toward Kristoff House’s front door, being led by the emperor. Felix held his hand out to her. She reluctantly approached, refusing to take it, and heard Occipus speak:
“There will be guards posted outside all night, to prevent you from escaping.”
“Why would we want to escape?” asked Felix. “I’ve got a beautiful new bride!”
Cordelia almost threw up on her shoes.
“I can’t take any chances,” said Occipus. “You see, everyone who was here will be telling their friends and families how incredible today’s performance was. Tomorrow, they will be lining up to get in. To see all of you young witches and warlocks in your Hades house. And I can’t take a chance that you won’t be here!”
The Walkers exchanged a worried look with Will.
“How long will you keep us?” asked Eleanor.
“For the rest of your lives,” said the emperor casually.
“What—?” “Hold on a minute—” “Listen—”
“You can never leave. What would the public say?”
Once again, Cordelia was about to throw up on her shoes. But she suppressed the urge, took in a few deep breaths, and was able to keep it down.
“Very well. I’ll leave you in peace. And if you do manage to get past the guards, Felix here knows where his allegiances lie. Isn’t that right, my boy?”
“Yes, Supreme Emperor,” said Felix. Will and Cordelia looked at him with disgust.
“Very well! Vale!”
Occipus joined his raven-haired mistress and they walked arm in arm into the bowels of the Colosseum. Felix, the Walkers, and Will entered Kristoff House. It was chaotic and desolate inside, with papers and clothes thrown everywhere. The Romans had apparently not been interested in any modern American food, because they had thrown cereal all over the place and tossed soda cans in a big pile in the living room. Felix turned to Cordelia.
“So, my dear, this is where we’ll be living?”
This time, Cordelia did throw up on her shoes.
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Everything felt horrible for Cordelia now, inside and out. She was trapped. Trapped in every way she could be.
Felix knelt, took a tossed-aside washcloth, and wiped Cordelia’s shoes clean. He really was very nice, and Cordelia did sort of like him . . . but.
“You know our marriage isn’t real, right Felix?” asked Cordelia.
“It’s not? But the emperor just—”
“I know,” said Cordelia. “But like I told you. Things are different where we come from. Maybe we should explain. . . .”
The Walkers and Will started filling Felix in on their unbelievable story, and the sun had set by the time they finished. They were surprised at how well he took it.
“None of this bothers you?” Brendan asked.
“My parents fear the wrath of Poseidon and try to please him with fat oxen,” said Felix. “This all makes sense.”
“Good,” said Cordelia. They were sitting on the floor in the kitchen, because there were no longer any stools, and eating the yogurt and cookies that the Romans had left behind.
“Here’s the thing, though,” Cordelia said to Felix. “We didn’t grow up hearing stories about Poseidon. We grew up with order, logic. We have real, normal lives somewhere else, with a mom and dad who love us and need us, and we need to get back to them.”
“How do you intend to do that?”
“We thought we’d find a clue inside one of the books in this house. But your people have taken the books.”
It was true. Kristoff’s novels in the library were gone. Cordelia had hoped that Gladius Rex would still be here, so they could at least learn about how to navigate their way through ancient Rome.
Will took notice of how closely Cordelia was speaking with Felix. He didn’t like this, so he interrupted: “I’ve got an idea for how we can get everything back.”
“Excuse me,” said Felix. “My wife and I are having a conversation.”
“Ugh, can you please stop calling her that?” asked Eleanor. Eleanor didn’t like Felix at all, from the moment she saw him fighting polar bears. “‘My wife’ this, ‘my wife’ that. It grosses me out!”
“Not me,” said Brendan, raising his eyebrows. “I think it’s fun to watch Cordelia squirm.”
Cordelia punched his arm. Hard.
“Will you just listen to me?” Will said. “Actually, on second thought, maybe Felix the Greek should go to another room.”
“Why?” asked Felix.
“You’re a spy,” said Will.
“I am nothing of the sort,” Felix said. “I’m a gladiator.”
“Well, you’re clearly the favorite of Emperor Blobipus—”
“Emperor Occipus—”
“I’ll call him what I like,” said Will, smiling at Eleanor. Eleanor beamed, glad someone was on her side. “And I suspect that once we’ve all gone to sleep, you’re going to report back to him exactly what I called him, along with everything we’ve discussed!”
“You question my word?” Felix asked, standing to face Will.
“I do,” said Will, moving closer to Felix. “You’re just another one of Denver Kristoff’s characters. Just like me. Only I was written as an honorable, handsome, brave hero.”
“So was I!” said Felix.
“I doubt that. Once we get our hands on Gladius Rex, we’ll find out your true personality!”
“And what would that be?”
“A conniving, sneaky, venomous serpent!”
Felix had his gladiator sword strapped to his belt. Will instinctively reached for the Webley Mark VI pistol that he had lost long ago in San Francisco.
“Looking for a weapon?” Felix asked.
“Don’t need one,” Will said, putting up his fists. “Let’s settle this with our dukes!”
“Nothing I’d like better,” said Felix.
“Both of you STOP!” Cordelia yelled.
Will dropped his fists. He didn’t want to, but something in Cordelia’s tone made him.
“Just as I thought,” Felix said. “You’re not so brave. And if you are such a hero . . . tell me, what exactly have you done to help out Cordelia, Brendan, and Eleanor since you arrived here?”
“I . . . well . . . I got Occipus’s attention. Yes, I did,” said Will. “I gave him the lighter.”
“A whole lotta good that did us,” mumbled Brendan. “Now he thinks we’re magicians and he wants to keep us here forever.”
Will gave Brendan a startled look: Now you’re turning on me?
“Just sayin’,” said Brendan sheepishly.
Will glanced down. He never would have admitted it, but he was deeply ashamed at how the last few hours had gone. Ever since he had met the Walkers, he had helped and protected them. But what Felix said was true: In this world, what use was he to anybody? He didn’t have his gun—or his plane. He didn’t belong here just like he didn’t belong in twenty-first-century San Francisco. Maybe I don’t belong anywhere, he thought, except back in the book where I came from.
Then, just as he was about to burst into tears, something he hadn’t done since he was an infant—But was I ever an infant? Did Kristoff even write me as an infant?—Will remembered what he had
been going to tell Cordelia a few minutes before he got distracted by Felix. His whole demeanor changed in an instant.
“You want to see how useful I can be?” he said. “Follow me.”
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Will remembered exactly where to go. In the hallway between the front door and the kitchen was the spot where he and Brendan had busted into the hollow walls of Kristoff House on their last adventure. He stood there with Brendan, Cordelia, Eleanor, and Felix.
“There’s a passageway behind this wall,” said Will.
Cordelia slapped Felix’s hand away from hers. He was trying to hold her hand whenever they walked anywhere, telling her, “It’s a husband’s right.”
“Would you stop calling yourself that?” Cordelia said.
“Maybe if you don’t want me to hold your hand, my shoulder can just touch your shoulder,” Felix said. “See?” He tapped against her. His shoulder was about twice as big as hers. “Is that so bad?”
“Yes!”
“Ahem,” Will said. “Are you two finished?”
Cordelia and Felix nodded. Will stared at the wall: “One place I bet these grotty Roman blighters never got to was inside here. And last time, we discovered all sorts of things in these walls.”
“Like what?” Brendan asked. “Wine? Those creepedout books? They didn’t really help.”
Will didn’t appreciate his attitude. “Have you forgotten Penelope Hope?”
The Walkers glanced at one another. Penelope Hope wasn’t a good memory. She had been another character from Kristoff’s books, but they hadn’t been able to keep her safe. Now she was gone.
“Penelope told us that the inside of this house goes on and on,” Will reminded them. “That there are endless mysteries inside its walls. There’s no telling what we might find in there. Maybe another Book of Doom and Desire that can get us all home.”
“But how do we get through the wall?” Eleanor asked.
House of Secrets: Battle of the Beasts Page 13
