by JM Stewart
Time to steer this conversation back into safer territory.
Hannah: What is it you do, exactly, GQ?
CMcKenzie: Mergers & acquisitions. Right now, I’m working on a merger. Two large companies consolidating.
Hannah: Sounds exciting.
Okay, so it didn’t. She attempted to stall him. He’d contacted her and her heart had glommed onto this small bit of him.
CMcKenzie: LOL. I’m afraid I’m bit of a nerd. It’s a lot of late nights drafting documents & getting paperwork ready for filing. I enjoy things like reading & research. Always have.
Hannah: Nerds r sexy
She meant that. Sincerely. In all the wrong kinds of ways. Nerds were the guys you settled down with, because you could depend on them, and a dependable man could make her cream her panties.
CMcKenzie: Glad you think so. Most women I’ve come across don’t appear to. What were you doing before I called?
Hannah gnawed on her lower lip. She shouldn’t tell him the truth. No, she ought to make up an excuse and go back to sleep. He hadn’t called in two days and it left her with the feeling of being somebody’s beck-and-call girl. Something she’d been one time too many. Maybe she should have anticipated this. She couldn’t expect the man to drop everything for her. After all, she meant nothing to him. They were lovers, nothing more.
Excerpt she couldn’t deny she yearned to see him, if only to talk to him in the dark.
Hannah: Thinking about you & lunch the other day.
CMcKenzie: Funny. Me too. Want some company?
Hannah hesitated. Did she? Without a doubt. The thought of him coming over and being in her apartment rather than words on a screen made her wet all over again. Should she? This time, she had to be honest.
Hannah: 3 hours ago? Hands down. Now? It’s late. I have to get up early.
CMcKenzie: Bummer. Guess I should’ve called first, then.
Called first? What on earth did he mean he should have called first? Halfway through typing out the question, the doorbell sounded through the apartment.
Her heart skipped a full beat this time. She threw the covers back and sprang from the bed, trying not to run to the door. She peered through the peephole. Cade stood out in the hallway, five o’clock shadow and all.
She undid the locks with shaking fingers and pulled the door open, too stunned for a moment to do much more than take in his tall, broad form leaning in her doorway. He had on his pajamas, too, baggy, blue plaid pants hanging low on his hips, a plain white T-shirt, and, of all things, running sneakers.
She darted an obvious glance down his body and raised her brows. “Last-minute decision?”
Phone in one hand, he hitched a shoulder, nonchalant. As if he showed up on women’s doorsteps in his pajamas at midnight all the time. Something hot and promising flashed in his gaze, though, and her stomach dipped in the most exquisite way. “Something like that.”
A sense of vulnerability washed through her chest, and her smile fell. She ached to jump on him, to wrap her body around him and drag him inside. She couldn’t deny the sight of him filled her with joy to near bursting. “I didn’t think I’d get to see you tonight.”
“Me neither.” He pushed away from the doorway and stepped over the threshold. “I hadn’t intended to come over. Prepping for tomorrow took longer than I expected. It got late and I thought for sure you’d be sleeping. But I couldn’t go to sleep without seeing you.”
“Is that why you haven’t called in two days?” She hadn’t meant to ask him that, but the expression on his face and the tension mounting between them nagged at her. Something was off. She’d heard enough excuses over the years from guys backpedaling their way out of a date to know when someone was avoiding her. She’d rather Cade be honest with her.
He remained silent, his gaze searching hers. Great. She sounded like a jealous girlfriend.
Cade took another step, closing the door behind him and moving into her personal space. So close every time she inhaled, his scent invaded her nostrils.
“No. You’re right. I’ve been avoiding calling you. You make me crazy, Hannah. I’m in meetings I need to be paying attention to and all I can think about is you. Almost getting caught the other day scared the hell out of me. You want the truth? I don’t do crazy or impulsive. I do safe. I do what’s expected of me, and I do it well, because it’s expected of me.”
He lifted a hand, stroking her cheek, awe in his gaze as it worked her face.
“But with you? I find myself dreaming up ways to rock your damn world. Like fucking you in a public place, because I know, deep down, it turns you on. I don’t take risks like that, but I like making you happy. Getting to watch you is the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen, and your smile afterward was all the reward I needed.”
He cupped her face in the warmth of his huge hands. Hannah was helpless to do anything but stare. His heartfelt words had hit their mark. Cade McKenzie was a good man, and she was melting beneath the power of him.
“So, no, I hadn’t intended to come over tonight. I wanted some time to get my head together, but in the end, I couldn’t stand it. I had to see you.”
His words lodged themselves deep within. She understood only too well. She didn’t want to. Instinct said she’d broken all those rules she used to live by once, and it insisted she shove him back out of her life. He’d become far too important, when, in the end, despite his words, the two weeks would end and he’d go back to his life. Without her. Except right here, in this moment, they connected on a deeper level. They gave each other something they both needed. She may not understand what it meant for him, she may not ever know, but she understood the basic need behind it.
She opened her mouth, but he didn’t give her time to form a response. Instead, he bent his head, silencing her by covering her mouth with his. He crushed her to him, his tongue restless and searching. His body shook as hard as hers. God help her, she answered. Her tongue sought his in return. Her hands slid up his chest, pulling him as close as she could get him. The solid warmth of his hard pecs rubbing her nipples made her want to weep with the pleasure coursing through her. She wanted to wrap herself around him and never come out. The way she craved him made her knees shake.
He let out a quiet moan, a sound of agony and relief, and nipped at her bottom lip before sweeping her off her feet.
“Bedroom.” The single word left his mouth on a hot demand. She didn’t have it in her to deny him.
“Back of the apartment.” She leaned her head in, nibbling her way up his neck. He smelled incredible. His cologne was a hint on his skin, mixing with the scent of clean male and bringing images of him in the bath the last time she’d been in his hotel room.
Halfway through the front room, her gaze landed on the couch. Her laptop sat in its usual spot on the coffee table. She jerked her head up. “Wait. The couch.”
He shook his head as he carried her past. “Bed is bigger. I haven’t seen you in two days. I aim to take my time with you.”
The thought sent a hot little shiver rocketing down her spine. Cade, she’d discovered, preferred to make love at a turtle’s pace. He also liked driving her crazy, making her writhe in sweet agony.
“No, I mean”—she caught his chin, turning his head until his gaze met hers—“the couch. That was always where…”
She blushed, unable to make herself finish the sentence. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him that. It had to be pathetic to admit she usually masturbated on her living room couch. That she did wasn’t sexy at all. It was needy and desperate.
Two lengthy strides past the couch, he came to a dead halt, staring at her for the span of a heartbeat, then jerked his head in the direction of the living room. “On the couch? Really?”
She had to be beet red by now, because her face was on fire. “I just always ended up there. I waited for you some nights.”
His intense gaze seared into her, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She didn’t want to know how pathetic he thought
she was.
Cade’s nose nudged her earlobe, his breath warm on her neck.
“Me too. I spend my days looking forward to coming home just so I can talk to you. Most of the time, I didn’t even bother taking off my tie. If you weren’t home, I waited.” He turned and strode around the couch, then took a seat, depositing her in his lap. His soft lips skimmed the side of her neck, big hands sliding over her curves. His cock pushed into her ass, hard as granite in his pants. “I like the thought of you on this couch, fucking yourself with your fingers while thinking of me.”
A hot shudder raked through her. A soft, serrated breath left her mouth. God, the man could talk her right out of her panties.
He scraped the skin where her neck met her shoulder. “Let’s make new memories on this couch, baby.”
She nodded, breathless, unable to deny she wanted, craved, and needed him to be inside of her. Now. God help her, but she needed the connection to him, to feel him with her, real and solid. It had been two days, but right then, it seemed a lifetime. She only had him for two weeks and she wanted as much of him as she could get before he went home and this ended.
They both moved at the same time, a desperate rush of activity as they attempted to shed enough clothing to come together. Cade pushed the front of his pants down enough to release his cock, then pulled a condom from the pocket of his pajamas. His gaze locked on her, eyes at half-mast and searing into her as he rolled the condom in place.
Hannah stood and shed her pajama bottoms, leaving them wadded on the floor at the base of the couch, then straddled his thighs. She locked her arms around his neck, buried her fingers in his thick hair, and sank onto him in one greedy stroke. Shivers raced across the surface of her sensitized skin.
His big warm hands closed around the globes of her bottom, his fingers digging into her skin, guiding their rhythm. Every sweet rocking of their hips rubbed her aching clit against his pelvis, and every thrust hurled her closer to the luscious abyss. She’d craved him all damn night. His thick cock buried inside of her, pumping hard into her. His big, soft hands sliding over her skin. Her body came alive beneath his touch, goose bumps popping up along her arms. So aroused, she already hung on the edge, already teetering.
His gaze never once left hers. The need and hunger in his eyes held her an all-too-willing captive. Something territorial flashed there, and something primal in her responded, her body rocking, thrusting harder against him even as his hands tightened on her ass, pulling her into him.
Her orgasm rushed up out of nowhere with a soundless pop, pop, pop. She gasped, bit her lower lip, and dropped her head back. A heady tidal wave washed over her, drowning her in bone-melting pleasure. She gasped and sighed in his lap. Beneath her, Cade’s fingers bit into the flesh of her ass, his body shaking against her.
When the luscious quaking stopped, to be replaced by tiny aftershocks as her body came down from the rafters, she laid her forehead on his shoulder and tried to catch her breath. Cade wrapped his arms tight around her, and they sat for long moments holding each other in the aftermath.
When their breathing returned to normal, he turned his head and kissed the side of her neck, murmuring against her skin. “Hold on to me.”
She did, tightening her arms around his shoulders, because right then, she couldn’t bring herself to let go. Hands on her bottom, he stood. His cock still buried inside of her, he carried her around the couch to the bedroom, slipping from her as he laid her on the bed.
In the darkness, with nothing but the streetlights beyond her window to light the room, he brushed a tender kiss across her mouth. “I’ll be right back.”
He disappeared into the attached bathroom, returning a few minutes later. He shed his shoes and his clothing, then climbed in beside her, rolled her on her side, and curled around her, his body warm against her back.
How long they lay in silence, she didn’t know, but despite her orgasm, she still couldn’t sleep. Cade’s body had yet to relax behind her.
Finally, his lips brushed the back of her neck and his arm tightened around her waist, drawing her closer. “That secret I promised I’d share with you?”
She found his hand and curled her fingers over his. “Yeah?”
He hesitated a moment, his body tensing against her back, then drew a breath and released it in a rush. “I have a son.”
His words were a bare murmur in the darkness. He’d told her the first day they met that he’d share when he was ready. Apparently, today was that day, and she took his confession for the gift it was. He spoke casually, as if he told her about his day, but the knowledge slid over her, an aching realization she could no longer deny. Over the last six months, they’d done this often, sharing triumphs, fears, disappointments. Things they might not have admitted to anyone else, but the space between them had always been sacred. It was easy talking to a faceless person, someone you knew you’d never meet. There was anonymity in it, a sense of safety.
She was awed that he’d share such an intimate detail with her, but her heart clenched all the same. The unbearable realization of exactly where she’d gotten herself settled over her. Oh for sure, he’d break her heart when he went home in a week and a half. After all, they were nothing more than temporary stops in each other’s lives, a physical connection to make up for the lack they each felt in their lives. In the end, though, they’d still part ways. He’d go home, taking a piece of her with him, and she’d let him, because she needed the same from him in return.
The problem was, she had a feeling she’d miss him. Terribly. The thought filled her with questions she wasn’t sure she wanted the answers to. Would their relationship change? Would they become distant and eventually drift apart? Or would it go back to the way it was? She didn’t know. She didn’t know what, exactly, she wanted, either. Only that as she lay in the shelter of his embrace, she felt close to him, and an emotion she didn’t want to name or face twisted in her chest. Something that felt a lot like the first stirrings of love.
Neither could she ignore the pull of the intimacy his admission created between them.
She stroked her hand along his arm, his skin warm and the thick hairs soft beneath her fingers. “Tell me about him.”
He took a breath, as if he’d been holding it, and the tension drained from his body. It occurred to her what his admission must have meant to him. Like her scar, it was something he’d held back, something close to his heart, and he feared her reaction, the same way she had.
She threaded her fingers with his, hoping to somehow show him what she didn’t have the words to say. To show him she understood.
He pressed another soft kiss to the back of her neck before settling again. “When I was seventeen, I got a girl pregnant. She didn’t want to keep the baby. She told me she wanted an abortion. Unplanned or not, that baby was half mine. Part of me. I managed to talk her into putting the baby up for adoption instead. In the end, the adoptive mother agreed to an open adoption, so long as I agreed not to interfere with his life. She sends me pictures, letters with updates on how he is. He’s thirteen now.”
Her heart twisted as her mind filled with what it must have cost him. A teenage pregnancy, then having to face giving up his child. Being forced to choose. It explained why he’d freaked the first time he’d forgotten to wear a condom, when they’d made love in the tub in his hotel room.
She squeezed his fingers in reassurance. “You miss him.”
He grunted in agreement. “I was young and immature. My father insisted we give up the baby. I didn’t know enough to argue. My father is domineering. I know he means well, but he makes decisions and he expects you to follow them without question. I always have. And the more I thought about it, the more I had to admit he was right. I could barely take care of myself let alone a baby, but he and my girlfriend forced me to choose, and I hated them for it. It’s why I got the tat. My father hated it, but the ink is a part of me, the same way Ethan is.
“That’s his name. Ethan Alexander. He’s five-ten
already. Strong and smart. He looks like me. In the end, I did what I thought was best for him at the time. I got to meet the birth parents, to help choose. That was part of my acceptance. I wanted a say in where he went. And I liked her. She has a good heart.”
His choice of words didn’t escape her notice. At the time.
“But now? If you could do it over, would you do it differently?”
He released a heavy breath, the air stirring the soft hairs on the back of her neck. “Honestly? I don’t know. The adoptive mother is a wonderful woman. She tells me all the time how grateful she is I gave him to her. She can’t have children. She and her husband tried for years, but they were never successful. He’s the light of her life, and she’s an excellent mother. I can’t begrudge her that. She tells me that when Ethan’s old enough, if he wants to know, she’ll give him my contact information. For now, it’s enough I get to watch him grow up.”
She squeezed his arm in support. The pain and regret in his voice made her chest ache. “But you still miss him. I can hear it in your voice. You have regrets.”
“Mmm. I can’t help wondering if I did the right thing, if I should have fought harder to keep him.” He was silent a moment; then his mouth nuzzled her neck, soft and distracted. His voice lowered to a vulnerable murmur against her skin. “I wanted him. Now I wonder if he’ll hate me when he finds out, and I’m not sure I’d blame him if he did. Part of me is jealous. She gets things I’ll never have. All those small, day-to-day things. Smiles. Hugs. He’s my son. He wouldn’t exist without me, but I’m a stranger to him. She gets to tuck him into bed at night and watch him sleep. Those are things I can’t reconcile.”
Her heart ached for him. “Did you ever get to hold him? Before they handed him over?”
“Once. Right after he was born. They offered the same to the mother, but she didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want him at all, but his adoptive mother let me hold him. He was so tiny, but so perfect. He had a full head of dark hair.” Cade went silent for a moment, tension wafting off his body. After a moment, he released a heavy breath. “I think my heart claimed him, because letting him go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I almost took it back, changed my mind and my father be damned. But the look on the adoptive mother’s face as she watched me. She had this anxiousness in her eyes, like maybe she knew what I was thinking. Or had the same fear. And I just knew he’d be okay.”
