I pull on my leash. Jasmine lets go. Then I do what I do best.
MOM: Jasmine, you promised you wouldn’t let Wedgie off the leash. He’s running wild.
JASMINE: No, he’s not. Look, he’s herding.
WHERE AM I?
I rub my eyes. My vision clears, and I find that I am lying in a pile of popcorn. I sit up and stuff one of the kernels into my mouth as I try to remember how I got here. I was piloting my Drone of Destiny and posing for photographers when something happened. But what was it? My thoughts are blurry. My Evil Brain needs fuel, so I eat another kernel.
Elliot reaches down and scoops me into his hand.
ELLIOT: Gizmo, are you okay? You scared me when you fell. What were you doing up there?
I fell?
I peer over Elliot’s fingers. The Drone of Destiny lies mangled on the floor. I curl my paws into fists of fury. The machine failed me. It is not worthy of an Evil Genius. Gadgets and Gizmos was clearly trying to save money by having gerbils build their drones. Gerbils are dolts! I am enraged! I shall write a letter of complaint and post a bad review!
Elliot tries to soothe me. He holds me in his hands and kisses my head. He hands me my crown, which has been dented by the near-fatal accident. Elliot, my loyal servant, understands my heart-wrenching disappointment.
Thorgi barks. He stands at Elliot’s feet, panting and wagging his behind. He looks . . . proud. Wait a moment. Did the canine tamper with my Drone of Destiny? Is he the reason it crashed? He smiles up at me. Of course! Just like Luke Skywalker destroying the Death Star! Once again, I have underestimated Thorgi’s cunning. I shake my fist at him and squeak, You may have won tonight, but I swear by every Evil Cell in my furry body that one day I will have my revenge on you, Thorgi!
PRINCIPAL: Attention, everyone. Now that we have caught all the pets, and everything is back in order, let’s have our parade!
Some of the humans begin to clap. Others cheer. The human children grab their pets. They begin to form a line.
Is this what I think it is?
Elliot holds me up for all to see. Music starts, and we begin to march. I shiver with excitement. Then I make sure that my crown is firmly set upon my head. My parade begins.
Never fear, dear reader. Thorgi and the Toof may still be regular-size archenemies and my Drone of Destiny may be destroyed, but today ends on a glorious note.
Bow down before your future king!
WE’RE LEAVING NOW. WHAT A GREAT NIGHT. I ate popcorn. I chased three cats. I got to play with Funny Dog. I LOVE this place. I hope we come back.
EMILY: I’m really glad Wedgie was here. He saved Pinkie. She almost got outside.
JASMINE: He’s really good at herding.
EMILY: Here’s Wedgie’s cape. I’m sorry Pinkie took it.
JASMINE: That’s okay. I’m sorry Wedgie growled at her.
EMILY: I’m also sorry I copied you.
JASMINE: That’s okay. I’m sorry I cared so much about winning.
EMILY: We don’t need trophies to know that we have the best pets ever.
I piddle on the fire hydrant. Then I sniff along the sidewalk. Funny Dog follows me. We find a piece of chewing gum. We find a stick. We find something stinky. I don’t know what it is, but it’s the stinkiest thing ever. I roll all over it. I roll and roll and roll. I LOVE being the stinkiest.
ELLIOT: I thought the pet parade was going to be really boring, but it was a blast!
JASMINE: Yeah, it was funny when that parrot landed on the principal’s head.
ELLIOT: You okay that you didn’t win anything?
JASMINE: I’m fine. Even though Wedgie didn’t win, he was the hero. I love him so much.
ELLIOT: Yeah, me too.
JASMINE: Abuela sure looks happy.
ELLIOT: She sure does!
Jasmine ties my cape around my neck and hugs me. I’m Super Wedgie again! Emily puts the funny hat on Funny Dog’s head. Funny Dog shakes her head. The funny hat falls off.
EMILY: I’m starting to think Pinkie doesn’t want to be a princess.
JASMINE: I think you’re right. I’ve got an idea. . . .
Come on, Funny Dog. Let’s run in circles. I LOVE running in circles. And I LOVE my pack. I run around Mom. I run around Dad. I run around Jasmine and Jackson and Elliot and Emily and Abuela and Furry Potato. Funny Dog runs around Mom and Dad and Jasmine and Jackson and Elliot and Emily and Abuela and Furry Potato. My cape’s flying. And Funny Dog’s cape’s flying. We both LOVE our capes!
My name’s Super Wedgie, and day or night, night or day, I protect my pack, come what may!
DON’T MISS WEDGIE & GIZMO VS. THE GREAT OUTDOORS
DON’T MISS WEDGIE & GIZMO’S NEXT ADVENTURE!
Wedgie and Gizmo’s family is going camping! Wedgie can’t wait to herd the tiny squirrels and poop in the woods. But Gizmo has no time for fun. He needs to get all the forest critters to join his Evil Horde. Then they will take over the world, one campsite at a time. Muh-ha-ha!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND ILLUSTRATOR
Bestselling author SUZANNE SELFORS lives on a mysterious island in the Pacific Northwest, where she spends most of her time making up stories, which is her very favorite thing to do. She has a dog and a cat, and is seriously considering getting an Evil Genius guinea pig.
You can visit her at
www.suzanneselfors.com.
BARBARA FISINGER is an illustrator, character designer, and visual development artist.
You can visit her on Tumblr at
www.barbarafisinger.tumblr.com.
Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.
BOOKS BY SUZANNE SELFORS
Wedgie & Gizmo
Wedgie & Gizmo vs. the Toof
BACK AD
COPYRIGHT
Katherine Tegen Books is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
WEDGIE & GIZMO VS. THE TOOF. Copyright © 2018 by HarperCollins Publishers. Illustrations copyright © 2018 by Barbara Fisinger. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
www.harpercollinschildrens.com
Cover art by Barbara Fisinger
Cover design by David Curtis
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017943388
Digital Edition APRIL 2018 ISBN: 978-0-06-244766-1
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-244765-4
18 19 20 21 22 CG/LSCH 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
FIRST EDITION
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