I’m staring at Jill in disbelief.
‘Now I get it, on Friday night when you seemed to be so knowledgeable about Ana and Luciana and what they are like; I questioned you, do you remember I said...
“...you can tell all that from a photo?” You replied; “In the eyes Joe, all you ever need to know about a person is in their eyes.”
‘It wasn’t in the eyes but in a series of emails and a phone call. Wow, how gullible have I been? That was a rhetorical question, please don’t patronise me with an answer.’
Chapter 13
I am angry, really, really angry. I have survived some of the most hideous physical abuse throughout my childhood. I find it hard to trust people and to let anyone get close to me and as a result, very few people make it into my life, although when I do feel confident that they aren’t going to hang me out to dry I will lower my guard and let them in. So far, I have always made good decisions, although some decisions I’ve made in the last week have made me question my judgement. I am angry that I let Ana in, it’s now obvious that I was nothing to her, I’m angry at Luciana, for going behind my back and interfering, but most of all my anger rests with Jill; of all the people I have ever met, ever had a relationship with – whether platonic or romantic, or ever trusted, no one has ever come close to Jill and yet she has deceived me from the outset, pretending to know nothing when she really knows everything, using that information to dictate how I should live my life, who I should be in a relationship with. I can feel emotional doors slamming shut with every minute that passes.
The breakfast arrives, I don’t even acknowledge or say thank you. I stare at my plate whilst eating and clear it within a couple of minutes.
I stand up to leave the table, ‘I need some fresh air...’
‘Sit down... what is your problem?’
‘My problem is with your cosy little chats behind my back, hiding the fact that you had all this information and then playing all sweet and innocent, that’s my problem.’
‘I’m the one who should be angry. If you think so lowly of me when I have your best interest at heart, then your thinking is wrong. I don’t normally tell people how they should feel, but to think of me in that way is wrong and totally out of order. We didn’t gossip behind your back, completely the opposite. Luciana talks about you in a way that I would talk about you, not ‘patronising’ but as a genuine soulmate. Think of a jigsaw Joe, imagine each piece is a person.’
‘Oh, here we go, another analogy’
‘Yes Joe, another analogy... listen and you might learn something. Jigsaws are like people; you have people like Ana, they are the centre pieces. Everyone wants to be that centre piece the last piece to go in when all the hard work of building up the full picture is complete, when everything is all together, the glory of coming in and finishing the whole puzzle with zero effort. How good would it feel just to slot in with no effort? That centre piece has connections on all sides unlike Luciana, you, and me. We’re the edge pieces; possibly in your case a corner piece, only a couple of connections so we’re low-key but critical to making everything else come together. You try building from the one centre piece it’s virtually impossible. The thing about all the jigsaw pieces, and I mean all of them, is they all need the right connections to fit. In our case only a couple but nevertheless the right ones.’
‘What on earth has this got to do with anything?’
‘I wasn’t being deceitful holding back on the fact I’d talked to Luciana, rather I was being subtle, in my opinion, you can’t see how good she is for you. I’m not putting you down but you’re just too close to see it for yourself. Who was there for you when you were rattling around the apartment in Gairville on your own, who wanted to be close to you, Ana, or Luciana? Before you answer that - who asked you to move in with them because, maybe, they wanted to be close to you?’
‘Luciana.’
‘Who ran out on you on your first date?’
‘Ana.’
‘And who picked up the pieces?’
‘Luciana.’
‘Who was genuinely upset, when they found out you were coming back to Manchester because they thought you were leaving for good?’
‘Luciana.’
‘Now do you get it, Joe, have you made the right connection yet?’
Jill’s phone starts to ring. ‘It’s Mum, I’m going to take the call to give you some thinking time, you look like you need it.’ She stands up and makes her way out of the restaurant and into the hotel reception area.
I gaze back out of the window. After a few seconds I see two men in the reflection of the window approaching our table. One stands behind my chair, the other slides himself into Jill’s seat. Turning to the one standing behind me I look up to see a stocky man trying to look mean and intimidating. I knew immediately it would be my father sitting in the seat opposite me.
I start to talk as I slowly turn to face him. ‘So, I see you still suffer from Dependent Personality Disorder. Can’t you go anywhere on your own, is life really that scary for you outside a six by eight-foot cell?’
My father tries to live up to his hard gangster image, ‘I’m only going to say this once so listen up. I know you witnessed everything outside the pub and I know you know what happened to Mick that night. Well done for keeping it to yourself, nobody likes a grass. What you don’t know is why. Let’s just say - I hope you’ve not been intimate with Jill; I believe you’re sharing the same room here?’
‘It’s got sweet F.A. to do with you.’
‘You’re right Joe, but sleeping with your Sister... well half-Sister, not really the done thing is it?’
‘Go on this should be good...’
‘Do I need to spell it out to you Joe?’
‘No, it’s okay. It’s not hard to work out from what you’ve said, after all, I’ve inherited my real father’s intelligence!’ I couldn’t resist having a dig at him.
‘So, Jill is my half-Sister making Mick my real Dad and that is the reason you had him killed, that’s fine, deep down I always knew I wasn’t your son... this is actually turning out to be a good day.’
‘A good day? You’re a dead man walking Joe I’m going to ensure the past stays in the past, I’m going to tie up loose ends today, you being one of them.’
I stand up pushing the table into his stomach in the process, I feel a hand on each shoulder trying to push me back down into my seat, I shrug them off my shoulders and lean into his face so my nose is touching his. ‘I’m not a child anymore, you don’t intimidate me.’ I stay there for a couple of seconds before sitting back in my seat. ‘Now piss off and crawl back into your cesspit.’ He’s just sat there; this wasn’t going how he’d planned and he wasn’t intelligent enough to think on his feet. Leaning forward again I knock Jill’s coffee off the table into his lap. Unfortunately, there is barely anything left in the cup. ‘I said piss off.’ He stands up and does a double nod up to indicate to his crony that they are leaving.
‘You’re a dead man’ He says as he passes.
I wave him off in a dismissive way. After a couple of minutes Jill arrives back.
‘You’re going to have to sit on my side, there’s been a spillage on your side of the table.’
‘Honestly, I can’t leave you for five minutes, can I?’
‘You’d be surprised what can happen in five minutes!’
In the couple of minutes between him leaving and Jill returning I’ve worked out what has been going on. He’s fresh out of prison and this was his first opportunity to get to me. He had used both Jill and her Mum, Kathy, as a honey trap to get me back to Manchester so he could make sure I never spilt the beans about that night, the night Mick was murdered. He had got Kathy to ring Jill to distract her and to take her away from the table so he could come over and try to intimidate me. I need to do something; I couldn’t let this paper tiger steal my peace and happiness. I stand up to let Jill sit in my place then sit back down on the seat at the side of her. Suddenly it washes over me, everything m
akes sense now. I sit in silence just staring at Jill totally immersed in my thoughts.
‘Why are you staring at me like that you weirdo?’ Asks Jill.
‘This is the happiest day of my life Jill,’ I place my hand behind her head and pull her towards me to kiss her on the forehead.’
‘I take it you’re no longer angry at me?’
‘No!’
‘Jill, the jigsaw is complete!’ I stand up, ‘I just need to sort something out, I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.’
I intend to catch up with him, my father, along with his crony in the car park before they leave, but as I’m leaving the restaurant, I see him going into the toilets in the hotel lobby. I quickly make my way over to the door, edging it open I can see he’s standing at a urinal with his back to me. There is no one else in there, so I slowly push the door open. I enter quickly and quietly and manage to get up close behind him. I kick his feet away from under him, he drops straight down onto his knees, his face smashes into the porcelain urinal, there’s a loud crack as his jaw breaks on impact. With my forearm I lean on the back of his head, forcing his face further into the urinal. ‘The broken jaw is my little gift to you for all the times you beat me and Mum.
So, you think you’re a big hard man coming here threatening me, telling me I’m going to be murdered? Well if I see you again today there will be a murder...’ I don’t get to finish the sentence because just as I say, “There will be a murder” someone walks in. I’m not sure how much of the conversation he’s heard, so I quickly turn and head towards the door. As I pass the person who has just walked in, I say ‘that bloke has slipped and banged his head on the urinal, he’s in a bad way – I’ll go and get help.’ I walk across the lobby to the reception desk. ‘There’s been an accident in the toilet, some bloke has slipped, fallen and banged his head, I think he’s going to need an ambulance.’ I make my way back into the restaurant and tell Jill that we need to go.
Showing obvious concern, Jill asks, ‘are you having a breakdown?’
‘Please Jill, we need to leave.’
She gathers her things together and we make our way out of the hotel into the car park. We set off driving along the lane on the river bank and towards the main road.
‘Which way is best?’ Jill asks.
‘Take a left, then left again at the traffic lights and head South along the A34 then we’ll cut across to get to the valley... do you know your way to Kettleshulme?’
‘Yes.’
‘Head towards Kettleshulme then over to Whaley Bridge and we can drop in to the valley from there.’
‘Do you want to tell me what’s going on?’
‘Yes. But not while you are driving and I need to get my head around a few things before I can tell you exactly what’s going on.’
‘Now that sounds intriguing and ever so slightly ominous.’
‘Just like your jigsaw analogy Jill, all the pieces are virtually in place.’
Chapter 14
We sit in silence as the drive takes us from one suburban area to the next before starting the ascent up into the Peak District. The silence during the journey has given me the opportunity and headspace to figure out all the individual parts of the events leading up to today, what I need now is the time to reflect on those events, on life, on my circumstance and my relationships. I also need the time to reflect on who I am; whilst I’m glad that Mick is my real father and Jill is my sister, it has still been a shock and an emotional upheaval for me.
I lose myself in thought as I gaze out of the window. The surrounding hills are a lush green as we climb out of the valley along an increasingly narrowing country road. Suburbia is now long gone, now, there is just vast openness as far as the eye can see, interspersed with farms, fields, and sheep with their spring lambs. Gorse bushes add a welcome splash of colour with their vivid yellow flowers to the otherwise wild landscape of the hillsides.
Jill, by now, has had enough of the silence and turns the car radio on, All Saints - Pure Shores is playing, I just know that it’s imprinting on my brain, that this moment in time will forever be there and every time I hear this song I’ll be able to recall this very day - minute by minute, hour by hour. I glance over to Jill, she is staring hard at the road ahead I’m not sure if she is concentrating or if she too is lost in her own thoughts.
I’m growing impatient, I want to be in the valley now walking and talking. How will Jill take the news that we are sister and brother, will it bring us closer together or split us apart? She idolised her Dad, it’s going to be news to her that he had been unfaithful to her Mum and I’m the permanent reminder of that fact. Do I need to go into everything that happened that night all those years ago and everything that happened to her Dad... our Dad?
Then it hits me hard, all those years ago, that was my Dad I saw being murdered. I thought I had it all boxed off in my mind and that I could go back to America and never have to think about it again, how wrong I am.
My mind is racing, now I’m thinking about what will happen when I get back to the States? By lunchtime tomorrow I’ll be back in the Ironbound, back with Ana and Luciana. I know everything Jill said about Luciana is true but I need to get my head around my feelings for her whilst dealing with the break-up with Ana. Just as I thought I had it straight in my head I find I’m more confused than ever.
I recline my seat slightly, the warmth of the sun through the windscreen makes me feel drowsy. Closing my eyes, the warm sensation on my skin reminds me of long hot summer days and the times Jill and I spent together in Wildgoose Heys.
I start to drift off and as my mind relaxes, I remember that I have a keyring in the shape of a jigsaw piece in my pocket. I reach in to my pocket and take it out.
‘What’s that?’ Jill asks.
‘Ana had attached it to my suitcase, it’s one half of a “you complete me” jigsaw keyring.’
‘That’s cute!’
‘It would be cute if I did complete her.’
We fall back into silence. Something has got me thinking though; when I left the apartment with Ana there was nothing on my suitcase, I know this because one of the last things I did was to move the bag from the bedroom and I would have noticed the keyring attached to it. Ana and I spent the whole day out and I left Ana at work in Brooklyn when I came back to the apartment to set off for the airport. Luciana, on the other hand, had been on the early shift and could have been back in the apartment around two-thirty that afternoon.
‘Holy shi...’
‘Don’t even think about finishing that sentence, what’s up with you now?’
‘You knew, didn’t you?’
‘Knew what?’
‘You knew about the jigsaw keyring on my suitcase and that Luciana was the one who put it there not Ana, that’s why you used the jigsaw analogy, it all makes sense now.’
‘You’re talking gibberish.’
‘You didn’t know about it then?’
‘No, I promise you, Joe, my analogy was just that, although I can see why you’ve jumped to conclusions.’
I turn to stare back out of the side window.
‘She was brave doing that though... Luciana I mean, I could have thanked Ana for thinking of me and buying that keyring when she hadn’t. That would have put the cat amongst the pigeons!’
‘That might have been Luciana’s plan, to show Ana that someone else cares about you and to show that she’s thinking of, and will be missing you, more than Ana. Didn’t I tell you how alike we are, Luciana and me, how spooky is that we both used jigsaws to demonstrate our bond to you.’
We turn right at the crossroads just outside Whaley Bridge for the final leg of the journey, there are only five more minutes before we arrive at the car park by the side of the lower reservoir and I’m still wrestling with my decision on whether or not to tell Jill the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
My five minutes are up, we pull off the main road and start the descent into the valley. We finally reach the car park at t
he bottom of the hill. We get out of the car and while Jill is changing into her hiking boots, I make my way across to the low wall by the side of the reservoir and stare out across the water. Suddenly it dawns on me; how do I have a conversation with Jill about being her Brother and all that entails when we are meeting her Mum and spending the day with her?
I turn around, Jill has locked the car and is walking towards me.
‘Are you okay, you’re looking a little anxious?’
‘I’m okay, where are we meeting your Mum?’
‘Oh yes, I forgot to tell you in the rush to get away from the hotel... Mum rang whilst we were having breakfast to say she couldn’t make it, so it’s you and me.’
We set off walking along the road that takes us across the top of the reservoir wall to where the trees cascade down the hillside all the way to the waterline. The surface of the water is calm, glass like, mirroring the surrounding hills and the clear blue sky. The air is warm and still, the only sound is the chatter of a couple of approaching dog walkers. At a bend in the road a footpath branches off into the woodland. We make our way through the kissing gate and follow the path deep into the woodland densely packed with Pine, Spruce, Oak and Rowan trees.
The Truth We Chase Page 10
