Too late.
“Thanks. I better go now,” I choked.
“What’s wrong, Lily?” Ian asked.
I took in a few short breaths. “Nothing. I’m about to workout.”
I cursed myself internally. I had almost made it off the phone, but my weakness rose up and had to show itself so he could get involved and maybe pity me.
“You’ve been doing that a lot lately, huh? Every day at lunch, too?” he asked.
“How do you know that?” I chewed my bottom lip
“David mentioned it to Dani,” he said.
“Really?” I asked. “I told him he didn’t need to drive me anymore.”
“I guess Dani wants to have him keep an eye out anyway,” Ian said.
“Does she now?” I asked and coughed. “Excuse me. Well, please tell her I’m fine.”
“Avoiding her, too?” he asked with irritation. “You don’t have to answer that. I apologize. I’m just worried about you.”
I closed my eyes. “I’m fine. I’m about—”
“To workout,” he finished my sentence for me. “Alright. Take care, Lily. And please remember what I said.”
Ian hung up.
That went alright, I thought as I attempted to block out a wave of self-loathing. I was on my way to ending these thoughts racing through my mind. My routine.
I jogged, crunched, and squatted over and over again. Until everything stopped, and I was exhausted and ready for sleep.
Afterward, I sluggishly went to the shower and turned it on for a quick rinse. As I lathered, I noticed the hair growth on my body coming back in and my chipped nail polish. I grimaced. No waxing this month. It didn’t matter. No one would be seeing me naked any time soon.
I climbed out and dried off, then went to the living room and unfolded the blanket and pillow on the couch. I walked over and checked the locks on the doors, then collected my phone again. Once the lights were out, I settled down on the couch for sleep, readying myself for that one piece of my routine that showed the chink in my armor of solitude. The one thing I couldn’t bring myself to erase from my life just yet. In fact, it too had become part of my routine.
I held the phone to my ear and re-played my saved message from Jonas.
“Lily. This is my tenth call. I…This will be the last one. Friendships, companionships, anything—it all needs two to work. I accept you’ve changed your mind. As always, I’m here if ever you need a friend, Tiger Lily.”
Jonas may be a minefield of rules and agreements, but I loved him. Still, love wasn’t enough. Declan had taught me that, surely.
I didn’t change my mind, Jonas. It was changed for me.
I wasn’t ready to erase Jonas. My heart still craved him, wanted more than anything to be swept away into a life with him, but that was no longer a possibility. So I curled up in a ball, and pressed replay again. I focused not on the words, but his voice as it carried us where we could be together in my dreams.
The doorbell rings. Not a second later, the door flies open and my heart stops. It’s Jonas, dressed in a navy business suit. My pulse increases with every step he takes as he strolls over to the couch.
“Strip and come to me,” he commands.
My mouth forms a perfect “O.”
“We’ll get to that later,” he muses.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
His gaze burns over my body, heating me up as I quickly do as I am told, removing my clothes and walking over to stand before him.
“Good girl,” he purrs in response.
“Don’t call me that,” I hiss.
He moves to stand behind me and pulls my arms up to his neck. He cups my breasts, kneading them as he breathes heavily against my neck. I moan and arch back against him, feeling his hard cock push against my ass through the thin fabric of his slacks.
“You are my good girl,” he soothes. “You’re always a good girl.”
He pinches my erect nipples. I bite my lip and moan as he moves a hand down, stopping on my mound and trailing a finger through my slit. I part my thighs, willing him to take more.
“Always ready for me…sweetie pie.”
“Sweetie pie?!” I repeat in horror.
He laughs. My scowl turns into a moan as he teases me. Parting the lips of my sex with his hand and circling his finger around my clit. He pushes me over the back of the couch, runs his hand down my spine and over my ass.
“Don’t move.”
He unzips his pants and pulls out his cock, then rubs it against my pussy.
“Oh, Jonas,” I moan.
As I push back, the tip of his cock enters me. He stops.
I look over my shoulder. “Jonas?”
“That’s all you have time for.” He grins.
My alarm went off, waking me from my dream. I let out a laugh at the silliness of the dream, though my heart felt heavy as I thought about Jonas and how much I missed him. I longed to be with him again. I even went as far as trying to convince myself that I should call him, but I stopped short of reaching for the phone. I couldn’t be with him, and I couldn’t let him go.
The next couple of weeks blended into each other. I was fully into my routine, and life went on, as everything always did in New York. Nothing stopped this city, and nothing stopped me. Or so I told myself.
I still checked my phone ten times a day for messages from Jonas, but found none. Jonas was true to his words and rules. But did he still think about me? My heart shriveled at the thought, but it was useless. Not with Declan still lingering. Nonetheless, Dani remained my link, never failing to send a text checking up on me. I eyed her most recent one as I sat on the PATH subway on my way home from work one Friday evening.
I’m very disappointed you didn’t stick to our agreement, but I’ll keep sending messages, Lily. Even if you don’t respond. I’m here. We’re here.
I took a deep breath and sent a message back.
Thank you.
A smile formed on my face as I leaned my head against the window seat in the cold, crowded subway train. I couldn’t help but admire Dani and her perseverance. I could see why Jonas stayed friends with her, even after their divorce.
My thoughts went back to the “we” part of her text. Did Jonas feel the same way? After all this time, I was sure he had moved on, as he’d told me he would. Still, I let the thoughts warm me as I stared out at the dark passage leading back to Jersey City.
CHAPTER 14
I sat at my desk in the office and checked the time. I knew Declan was due back from lunch. I took a deep breath, and dialed his number. The call connected, but then went straight to voicemail like it had done since he’d broke into my place a month ago. The more I pursued him, the more he ignored me.
Declan. I’ve done all I can. You didn’t stay in jail and the charges were dropped. Please, call me back and return my things.
These calls had become a regular part of my routine, as well as what came after. I choked and pressed “end” on the phone, then rose and ran to the bathroom, where I crouched down over the basin. My empty stomach cramped as I dry heaved. Empty. As empty as I felt, and my life was, now that I had pushed everything out of it all to get back to where I had been before I’d gone to Sir Harry’s Bar to meet Jonas Crane.
My life had been easy then. It had been filled with old movies, games, and memories. There had been calls and visits between Mary and myself, working, and occasional movie nights with Gregor, and getting my hair done at Dee’s. No Declan. No one, really. Unlike Gregor and Mary who had partners, I’d been alone and lonely. With only my memories to keep me company. But now even those were tainted by Declan. Oh, how I wish I’d never met him. I was trapped in his cruel game, and desperate to be rid of him for good. Hatred filled me, sickening my soul. I had work to distract me right now, but those thoughts all waited for me every evening.
I walked out the stall and went to the sink, where I rinsed my mouth and wiped under my eyes, smearing the cover-up makeup, then cursing myself
for not remembering to bring it with me. The dark circles surrounding my eyes stood out from my pale skin, the result of my lack of sleep when exercising didn’t work to exhaust me quite enough.
I fingered through my hair and noticed how brittle it was. I pulled some strands that fell on the top of the counter. My hair was falling out. It reminded me that I was going to see Dee at the salon. My life routine was returning. I exhaled and washed my hands before returning to my desk. Opening my handbag, I coated my cracked lips with gloss.
“Lily,” Gregor said. I turned around and he gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Would you mind coming into my office?”
I raised an eyebrow at him, questioningly, but I rose and followed him inside.
“Close the door,” he requested.
My heart pumped a little faster, as I squatted down and removed the books holding the door open and closed it. I took the seat across from him. His solemn expression had me worried.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked.
“Yes,” Gregor said and exhaled. “You, Lily.”
My lips parted. “I’ve been ahead of schedule on all my projects. I worked all last week and over the weekend to make up for the time I missed in Boston. I have stayed late….”
“I’m aware of all that,” Gregor cleared his throat. “It’s not your job performance. I know Natasha moving out made things difficult. I am putting in a bonus this month that you very well earned. Your raise will have to wait for next quarter, though. Have you started looking for a new roommate?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I looked into it, but I don’t know if I want to go through it again. My lease will end in a couple of months. I’m looking for a studio or efficiency in Queens and Brooklyn. I haven’t found a place yet…but it won’t interfere with my work.”
Gregor curved his lips upward. “I know and appreciate that.” He exhaled. “Is there any other way I can help?”
I chewed my bottom lip. “I do need to ask for overtime. Anything you can give me, or if you know someone that needs help on the weekends….”
He tapped his pen on his desk as we sat quietly while he considered my request. After a few minutes he said. “Well, I could use some help here…clearing up my office? I really could use the extra help organizing things here.”
I grinned at Gregor and warmed at his sacrificing his “lucky” cluttered workspace to create a job for me. “Thank you, but I was thinking maybe some filing or typing. I could come on the weekends.”
“What about your case?” Gregor paused and stared at me.
When it occurred what he was referencing. I eyed the papers in front of him.
“What case? There is no case anymore. All charges have been dropped, as far as I know. I haven’t spoken to anyone.”
“I know. Danielle Crane called me,” Gregor said.
I licked my lips. “Please tell her she needn’t worry. I just want to move on with my life.”
“So no more Jonas?” he asked in a hushed tone.
A pang went through my chest. “We’re friends.”
“Oh, is that why you…look different?” Gregor asked.
I raised my brows. “Whatever do you mean, Mr. Worton?” I joked.
He made a gesture around my face. “Your face looks pale, a little gaunt. You’re wearing more makeup, your clothes…you’re not as put together as normal.”
I looked down and blushed. My suit was a little creased, but otherwise I thought I looked okay. Ever the vagabond, Tiger Lily. I giggled and let out a sob at the same time.
Gregor’s brows knitted together. “Lily, what’s wrong?”
I covered my mouth. “Sorry. A joke I heard once.” I shrugged. “I lost a little weight, but a new wardrobe is not something I can splurge on at the moment.”
“I can give you a loan,” Gregor said. “It’ll come off your salary after you get settled again.”
I lowered my head. “No. Thanks, Gregor. I’ll get my clothing altered soon.”
“Lily, I didn’t mean to insult you, I’m just concerned. You look ill, tired. I’m just worried you’ve been working too hard. I’d give you stress leave if you needed it.”
I sighed. Overtime and leave didn’t go together. “I’m fine. A little tired, but really, don’t worry about me.”
“If you say so, Lily,” Gregor said in a tone that said he didn’t believe me. “I’ll let you know today or tomorrow if any of the managers come back with extra work you can take home with you on the weekends.”
I smiled at his added stipulations. “Thanks.” I looked down at my watch as his gaze pressed on me. “It’s close to my lunch appointment, and I can’t be late. Dee gave me a special coupon for his favorite customers, when I tried to cancel with him.”
Gregor smiled at me as he waved me out. I hurried and grabbed my handbag and coat, and left the office.
I was halfway to Herald Square at a fast pace, weaving almost effortlessly through the afternoon crowded pavement. The impromptu vendors sharing knockoffs, and tourists staring up at the buildings, were the only ones that slowed my steps as I slipped around them. I followed the flow of the rest of the New Yorkers on a path to our destinations. Mine was Dee Angelo’s Salon.
I was looking forward to seeing Dee and getting a fresh new look. I breezed through the front door. I accepted a nod from Rachael, the receptionist, as I made my way around the reception desk to Dee’s station. Dee was on his cellphone as I approached his black leather chair. His purple contact-colored eyes went wide, and his mouth dropped open. He motioned for me to remove my coat, and I hung it up on his coat rack.
“Who are you?” Dee asked as he greeted me.
His eyes squinted as he folded his arms.
“I’m ready for Mia Farrow.”
The shocked look Dee gave me had me double over with laughter.
“You may be as thin as Mia was in that movie now,” Dee said, his eyes scrutinizing me. “I think that suit is Chanel, but it looks like a bargain bin special hanging off you like that.”
I pursed my lips, as I didn’t have a good comeback. Dee was, as always, dressed in designer casual wear, a printed T-shirt and jeans.
“Hardly that thin, and you’re right about the suit,” I said, sticking out my bottom lip. “It’s a parting gift from my ex-roommate, Natasha. I wore it to impress you.”
“You look like the girl from that movie…Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride.” He wrinkled his nose. “You’re pale, your eyes look dead, and don’t get me started on your skin. What’s up with you? Because, girl, you need to rethink, rewind, and fix this shit.”
I crossed my arms. “Hey, what happened to your policy of saying something positive to every customer?”
“I do when they need to hear it. But, lady, you need an intervention,” Dee said, pausing for effect. I didn’t know what to say as he patted my shoulder. “Even though I said I would love to cut this mane off, and I just may have to soon, since your hair is all uneven and broken off. There is no way I’m doing it when you’re all messed up. Tell me what’s going on,” he said as he began wetting and trimming my hair.
I kept my tone relatively even as I filled him in on all the drama in my life, alluding to the physical assault and threats by Declan while placing more emphasis on my moving on, and putting everything behind me.
“Shit, girl. Where did you meet that loser?” Dee asked. “I’ve got a can of pepper spray you’ll be leaving with today. We need to get some sleep in you. Get rid of those dark circles, and some meat on you to throw his ass down next time.”
I shook my head and let out a sad laugh. “I’ve got plenty of meat, thanks.”
He frowned at me as he finished up the cut and started styling my hair. “Girl, you’re letting that piece of shit get to you. If we’re talking about that ugly dude you were with a while ago, then he had no right to say shit. I mean, he was no model his damned self.”
I lifted my chin. “So, according to your logic, only model hot men can treat
us like shit?”
Dee smoothed down his hair. “No, not at all. I’m just saying, you’re hot. And from what I saw of him when you were with him, he didn’t have any right to throw stones, especially not at a beauty like you. Well, until you started messing with what you had working for you.”
I snorted. “I came here for a lift, Dee. I’m going to give you a poor rating online for this.”
He snickered. “You wouldn’t dare.”
We laughed together as he continued working on my hair.
After he was done, Dee bent down and hugged me. “I’m worried about you, girl. Take a long, hard look at yourself. You need to get it together. I better hear from you soon. Now, get back to work before your boss comes after you.”
I couldn’t answer around the lump forming in my throat, so I simply gave him a hug.
Once back outside, I drooped, and realized I was tired from my run and exercise the night before. I walked down the street, and picked up another lettuce and cucumber salad from the Korean deli and made my way to the office. As I walked inside, Olivia, stopped me at the front desk.
“Lily?” she asked. “You have a visitor waiting for you.”
“Finally,” a voice behind me exhaled.
I turned around and found Dani walking toward me from our small lounge. Her attire matched her demeanor; all business, from her designer black pants suit, to her blonde-bobbed hair in a slicked to her scalp ponytail. Her eyes squinted as they scrutinized me from head to toe. She stopped in front of me and her mouth turned down.
“I’m glad I caught you. I haven’t seemed able to reach you by phone. Would you mind going for a coffee with me around the corner? I would love to catch up with you.”
My mouth went dry as I stood in awe and envy of her strength. I fell under the power of her intention as I watched her put on her coat, readying herself as if I had already accepted her invitation.
I still tried to protest. “I just got back from a long—”
“I spoke with Gregor, and he assured me you could take the time,” she said with a slight curve of her lips.
Tiger Lily: Part Two Page 12
