by Karen King
Chapter Two
Lexi had been home just long enough to pour herself a glass of Sauvignon Blanc for Dutch courage – and shock – when the door opened and Ben walked in. He paused in the doorway and looked at her as though assessing whether he needed to duck from flying missiles. ‘I never meant this to happen . . .’
‘I don’t want to hear any excuses.’ She held out her hand. ‘Key.’
He shuffled his feet awkwardly. ‘Lexi, can’t we talk about this? Let’s not be hasty.’ He gave her his best puppy-dog look, the one that usually melted her heart. Well, not this time.
‘Talk about what? That you’ve been cheating on me for goodness knows how long?’ She glared at him. ‘There’s nothing to talk about. You want someone else. I’m not going to stand in your way.’
‘I don’t know whether I do. I still love you . . .’
‘Tough. I no longer want you. Now if you would please pack and go.’
‘I’m sorry, I never meant it to happen. It doesn’t have to end like this . . .’ He gazed at her imploringly.
‘It certainly does. We’re over.’ What was he on? Did he think she would just forgive him, beg him to come back? Lexi was a tolerant person and believed in giving people a second chance, or even a third, depending on the circumstances, but loyalty was the one thing that was non-negotiable in a relationship as far as she was concerned. Much as she loved Ben, she couldn’t – wouldn’t – forgive him for cheating on her.
He scowled. ‘Well, if that’s the way you want it.’ He dropped the key on the coffee table. ‘I’ll be out of your way in a few minutes.’
She took a long gulp of wine. How dare he act as if she was the one in the wrong? She wanted to scream and pummel him with her fists, throw his clothes out of the window, but she had no intention of doing either. She would remain calm and dignified if it killed her. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of any other reaction.
She sat on the sofa in the lounge area sipping her wine and pointedly ignoring Ben as he stamped about packing his things, then took them outside to where Rosa was waiting. Finally, he stood in front of Lexi. ‘That’s it then. Everything.’ There was a tragic edge to his voice.
She forced herself to calmly meet his gaze. ‘Goodbye, Ben.’
He shook his head in disbelief. ‘I can’t believe you’re being so cold about this.’
She surveyed him over the rim of her glass. ‘What do you want me to do? Cry? Beg you to stay with me?’ She shook her head. ‘Not my style. Now let yourself out.’
‘You’re not the person I thought you were, Lexi. I thought you were warm, loving . . .’
She eyed him contemptuously. ‘Says the man who’s been shagging another woman behind my back.’
He flinched as if she’d slapped him across the face. Then he turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
As soon as the front door closed, the tears that Lexi had been fighting back for the past hour spilled out of her eyes and poured down her cheeks. She put the now-empty wine glass down on the table, curled up into a ball, pulling her feet up underneath her and resting her head on her bent knees, and sobbed. She’d really thought that she and Ben were happy together, that he might be ‘the one’. They’d rarely argued, had rubbed along together so well. How wrong she was. She couldn’t believe that he had betrayed her so badly. How long had it been going on? While she’d been planning their first Christmas together, Ben had probably been plotting how to avoid spending Christmas Day with her, preferring to be with Rosa instead. No wonder he had suggested that she go down to Devon to spend time with her family by herself. She’d bet he’d been intending to say he was too tired to travel down to join them and would have Christmas dinner at his mum’s instead, only he wouldn’t have been at his mum’s, would he? He’d have been at Rosa’s. The two-timing rat.
She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, poured herself another glass of wine and wandered into the bedroom. The wardrobe doors on Ben’s side were open. She walked over and looked inside at the empty space where his clothes had hung. The very clothes that he would soon be hanging up in Rosa’s wardrobe. Then she turned to the bed, her eyes resting sadly on the empty spot where Ben would no longer sleep. Tonight, she would sleep alone and Ben would be cuddled up to Rosa. A lump formed in her throat again and tears welled in her eyes. Her mother would tell her to cry it out. ‘Crying is good for you,’ she always said. ‘It’s nature’s way of getting rid of the sadness in your heart. Once it’s all out, you can start building your life again.’
Lexi kicked off her shoes, yanked back the duvet and lay down, then she pulled it around herself, buried her head in the pillow and cried out her sadness. It took a long time, but finally, she fell asleep.
Lexi awoke the next morning feeling exhausted but calmer. At least she had found out what a lying scumbag Ben was. Now she was going to pull herself together, go down to Devon and have a brilliant family Christmas. She certainly wasn’t going to spend it crying over Ben. And she could go down today instead of waiting for Ben to finish work on Christmas Eve. There was nothing to keep her here, she could take her laptop and do her lesson planning in Devon. She’d tell her parents that Ben had insisted that she come down without him as he had to work over Christmas. They were so excited about the whole family being together again that she didn’t want to put a dampener on it with the news that she and Ben had split up. Nothing was going to spoil this Christmas, she’d make sure of it. She’d wait until this afternoon before she set off, though, make sure the wine was out of her system. Lystone, the village where her parents lived, was only a couple of hours’ drive so she would get there before it started to get dark.
She made some toast, to give herself some energy, even though eating was the last thing she felt like doing, and a strong cup of coffee. The flat looked so dull and un-Christmassy, with only a couple of cards on the wall unit. Several of her pupils had given her cards yesterday, and presents too. She’d planned on putting up the Christmas tree today, placing the presents around it, hanging the cards up along the wall, draping fairy lights around the window – making it look festive for when Ben came home. She blinked back the tears. Well, Ben was never coming home again and it was a waste of time decorating the flat when she was going away for Christmas. She’d take the lights for her dad, he could always find use for a string of Christmas lights, and she’d return Ben’s presents after Christmas. She might as well take the Christmas jumper she’d knitted him with her, though, one of her brothers might want to wear it.
She took the shopping bags into her bedroom, and slipped the box of lights into her suitcase. Then she took the carrier bag containing Ben’s Christmas jumper out of the wardrobe where she’d hidden it and spread the jumper out on the bed. It was white with rows of red reindeer and green Christmas trees running across it. She had designed and knitted it herself. She’d knitted herself a long, hooded Christmas cardigan in the same pattern and Ben had remarked how festive it was, which had really pleased her. She loved creating original knitwear to either wear herself or sell on her own website – LexiKnits – and Etsy. Although Ben had teased her when he’d first seen her knitting, saying it was an ‘old lady’s hobby’ he’d been impressed with the grey-cashmere scarf she’d made him, saying it was classy, and she’d been so proud when he wore it to work. Ben had been so supportive of her, so kind and loving. She was sure he’d have been willing to wear this jumper when he saw everyone else wearing one – he might even have liked it!
She looked at the empty side of the bed, remembering her and Ben cuddling, making love, sitting up sipping tea and reading on Sunday mornings, the late breakfasts, the movie nights cuddled up in front of the TV, how Ben had made her a hot chocolate with marshmallows when she was crying at a sad romantic movie, or came back from work late with flowers or chocolates.
But they were ‘guilt presents’, weren’t they? Ben hadn’t been working late, he’d been with Rosa.
She thought of Rosa, so elegantly
dressed, looking every inch the career woman, and imagined her and Ben discussing spreadsheets, sales charts, targets and contracts. Not like Lexi, who wore comfy clothes for her work at the school, spent her evenings marking or doing lesson plans or knitting while she watched the soaps. Ben had often teased her that she had no ambition.
‘Ambition is for people who want their life to be different,’ she’d told him. ‘I’m happy with mine exactly how it is.’
And she was happy – at least, she had been until today. But obviously Ben wasn’t. He wanted someone more ambitious, more glamorous, more exciting than Lexi. All those times he’d held her in his arms, told her he loved her, that she was perfect, he’d been lying. Did he say the same things to Rosa? she wondered, tears filling her eyes again. She blinked them back. She was done crying over Ben. She folded the jumper up, slipped it back in the bag, then put it in her suitcase. She grabbed her laptop and put that in too, then zipped the case shut. She did a final check of the flat to make sure all the taps and electric sockets were turned off and headed down to the car. In just a couple of hours’ time she would be in Lystone, back in the warmth of her family home, and then she could shut Ben out of her mind. She’d deal with her heartbreak after Christmas, when she felt stronger.
The roads were busy with Saturday-afternoon traffic and it was dusk when Lexi pulled up in the driveway of her parents’ home, which, as she’d expected, was ablaze with colourful fairy lights. Her father had strung lights on the tree in the front garden, and all up the drive, and around the guttering – just as he used to do when she, Ryan and Jay were all young. She was pleased she’d arrived a little later than she’d intended as she could now see the decorations in all their glory. She stepped out of the car and looked around at the sparkling Christmas tree in the porch, the colourful lights twinkling on and off around the windows, the huge Santa figure by the door, the reindeer and sleigh glowing on the roof – trying not to worry about her father climbing ladders at his age – and felt as if she’d been jolted back to her childhood, when life was simpler and she’d had no idea how falling in love with someone could crush your heart into tiny pieces.
There were no lights on in the house, though – her father had the Christmas lights on a timer so they came on automatically when it was dark. She guessed that her parents were still at work. They had run a small bakery and tearoom in the village for years, it was very popular, and it would be especially busy this time of year. She glanced at her watch: quarter to five. Her parents always used to close up at four on Saturdays, but maybe they had stayed open later as it was almost Christmas.
Perhaps Granny Mabe is in? she thought. You would think that her eighty-four-year-old granny would be safely tucked up at home at this time of day in the winter, but her mother frequently remarked during her phone calls to Lexi that Granny Mabe was always out and had a better social life than Paula and Craig, Lexi’s parents.
Suddenly, a car pulled up behind her. Lexi turned, thinking it must be her parents returning home, but it was Granny Mabe who stepped out of the car. She was small – Lexi had inherited her genes – and dressed in a thick, green parka jacket, black trousers, ankle boots and gloves. She had round-rimmed glasses perched on her nose and wisps of her silver hair peeped out of the green-and-red snowman-patterned hat on her head that matched the scarf around her neck, which she had probably knitted herself. She looked like a little Christmas gnome. Her face was wreathed in smiles as she held out her arms.
‘Lexi, darling, how good to see you. Come and give your gran a big hug.’
Lexi walked into her arms, just as she used to do when she was a child and had had a row with her brothers or her parents. As she nestled into the warmth of Granny Mabe’s embrace, she felt herself relax. She was home. And despite the horrible break-up with Ben, she was going to have a fantastic Christmas, because there was nothing like a Forde family Christmas.
Chapter Three
Saturday, seven days before Christmas
‘Well, this is a lovely surprise! Paula said you wouldn’t be arriving until late on Christmas Eve.’ Granny Mabe stepped back and looked over Lexi’s shoulder to the car. ‘And where’s Ben?’.’
Lexi swallowed and forced a cheery tone to her voice. ‘He can’t come, he’s working until late on Christmas Eve and has to write up a proposal for when he goes back on Monday so he told me to come down without him,’ she replied, trotting out the excuse she’d planned on the drive down, not wanting her sadness to spoil the celebrations, or for her family to feel sorry for her, especially as her brothers were happily partnered-up. ‘He’s going to his mum’s for Christmas Day.’
Her gran frowned. ‘What a shame that you’re spending your first Christmas apart.’
Lexi summoned a bright smile. ‘Honestly, Gran, it’s no big deal. We’re going to have a lovely New Year together instead. I hope it isn’t a problem that I’ve come a few days early? I didn’t phone because I wanted to surprise you all. Do you think Mum and Dad will mind?’
‘Of course not! They’ll be made up that they’ve got you for a few extra days – and all to themselves as well. Although, of course, Ben was very welcome.’ Granny Mabe reached into her pocket for her keys. ‘Let’s have a cuppa and chat. Craig and Paula won’t be home for another hour or so.’
‘Yes, please,’ Lexi replied, linking her arm through her granny’s and walking with her to the front door. Granny Mabe was right, it would be good to have time alone with her family without having to worry about whether Ben felt comfortable, or wanted to do anything different.
I’ll never have to concern myself with what Ben wants again.
She pushed the thought from her mind. She wasn’t going to think about Ben, she was going to enjoy Christmas with her family.
‘Are you all right, love? You seem miles away.’ Granny Mabe had unlocked the door now and was staring at Lexi, concern etched on her face.
‘I’m fine,’ Lexi said brightly, following her gran into the cosy hall. Her parents always left the heating on low when they were at work so that the house was warm to come home to.
Granny flicked a switch and a string of colourful fairy lights danced across the wall. Lexi grinned. She knew that it would look like a Christmas grotto inside. Just as Lexi’s flat usually did every Christmas. Apart from this one. A wave of sadness surged through her and unwanted tears sprang to her eyes as she thought of the festive weekend she’d planned with Ben. Hoping her gran hadn’t noticed, she turned her head quickly, pretending that she was looking at the changing lights.
‘Let’s go into the kitchen, it’s cosier,’ Granny suggested as she and Lexi shrugged off their coats. ‘Is it tea, coffee or hot chocolate that you’re wanting?’
‘Hot chocolate, please.’ Her emotions now under control, Lexi followed her gran into the kitchen. ‘Do you have marshmallows?’
‘We certainly do. You’ll find them in that top cupboard,’ Granny Mabe said as she filled the kettle and switched it on.
Lexi opened the cupboard, spotted the jar of small pink-and-white marshmallows amongst all the other jars, tins and packages, took it out and carried it over to the worktop where Granny Mabe was spooning chocolate powder into two mugs. ‘It’s already got milk in it but do add some more if you want,’ she said.
‘It’ll be fine. I often buy that brand.’ Lexi opened the jar of marshmallows as her gran poured the hot water from the now-boiling kettle into the mugs and stirred. They both scattered a tablespoonful of marshmallows over the top, then took the mugs over to the table, pulled out chairs and sat down.
As she sipped her drink, Lexi remembered the evenings when she was little and had stopped over at her grandparents’ house, sitting by the fire drinking hot chocolate while Granny Mabe told her tales of her childhood in Jamaica as she knitted. Her granny’s mum had been Jamaican and her father British, they had fallen in love and had two children, Granny Mabe and Great-Uncle Tobias. When her granny’s father had been offered a job in England, they had returned to the UK a
nd lived there ever since, and later, Granny Mabe had got married to Grandpa Huey and then had three children, one of them being Lexi’s father, Craig. Craig had the same dark hair and golden skin as his mother but was tall and slim with the high cheekbones and Roman nose of his father, making him look – even now, with his full head of curly silver hair – very distinguished.
‘So, how are you really?’ Granny Mabe asked. ‘I saw the tears spring to your eyes in the hall. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but if you do, I’m a good listener. And it will go no further, if you don’t want it to.’
Lexi thought of all the times she’d confided in her gran when she was younger, especially during her rebellious teenage years, and the good advice her gran had given her. She’d always felt that she could tell her anything.
‘Me and Ben have split up. I found out yesterday that he was having an affair,’ she admitted, her voice breaking into a sob.
‘Oh, my darling.’ Granny Mabe was out of her chair and beside Lexi in a moment, her arms around Lexi’s shoulders, squeezing them tight, as Lexi burst into tears. ‘There, there. You cry it out.’
Lexi dug her hand into her pocket for the tissue she’d put there before leaving today, and wiped her eyes. ‘I don’t want to cry over him. I want to forget all about him. He’s not worth crying over,’ she said, sniffling.
Granny Mabe sat back down, her brown eyes looking at her tenderly through the glasses that had slipped down to her nose. ‘Men who treat us badly are never worth crying over, but we do it anyway. We cry for our lost dreams, for the man we thought we were with, for the love we thought we had.’ She reached out and placed her hand on Lexi’s. ‘But when we’ve finished crying, what do we do?’
