I bit my lip, thinking about it for a moment. I lowered my hands and raised my eyes to his and nodded. He broke out into a smile, and his hands came up to cup my face as he lowered his head toward mine. His eyes flicked upward and suddenly got very wide. “Zoey.” His hands dropped.
I pulled back, alarmed at the terror that suddenly filled his voice. I stared at him, trying to meet his eyes, but he was focused on something behind me. I turned to look over my shoulder and felt a chill of terror seep through my body.
A group of Awakened was sprinting straight toward our house; at least they were a good distance away. And my mom was outside, oblivious. I stared at her and noticed that, yet again, no matter how many times I told her, she was without a weapon.
“Shit!” I said.
I hopped off the counter and grabbed my gun. We both went sprinting outside, right toward her. She was at least a hundred yards away, right by the barn, a black bag next to her.
“Mom! Mom!” I screamed at her, running faster than I had ever run before.
She looked at both of us in shock, taking in our disheveled appearance. I remembered for a moment that we were both shirtless, our pants unbuttoned, caught unawares by a pack of Awakened. And they were running straight at us.
“What are you two doing?” she asked, her voice loud and yelling at us. They were right behind her. I needed to make it there before them. I needed to get there.
“Mom, behind you!”
She turned around, as if in slow motion, just as they came up to her. I reached her and shot the closest one to her but not before they had latched their hands tight on her shoulder, their teeth on her neck. The bullet went sailing past the Awakened that grabber her and straight into the one just a beat behind her.
“Shit,” I said, darting forward to kick the woman attached to my mom’s neck. She fell to the ground but was up on her haunches in a beat. This time, I aimed the gun for her head and shot, and her body crumpled to the ground. I turned just as Ash shot the man who had attached himself to my mom’s leg.
She was whimpering, fighting with another Awakened at her head. She wasn’t strong; she hadn’t trained; she was a freakin’ preschool teacher. I yanked the man off of her, sending my elbow into his throat before shooting him. I stood, my eyes darting in all directions as the Awakened surrounded us. I looked behind me as Ash kept guard on the other side. My mom was on the ground between us, blood gushing from her neck and leg. She was whimpering in pain, and I wanted her to get up, but she wasn’t going to.
“How many on your side?” Ash hissed out the side of his mouth.
I scanned the Awakened around me. They had slowed down and were just standing there, staring. I waited for them to say something, to do something, but they just waited. “Seven,” I said back.
“There’s five on this side,” he said.
“Of course, why would it be even?” I grumbled.
“Give us the blonde,” one of them spoke, his guttural voice sending shivers up my spine, so different from the ones Ash was creating earlier. “Give us the blonde, and we’ll let you and your friend there go free.”
“Do you think we’re stupid?” Ash growled at him. “We’re not giving you anyone.”
“Let us all go,” I said, trying to keep the tremor from my voice. “I’ll let you all walk away, scot-free. But if you make a move, if you try to take either one of them, I will take you down.”
They stayed silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. I had never heard them laugh before, and I decided right there and then that I never wanted to hear them laugh ever again. There couldn’t be a worse sound in the world than that one. I felt chills go up and down my spine, and it wasn’t because of the breeze on my bare skin.
“Suit yourself,” he said, shrugging.
They came at us all at once, and it was in that immediate moment that I knew that we were overwhelmed, completely outnumbered. This was when I knew I was going to die. After so many months of fighting and surviving, this is where it was going to end: in the middle of nowhere.
I immediately went to duck around the first man sprinting toward me, but I was a beat too late, and he went careening into my stomach. I fell to the ground, slamming my head against the rough dirt. For a moment, all I could see was the glaring sun in my eyes. It was blocked quickly by a looming shadow, and I quickly rolled over, just missing the man’s grabbing hands. I pushed myself up off the ground, feeling bits of dirt sticking to my sweaty palms. He was coming back for more, a grin on his face, blood staining his teeth. I shot him quickly, a perfect shot to the head.
I didn’t stop to marvel at my success. I immediately dove onto the back of another Awakened, taking them down as quickly as I could.
“Zoey, Zoey, Zoey.”
I turned at the whimpering sound of my name and saw my mom propped up against the door of the barn. She was covered in blood, and I couldn’t even begin to tell where it was coming from.
She was going to be okay. She was going to be fine. I repeated it in my head like a mantra. She was going to be okay.
“Get in the barn, Mom. Get in there and lock the door,” I said firmly, turning away from her.
I caught Ash at the corner of my eye, taking two Awakened down so quickly that I wanted to stop and clap or throw my arms around him and kiss him. I shook my head and started shooting at the remaining Awakened that were coming toward me. One by one, they went down, and all I could see in front of my face was red. I was on fire; I wasn’t even a person anymore. I was a weapon, and I wanted to kill. I wanted to kill these stupid Awakened that had taken away my city, my father and attacked my mother.
I was still shooting an Awakened on the ground when I felt a strong hand on my arm. I turned, quickly, ready to fight.
“They’re dead, Zoey” Ash said, his hand gripping my arm tightly. “You got them. You can stop shooting. They’re gone. You can stop.”
My arm fell to my side, and my gun dropped to the ground. He grabbed me tightly, pulling me close to him, and I felt his heart beat on my cheek. For a moment, I felt safe.
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” he said. “Let’s go find your mother.”
I pulled back, remembering. “Mom.” I spun on my heel and saw the barn door standing slightly open with just enough room for a person to squeeze their way in. Blood was pooled at the entrance and streaked across the hay that was spread inside. I followed it quickly, my eyes darting all about. I spotted her, lying against a bale of hay, her eyes closed, her breathing heavy. “Oh, no. Mom.” I ran the last few steps to her, and fell to my knees next to her.
She was completely torn up. There was blood everywhere, and I couldn’t even see where it began or where it ended. I shifted her a bit, and she groaned. I pulled my hands back, afraid to touch her. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already had. “Ash, we need to take her into the house.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I can get her.” He leaned over and took her into his arms gently, like she was a doll. A whimper escaped her lips, and I saw a flash of pain cross Ash’s face. We made our way out of the barn and across the lawn to the house. On the way, I gathered up the gun I had dropped, ignoring the bodies strewn all over the ground.
“Put her in the downstairs bathroom,” I said, as we went into the house. He nodded, pushing the door open with his foot and walking in. he bent down, slowly, laying her as carefully as he could into the bathtub.
I pushed past him, grabbing the removable showerhead from its hook and turning the water on, waiting until it got a little warm. I started to wash her down, my hands shaking as the blood ran on the sides of the tub, toward the drain. There was so much of it. There were gashes and bites everywhere, consistently gushing blood. “She’s covered, Ash,” I trembled. “I…I don’t know where to start.”
“Zoey…” My mom’s voice was weak, her eyes still closed.
“Don’t,” I interrupted her. “Don’t talk. Save your strength.” I looked over my shoulder at Ash. “Get me towels, a bunch of th
em.” He was staring at me. “Now, Ash!”
He shook himself out of his daze and turned on his heel. I could hear the hard falls of his step as he ran upstairs to the linen closet, the familiar creak of the doors, and he was back in a moment. He dropped them next to me, and I started pressing them over the wounds. There were just so many, and the towels were crimson before long.
“Zoey, please.”
I could feel tears in the corners of my eyes, and a large lump was in my throat, threatening my ability to breathe. “You’re going to be okay, Mom. You’re going to be okay. I’m going to fix it, okay?”
Her eyes fluttered open and met mine. Her eyes were red and, for a moment, I wondered if any other color existed. All I could see was red, the deep red of her blood that was now covering the bathroom. “I love you, Zoey.”
I shook my head. “No. No, you are not talking like that. I refuse to let you talk like that.” I ran the stream of water over her body, and the water started running pink, and I felt a brief sense of relief. The bleeding had slowed, and I cleaned the wounds as best as I could, feeling helpless. I could fight. I could pack a punch, and I had a stupid blue belt in taekwondo, but I couldn’t fix this. I didn’t know how to fix this. She just wouldn’t stop bleeding. She needed a hospital, but I don’t think those existed anymore.
“I love you,” she repeated, her eyes falling closed again. I held my breath for a moment, my hands frozen, until I saw the subtle rise and fall of her chest. She was alive, for now. I stood up and walked out of the bathroom. Ash followed me, looking at me in concern.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.
“I don’t think she’s going to be okay, Z,” Ash said, softly.
I nodded. She wasn’t going to be okay. I wanted her to be okay, but I had learned in the past few months that wanting something meant nothing; even need was a silly thing to contemplate. The only thing that worked was what you got. “We should get rid of the bodies.”
“The bodies?” he asked.
I nodded toward the front door. “The bodies of the Awakened. There are quite a bit out there, and we should get rid of them.”
“Burn them? Bury them?” he asked. He looked disheveled, defeated and torn. There was blood and dirt streaked across his entire body, his jeans slung low on his hips, and I had never seen him look more beautiful in all the years I had known him. I wanted to run to him, to pull him to me and never let him go, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even feel.
I sighed, wiping a hand across my forehead. I was covered in blood, and I was sure I had just gotten blood all over my face now too. “We should bury them.”
He nodded, disappearing into the kitchen for a moment and reappearing with both of our shirts. It was hard to believe that less than an hour ago, Ash and I had been tearing each other’s clothes off on my mother’s kitchen counter.
I took my shirt back, pulling it over my head. I was shivering like crazy, but I didn’t think it was because I was cold. “There are shovels in the barn. Let’s go.”
SHE DIED TWO DAYS LATER. I changed the bandages. I washed her. I gave her antibiotics that I found in the medicine cabinet in the upstairs bathroom. I took care of her the best that I could to the best of my limited knowledge. I wrapped her in a ton of gauze and prayed and prayed and prayed, but she died.
My mother was dead.
I could barely look at the body that was lying in front of me. We had moved her upstairs, to her bedroom. She had been in and out of consciousness, mumbling nonsense or calling out for Caspar. She wasn’t herself anymore. She was sick. Her skin had burned hot with fever. She died in her sleep, free of the pain that had ben plaguing her for days.
Ash and I were both orphans now.
“Zoey…”
I shook my head, refusing to look at him. It couldn’t be happening. Not another person. Not now. Not ever. I felt the emotions boiling up in my stomach, up my throat, threatening to burst out. It was taking everything I had not to lose it. I had to keep myself sane; I had to keep myself calm. I had to survive, and I couldn’t lose my grip.
“Zoey?”
Ash was standing behind me, looking down at my mother’s body with a deep sadness on his face. “Are you okay?” he asked, reaching for me.
I ducked out of the way, heading downstairs and into the kitchen. “We need to go. This area isn’t safe anymore. We need to pack up and head out of here, make a plan,” I said.
“Zoey, no. There’s time for that. We’re safe for now. We need to bury your mom.”
I swallowed hard. “No, I just…I want to leave. We need to go.”
He crossed the room, coming to stand in front of me. I took a step back, overwhelmed by the heat radiating off of him. I kept shivering. “We are safe. I promise. You need to mourn your mom, Z. You need to give her what we couldn’t give your dad.”
“I don’t want to bury my mom,” I said through clenched teeth, my fingers lost in my hair. The bubbles were bursting in my throat, and I was about to spill over. “I don’t want to mourn her. I don’t want to care anymore. I just want to die.”
Ash’s face paled for a moment, but he didn’t react to me. “No,” he said, firmly. “You aren’t going to die. I’m not going to let you die. Your parents would want you to live. They would want you to keep fighting. You’ve been so brave and so strong, and you have to keep fighting. It’s what they would want.”
“They would want to be here with me, Ash. They would want to be alive,” I said, my voice raising.
“Of course they would!” he said, his voice remaining calm. I wanted to tear at him. I wanted to break the smooth look on his face. How could he feel that way? How could he not be bursting and ripping apart at the seams? “But they can’t. They can’t be here, Zoey, and I’m here. And we are going to do this, okay?”
“I don’t want to!” I screamed, reaching for the nearest thing to me. My hands found the salt and pepper shakers on the table. I threw them at the wall, sending salt and pepper scattering across the tile floor. I started grabbing things off the shelves and counters and throwing them, tossing them to the ground, feeling a sort of relief when they hit the ground or the wall. “I don’t want to. I’m tired, and I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore. Don’t make me!”
Ash had backed up, out of the zone of fire, but he made no move to stop me. His eyes were wide as he watched me throw the coffee pot across the room, landing with a tinkling crash against the door.
I looked around me at the disaster I had created and felt the breaths coming in and out quickly. I searched for something else to throw, but what else was there? I sunk to the floor, bits of glass and other things biting through the worn fabric of my jeans. I cradled my head in my hands and rocked back and forth.
Rough but gentle hands reached for me, pulling me up. I didn’t hesitate, my arms going around his neck. He pulled me tighter against him, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. “I know, baby. I know.” His words were watery, and I swallowed my tears back down again. A dry sob escaped my throat as I pressed my face into his neck. “Shhh, I know.”
“I don’t want to do it anymore. I can’t…I can’t do it anymore. Everyone is gone, and I can’t do this anymore. Ash, I just don’t think I can do this anymore.” I felt the last bit of energy drip out of me, and I knew that, if he hadn’t been holding me up, I would have fallen down.
“You can,” he said, pressing me tighter to him. “I know you can.”
“I’m just so tired. I’m so tired, Ash,” I said, my arm losing their grip around his neck. My eyes were beginning to close. I was exhausted, worn out. “I can’t hold on anymore.” I didn’t know if I meant I couldn’t hold on to myself anymore or if I couldn’t hold onto him. Maybe both.
“It’s okay; I got you,” he said. I vaguely registered him scooping me up in his arms before I lost all consciousness.
I blinked once, twice, three times before opening my eyes fully. Sunlight was streaming through the thin white curtains that bo
rdered the window by my bed. I was confused for a moment, the sunlight hitting my cheeks and warming them. I sat up slowly, hearing deep breaths and peered over the edge of my bed. Ash was curled on the trundle bed, asleep, his hair falling over his eyes. Flashes of memory hit me: Ash catching me as I fell, carrying me up the stairs to the bed and nightmares. More nightmares than I could possibly remember. I shuddered, rubbing my arms.
Ash shifted. His eyes opened, and they met mine. He smiled slightly and sat up. “You’re awake.”
“How long was I out?” my voice was rough from disuse.
“A couple days,” he said, yawning, running a hand through his hair. He was in desperate need of a haircut, but I kind of liked his hair like this. It made him look rough, like a fighter.
“A couple days!” I sat up straighter, flinging the covers off of me. “Where is…where is…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. My mother? The body? Neither felt right.
“I buried her, in the backyard, near the garden,” he said, his eyes meeting mine for a moment. “I hope that’s okay. I just thought she…she would like it there.”
I nodded. I felt the sensation, the urge to cry, but I had no tears left. I was out. “She would. She loved that garden.”
“Are you still intent on leaving?” he asked, getting out of his own blankets and standing up.
I thought about it for a moment. I thought of surviving her on the farm, with my mom’s body in the backyard. We could do it. We had the garden, the barn. We had access to food. But the Awakened had caught up to us here, and I didn’t know if we were safe anymore. “Yes. Yes, I think that’s a good idea.”
“Okay,” he said firmly. “We’ll go.” I felt relief go through me and wondered how this had happened. How did I end up with the boy I had loved for most of my life?
His eyes met mine and I felt a wave of love pass through me. I didn’t know if he felt the same way or if it was just a passing attraction because I was the last girl available on earth. But I loved him. I wanted him safe.
The Awakened Page 19
