“Doesn’t anyone else know you’re a humbug?” asked Dorothy.
“No one knows it but you four—and myself,” replied Oz. “I have fooled everyone so long that I thought I should never be found out. It was a great mistake my ever letting you into the Throne Room. Usually I will not see even my subjects, and so they believe I am something terrible.”
“But, I don’t understand,” said Dorothy, in bewilderment. “How was it that you appeared to me as a great Head?”
“That was just an Audible Force,” answered Oz. “Step this way, please, and I will tell you all about it.”
He led the way to a small chamber in the rear of the Throne Room, and they all followed him. He pointed to one corner, in which lay the great Head, made out of many thicknesses of paper, and with a carefully painted face.
“This I hung from the ceiling by a wire,” said Oz. “I stood behind the screen and pulled a thread, to make the eyes move and the mouth open.”
“But how about the voice?” she inquired.
“Oh, that’s where the Audible Force comes in,” said the little man. “Using it, I can throw the sound of my voice wherever I wish and at great volume, so that you thought it was coming out of the Head. Here are the other things I used to deceive you.” He showed the Scarecrow the dress and the mask he had worn when he seemed to be the lovely Lady. And the Tin Woman saw that his terrible Beast was nothing but a lot of skins, sewn together, with slats to keep their sides out. As for the Ball of Fire, the false Wizard had hung that also from the ceiling. It was really a ball of cotton, but when oil was poured upon it the ball burned fiercely.
“Really,” said the Scarecrow, “you ought to be ashamed of yourself for being such a humbug.”
“I am—I certainly am,” answered the little man sorrowfully; “but it was the only thing I could do. Sit down, please, there are plenty of chairs; and I will tell you my story.”
So they sat down and listened while he told the following tale.
“I was born in Omaha—”
“Why, that isn’t very far from Kansas!” cried Dorothy.
“No, but it’s farther from here,” he said, shaking his head at her sadly. “When I grew up I became an Illusionist, and at that I was very well trained by a great master who specialized in audible illusions. I can imitate any kind of a bird or beast.” Here he mewed so like a kitten that Toto pricked up his ears and looked everywhere to see where she was. “After a time,” continued Oz, “I tired of being stuck on level 1, and became a balloonist.”
“What is that?” asked Dorothy.
“A man who goes up in a balloon on circus day, so as to draw a crowd of people together and get them to pay to see the circus,” he explained. “By entertaining the crowds with my illusions cast from the balloon and grinding on repetitive carry and fetch quests I eventually gained enough experience to reach level five.”
“Oh,” she said, “I see.”
“Well, one day I went up in a balloon and the ropes got twisted, so that I couldn’t come down again. It went way up above the clouds, so far that a current of air struck it and carried it many, many miles away. For a day and a night I traveled through the air, and on the morning of the second day I awoke and found the balloon floating over a strange and beautiful country.
“It came down gradually, and I was not hurt a bit. But I found myself in the midst of a strange people, who, seeing me come from the clouds, thought I was a great Wizard. Of course I let them think so, because they were afraid of me, and promised to do anything I wished them to.
“Just to amuse myself, and keep the good people busy, I ordered them to build this City, and my Palace; and they did it all willingly and well. Then I thought, as the country was so green and beautiful, I would call it the Emerald City; and to make the name fit better I put green spectacles on all the people, so that everything they saw was green.”
“But isn’t everything here green?” asked Dorothy.
“No more than in any other city,” replied Oz; “but when you wear green spectacles, why of course everything you see looks green to you. The Emerald City was built a great many years ago, for I was a young man when the balloon brought me here, and I am a very old man now. But my people have worn green glasses on their eyes so long that most of them think it really is an Emerald City, and it certainly is a beautiful place, abounding in jewels and precious metals, and every good thing that is needed to make one happy. I have been good to the people, and they like me; but ever since this Palace was built, I have shut myself up and would not see any of them.
“One of my greatest fears was the Witches, for while I had only the few spells of a level five Illusionist, I soon found out that the Witches were really able to do wonderful things. There were four of them in this country, and they ruled the people who live in the North and South and East and West. Fortunately, the Witches of the North and South were good, and I knew they would do me no harm; but the Witches of the East and West were terribly wicked, and had they not thought I was more powerful than they themselves, they would surely have destroyed me. As it was, I lived in deadly fear of them for many years; so you can imagine how pleased I was when I heard your house had fallen on the Wicked Witch of the East. When you came to me, I was willing to promise anything if you would only do away with the other Witch; but, now that you have melted her, I am ashamed to say that I cannot keep my promises.”
“I think you are a very bad man: Chaotic Neutral bordering on Chaotic Evil,” said Dorothy crossly.
“Oh, no, my dear; I’m really a very good man, but I’m a very bad Wizard, I must admit.”
“Can’t you give me Intelligence?” asked the Scarecrow.
“Do you really want your Bardic abilities restored? You are doing perfectly well without them.”
“That may be true,” said the Scarecrow, “but I shall be very unhappy unless you give me my Intelligence back.”
The false Wizard looked at him carefully.
“Well,” he said with a sigh, “I’m not much of a magician, as I said; but if you will come to me tomorrow morning, I will stuff your head with brains.”
“Oh, thank you, thank you!” cried the Scarecrow. “I’ll find a way to use them, never fear!”
“But how about my Rage?” asked the Lioness anxiously.
“You have plenty of other class features, I am sure,” answered Oz. “All you need is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty.”
“Perhaps I have, but I’m restricted just the same,” said the Lioness. “I shall really be very unhappy unless you give me Rage with all the benefits in morale, attack bonuses and resistances to mental attacks that come with it.”
“Very well, I will give you Rage tomorrow,” replied Oz.
“How about my Atonement?” asked the Tin Woman.
“Why, as for that,” answered Oz, “I think you are wrong to want to be a Paladin. Following the Code of Conduct just makes most characters unhappy and stops them killing NPCs for experience. If you only knew it, you are in luck to be a Warrior and behave however you wish.”
“That must be a matter of opinion,” said the Tin Woman. “For my part, I will bear all the unhappiness without a murmur, if you will give me the Atonement.”
“Very well,” answered Oz meekly. “Come to me tomorrow and you shall have an Atonement. I have played Wizard for so many years that I may as well continue the part a little longer.”
“And now,” said Dorothy, “how am I to get back to Kansas?”
“We shall have to think about that,” replied the little man. “Give me two or three days to consider the matter and I’ll try to find a way to carry you over the desert. In the meantime you shall all be treated as my guests, and while you live in the Palace my people will wait upon you and obey your slightest wish. There is only one thing I ask in return for my help—such as it is. You must keep my sec
ret and tell no one I am a humbug.”
They agreed to say nothing of what they had learned, and went back to their rooms in high spirits. Even Dorothy had hope that “The Great and Terrible Humbug,” as she called him, would find a way to send her back to Kansas, and if he did she was willing to forgive him everything.
Chapter XVI
The Magic Art of the Great Humbug
Next morning the Scarecrow said to his friends:
“Congratulate me. I am going to Oz to get my Intelligence at last. When I return I shall be as other Bards are.”
“I have always liked you as you were,” said Dorothy simply.
“It is kind of you to like a Scarecrow without the ability to give morale and other buffs,” he replied. “But surely you will think more of me when you hear the splendid performances of my new Bardic abilities.” Then he said good-bye to them all in a cheerful voice and went to the Throne Room, where he rapped upon the door.
“Come in,” said Oz.
The Scarecrow went in and found the little man sitting down by the window, engaged in deep thought.
“I have come for my Intelligence,” remarked the Scarecrow, a little uneasily.
“Oh, yes; sit down in that chair, please,” replied Oz. “You must excuse me for taking your head off, but I shall have to do it in order to put your new brains in their proper place.”
“That’s all right,” said the Scarecrow. “You are quite welcome to take my head off, as long as it will be a better one when you put it on again.”
So the Wizard unfastened his head and emptied out the straw. Then he entered the back room and took up a measure of bran, which he mixed with half a potion of Restoration. Having shaken them together thoroughly, he filled the top of the Scarecrow’s head with the mixture and stuffed the rest of the space with straw, with a Circlet of +4 Intelligence sewn on tightly to hold it in place.
When he had fastened the Scarecrow’s head on his body again he said to him, “Hereafter you will be a great Bard, for I have given you your seven intelligence back, plus four more from the highest Intelligence item available in the city. But tell me, do you want to have the Polymorph dispelled and be restored to a human body?”
“I have thought long on this,” replied Scarecrow, “and I like this body. I need not breathe. I need not eat. I need not fear falling. And even when my straw is scattered, I can be reassembled. There are a lot of exploits that become possible to me as a Straw man. It seems to me to be ideal.”
The Scarecrow was both pleased and proud at the fulfilment of his greatest wish, and having thanked Oz warmly he went back to his friends.
Dorothy looked at him curiously. His head was quite bulged out at the top with the new mixture.
“How do you feel?” she asked.
“I feel Intelligent indeed,” he answered earnestly. “When I get used to it, I shall cast spells and increase my skills and give twelve minutes of Bardic performance a day.”
“Why is that circlet sewn onto your head?” asked the Tin Woman.
“So he can never lose it I suppose,” remarked the Lioness.
“Well, I must go to Oz and get my Atonement,” said the Tin Woman. So she walked to the Throne Room and knocked at the door.
“Come in,” called Oz, and the Tin Woman entered and said, “I have come for my Atonement.”
“Very well,” answered the little man. “As you know, I am not a divine caster, but I have consulted with the highest level Lawful Good characters in the city, who believe the Goddess of Light will look favorably upon you and intervene if you make your pledge directly to her. Do you wish to proceed, knowing you will ever after honor her Code of Conduct?”
“Oh, yes,” answered the Tin Woman. “I have felt lost without it.”
So Oz brought the silver statue of the Goddess of Light and placed it on the table in front of the Tin Woman. Then, going to a chest of drawers, he took out a pretty gem in a golden circle, it span, sending colored rays of light around the room.
“Isn’t it a beauty?” he asked.
“It is, indeed!” replied the Tin Woman, who was greatly pleased. “But what is it?”
“A Holy Symbol for the goddess,” answered Oz. He set the gem turning. “Now place your hand over your heart and recall your brave deeds and repeat after me: I swear to uphold the Paladin’s Code of Conduct with all my heart for all my days, however long that may be.”
“I swear,” said the Tin Woman solemnly, “to uphold the Paladin’s Code of Conduct with all my heart for all my days, however long that may be.”
The gem slowed and reached the limit of its turning in a clockwise direction, but before twisting back it held in place for a moment, casting golden light over the Tin Woman.
“There,” said Oz; “did it work? Check your UI.”
“Oh indeed,” exclaimed the happy Tin Woman. “I am level seven Paladin—close to eight—with all my spells and bonuses restored! I am very grateful to you, and shall never forget your kindness.”
“Don’t speak of it,” replied Oz.
Then the Tin Woman went back to her friends, who wished her every joy on account of her good fortune.
The Lioness now walked to the Throne Room and knocked at the door.
“Come in,” said Oz.
“I have come for my Rage,” announced the Lioness, entering the room.
“Very well,” answered the little man; “I will get it for you.”
He went to a cupboard and, reaching up to a high shelf, took down a square green bottle, the contents of which he poured into a green-gold dish, beautifully carved. Placing this before the Cowardly Lioness, who sniffed at it as if she did not like it, the Wizard said:
“Drink.”
“What is it?” asked the Lioness.
“Well,” answered Oz, “it is the rest of the potion of Restoration that I gave to Scarecrow.”
The Lioness hesitated no longer, but drank till the dish was empty.
“How do you feel now?” asked Oz. “Is your Rage gem grayed out still?”
“It is green!” replied the Lioness, who went joyfully back to her friends to tell them of her good fortune.
Oz, left to himself, smiled to think of his success in giving the Scarecrow and the Tin Woman and the Lioness exactly what they thought they wanted. “Well, the people of the Emerald City were willing to give me the potion, the circlet and the advice about how to address the goddess. But no one had any idea about how to carry Dorothy back to Kansas, that will have to fall to me alone.”
Chapter XVII
How the Balloon Was Launched
For three days Dorothy heard nothing from Oz. These were sad days for the little girl, although her friends were all quite happy and contented. The Scarecrow told them there were wonderful songs in his head; but he would not say what they were because he knew no one could understand them but himself. When the Tin Woman walked about she felt her love of the Munchkin returning; and she told Dorothy she had discovered it to be a kinder and more tender feeling than the one she had experienced when she was made of flesh. The Lioness declared she was afraid of nothing on earth, and with the benefits of Rage would gladly face an army or a dozen of the fierce Kalidahs.
Thus each of the little party was satisfied except Dorothy, who longed more than ever to get back to Kansas.
On the fourth day, to her great joy, Oz sent for her, and when she entered the Throne Room he greeted her pleasantly:
“Sit down, my dear; I think I have found the way to get you out of this country.”
“And back to Kansas?” she asked eagerly.
“Well, I’m not sure about Kansas,” said Oz, “for I haven’t the faintest notion which way it lies. But the first thing to do is to cross the desert, and then it should be easy to find your way home.”
“How can I cross the desert?” she inquired.
“Well, I’ll tell you what I think,” said the little man. “You see, when I came to this country it was in a balloon. You also came through the ai
r, being carried by a cyclone. So I believe the best way to get across the desert will be through the air. Now, it is quite beyond my powers to make a cyclone; but I’ve been thinking the matter over, and I believe I can make a balloon.”
“How?” asked Dorothy.
“A balloon,” said Oz, “is made of silk, which is coated with glue to keep the gas in it. I have plenty of silk in the Palace, so it will be no trouble to make the balloon. But in all this country there is no gas to fill the balloon with, to make it float.”
“If it won’t float,” remarked Dorothy, “it will be of no use to us.”
“True,” answered Oz. “But there is another way to make it float, which is to fill it with hot air. Hot air isn’t as good as gas, for if the air should get cold the balloon would come down in the desert, and we should be lost.”
“We!” exclaimed the girl. “Are you going with me?”
“Yes, of course,” replied Oz. “I am tired of being such a humbug. If I should go out of this Palace my people would soon discover I am not a level fifteen Wizard, and then they would be vexed with me for having deceived them. So I have to stay shut up in these rooms all day, and it gets tiresome. I’d much rather go back to Kansas with you and be in a circus again.”
“I shall be glad to have your company,” said Dorothy.
“Thank you,” he answered. “Now, if you will help me sew the silk together, we will begin to work on our balloon.”
So Dorothy took a needle and thread, and casting Haste found that as fast as Oz cut the strips of silk into proper shape she could sew them neatly together. First there was a strip of light green silk, then a strip of dark green and then a strip of emerald green; for Oz had a fancy to make the balloon in different shades of the color about them. It took three days to sew all the strips together, but when it was finished they had a big bag of green silk more than twenty feet long.
Then Oz painted it on the inside with a coat of thin glue, to make it airtight, after which he announced that the balloon was ready.
The Wonderful LitRPG Wizard of Oz (LitRPG Classics Book 1) Page 11
