by Jane Frances
And she knew Cathy was a lesbian. That discovery was made over her second glass of wine on the second Friday night of drinks in Cathy’s office. Sue had declined the offer of a refill.
“Sorry to deprive you of my company again ladies,” she said as she shot a winning smile at both of them, “but nature calls.”
Cathy smiled a goodbye as Toni bid farewell.
“One can’t defy the call of nature can one?” Cathy said as Sue’s figure disappeared.
“Not at all.” Toni had agreed. “Who’s the lucky guy?”
Cathy cocked her head to one side, giving Toni a quizzical glance. “It’s not a guy Toni.”
“Oh.” Toni took a quick sip of her wine, her mind racing. Should she tell Cathy or not? Why not? She certainly didn’t seem to raise an eyebrow with Sue. And it certainly would be much easier if she could be out at work. A quick thought to life without her newly acquired office and window made her hesitate, but only for a moment. Toni steeled her courage with one more sip. “Well that’s good. There’s two of us then.”
“Better make that three.” Cathy raised her glass. “Welcome to the family.”
A relieved grin spread across Toni’s face. She really had come to like her office and her window. The view would be even better now she didn’t have the nasty business of having to remain in the closet during office hours.
Although Cathy had no qualms about announcing her orientation, she kept the details to herself. Over time Toni became more than idly curious, trying in vain to eke out information. She knew Cathy lived alone and wasn’t involved with anyone, indeed hadn’t been involved with anyone in the four years Toni had known her. That there had been lovers in the past was a piece of information Toni did manage to extract, but details were undisclosed.
“It’s such a shame Virg,” Toni had said one night, as she squatted on the floor watching Virgil gobble dinner. “Today I caught Cathy in her office just staring off into space. She looked so . . . so . . . melancholy.” Toni carried on talking although Virgil was not paying the least bit of attention. “It’s not fair you know, someone with her looks and personality shouldn’t be alone.”
Toni’s observation was an objective one. She adored Cathy as a friend, respected her as a colleague. As far as anything else was concerned, it just never crossed her mind. That was, until January 26 of this year. Toni remembered the date. It was Australia Day, the day of the annual firework display over the city.
Their offices in a prime position to view the spectacular, Cathy held an annual Australia Day party for clients and partners. This year, the offices were full to bursting, Cathy’s decision to promote the practice as tailored to women’s needs filling an evident gap in the market. Toni was talking with one of her more long-standing clients when the first firework burst into the sky.
All conversation lulled. Toni, along with a sea of heads, turned her attention toward the window. Cathy was directly in Toni’s line of vision. She was settled on the window ledge, one foot tucked under a thigh, head and shoulders resting against the reinforced steel frame. Toni’s breath caught in her throat when Cathy leaned forward to catch something said by half of the couple seated next to her. Then Toni’s heart was in her mouth as she watched Cathy’s profile back-lit in subsequent bursts of colored light.
Toni took an involuntary step backward. The feeling had come completely out of the blue. The feeling was so unexpected, but so strong she couldn’t shake it. It was as if she was seeing Cathy for the first time. Gone were her good-looking boss and best friend. In their place was a woman who took Toni’s breath away. Sleek brown hair, long enough to brush the shoulders, framed a lightly tan face and accentuated the deep brown of her eyes. Cathy was a good few inches taller than Toni’s five-foot-six frame, and her loose fitting silk shirt and pleated pants hinted at the slim figure they contained.
As if sensing the gaze that was upon her, Cathy had turned and caught Toni’s eye just as the final firework streaked skyward. There was a huge bang followed by a chrysanthemum of red and gold that filled the window. Toni took this on the word of other revelers’ descriptions because she didn’t see it. Cathy’s smile crowded her vision and warmed her blood. With an equally loud bang she realized she was in love. Or lust. Or something. Whatever it was, Toni needed the advice of her confidante.
“Oh Virg.” Once home, Toni had reached to the far side of the couch and scooped up the limp ball that complained loudly at the interruption. “What am I to do?”
Virgil wriggled from the embrace, complained again, yawned widely and did a three-hundred-sixty degree turn on Toni’s lap. Claws exposed, she kneaded mercilessly into linen clad legs, staring into Toni’s eyes with defiance at the pain she was inflicting. Suddenly she stopped, did another complete turn and plopped down. She purred as Toni stroked her from the tip of her nose to the tip of her tail.
“Life’s so simple for you isn’t it Virg,” Toni said softly as she continued to stroke absentmindedly. “Just eat, sleep and stalk imaginary prey.” As if in agreement, Virgil’s purr increased to a low rumble. “No worries about mortgages, working for a living, or falling for your boss.” Virgil stretched out a paw so it rested on Toni’s forearm. Poor human the gesture seemed to say. But Virgil continued to rumble away, uncaring of how Toni managed to bring in the gourmet goodies, as long as they kept coming.
“You’re right,” Toni told the now napping feline. “Cathy’s been on her own for a long time. She’s not going to fall at my feet just because I give her a sideways glance. I have to stay cool on this one.”
Toni’s first act of staying cool was to trip over her own feet and spill a cup of coffee over herself and the carpet in Cathy’s office the very next working day. Her initial embarrassment was overtaken by both the burning sensation of the liquid and the burning sensation of Cathy’s arm around her waist as she was shuffled off to the broom closet for a wipe down. That Cathy just tossed her a wet cloth mattered not. Her cleanup unsuccessful—the blouse was ruined—Toni spent the rest of the day in a spare linen shirt Cathy kept in the private bathroom adjoining her office. The shirt had yet to find its way back into Cathy’s possession.
The next cool act was to send Cathy a huge bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day. Ordered through a florist miles away from both her home and work, Toni figured there was no way anyone would guess the flowers were from her. She cemented the fact by being too cowardly to include a card. Toni was at the reception when the flowers were delivered. She saw the look of surprise as Cathy was presented with them. She also heard Sue’s snigger.
“What?” Toni feigned innocence.
“Nothing.” Sue sniggered again, looking pointedly at Cathy’s retreating figure, head bent as she smelled the roses’ perfume. “I just think it’s so romantic.”
“What is?” Toni picked up a file and hugged it close to her chest.
“Unrequited love.” Sue smiled sweetly and leaned over to answer the phone. Toni stalked off with her file. She’d show Sue unrequited love.
It seemed she would show Sue just that. For weeks on end Toni walked the halls of yearning, poking into the crevices of Cathy’s veneer, trying to find the smallest response. Each night she went home, dissected the day and came up empty. Finally, after a particularly trying Friday, she gave up. Cathy’s e-mail blipped on her screen, suggesting their usual drinks and dinner.
Toni bit on her bottom lip as she typed: Sorry. I have plans for tonight. She slumped in her chair as the message was whisked to the next office. Half hoping for a response, Toni left her computer on until the last moment. None came. She packed up her briefcase and headed for the lifts, wondering what on earth she was to do with herself for the evening. She decided to visit Perth’s gay nightclub and get Cathy out of her system once and for all.
“Do you want to go downstairs and get a kebab or something?” The crew-cut baby-dyke with huge, brown eyes Toni had been yelling at for two hours, yelled into her ear at the nightclub.
Toni nodded and yelled ba
ck, “Let’s go.”
Arm in arm, they descended the stairs. The nightclub was packed and hot from the crush of bodies so the cool night air hit Toni with a blast. She wasn’t usually the nightclub type and the echo of music rang in her ears. Once outside, she glanced around. Kebab bars were on either side of the nightclub entrance. “Which place would you prefer?”
Baby-dyke’s expression didn’t change, all her emotions were in those big brown eyes. “How about your place?”
The following Monday Toni swung into Cathy’s office and plopped into a chair. “Hi Cathy. How was your weekend?”
“Not as good as yours by the looks of it.” Cathy tidied the sheaf of papers she had been working on. She smiled as she leaned back in her seat. “What did you get up to?”
Toni’s own smile faded as Cathy’s grew. A night tumbling in the sheets with baby-dyke was instantly shadowed by a mere glance from her boss. Toni knew she was long gone. She lifted herself from her chair. “Nothing much.”
Ignoring all the voices that screamed she was heading for a fall, Toni turned just before reaching the door. “Would you like to do lunch today?”
“Sorry, I’m straight through with meetings until six.” Cathy flipped a page on her diary. “But tomorrow’s good for me. How about you?”
Toni shook her head, more disappointed than she hoped she was letting on.
“Well, Wednesday’s out,” Cathy flipped another page. “But Thursday I’m free from 11:30 until one.”
“You know I don’t think that far in advance.” Toni frowned, trying to visualize her schedule. “I’ll e-mail you when I’ve checked my diary.”
Once in her office, Toni swiveled round and round in her chair. She couldn’t go on like this, catching the crumbs Cathy threw in her direction. Toni immediately retracted that thought, knowing it wasn’t fair. Cathy was just carrying on with their friendship as usual. She was no doubt clueless about Toni’s depth of feelings toward her, even with the presence of Sue—the eyes, ears and mouthpiece of the practice.
Despite being free, Toni sent Cathy an e-mail saying she couldn’t make it for lunch on Thursday. Cathy’s reply came later in the day, acknowledging the decline and reminding Toni of their fortnightly meeting on Friday morning.
I will get through this, Toni thought to herself. She bent to her work, feeling utterly miserable by the time she packed up her briefcase for the day. On Tuesday, she again kept to her office, buzzing the reception for her appointments and avoiding the staff room. Wednesday she spent most of the morning with a string of clients and all of the afternoon with Julie, the graduate accountant.
Toni had been assigned as Julie’s mentor, a task she hadn’t particularly wanted at first, but now found she enjoyed. Julie was an earnest worker, eager to please and in a constant state of panic that she was doing something dreadfully wrong. Many times Toni had to reassure her that the little mistake she’d made was not going to send a client into bankruptcy, nor was it going to get the pants sued off the practice. This day, unable to find fault with the accounts presented to her, Toni outwardly praised Julie, and inwardly praised herself for being such a marvelous teacher. She left for home feeling quite a bit brighter.
On Thursday, Toni hid in a café over lunch, but braved the broom closet three times over the course of the day. Cathy caught her on her third visit.
“Howdy stranger,” she reached above Toni’s head to grab a mug from the overhead cupboard. “I was beginning to think you’d run away to join the circus.”
“Who needs to when I work here?” Toni quipped, passing Cathy the almost empty carton of milk. She quickly stirred her coffee and headed for the comparatively wide open spaces of the passage, doing a heart check as she went. True to form, it was hammering in her chest.
Toni kicked her office door shut, her kick hard but not enough for a true slam. You are a pathetic piece of work Antonia Ljanjovich, she thought to herself. Mug set aside so she could do her office chair swivel without incurring third-degree burns, Toni continued her mental flagellation: So you have a crush on your boss. You’ve had crushes before and you’ve survived. Like every other crush it will eventually go away. So pick your misery boots off the floor and just get on with it before you lose a good friend, not to mention a good job.
Toni let her chair lose momentum until it came to a complete stop. Tomorrow morning it would be back to the old Toni.
Once decided, it was easier than Toni thought to maintain her composure. She was late to her meeting, and was suitably scolded by Cathy. But that was normal. She hesitated over going to lunch, giving the excuse of having to check her schedule, but she eventually accepted and had a good time. The Virgil/madwoman/broken pot episode helped somewhat. Having a tale to tell almost kept her mind off those “come drown in me” eyes. Then there was the refurbishment of the offices—the paint swatches and tiles provided a whole new distraction.
Then there was the dinner. The dinner. Toni squirmed in her chair, swamped by the warm sensation she got whenever she dared think about it. Which, since Friday, had been every few minutes. Toni had not planned any sort of seduction. True, she had imagined what it would be like, but she’d been imagining that for the past two months. And true, her position on the floor next to Cathy had not occurred purely by accident. But when Cathy met her gaze, any self-control Toni had mustered disappeared completely.
The memory of Cathy’s lips was seared into her own—just by cupping her hands she could imagine Cathy’s breasts filling them. Cathy’s response had been so passionate and Toni’s own need so strong, she was left literally aching when their embrace abruptly halted. The minutes that followed were pure torture, but there was little time to gather her scattered thoughts before Virgil led them on a merry chase.
In retrospect, Toni thought Virgil’s disappearance fortuitous. Without the distraction, Cathy would probably have gone home as soon as she could down a coffee. As it happened, once back inside, Cathy stayed for another hour or so. She seemed tense, but then, so was Toni.
“I’ll see you Monday okay?” Cathy had stood at the front door, hands deep inside her jeans pockets.
“Sure.” Toni was going to suggest doing something together the next day, but decided against it. Cathy’s words were echoing through her head: I don’t want to ruin our friendship. If Cathy was struggling with that thought, Toni was not going to push. She mirrored Cathy’s hands-in-pockets stance, mainly to avoid pulling her in for a goodnight kiss. “See you then.”
Toni waited until the midnight blue BMW pulled out of the driveway, then closed the door and leaned up against it. Virgil padded in to rub against her calves. “I know Virgil. I know.” She bent down to scoop her into her arms. “I have to stay cool.”
Over the course of a mainly sleepless night, Toni replayed the evening over and over in her head. The woman who lived over the back lane gained significance with each rerun. Cathy had been her usual noncommittal self when asked about the association, so Toni imagined the worst—that Lisa was an old flame, come back to stick her nose in at exactly the wrong time.
By morning, Toni had dismissed this idea as ridiculous. Although Lisa did not seem the obnoxious, crazy woman she originally thought her to be, she just didn’t seem Cathy’s type. Not that she knew what Cathy’s type was, but short honey blonde hair and legs that would put a racehorse to shame surely wasn’t it. Cathy’s revelation they had gone to Uni together was no big deal. They probably sat next to each other in some tutorial and lost contact as soon as Lisa dropped out of study. And that was years and years ago.
Nevertheless, around midmorning, Toni took a stroll around the block, wallet in hand, with the excuse of making amends for Virgil’s damage, and the intent of finding out a bit more about Lisa and Cathy.
Toni ground to a halt as she rounded the corner. A few moments later she literally skipped home. Lisa was no threat. Her affectionate driveway farewell to either her hubby or boyfriend was all the proof she needed.
Later in the day, still cur
ious about the life Cathy had led before she met her, Toni made another trip around the block. Disappointed there was no answer when she knocked, Toni left the punnet of petunias and twenty dollars she had brought as a peace offering on the doormat. Attached was a note, which read: I’m sorry about breaking your pot. From Virgil. She didn’t bother making any more attempts at contact. Toni had never really gotten into the neighborly thing. Chats over the fence and begged cups of sugar weren’t her style.
Toni shook thoughts of Lisa from her head and glanced at her watch. It was two minutes to six. Toni took one last appreciative glance at the Swan River and the ant-like procession of cars making their homeward dash over the Narrows Bridge. Still enveloped in her warm Cathy glow, she checked her diary for a name.
Joel.
Toni strolled out of her office to wait for his arrival. Her timing was perfect, the lift sounding its arrival as she entered the reception.
“Shut up Joel.” Lisa held her diary and notepad close to her chest, trying hard to keep a straight face. Throughout the wait for the lift at the lobby and the subsequent ride to the top floor, they had been trying to figure out the meaning behind the business name displayed on the building’s directory board, CBW and Co— Chartered Accountant. Joel had hinged onto the staid and boring accounting stereotype, his last effort said in his deepest voice, Crusty, Bald and Withered.
Lisa smiled in spite of herself. “You forget I was going to be one of those.”
“Yeah, but you had the sense to escape before the dust settled permanently on your ledger.”
“And look what I ended up with.” Lisa brushed at Joel’s sleeves as the lift ground to a halt. They had come straight from a job, both covered in tile dust and smudges of grouting. She gave herself a last dust down and shake of her hair, as well.
