by Jane Frances
Oh God. This was worse than a request for a kiss. Emma had turned into a clone of Steph.
“I’m going to see her tomorrow morning.” Lisa folded her arms, wondering just what Emma and Cathy had talked about before she arrived. “Why would I want to ring her?”
“Just humor me Lisa.”
What exactly was it about Emma that made Lisa pander to her every wish? Before she knew it, her phone was out and Cathy’s mobile number selected from the memory.
“Emma,” Lisa pocketed her phone a few minutes later, “I love you.”
“As you should.” Emma grinned and headed for her car.
Lisa climbed into the cab of her utility. Life was suddenly much brighter. Toni may well be hanging around for tomorrow’s final inspection of the tiling, but Sunday morning was to be just Cathy and Lisa. Coffee and a chat, that’s what they’d agreed to. A chance to catch up on all the news of the past eleven years.
Lisa turned on the radio, channel surfed until she found something boppy, and happily sang along as she drove down the near-deserted Tuesday night in Perth streets.
Cathy pressed the button on her mobile to disconnect the call. It was lucky she had a hands-free kit installed. As it was, even with two hands on the steering wheel, she veered halfway into the next lane when Lisa suggested they meet. If she’d been driving with one hand, mobile glued to her ear with the other, she would probably have driven right off the road.
Unexpected as the invitation was, Cathy knew the thump in her chest was much more than a register of surprise. It was a combination of nerves, excitement, relief . . . guilt.
The final emotion overrode all others. It was the one that made Cathy reach back to her phone. She swapped attention from road to phone display until the name she wanted appeared on the screen. Her call was picked up on the seventh ring.
“Toni speaking.”
Cathy’s mouth went dry. “Hi Toni. I was hoping I could come over.”
The surprise in Toni’s tone was unmistakable, as was the slight inflection that indicated she was wary of the reason for the requested late-night visit. The plan had been to spend the evening doing their own thing and meet at the offices the next morning. “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”
Cathy did a U-turn at the next break in the median strip, already mentally rehearsing what she would say. She struggled to find the appropriate words. But there weren’t any. The closer she got to Toni’s house, the more she felt like a first-class heel.
She’d known from the start that getting involved with a friend, her best friend, was a big mistake. Especially since lust, and the fact the woman she really wanted was seemingly unavailable, were her prime motivators. That Toni walked into the relationship knowing all this was little consolation. Cathy nurtured their relationship despite knowing, deep inside, she would never really love Toni. Yes, there was a distinct possibility her platonic love could grow into romantic love, but she would never be in love with her.
The distinction was significant.
The closer Cathy got to Toni’s place, the more her guilt spread. Her timing sucked. She should have done this days ago, the moment they limped back from Lisa’s barbeque. But she hadn’t wanted to make it look like Toni was immaterial as soon as Cathy discovered Lisa was, by all accounts, available. So she’d put it off. And put it off. Just to make things worse, she’d even had sex with Toni when they got back from Lisa’s. Now, she was going to make her announcement hot on the heels of Lisa’s invitation. Knowing the invitation was only for a coffee (despite a few obtuse hints from Emma earlier in the evening, she had no real idea if Lisa wanted anything more than to be friends) was beside the point. Her timing alone would make it look like she’d been biding her time, waiting to see if Lisa was interested before she made a move in either direction.
However, bad as it appeared, and bad as Cathy felt, she knew Toni deserved the truth. She just hoped they could salvage something of their friendship afterward.
I’m sorry Toni. Cathy played the line in her mind as she made the turn into Toni’s street. But I just can’t be with you anymore.
Toni stood in the kitchen, concentrating on the kettle. She was hoping the old adage “a watched pot never boils” was true. For if she kept watching the pot and it never boiled, then she’d never have to complete her coffee preparations, or make her way back to the formal lounge where Cathy was waiting. If she never made it back there, then she would never find out what Cathy wanted to say. Which, if her instincts were correct, would not be good news.
Toni had experienced a sense of foreboding from the moment Cathy called. The call was unexpected, so unexpected she’d nearly missed it. Out with friends for dinner, she’d only just put her key in the front door when the phone rang.
Actually, if she were honest with herself, Toni would admit that while the call was unexpected, it did not herald her sense of apprehension. That had begun on Saturday night, right about the time she discovered she had been very, very wrong in her assumption about Lisa. Ever since then, Toni felt like she was walking a tightrope between hope and despair.
Despair had been the first to take hold. Cathy wouldn’t even look at her as they made their way from Lisa’s lounge room to the back patio. “We’ll talk about this when we get home,” Cathy said under her breath as they resumed their seats. “Can’t we just go now?” Toni asked, also under her breath. “No Toni we can’t. I already feel like a fool. I don’t want a scene out here.” Toni’s reply that there was no need for a scene, they’d just say something had come up, was not greeted warmly. “You can leave if you want. I’m staying.”
Thankfully, the whole night had not been so strained. As if sensing the tension, Steph wandered to their end of the table and engaged them both in conversation. Toni’s initial opinion of Steph, the one formed at the cinema, was confirmed. She was charismatic and charming. Within a short while, five others joined their little circle. To Toni’s great relief, Cathy eventually relaxed and broke into laughter.
Hopes at putting the whole nasty episode behind them were raised as Toni watched Lisa interact with Emma. They had been sitting together when Cathy and Toni arrived, and Lisa headed straight back to Emma’s side on the return from the lounge room. Lisa touched Emma frequently, little squeezes on the arm, a hand on the shoulder, a ruffle of her hair. Maybe they were an item?
Her hopes were dashed. As the evening progressed, Toni realized Lisa was by nature a touchy, feely sort of person, and her contact not limited to Emma. She hugged everyone, gave and received kisses freely, and generally seemed to be in some sort of physical contact with someone at any given point in time. Jealousy reared its head as the contact included Cathy. Lisa had been making her rounds and eventually landed in their group. The contact was minimal, just a brief squeeze as Lisa placed her hand on Cathy’s shoulder. But she saw Cathy’s lashes flutter at the touch.
She also saw the seeming inability for the two of them to keep their eyes off each other. Wherever Lisa moved around the table, Cathy seemed to point her body in the same direction. Whenever Toni looked at Lisa, it seemed Lisa’s gaze was just leaving Cathy. Toni felt her heart slide to the floor. Whatever tenuous hold she had on Cathy, she could almost see it slipping away before her eyes.
That miserable thought was still top of mind when yet another blow came. The entire party was led by Joel to the rear of the garden for the presentation of Lisa’s birthday present. Toni felt sick as she watched Lisa excitedly examine the large amphora, a heavy duty terra cotta affair supposedly to replace the more fragile one that met an untimely end a month or so prior. For the second time that night Toni felt like an idiot, this time because she’d presumed her twenty dollar offering would more than cover the damage Virgil had caused. The only positive to come out of the event was when Cathy snaked her arm around Toni’s waist and whispered in her ear, “You weren’t to know Toni.”
It was a shame that same sentiment wasn’t repeated once they made it back to Toni’s place. However, contrary to Toni’s
fears, their arrival home did not signal the start of World War III. Their exchange was heated, but brief.
Cathy called Toni a fucking idiot for not only seeing exactly what she wanted to see, but spreading the fucking rumor around afterward. Toni pointed out she just planted the seed, it was Cathy who nurtured it until it sprang into life. Cathy then called herself a fucking idiot for even considering that any of Toni’s tales held a grain of truth. Then she blamed Toni for causing her to descend to the language of a fucking fisher’s wife.
That last comment made Toni smile.
Cathy didn’t see the humor. “Fuck off. It’s not fucking funny.”
Toni plopped herself on the lounge next to Cathy. “Fuck no.”
“Fuck off,” Cathy repeated.
“You fuck off. It’s my fucking house.”
The look Toni received indicated that it was probably the first time Cathy had ever been told to fuck off. “Come here and say that,” she challenged.
Already sitting next to Cathy, Toni had little maneuvering room. She brought her face right up to Cathy’s, and started, “I said . . .”
“I know. It’s your fucking house.” Cathy finished for her, capturing Toni’s face in her hands.
The kiss was so unexpected Toni was not ready for it. She was given a brief reprieve to come up for air before her mouth was again encased. Within minutes they slid from the lounge onto the floor, the coffee table unceremoniously kicked away by Toni’s booted foot.
Reluctantly acknowledging that the kettle had indeed boiled, Toni poured water over the instant coffee already spooned into two mugs. Still thinking about the activity that took place on her lounge room floor, Toni felt her apprehension deepen. For, although initially elated Cathy still wanted to make love to her, Toni found the act itself only further cemented her belief she was slipping away. For that night Cathy had been different. Very different.
From the beginning, Toni found Cathy to be a gentle, quietly responsive lover. She expertly took Toni to the brink and back again, whispering encouragement and frequent in her assurances of Toni’s own skills. Toni would sink into sated sleep feeling languid and relaxed, like water lapping against powdery white shores. But this night Cathy was aflame, taking Toni on a ride that left her spent, even her bones feeling they no longer held any structure. Throughout the journey, Cathy kept her eyes closed, shuttering Toni from whatever private world she had entered. That Toni was physically present was never in any doubt. What was doubtful was exactly who Cathy was making love to.
Even that was not really in doubt. Toni guessed it was probably Lisa.
Toni didn’t bother with the niceties of setting a tray with sugar and milk. She added the coffee accompaniments at the bench and headed down the hallway, a mug in each hand.
Quietly she approached the lounge room. She found Cathy exactly as she had left her, except now Virgil sat in her lap. Cathy was stroking Virgil, head bent as she softly spoke to her feline friend. Toni took the opportunity to watch the pair. How Virgil loved Cathy. She leapt onto her at every opportunity, nuzzling into the crook of her arm, or whatever other comfy spot presented itself, complaining loudly when Cathy decided it was time to move.
Like mother like daughter.
How Toni loved Cathy. She too, would leap onto her at any chance, nuzzling into the comfy spots and complaining loudly when it came time for her to leave.
Toni had kidded herself as much as Cathy had when Toni announced she was willing to have a no-strings relationship. Even as she’d said it, Toni knew she was already tightly bound in her devotion. She’d held onto the hope that, given enough time, Cathy could reciprocate her feelings. Unfortunately, Toni had not been given the luxury of time, and she doubted their two weeks together could compete with the eleven years Cathy had spent elevating Lisa to the status of demi-deity.
Toni lingered in her study of Cathy. Then, steeling herself over whatever was to come, she entered the lounge. “Coffee’s up.”
“Thank you Toni.” Cathy accepted the mug but placed it straight onto a coaster on the coffee table. She patted the seat next to her and said, “Come sit with me.”
“I think I’ll sit here.” Toni sank into the single-seater. She placed her mug onto the coffee table. She nervously raked fingers through her hair. “Okay Cathy. What’s up?”
Twenty minutes later, the two mugs remained untouched, their contents gone cold.
Cathy sat forward in her seat, elbows resting on her knees. Toni also sat forward, her head in her hands. No tears had yet come, but the sting behind her eyes indicated they were not far away. “I think I’d like you to leave now.”
“Toni.” Cathy reached across to her but Toni shied away. “Toni. I’m so sorry.”
“I know Cathy. Now please, I really don’t want to see you at the moment.”
When Cathy stood, the finality of it dawned on Toni. Once Cathy walked out that door, she would never be back, not as her lover. Grief burst forth. “She’ll just end up hurting you again you know.”
“Maybe so.” Cathy rounded the table and squatted next to Toni’s legs. “But I have to take that chance.”
“I’d never hurt you like that.”
“I know Toni.” This time Toni didn’t pull away, letting Cathy take hold of her hands. “You’re the best friend I could ever have asked for.”
“I don’t want to be your friend.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I want you.”
“I’m sorry Toni. I just can’t be what you want me to be.”
It was not too much later that Cathy left, softly closing the front door behind her. As soon as she was gone the whole house seemed to sigh, as if it too was mourning the loss.
“Oh Virg.” Toni scooped up the ball curled at the far end of the lounge and held her tightly to her chest. She carried Virgil down the hallway and into her home office. Virgil settled into her lap as Toni waited for the computer to boot up. Used to the sound of the modem dialing the remote server, Virgil rumbled away, unperturbed by the electronic noises.
“Where shall we go Virg?” Toni asked as she browsed the airline’s online booking system. Not willing to accept Toni’s resignation, Cathy granted Toni immediate leave, telling her to take as much time as she needed. When she was ready, there would be a job and an office waiting for her. Toni couldn’t see herself ever being ready to go back to those offices. Especially since they now had Lisa stamped all over them. “It has to be somewhere in Australia or you’ll have to go into quarantine.”
Toni decided on Melbourne. When all else fails, run home.
“You’ll like Melbourne Virg.” Toni logged off the computer and headed down the hallway to pack for the flight that would leave just before ten the next morning. “It’s the city of style. You’ll fit right in.”
Logistics of leaving her house for any period of time were pushed aside. She could deal with that in the morning, sure one of her friends would be willing to pop in to water the garden and clear any fuzzy stuff from the fridge. For the moment, all she cared about was putting some distance between herself and the house over the lane. Given the hour, Toni doubted Cathy would go straight there, but come tomorrow, who knew.
Chapter Thirteen
The outlook over the ocean was bleak. Black clouds threatened and the wind churned the ocean into choppy, gray peaks. It was a shame. On a clear day Lisa imagined the view would be spectacular, a vista of ocean and sky with the horizon broken only by the land mass of Rottnest Island. However, unless already in the know, a visitor to the café in which Lisa sat today would be clueless that an island lay just twelve or so miles off the coast.
Lisa toyed with the glass of water she had poured. She wondered if the café would reduce their prices on such a day, the quick glance she had given the menu board before rushing inside to escape the weather, indicating the patrons were paying as much for the view as the food. Actually, view or no view, Lisa was appalled at the prices. How anyone would even entertain paying that much for a cup of
coffee was beyond her. Oh well, she had agreed to Cathy’s suggestion of the venue, and since the café was located only ten or so minutes drive from Cathy’s house, she figured Cathy was probably a regular and could vouch for the quality. Still, the coffee had better be bloody good.
Despite knowing there was no need to check her watch, Lisa did so anyway. Five to eleven. Still five minutes to wait. Lisa had not meant to arrive so early, but that morning she’d taken one look from her window and decided it better to be safe than sorry. A storm had been threatening overnight, and the radio announced a road weather alert, so Lisa left home far earlier than necessary, just in case there was a delay of some sort. There hadn’t been and she arrived just after a quarter to eleven.
It turned out her early arrival was fortuitous; Lisa had her choice of tables. On entering, the place was almost deserted (it crossed Lisa’s mind no one was willing to pay such inflated prices), but within minutes the tables began to fill. Lisa watched patrons umming and erring over where to sit, smug in her prime window position. The floor was terraced so every table had a view, but that was beside the point. A window table was still a window table.
Lisa was relieved to find the dress of the other patrons little different than that of the coffee crowd in more realistically priced venues. There was the usual Sunday mix of casual and less casual, so she didn’t feel out of place in her usual Sunday attire of jeans, T-shirt and, on this day, a lightweight jumper.
Sensing Cathy had arrived, Lisa turned her attention from the window. Cathy was indeed at the entrance. She did a quick scan, spied where Lisa was sitting and headed toward her.
Lisa watched Cathy approach, pleased to note she appeared relaxed. The last time Lisa saw Cathy, on the morning she did the final inspection, Cathy had seemed tense and . . . almost sad. Cathy was effusive in her praise of the tiling, but apart from that she had been of few words. The only item of a personal nature they discussed was the venue for today’s coffee. Lisa was quite disappointed, Cathy was so up and down in her moods she didn’t know which way to turn. So self-involved was Lisa, it wasn’t until she left the offices she realized Toni had not been there. On the ride down in the lift, Lisa wondered if maybe they’d had an argument. Maybe Toni hadn’t been able to drag her arse out of bed in time for the early morning appointment and Cathy left without her. The thought was pleasing. She hated the idea of Toni dragging her arse out of any bed Cathy was in, but she liked the idea of them arguing over it. Immediately Lisa was disgusted with herself.
