by Alla Kar
“So you made him feel the same pain those girls felt.”
God, it sounds so sick. A tear slides down my cheek and hits the floor. “Yes.”
“You feel better about yourself now?” His voice is closer, the heat from his body close.
“No.”
A deep laugh slips through his lips. “Laney, you’ve got to let it out. You’ve held it in for years. Say it.”
I don’t. Biting my lip, I screw my eyes shut. I can’t take the chance of falling into his eyes like I had in the past.
“Laney,” his voice is closer. “Talk to me. We both went through this, you don’t have to keep it in. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”
A sob breaks from my throat, sending pain, guilt, and torment in my lungs. “No!” I scream, shoving back from him. “I did it. I can’t forgive myself. I was so fucking selfish. I hate myself.” Vomit is rising from my stomach. The words are there…I want to say them so bad.
“Talk. Say it. Say it out loud.”
A scream breaks from my lips and I fall onto the floor. “I aborted our baby. I killed it! Just kill me,” I cry. “Just take my life and give his back.” I’m shaking, my body shivering from pain. Guilt. An emotion that will eat you from the inside out until you’re a shell of the person you used to be.
Lachlan reaches out and wraps an arm around me.
“No,” I whisper. “I can’t. I see what I wanted our life to be when I look at you. I wanted to keep it, but I was too fucking selfish. I abandoned you and him. I left you sitting there, hands cupping your face. You begged me to keep him.” Another sob breaks from my chest. “Please, just take me instead.”
Lachlan’s arms are trying to pull me up but my legs are trembling, my body on fire. I haven’t told anyone this. Only Lachlan. Not Heather. Not my mom. The day threatens to break through my guarded door. The door I shoved it behind.
Lachlan is cradling me in his arms, holding me tight. I don’t deserve it. My mother once told me that a heart can’t be loved unless it knows it deserves it.
I don’t.
Pushing away from his arms, I stand on wobbling legs. My eyes lock on his for the first time. Tears are pouring down his face. I caused this pain. I caused the heartache in his chest. Me.
Wiping my tears, I shake when I hear my phone ring. Heather is on the other end. I mumble something into the phone and shove it back into my pocket. “I’m sorry, Lachlan. I have to go.”
“What? No, luv.” Standing up now, he presses his palm against my cheek. “Stay with me, Lane. Stay with me.”
Fighting back the ache, I shake my head. “I can’t. I’ve hurt you so much, I don’t want to anymore. I’m sorry for my mistakes. I will hate myself every day from here on out because of it. I took something so precious away from both of us. I don’t deserve your love, Lachlan.”
His eyes widen, and he grips my shoulders, shaking me slightly. “No, don’t you dare close up. Don’t you bloody dare. I want you. I always have. I never stopped thinking about you.”
“Or him,” I mumble. “I caused you that heartache. You asked me not to and I did it anyway. I aborted our baby.” It feels so foreign on my tongue.
“No. I’ve forgiven you. You were seventeen and scared. You made a mistake. I’ve forgiven you, please forgive yourself or it will eat you alive.”
“I have to go.” I run from the room, unable to look back. I feel Lachlan on my heels, his cries screaming down my neck. I don’t give him a chance to answer. Because I don’t deserve it.
I run and don’t stop.
Chapter Eighteen
Lachlan
“On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance” — Nickleback
The place is bloody packed. When Cynthia said there was quite a buzz about this place, I didn’t realize it would be this much of one.
The dining area is overflowing. People are on the waiting list for up to an hour. My palms are sweaty as I toss some pepper into the noodles.
“You’re doing great, chef,” Cynthia says from behind me. I glance over my shoulder and give her an easy smile.
“Don’t you have to say that, luv?”
She giggles and nods. “Sure, but I’m telling the truth. The customers are bragging on you already. They’re loving it.”
A smile rises from the corner of my mouth. I can’t believe I’m the head chef here. I’d always wanted it, yet it always seemed so out of reach. Cynthia places her hands on my shoulder. “You should go say hi to your guests. I’m sure the others can take care of this.”
Glancing around, I see several other workers working hard. They’re all great to work with and actually care about the food. Wiping my hands, I shove my towel into my shirt pocket and snatch the hat from my head. “I think that’s a great idea. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Nerves swarm my body, but I push them back down. Stop being a pussy. Swinging the double doors opened, I stand looking out at all of the guests. I had been sneaking peeks all night through the window but seeing it like this…wow. I head for the first table and thank them for coming. Everyone is splendid.
I’m heading toward the balcony when I hear her laugh. So charismatic. So lovely. My chest throbs with pain. She hasn’t answered my calls since that night. Finally admitting out loud what she had done, I even felt the weight lift from her shoulders.
She had been so sad that day. So, broken.
***
I nuzzled her neck, trying to get a response out of her. She only looked into the distance, her feet hanging from the tailgate of my dad’s old pickup.
“Laney, what’s wrong, luv? You sick? Want to go home?”
She shook her head, blond hair blowing in the cool wind. Half of it was pulled from her face, but the rest lay against her back. I loved it that way. Smooth, and long, yet I could still see her bright green eyes.
“I’m fine. I just…” she trailed off, looking out at the forest. It’s the same side of the river I took her for our first time. The same spot.
“Just what? You can tell me, Laney.”
A tear slid down her face, falling into her lap. Her fingers were shaking against my thighs. I wanted to beat the fuck out of anything that made her so scared. So frightened. I just didn’t realize I had played a part in it.
“I’m pregnant.”
My jaw dropped. Black threatened to take over my eyes. Pregnant? How? Well, fuck, I knew how. I just…we had worn protection. Each time. No, pregnant?
“Laney, I—”
Her bottom lip trembled and I reached for her. She moved away, off of the tailgate and onto the ground. “I can’t do this. I’m seventeen. You promised we would be okay. That the condom wouldn’t break. I can’t…”
“Luv, I would never leave you to do this alone. Never. I would…I will be there for you…for our baby. Are you sure? Have you been to the doctor? I…I didn’t realize it had broken.”
She nodded. “I’m pregnant. I’m late, I’ve taken two tests and I went to the Health Clinic. I couldn’t go to my doctor; I was scared they’d tell my parents.”
“You haven’t told your parents, Laney? You have to tell your mom. She can help you. You’ll need to go to monthly visits.”
“No,” she shouted. “I’m not doing any of that. I’m…going to get an abortion.”
Abortion. My heart stood still in my chest. “You can’t be serious…I thought…I thought you didn’t believe in them?”
She wipes her eyes, her make-up covering her cheeks. “I have to. I’m going to California to paint, Lachlan. I can’t go with a baby. Who’d watch it? How would I pay for the milk? The food, clothes, diapers?”
“We could do it together, Laney. We talked about having kids in the future, right? We can start early. Get a place together. We’ll figure it out, you don’t have to abort our…baby. Luv, please talk to me.”
She started to shake, her entire body on the verge of breakdown. I saw it in her eyes. The fear. The cries. The inability to control the situat
ion. “No, I’ve already set up the appointment.”
“Without asking me?” My breath started to come in harder gasps. “You were just going to do it, without asking me.”
“I have to, Lachlan. I have to do this.”
I racked my hands through my hair and hopped off of the tailgate. “How? You’re not eighteen yet, you’ll need your mother’s permission.”
She pulled out a piece of paper from her jeans pocket. “It’s called a judicial bypass. A judge grants you permission to do it without an adult present. It’s the only way.”
I glanced down at the paper in my hands, trembling as I tried to read. Our baby. Gone. Never going to be seen. “No, baby,” I choke on the words. “Please, I want to be here for you.”
A scream ripped from her throat, echoing against the bridge walls nearby. “Lachlan, I have to do it. I’m scared. I’m too young. I can’t have this baby. What would I do?
Tears were pouring from my eyes now. I didn’t give a fuck. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and hold her there forever. Protect her from her fears. “Please, baby.” I grabbed her waist, falling to my knees. “Please. Let’s just talk about this. You don’t have to be scared. You don’t have to be afraid, luv. I’ll be here to help you through it.” I sobbed like a baby, and slowly crawled up to my feet, to cup her face with my hands.
Sobs, tears, and heartache were written on her face. She shook her head, turned and, for what I thought was the last time, ran away from me.
***
Applauding brought me back to the present. Everyone in the room is standing, clapping. I glance over my shoulder and Cynthia is standing behind me, gesturing for me to take a bow. Oh, they’re bloody applauding for me. I smile and give a modest bow, and everyone goes back to their dinner.
My eyes snap back to Laney’s. This time she is staring at me, a smile rising from the corner of her lips. Unable to stop myself, I walk over to her table. Her friend is sitting in front of her. I can tell she’s trying not to smile.
“Ladies. Who is your friend, Laney?”
“Heather,” Laney says lightly, taking a huge mouthful of food. I hear her moan under her breath but she tries to hide it with her drink.
“Nice to meet you. You must be Lachlan.”
I nod and take her hand. “You two enjoying the dinner tonight?”
Heather gives me two thumbs up. “It’s fucking great. Excuse the language. But, yes, you deserved to win that contest. But, I knew that. Laney told me so.”
Laney shoots daggers at Heather before glancing up at me for the first time. Her dark green eyes are darker than normal. Dark bags line underneath her eyes. She’s been crying. A lot. It’s been an entire week since the party. She’s cried every night, I see it on her. In her eyes.
“I’m glad she thinks so.”
Laney darts her eyes back toward her food, biting her lip and twiddling her fork. “So, you’re staying in Florida, huh? You’re not going to miss Australia?” Heather asks over her food.
“No,” I glance toward Laney, “it seems I have unfinished business here. I plan to stay for a long time. Especially, if everything works out with that said business.”
Laney’s cheeks are red. Her ears, too. I smile and give both of them a short nod. “Come back and see us, ladies. It was a pleasure having you here. And Laney?”
She forces her eyes up and stares at me over her glasses. “Yes?”
“I never left.”
***
My first night is over. Leaning against the countertop, I peel the chef’s jacket off, tossing it to the side. I smell like basil and garlic. Stretching my neck, I realize how tired I am. I stayed up and studied all bloody weekend. My eyes hurt from straining. Now that I have the menu down, everything is falling into place. All my worries have drifted away.
Grabbing my keys, I walk toward the EXIT door when I hear a soft knock against the front entrance. “We’re closed, mate,” I say to the knock. Another three thuds ring against my ears.
Bloody hell. Striding toward the doors, I stop dead in my tracks. Laney is standing on the other side, a coat tucked neatly against her bent elbow. Her blond hair is long, blowing in the wind. And…bloody fuck if her outfit isn’t stuck to her body. She gives me a small wave, and the worry crease in her eyebrows shows me she doesn’t think I’m going to unlock the door.
If only I couldn’t.
Stepping forward, I fumble with the key and let her and a gust of cool wind in. She shivers, and keeps her back to me. I’m staring at her back like a bloody twit, but I don’t move. I know her. She needs to do this on her own.
Turning, she glances up at me. Her tongue darts out, tracing a line against the fullness. “Lachlan…I’m sorry.”
Sorry. For what? She’s already apologized. I crease my brow and shrug one shoulder. “For what, luv?”
Pain crosses over her face. I want to reach out and stop it but I don’t move. I keep my hands shoved down into the depths of my jeans. “For everything. For the…” she swallows hard, “abortion. For leaving you. For denying you the right to…at least have an opinion. I just did it. I don’t know…I was childish, selfish…and a child. A child that got caught up in something that could have happened to anyone. I’m sorry for blocking you out. I’ve always wanted you. You. No one else. Not Aiden…not anyone. It’s been hell for me. To see you. Here. So close.” She screws her eyes shut and bites her bottom lip.
Heat swarms my chest. I’ve waited for her to say this for years. To call me and tell me. To fly down under to see me. But, now that it’s finally here, I can’t make myself move. I’ve replayed this in my head for so many nights. Weeks. Years. I’ve known what I would do when I saw her again. Now I’m sitting here like a pussy, not moving, not breathing.
Laney’s eyes flutter open and she shrugs. “I don’t deserve your love, Lachlan. I don’t. I know that. You know that. But, I’m asking for one chance. One chance to show you how sorry I am. If you’re not interested, I’ll walk away right now. I won’t ever bother you again. I promise.”
A flicker of heat lights over me and my brain starts to work again. Stepping forward, I look down at her. Her glasses are pushed high on her tiny nose, hiding her dark, green eyes. The flush on her cheeks makes my body hum. “Laney.” I trail a finger against the side of her cheek down until I cup her chin. “Have you forgiven yourself?”
A cry escapes her lips and tears fall down her cheek. “Yes. I—I have.”
A smile rides along my lip. I dip my head low and taste the skin of her ear. A moan slips through her lips, causing my dick to protest against my jeans. “Do you love me, luv?”
A breathy sigh. “Yes.”
My hormones are burning inside of me. Every cell in my body feels like it’s on fire. “Say it.”
Trembling, she licks her lips. “I love you, Lachlan.”
Groaning, I close my eyes. Fire is scorching me, edging me toward her. “Do you want me, Laney? Do you want me again?”
“I never stopped.”
My self-control rages out of me and disappears somewhere beyond my vision. “Goddamn,” I whisper, cupping her face. “I can’t express to you how much I’ve missed you.” Without warning, I press my mouth against hers. Her soft, delicious lips offer me access right away. Goddamn it. Gripping her hips, I holster her up onto my hips. Her long legs wrap around my waist, squeezing herself to me.
Placing her on the counter, she gasped her mouth away from mine. “Lachlan, as much as I want this. Do you think we should do this here?”
I glance around. “Damn it, luv.” I chuckle. “Let’s go to my apartment. It’s not ready yet, but it’s got a bed.”
Red swarms her cheeks but her eyes darken. “Let’s go.”
***
Laney
Holy fuck, this is happening. I’m trailing behind Lachlan as he zooms between cars toward his apartment. My radio is up loud, but I’m shaking too bad to care. My entire body is on fire. His touch. His arms. Lips. It was so much and not enough. I want him so
badly it hurts.
Lachlan eases Lucas’s car into a parking lot on the right. It’s a nice part of town. His taillights guide me into a parking space close to the door. Lachlan is out of the car and to my window in seconds.
Reaching down, he scoops me out of the car and into a baby hold against his chest. I laugh as he runs toward his door. Swinging my feet down, he unlocks it and throws it open.
My back is pressed against the back of the door before my eyes adjust to the darkness. As he leans on me, my body is aware of every single place we touch. My knees. Hips. Chest. Lips. They’re igniting under my skin like flares.
His lips are warm, firm, and when he slides his tongue against my bottom lip, I grant him access. His tongue dives into my mouth, sliding against the roof, with my tongue, and against my lips. All the while, his hands travel in the opposite direction, one large, flat palm cupping my breast. My sex aches at the touch, and I arch my back into him.
He lowers his lips to my ear, sending chills down to my toes. “Goddamn it, luv. I’ve waited for this moment. To feel you against me again.”
Before I can respond, he grips my upper arm and pulls from me. Leaving me breathing hard and wanting him. I don’t ask questions as he guides me through the cluttered apartment. He wasn’t lying; his bed is one of the only things up. I’m thankful.
Shutting the bedroom door behind him, he stands in front of me. The ridges in his arms strain as he breathes harder, his chest rising and falling quickly. “Take your clothes off, luv.”
Blood heats my cheeks. His eyes are still, he is obviously not joking. I haven’t been naked in front of a guy since him. Only him. Biting my lip, I close my eyes for the briefest moment. Licking my lip, I glance up at him.
His light green eyes are bright against his dark, black hair. His tongue darts against his lip, causing my sex to ache. Christ. Reaching up, I grab the edge of my shirt and pull. I’m mentally thanking Heather for making me wear my lacey bra and panty. Hungry eyes roam over me, and his hand twitches. He wants to touch me. God, I want him to.
