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Lesley Choyce
orca soundings
ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS
Copyright © 2010 Lesley Choyce
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher.
National Library of Canada Cataloguing in Publication Data
Choyce, Lesley, 1951-
Reaction / written by Lesley Choyce.
(Orca soundings)
ISBN 978-1-55469-278-1 (bound).--ISBN 978-1-55469-277-4 (pbk.)
I. Title. II. Series: Orca soundings
PS8555.H668R42 2010 jC813’.54 C2009-906847-8
First published in the United States, 2010
Library of Congress Control Number: 2009940838
Summary: When Zach finds out that his girlfriend is pregnant, he is terrified. What will they do?
Orca Book Publishers gratefully acknowledges the support for its publishing programs provided by the following agencies: the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund and the Canada Council for the Arts, and the Province of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council and the Book Publishing Tax Credit.
Cover design by Teresa Bubela
Cover photography by Getty Images
ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS
PO BOX 5626, STN. B
VICTORIA, BC Canada
V8R 6S4
ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS
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www.orcabook.com
Printed and bound in Canada.
Printed on 100% PCW recycled paper.
13 12 11 10 • 4 3 2 1
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter One
“Zach, I’m pregnant.”
Ashley dropped the bombshell on me between classes at school. I remember the exact time, because I was standing in front of the hallway clock. 11:11. Yep. Eleven eleven in the morning. It was a Tuesday.
She was looking straight at me when she blurted it right out.
“That’s impossible,” I snapped back. And I looked away from her and back to the stupid clock. The time changed to 11:12.
“It’s true,” she said. And then she began to cry.
I put my arm around her and pulled her toward me. “Let’s go,” I said.
“Where?”
“Anywhere. Let’s get out of here.”
I led her down the hall and out the front door into the bright sunlight. As I opened the door of the school, I had this feeling that maybe nothing in my life would ever be the same again.
That was exactly how it happened. I will never forget the feeling. I had never been more scared in my life. Never. I know that I wasn’t the first guy to hear those words from his girlfriend, but it felt that way. Sad to say, I wasn’t even thinking about Ashley at the time. I was thinking about me. What was I going to do? What was going to happen to me? What would this do to my life?
We walked for almost an hour. Neither of us talked at first. Then I began to rationalize, and one part of my brain wanted to convince us both that it must be some kind of mistake.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“How sure?”
“Very sure.”
“Maybe you made a mistake.”
“Maybe we made a mistake,” she said.
“I mean, about the tests. Did you buy one of those testing things from the drugstore?”
“Three of them.”
“Maybe they were defective.”
“They were three different brands. They all had the same results.”
I was still looking for a way out of this. I was looking for a way to get me out of this. I almost asked her if she was sure it was me, that I was the father. But I didn’t.
Because just then I remembered. Two months ago. We’d been partying. (That’s what we did, Ashley and I. We partied big-time.) We’d been drinking. And my parents were gone for the weekend. And one thing led to another. And we were so into it.
And I knew the condom broke, but I didn’t mention a word to her. Hey, I thought it would wreck the mood. Plus, what were the chances?
So there I was, sixteen years old, walking through the suburban streets with my fifteen-year-old girlfriend who has just told me she’s pregnant. And I’m still thinking, this can’t be happening to me.
“I’m scared,” Ashley said, leaning into me and holding tightly onto my arm.
I didn’t tell her how scared I was, and I didn’t even tell her about the condom then. I said what guys say in situations like this when the blood has drained out of their heads and they are screaming inside, panicking, ready to run for the hills and never come back. I said, “Everything is going to be all right.”
Chapter Two
The morning became the afternoon, and it started to sink in. Ashley was two months pregnant. We had been going out together for only three months. She seemed to be sold on me. And I loved being with her. She was sweet and sexy and one year younger than me, which should have been no big deal. But one year can sometimes seem like a big issue in high school. She had been flattered that I wanted to hang out with her—most of the time it was just the two of us—and, well, like I said, she was sweet and sexy.
We ended up sitting on a bench in a park where mothers pushed their little kids on swings and bigger kids played on the slide and the monkey bars. There were babies in strollers and mothers chatting about brands of throwaway diapers. It was the worst place to be thinking about Ashley being pregnant, but it’s like the gods had planned it this way.
Ashley cried, and I held her. She stopped and then started crying again, and some of those mothers looked at us—some seemed concerned, and some scowled. I just held her and wondered how one minute everything can be okay and the next, everything has changed.
I don’t know why I didn’t keep my mouth shut. I felt I had to say something. I guess I felt she needed to have an explanation. So I told her about the broken condom.
And that changed everything.
Ashley pulled away. The expression changed on her face. “Why didn’t you say something that night?”
Yes, why didn’t I? I shrugged.
“Then this is all your fault,” she said, way too loud.
“I’m sorry. It’s no good getting mad at me now. We have to figure out what to do,” I said unconvincingly.
“If I had known, I could have maybe done something.”
“I know,” I said. I knew she was referring to morning-after pills. I just didn’t think at the time that one little slipup would result in this.
“I trusted you,” she said.
“I know,” I said, hanging my head.
“You bastard,” she snapped back. And then she hit me.
Well, it could have been a slap. I’m not sure. Something between a slap and a punch right on the side of my face. Then she got up and started walking away. I ignored the stinging in my face and followed her. All eyes in the park, even those of the little kids, were on us.
“Please, wait,” I pleaded. Ashley shook me off and just kept walking. She turned once to say, “I never want to speak to you again,�
�� before walking off into the afternoon.
I was dizzy, and I was having a hard time getting my bearings. I didn’t know what to do. A voice in my brain kept telling me to go after her, but instead I turned and walked home. I told my mom I was sick, and I went to my bedroom and played Guitar Hero. I know how that sounds, but that’s what I did. I ate a silent supper when the time came, played some more Guitar Hero and then went to sleep feeling like crap. I kept trying to think of some way out of this. Some plan. But all I did was keep beating myself up. What had I been thinking? Was sex really so important that I let this happen? Eventually I fell asleep.
When I woke in the morning, the problem was still there, staring me square in the face.
Chapter Three
Over the next few days, things went from bad to worse. Ashley walked away from me every time I tried to talk to her. She had two words for me: “Get away.” That’s all she’d say. And each time my heart sank. Her brother Stephen followed me into the bathroom one afternoon. Stephen was my age and in many of my classes. He was a big guy, a wrestler on the school team, and legendary for his bad temper, which I think he got from his father.
“You’re gonna have to watch your back from now on,” he said in a voice that sounded like he’d been gargling with Drano. We were standing side by side at the urinals. Before we were done, he turned and pissed on my shoes and then walked out the door.
I knew that Ashley and her brother were close, but I was surprised to think that she would have told him she was pregnant. But, as I was cleaning my shoes, it occurred to me that she didn’t have to tell him she was pregnant. All she had to do was make up anything about me that would get Stephen angry enough to, well, piss on my shoes. Damn.
It wasn’t long before I started to get the picture. Some of Ashley’s friends started giving me dirty looks. Her brother reappeared when I was waiting for the bus and “accidentally” shoved me in line so that I rammed into a couple of kids in front of me.
Gossip travels fast in school, and before long I was getting dirty looks from people I didn’t even know. I started to avoid looking at anyone in the hallways. At home, Guitar Hero wasn’t enough of an escape to avoid thinking about my problem.
When some of the girls started calling me “The Perv,” I didn’t know how to react. It was starting to get to me, so when Elisse, a girl I once considered my friend, glared at me, I stopped her in the hall. I still couldn’t believe that Ashley had told everyone she was pregnant. It had to be something else.
“What is it?” I asked her. “Why does everyone suddenly hate me?”
Elisse continued to glare at me. She started to walk away, so I grabbed her, and this made her even angrier.
“What is it?” I repeated.
“You mean, you don’t know?”
“No. Help me here.”
“We all know that you forced Ashley Walker into having sex with you. You perv.”
She twisted herself away and walked off, turning once to glare yet again and, this time, give me the finger.
So this was Ashley’s revenge. Yes, we’d had sex. And apparently I got her pregnant. But I would never, ever, try to force myself on any girl. Never.
So now I had two problems. But they were two damn big problems, and it felt more like a hundred. I needed someone that I could talk to. I decided I had to confide in someone—not my parents and not any of my so-called friends. But who was I kidding? I didn’t have that many friends anyway. It would have to be Kiley. She was one of my ex-girlfriends. Kiley was always the smart one and so cute. I was surprised that she had even been interested in me. She was out of my league. But I kept doing stupid things around her. Like that party I convinced her to have at her parents’ house, where I puked in the living room. And that other party where she found me off in a corner kissing a girl whose name I can’t even remember. She had plenty of good reasons for dumping me. But strangely enough, she stayed friends with me after we broke up.
After school that day, I found Kiley at the bus stop. I followed her on. She sat down in the back, and I sat down beside her. It was just the two of us on the back seat. I was afraid she was going to give me that look all the other girls were giving me. She didn’t, although she didn’t look all that happy to see me.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi.” She looked puzzled.
“Aren’t you going to ask me how I’m doing?”
“I know how you’re doing,” she said. “You’ve been voted most-hated student at the school. You’re human garbage. I imagine that doesn’t feel so good.”
“But what people think isn’t true,” I said. “Ashley is mad at me…for something else…so she spread this rumor.”
Kiley nodded. “I think I knew that. I know you’re not that kind of guy. Horny, yes, but not...well, like that.”
“Thank you.”
“Everyone believes what they want to believe. But then why is Ashley so mad at you?” she asked.
“Can I trust you?”
“Trust me to what? Keep a secret? I don’t know.”
So I told her anyway. Kiley’s eyes grew wide. “This is not good.”
“What am I going to do?”
“Well, the first thing you have to do is talk to her. It’s no good for her to stay mad at you. You have to discuss options.”
“Yeah, right. Options.”
“You need to figure out what is best for both of you,” Kiley said.
“What is best for us?” I asked.
“I can’t say that, you know that, Zach. Remember when we broke up? We both knew it was the best thing for both of us. We talked and we both decided.”
“Yeah, but this is different.”
“Still, you need to sit down and talk to her,” she said. “This is not about you right now. This is about her.”
And I guess it sank in just then. All along, I had still been thinking about how bad this all was for me. This must be even worse for Ashley.
Chapter Four
I needed to talk to Ashley. Some days after school she went to a coffee shop close to her house. She usually went with a group of friends. They would all no doubt hate my guts, but I’d have to take that chance. I hopped off the bus at Kiley’s stop and ran ten blocks to Java Junction. I was winded when I opened the door and spotted her.
Not giving myself time to catch my breath, I went right over to her table. The conversation stopped dead. “I’m sorry, Ashley,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’ll do anything you want me to do. Anything. Please.”
I stood there for an awkward minute. I waited for her to say something, but she didn’t. Everyone else just stared at me.
I didn’t know what else to say. I tried to slow the pounding of my heart. Looking at her, I realized that something had changed in the way she looked at me. The anger was gone. It was replaced by confusion. “Anything,” I repeated, as if that word would do the trick. And maybe I should have stopped there and turned around, but instead I kept going. “I love you,” I added.
I watched her face for a response. It caught her totally off guard. It caught me off guard too. We’d had fun together and got along really well. But it was only now sinking in that I cared for this girl. I think I loved her.
And now we were both scared. There was dead silence. Then she stood up, and I saw the look on her face change from confusion back to anger. And she blurted it out. “Bullshit!” she said. “Liar.” The other girls scowled at me.
I had failed in my mission. I turned and headed out the door. All I could think about was getting out of there.
I hadn’t realized that she had followed me outside until I reached the corner and felt a hand grab my shoulder and twist me around. “I’m going to have this taken care of, and I want you to pay for it.”
I’d thought about this but wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. “We need to talk first. Is this really what you want?”
She didn’t answer that question. Instead she said, “My friends think you can be criminally charged. They say
I should go to the police.”
“That would be crazy. Ashley, I’m sorry about all this. We need to go talk to somebody who can help us sort this out. Not the police.”
“Nobody can help us. You screwed up everything. I want you punished.”
“Is that why you lied and told people I forced you to have sex with me? You know it wasn’t that way.” Ashley didn’t answer. She just stared at me. I felt trapped, and my mind froze.
Then she took out her cell phone and started to make a call. “Who are you calling?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“My parents,” she said.
I didn’t know what else to do. I turned my back on her, and I began to run.
Chapter Five
I was never much of a runner. I ran for three blocks until my lungs felt like they were about to burst. I was afraid to go home. Afraid the police might actually be there. I didn’t know much about the law. If a sixteen-year-old guy has sex with a girl only one year younger, could that be a crime? And if it was, what would they do to me? Everyone would know. And everyone would hate me. And my parents? What would they think of their son?
It was beginning to sink in that I could be in real trouble. That scared the crap out of me. And none of this seemed fair. Was it really all my fault? It wasn’t like Ashley and I were the only ones having sex. So why did everyone want to blame me? Now I was feeling angry. All I wanted to do was get away from it all.
I caught a bus that took me to one of the main highways out of town. And, for the first time in my life, I stuck out my thumb there on the ramp leading up into the traffic. All I could think about was leaving. Leaving and maybe never coming back.
A guy in a van picked me up and drove me a half hour out of town, all the while talking about baseball and politics. A second driver, a guy in his early twenties who looked like he was high, took me farther up into the mountains. The music was loud, and he didn’t speak to me the whole time. When we came to a river with a waterfall, I asked him to let me out there.
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