“Hi,” is all I can manage to let out, barely breathing. I am face to face with him for the first time in two and a half years. He looks the same and different at the same time. He’s handsome. He’s wearing a charcoal grey suit that fits him perfectly. He’s let light stubble grow on his jaw and chin. He looks fit, at least more than when we were younger. His smile reaches his eyes, clearly happy to see me.
I start to feel weak. This is too much. Why did he come? I excuse myself and walk away, heading straight into the bathroom. The nauseating feeling has not gone away, and my heart is still racing out of my body. I’m trying to control the tears, the hysteria that is building inside me. I’m going to be sick. I run for the toilet and let go of the champagne I’ve drunk and the little food I’ve eaten. I knew it would be difficult to see him again, but I wasn’t prepared for this reaction. I thought I was more in control than I truly am.
My stomach leaps as I hear a silent knock on the bathroom door. I don’t answer; I just make sure the lock is turned. It is. I hear him mumble my name, but I continue to stay quiet, pretending I am not here.
“Ava, it’s me. I want to make sure you’re okay,” he says with a hidden concern in his voice.
“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” I reassure him and rinse my face. A minute later, I open the door to walk out, hoping he still isn’t standing there to judge for himself that I really am fine. Of course I am not surprised when I see him standing in front of the door with his arms across his chest, his beautiful emerald green eyes eyeing me suspiciously. He needs to know how hard this is for me. I need to get away from him.
Chapter 4
Ethan
I took a few moments to observe her from afar before approaching her and my parents. She looks gorgeous. I felt the air leave my body when I saw her. My cock reacted instantly, twitching at the sight of her, and seeing her talking to my parents looked so normal. She was smiling but looked nervous as hell. I smiled at that thought. It showed me she still cares.
Her dress hugged her body and curves in such a tempting way. Her calves defined by her heels, and the red lipstick called out to me, wanting me to devour her lips and claim them as mine.
She excused herself right after I approached them, walking away from me before we could speak more than one word to each other. I didn’t think this was going to go swell, but I at least thought we could hold a conversation further than a formal greeting, especially in front of my parents.
As soon as she walked away, my dad looked at me, scowling. “You didn’t have to scare her away.” Judgment plastered all over his eyes. I was getting sick and tired of dealing with his bullshit. I know I fucked up a long time ago.
“All I said was hi,” I say defending myself.
“Okay, you two. Stop it. John, it isn’t Ethan’s fault she walked away. I’m sure it’s just a lot for her to handle,” my mom says finding logic. She is always trying to find the why to situations.
Of course I followed her and waited outside the bathroom until she got out. I knew she couldn’t be in there for too long, but I would’ve waited all night if I needed to. She finally came out of the bathroom a few minutes later.
Staring into her deep hazel eyes now, I see so much emotion written in them. She looks healthy. Her blonde hair has grown out. I noticed that when I saw her through the window at Miss Annie’s yesterday, but seeing her like this makes it real. She isn’t as thin as the last time I saw her. Her skin has color to it. Her cheeks are pink. Last time I saw her, it seemed like the life was sucked out of her. This looks like Ava, my Ava–strong, happy and beautiful. I never once thought she wasn’t beautiful, but it was impossible to watch her break down each day. Her will to fight, though, shows just how strong she is.
She looks angry now. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can get your parents or something,” I say carefully.
“What are you doing here, Ethan?” She says harshly, and I’m taken back. She’s usually sweet and soft with her words and demeanor. This is a new side of her. Maybe she isn’t the same. Then again I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t expect to come here and kiss and make up, but I was hopeful something would happen, a conversation at least. I don’t know. I run my hand through my short hair and rub my face. What am I doing here? Fuck!
“I came to see you. That’s obvious, right?” I add sarcastically. Okay, this is not going as planned. I need to relax before I make things worse. She’s already glowering at me.
“Ethan, you can leave. You saw me. There you go.” Her eyes look sad behind her anger, and I know I am responsible for that emotion.
I soften a bit. This can’t be how our first encounter after so many years is going to go. “You look good, Ava. I’m happy you’re doing well. I am sure you enjoyed your time in Europe, but we are all happy you’re back.”
“Thanks.” She relaxes a bit, but I still see a front blocking me from her. “I gotta go. Enjoy yourself if you stay. Although I’m sure you’ve got somewhere else to be.” She says this last part laced with bitterness under her breath.
“Nope. Nowhere to be but here,” I tell her with a big grin. I know she’s hinting at me fucking around. Tough shit for her, now I’m staying.
She leaves me alone in the hallway. I readjust my cock. She gets to me every time, and this new side of her turns me on even more. This is the woman I’m supposed to be with, but my selfish actions got in the way of that. I need to prove to her I’ve matured and grown up. I need to show her that I will always be by her side no matter what. I was scared back then, but I think anyone in my situation would have been. Did I act correctly? No. I should’ve told her what was going on, but I can’t change that.
I head out towards the patio and run into Aiden. “Hey, man, how are you? Didn’t think you’d show. You’ve got some balls on you.”
“I know. I had to see her though,” I tell him with a sigh. Aiden and I always got along. We were good friends. We all grew up together. I know he got pissed as hell when I left his sister, but I think in a way he sympathizes with me. Doesn’t mean he didn’t try to kick my ass when he first saw me after I left her. We got into it at a bar in downtown. He’s about my size, but the adrenaline in him allowed him to get a few punches in. I also felt like I deserved them. I couldn’t fight him. He was right.
He gives me a sympathetic smile and pats my back. “Good luck with that. She pretty much hates you. You broke her heart, and you’ve been fucking whores left and right. Can’t say I blame you, but she’s not like that. That’s all she’ll see you for now.”
“Thanks for the words of wisdom. I know Katie told her how I’ve been acting. I don’t expect her to run into my arms and ride away into the sunset together. I’m not stupid, but I had to see her.” Aiden of all people can’t judge me. He’s the one who invented the rules in seducing women and dropping them right after. There’s truth in what he said, though. Ava will only see me like an ass from now on.
“Good luck, but if she hits you I’m not defending you. I taught her to how to throw a punch, and you know I throw a good punch,” he laughs. I know he’s joking. We’ve gotten past all that. He’s actually the only one who still treats me like me, but Ava’s his sister. Blood comes first.
“Once again, thanks for the encouragement, buddy. I’m going to go get a drink.” I walk outside towards the bar and spot Ava.
She’s laughing with Katie and some guy I recognize. Is that Matt Reilly? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. He sees me and gives me a small, knowing nod. Bastard.
I walk up to the bar and order a scotch on the rocks. He’s not going to fuck with me. The closer I get, the more audible Ava’s laughter becomes. It’s so intoxicating to hear her laugh so carefree. I revel in it a minute, getting lost in memories. She’ll always own me completely.
“Good evening,” I greet them.
“Ethan,” Matt says staring at me.
“Hi, Ethan,” Katie says eyeing Ava, gauging her reaction. Ava just stays quiet, looking straight ahead and taking a sip o
f her champagne. I guess she said all she needed to back in the house.
“Looks like you’re feeling better, Ava. How was your trip?” I ask trying to engage her in conversation. She finally looks at me and I smile.
“Great.” She gives me a clipped response.
“I’m glad. I know you always wanted to go,” I tell her reminding her I’m not a stranger. I’m the person she confided in and shared her biggest dreams with for many years.
“Yes, thanks for that opportunity. If you had never pushed me away, I never would’ve gotten the chance to leave. Excuse me, the time change must be weighing down on me.” She walks away from me for the third time tonight. I’m starting to see a pattern. I guess showing off how well I know her backfired on my ass.
“Give it up, Ethan.” Matt speaks up, and I narrow my eyes at him.
“Fuck you, Matt. Don’t get in the middle of this again.”
“No need. You’re the one that fucked this up. You pretty much drove her to someone else. You think she’s going to give you another chance? Hell no.”
“Stop acting like boys,” Katie tries to interfere but fails miserably.
“Because she’s really going to go out with you,” I say sarcastically. I feel my blood boiling. Rage is taking over, and I want to pound this guy’s face. He’s so full of himself. It’s worse that he knows what I did to Ava and is throwing it in my face. My fists are squeezed tight by my side trying to control my anger.
“Actually, yes. We’re going out on Wednesday.”
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I can’t control it anymore. “Fuck off, Matt. I’m serious. This isn’t a game.”
“Oh, I know it’s not. I like her. I can make her happy, and I won’t leave as soon as the going gets tough.” He throws my mistake in my face for the second time.
Before I do something I’ll regret I storm off slamming the door behind me. I don’t care who is staring or what they’re saying. I get in my car and speed off. I grab my phone and make a phone call. “Kasey, are you free? I’m on my way over.” I hang up and seek the one drug that will help relieve this anger before I kill someone.
My anger has not subsided when I pull up to Kasey’s house, and I consider turning my car around and leaving. I’m beyond pissed. I know I don’t control Ava and I don’t have a say on what she can and cannot do, but fuck, I don’t want her dating Matt or anyone, for that matter. Call me a selfish prick. I don’t give a fuck. I’m so pissed right now I’m seeing red.
I know Ava hasn’t forgiven me, but there’s got to be a small part of her that still cares. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t still be upset at me. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. And she is definitely not indifferent towards me. I saw the emotions run through her when she saw me.
“You look happy,” Kasey says as she opens the door. I’m not in the mood to deal with her bullshit tonight.
“Shut up and take off your clothes. I’m not here to talk about my emotions,” I say and unzip my pants letting them pool at my ankles. Maybe I should feel guilty for running off to fuck someone, but it’s the only thing I have found in the past two years that has helped diminish the memory of Ava for a little while. It may only be a temporary fix, but every drug is.
Kasey does as I say. I put on a condom and bend her over at the waist. Like this I don’t have to see her face and know I’m fucking someone else who isn’t Ava. I thrust into her hard and she yells out. No need for foreplay. I’m here for one thing, and that’s to fuck my frustration away.
I continue to fuck her mercilessly, picking up speed when I get close to coming. She’s feeling it, too. Her walls are clenching around my cock, stimulating me further. I find my release, coming into her, and she moans. Not that I really care to hear her moan my name or anything. The whole time I was picturing Ava and her beautiful red lips. The way her dress hung close to her body, and my wish to be able to get as close to her as we once were. As long as I got what I came for I’m happy. Once my breathing has slowed and I have caught my breath, I pull out of her and go to the bathroom to clean up and discard the condom.
“Gotta go, bye,” I say walking towards the door.
“Must’ve been something big for you to just call me like that. Usually you’re at the bar sorting through the litter of girls you can seduce,” she says smugly because it was her I called instead of some random girl. I know she thinks there could be something between us but she is so far from the truth it’s disgusting. She’s right, though. I never sleep with the same girl twice. Kasey is my “incase of emergency” fuck. I’m not proud of it, but like I said, it’s my escape for a little bit.
I leave Kasey’s house, heading home. Fucking evening. I’m still pissed. If this is how I feel and she just got here, I’m going to go crazy the longer she’s here. I can’t let things stay like this. I need to talk to her. Worst part is this time I couldn’t escape her memory. She’s here and I know it. She isn’t across the world like in the past. I have to stop eating shit and get my act together if I hope she’ll at least give me a chance to explain myself.
I head towards my parents house. I haven’t done this in a really long time, but I can use some advice. “Hey mom,” I say when she answers the door.
“Ethan, sweetheart, are you okay? I saw how you left. You need to be patient.” She is still dressed in her gown, so I know they must have just gotten home. Thankfully I got here when they were home already.
“I’m okay. Well, not really. What the fuck? I know I fucked up, mom, but I never stopped loving her,” I say taking a deep breath.
“I know but remember she got hurt. She still loves you.” She states so plainly. My head snaps up at her. “And watch your mouth, young man. I’m your mother.”
“What? How do you know?” I ask, my eyes wide in surprise.
“The way she looked at you. She couldn’t stand being near you two seconds, even when you went to speak to her again while she was with Katie and Matt. Matt had been trying all night to get her attention; she only began giving in after you arrived. The kind of love you two shared doesn’t just disappear; it sticks to you deep in your soul.”
“What do I do?” I ask her before I lose my mind.
“For starters, stop messing around with those cheap women. None of them will ever compare to her.” I stare at her in shock and disbelief, along with embarrassment. We’ve never talked about this before. “You aren’t going to win her back acting like some stranger. You’re my son. I know you better than anyone, this isn’t you.”
“Okay, mom. I’m sorry,” I say, avoiding eye contact with her. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with her.
“Don’t apologize to me. You didn’t break my heart. Prove to her you are the same person she fell in love with.”
I get home with a new sense of determination. After so long, my feelings for Ava haven’t wavered. I love her. I never stopped loving her. I want to be able to keep those promises I made to her so long ago. I just need to prove myself to her. Starting with no more fucking whores and showing her I can be by her side no matter what comes our way. I had made that promise to her a long time ago and broken it.
Chapter 5
Ava
It’s been five days since I’ve been back. I have an interview today at Webber Art Gallery for the position of gallery curator. I had actually applied while I was in Europe a few weeks before returning. I was thankful to have heard back from them so soon and had an interview scheduled for when I returned. I’m excited to do something I love, but Sunday’s dinner has me feeling less than enthusiastic about being back.
Seeing Ethan was unexpected. It is hard enough being here surrounded by memories of my past. The worst part is that everything I ever felt for him came rushing back, pulling me in like a strong current. I was angry he showed up, but I felt so many other emotions, too–melancholy, frustration, nostalgia, compassion, desire, and love. After everything he did, after running to begin a new life, he still holds my heart. He has stirre
d emotions in me I haven’t felt in a long time. Not since I felt them with him.
I need to move on, though. I don’t trust him, and he will only abandon me again. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. I will not be fooled again.
His emerald green eyes looks the same and those gorgeous dimples, but the rest of him is different, new.
He looks older with the light stubble across his chin and jaw. His brown hair is a little longer than he used to have it, a bit longer on the top and combed slightly to the side, almost like his hands combed it. He looks fitter. Ethan was always in good shape and athletic, but under his suit, I could see how his muscles moved and tensed. It stirred sensations deep in my core. I could just imagine what was under his clothes. Okay, stop wondering.
He also looks more arrogant. And of course I’ve heard plenty how he’s become way too familiar with way too many women. I feel unwelcomed jealousy. Shake it off. I was able to recuperate from cancer, I’m sure I can recover from the heartache Ethan left.
What I loved most about him was his compassion towards others. The fact that he didn’t really care that our parents belong to country clubs and we were expected to follow their footsteps. He was levelheaded and wanted us to be happy but always considered my feelings in every decision we made.
“Ava, we’ll get a small apartment to start off with. It’ll be ours,” he said with a hopeful gleam in his eyes, trying to convince me how it was a great idea to move in together.
“Ethan. I love you and I want to be with you, but we both know our parents will flip if we move in together, especially before graduating from college.” It’s true. Our parents care about what others would think and say about us living together when we’ve only been dating for a little over a year.
“I don’t give a crap what they’ll think or say. Ava, we’re adults. We’ve been living on our own since we started college. We’re halfway done with school and we both know we will move in together anyway once we graduate. They can’t be that stupid.”
Restoring Us Page 4
