Julia nodded. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her from the moment she’d arrived in her wedding dress. Oddly, that depressed her, planning to deceive him the way she was. He was expecting more from this marriage than she was going to give him. She should’ve opted for the plain, simple, unadorned dress instead of the ornate one she’d chosen.
The minute she’d viewed herself before the wedding, she was sorry she’d bought this gown. Even Jerry had seemed dumbstruck when he went to escort her to Alek’s side. He’d become especially maudlin with his compliments, which added to her stress. And her guilt.
“Could you pretend to love me?” Alek whispered. “Just for these few hours?” His warm breath against her skin sent shivers down her spine. “Smile, my love.”
She complied obediently, her expression no doubt looking as stiff as it felt.
“Better,” he murmured under his breath.
“How soon can we leave?”
Alek chuckled softly. “I know you’re eager for me, but if we left too soon, it would be unseemly.”
Julia’s face burned with a wild blush, which appeared to amuse Alek even more. “Would you like me to get you a plate?” he offered.
She shook her head. Food held no appeal. “Do you want something?” she asked.
He turned to her, his eyes ablaze. “Rest assured, I do, but I’ll get my dessert later.”
Julia didn’t think her knees would support her much longer. From obligation more than desire, she drank a glass of champagne. It must’ve been more potent than she realized because she felt giddy and light-headed afterward.
It was the dress, she decided. She wanted to change out of the wedding gown because it made her feel things she had no right to feel. With Alek standing at her side, she felt beautiful and wanted and loved when she didn’t deserve or want any of it. She’d gone into this marriage for all the wrong reasons. She was uncomfortable, using Alek for her own gain, giving nothing of herself in return.
Until she’d stood before the preacher, marriage had been little more than a concept, an idea she didn’t believe in. She hadn’t expected a few words mumbled before a man of God to be so powerful. But she’d been wrong. Julia was shaken and uncertain afterward, as if she was mocking important human values.
“Jerry.” She reached out to her brother and clasped his arm with both hands. “I’ve got to get out of here.…”
He must have read the desperation in her eyes, because he nodded gravely. Whatever he said to Alek, Julia didn’t hear. She assumed her brother would escort her from the room, but it was Alek who slipped his arm around her waist. It was her husband who led her out of the reception.
“Jerry is making our excuses,” he explained.
She nodded. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as he took her down the hallway to the changing room. “I don’t know what happened.”
“Are you feeling faint?”
“I’m fine now, thanks.” Or she would be, once she was out of this dress and back in her own clothes. And once he removed his arm from her waist.… The walls seemed to close in around her. She wished Alek would leave her, but he stayed even when she reached the door leading to the changing room.
“We didn’t kiss,” Alek whispered. “Not properly.”
Julia didn’t bother to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about. When Alek was told to kiss his bride, Julia had made sure he’d merely given her a peck on the cheek. Alek had been disappointed, and Jerry’s eyes had revealed his frustration. A passionate kiss would’ve put the stamp of credibility on their act.
“You’re not sick, are you?”
She could have lied, could have offered him countless excuses, but she didn’t. “I’m fine,” she said, just as she had a minute earlier.
“Then I’ll kiss my bride.”
Her first instinct was to put him off, to thwart him again, but a kiss seemed like such a simple way to ease her conscience. His touch had always been tender, as if he understood and appreciated her need for gentleness.
“Yes,” she agreed breathlessly.
Her back was against the wall and his arms went around her waist. Unsure what to do with her own hands, she splayed them across his chest. He pulled her against him, and for a long moment he held her, as if savoring the feel of her in his arms.
The trembling returned and Julia closed her eyes. She could smell his cologne, feel his heart beat beneath her flattened palms. His breath echoed in her ears and rustled her hair.
His mouth met hers. His touch was light and brief. She tipped her head back and her eyes drifted shut as his mouth brushed hers again. And again. A sigh worked its way through her as his tongue outlined the shape of her mouth. After a series of nibbling kisses, he caught her lower lip between his teeth.
Julia held her breath, unable to respond. She was content to let him be the aggressor, to allow him to touch her and kiss her without fully participating herself.
But her lack of involvement obviously bothered Alek.
“Julia,” he pleaded, “kiss me back.”
Tentatively, shyly, her mouth opened to him and he moaned, then deepened the kiss. His arms tightened their hold and he slanted his mouth over hers. Strange, unwelcome pleasure rippled through her body.
She sighed at the sensations she experienced; she couldn’t help it. She felt hot and shaky, as though she’d suffered a near miss, as though she’d stepped off a curb and felt the rush of a car passing by and come within inches of being struck.
Her hands, which had seemed so useless moments before, were buried in his dark hair. Her body, so long untouched, felt about to explode. She moved against him, clinging to him, fighting back tears.
The sound of someone clearing his throat broke the spell. Alek stilled, as did Julia. Slowly, reluctantly, she opened her eyes to find half of the reception guests lined up in the hall watching them.
Jerry stood in the background, smiling broadly. He gave her a thumbs-up, looking ecstatic. If they were hoping to fool their guests, they’d succeeded beyond her brother’s expectations.
As though loath to do it, Alek released her. He seemed perturbed by the interruption and muttered something she didn’t understand.
“I’ll change clothes,” she said, hurriedly moving into the room. She was grateful there was a chair. Sinking down onto it, she pressed her hands to her red face and closed her eyes. She felt as if she’d leapt off a precipice in the dark and had no idea of where she’d be landing. A kiss that had begun as a compromise had become something else. She’d been trying to soothe her conscience, but instead had added to her growing list of offenses, leading Alek to believe he should expect more.
Julia took her time changing. Fifteen minutes later she reappeared in a bright red flowered dress she’d found in the back of her closet. These days she dressed mostly in business suits—jackets, straight skirts and plain white blouses. The dress was a leftover from her college days. The design was simple and stylish.
Alek was pacing the hallway anxiously.
“I’m sorry I took so long.”
His smile was enthusiastic. He touched her lips, still swollen from his kiss. The color hadn’t faded from her cheeks, either; if anything, it had deepened with this fresh appraisal.
“I…promised my grandmother we’d stop in at the hospital after the reception,” Julia said nervously. “I’d hate to disappoint her.”
“By all means we will see her.”
They said their farewells and left the reception. Julia knew the minute they walked into Ruth’s hospital room that she’d been waiting for them. Her grandmother’s smile was filled with love as she held her hands out to them.
Julia rushed forward and hugged her. She was reminded each and every time she saw her grandmother that Ruth was close to death. She clung to life, not for herself, but for Julia’s sake. It hurt her to know Ruth was in pain. Why did those who were good always have to suffer? Why couldn’t God spare her grandmother just a few more years? This day, her wedding day, had
started a cauldron of emotions churning in her mind. She couldn’t bear to think of what her life would be like without her grandmother.
It had been Ruth’s kindness that had gotten her through Roger’s deception and her father’s death. Otherwise, Julia feared she would’ve ended up in a mental ward.
Other emotions long buried and ignored came to the surface, as well. Kissing Alek had stirred up needs and desires she’d assumed were lost to her.
There were no answers, at least none she felt confident enough to face. Only myriad questions that assailed her on every front. She couldn’t trust herself; her power to discern had been sadly lacking once and had cost her and her family dearly. She dared not trust herself a second time.
She was married to a man she didn’t love, a man who didn’t love her, either. To complicate everything, her grandmother was dying. This was what her life had come down to. A loveless marriage and a desperate loneliness.
When Julia released her grandmother, Ruth looked up and brushed the tears from Julia’s cheeks. “You’re crying?” she asked softly. “This should be the happiest day of your life.”
Alek placed his arm around Julia’s waist and helped her into the chair next to the bed. He stood behind her, his hands resting lightly on her shoulders. Julia pressed Ruth’s hand to her cheek and held it there. Her grandmother seemed much weaker today.
“I remember when I married Louis,” she said with a wistful smile.
Her grandfather had been dead many years now. He was only a vague memory to Julia, who guessed she’d been about seven or eight when he died.
“I was frightened out of my wits.”
“Frightened?” Julia didn’t understand.
“I wondered if I was doing the right thing. There were very few divorces in those days and if a woman happened to marry the wrong man, she was often sentenced to a miserable life.”
“But I thought you’d known him for a long time.”
Ruth arched one delicate brow. “A long time?” she repeated. “In a manner of speaking, you’re right. But we’d only gone out on a handful of dates before we were married.”
“I’d always assumed you knew Grandpa for years.”
Ruth’s hand stroked Julia’s cheek. “It’s true that in the early days Louis worked for my father at the paint company my family owned. I’d see him now and then when I dropped in at the office, but those times were rare.”
Julia was enthralled. She knew her grandmother had deeply loved her grandfather, but she couldn’t remember ever hearing the story of their courtship.
“When did you fall in love?”
“Louis stopped working for my father, and Dad was furious with him. They were both strong-willed men and it seemed they were constantly disagreeing. Louis started his own business in direct competition with my family’s.” She smiled whimsically. “It was a bold move in those depression years, before the war. He managed to keep his head above water, which infuriated my father even more. I think at that point Dad would’ve taken pleasure in seeing Louis fail.” She paused and closed her eyes for a moment, as though to gather her strength.
“Then the war came and Louis joined the army. Before he left for England he came to the house. I thought he was there to see my father. Can you imagine my surprise when he said I was the one he’d come to see? He told me he was going overseas and he asked if I’d be willing to write him. Naturally I told him I would be, and then he did the strangest thing.”
When Ruth didn’t immediately continue, Julia prompted her. “What did he do?”
Ruth shook her head. “It was such a little thing and so very sweet, so much like Louis. He took my hand and kissed it.”
Her grandmother’s gaze fell to her hand, as if she still felt the imprint of his lips.
“As I look back on it,” Ruth went on, “I realize that was when I lost my heart to Louis. You see, I don’t believe he ever expected to return from the war. He loved me then, he told me much later, and had for a long time, but Louis was afraid Dad would never approve of him as my husband.”
“How long was he away?”
“I didn’t see him for three years, although I heard from him regularly. I treasured his letters and reread them so often I nearly wore them out. By the time he came home I was so deeply in love with him, nothing else mattered. My family knew how I felt and I feared the worst when Dad insisted on accompanying me to meet Louis’s train.”
“What happened?”
Ruth’s smile was weak, but happy. “Dad offered to merge his business with Louis’s. Even though Louis himself had been away, his small company had survived the war. Louis accepted, with the stipulation that both the company and I take on his name.” She smiled again. “It was a…unique proposal. My father agreed without much hesitation—and I agreed with none at all. We were married less than a month later.”
“What a beautiful story,” Julia whispered.
“We had a wonderful life together, better than I dared dream. I’ll never stop missing him.”
Julia knew her grandmother had taken Louis’s death hard. For a long while afterward, she’d closed herself off from life. It was in those bleak years that Julia’s father had wisely sent Julia and Jerry to spend the summers with their grandmother.
“You, my children,” Ruth continued, turning to Alek, “will have a good life, too. Alek, be gentle with my lamb. Her heart’s been bruised, and she can be a bit…prickly, but all she needs is love and patience.”
“Grandma!”
Ruth chuckled and gestured with her hand. “Off with you now. You don’t want to spend your wedding night with me.”
“I love you,” Julia murmured as Ruth settled back against the pillows. “Have a good sleep, and I’ll call you in the morning.”
“It was a privilege to spend this time with you,” Alek said. Reaching for her grandmother’s hand, he bent down and kissed it. “I would have liked your Louis,” he told her. “He was a rare man of honor.”
A smile coaxed up the corners of Ruth’s mouth. “Indeed he was. When we first married, there was talk, there always seemed to be talk. Some folks said Louis had married me for my connections, for the money I would one day inherit. Few realized the truth. I was the fortunate one to be loved by such a man.”
Julia looked at Alek, but when their eyes met, she quickly glanced away.
“Now go,” Ruth urged. “This is your wedding night.”
The words echoed in Julia’s ears. Her grandfather had been a man of honor, but she clearly hadn’t inherited his grit or his honesty. She planned to cheat Alek and he was about to learn exactly how much.
* * *
Julia had surprised him. Alek had misjudged this woman who was now his wife. For two years he’d studied her, astonished by her tenacity. Jerry had told him little of what had led to the company’s financial problems. Ever since his arrival, he’d picked up bits and pieces of what had happened, but no one had explained the events that had brought near ruin. From what he understood, Conrad Industries had come very close to introducing a long-lasting exterior paint with a twenty-five-year guarantee. Jerome Conrad, Jerry and Julia’s father, had been a chemist, too, and he’d been personally involved in developing it. The company was on the brink of making one of the most innovative and progressive advances in the industry. This high-tech development was expected to have a dynamic impact on sales and give Conrad Industries a badly needed financial boost. The company had been set for expansion, confident of success. Then a series of mishaps occurred.
This was the part that remained vague to Alek. He’d heard something about a burglary and a defection to a rival company. But by far the worst was a huge fire that had destroyed the lab and the warehouse. Not until much later had they learned the fire was arson.
An employee was suspected. That much he’d been told by Jerry. But there wasn’t enough proof to prosecute whoever it had been. Shortly after the fire, Jerry and Julia’s father had suffered a heart attack and died. It was then that Julia had taken
over the company. They’d struggled for a year, trying to recover lost ground, before Jerry made the arrangements to bring Alek from Russia. Since that time he’d been working hard on implementing his ideas.
“You’re very quiet,” Julia commented, breaking into his thoughts.
He glanced over at his bride. Her nervousness didn’t escape him. He wanted to do whatever was necessary to put her at ease. He’d enjoyed listening to the story of Ruth and Louis Conrad’s love. It had touched his heart, reminding him of his own grandparents, long dead. They’d loved each other deeply and he could have asked for no finer heritage. His grandfather had died first and his grandmother had followed less than a year later. His mother claimed her mother-in-law had succumbed to a broken heart.
Julia shifted restlessly in the car. He caught the movement from the corner of his eye and wondered about this woman he’d begun to love. He’d been observing her for two years; he knew her far better than she could possibly grasp. And he’d known the instant Jerry had suggested they marry that he would accept nothing less than total commitment from her. He was not a man who did things by half measures. He looked forward to the time he would sleep with his wife. He’d sensed fire in her, but hadn’t realized how hot the flames were until they’d kissed. Really kissed.
No woman had ever affected him as strongly as Julia. The kisses had enhanced his appetite for what was to follow. He would be patient with her. Careful and slow. Although every instinct insisted he take her to his bed now, do away with her fretting and worry so they could enjoy the rest of the evening together. He must be patient, he reminded himself.
“Where would you like to go for dinner?” he asked. He suggested a couple of his favorite restaurants.
“Dinner?” she echoed, as though she hadn’t given the matter a second thought. “I…don’t know.”
“You decide.”
“Would you mind if we went to my…our condo?” In one of their few practical conversations, they’d agreed that he’d move into her place; his own apartment had been a furnished rental, so there hadn’t been much to bring over—just books, his computer, clothes and a few personal effects. He had a small moving company take care of it and continued to pay rent on the place so his sister, Anna, could eventually move in there.
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