by Avelyn Paige
She may not have been awake to hear me, but I mean every damn word of it. I love her, and I will die to protect her, even if it means I have to let her go.
“I love you, Dani,” I whisper into the dark night before falling asleep myself.
The first few days I’ve been back at the clubhouse have been a blur between pain-medicine-induced comas and visitors. Hero banned nearly everyone from my room but after arguing with him, he finally let Slider visit followed soon by the rest of the guys. He still hovers when they’re with me to the point I had to ask Raze to keep him occupied today so I could have time to myself. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what he did for me. Murdering the man who was about to plunge a knife into my belly and rape me was the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me, but I need time to process the shit that happened.
For the first time in my life, I’m free from every tie that bound me to the Earth. I can do everything I’ve ever wanted to do without a single person to hold me back. Well, that’s not exactly true with Hero, but I liked to think about the possibilities. Nightmares of my time in Mikey’s cabin of pain—as I have decided to call it—have changed me. Being threatened and beaten would do that to any weak minded person but for me, my time there was empowering in a way. I was helpless for the first time in my life yet I survived the struggle. I fucking survived, and he died with a bullet ricocheting around his brain. The last thing he saw when he died was my weak body beneath him. His blood painted my skin, but it soaked into my soul. It seeped into my pores and empowered me to take the life I wanted for myself. Scared and helpless Dani died that day and like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the new fearless Dani was born. This new version of me is still trying to find her footing in this new world, but there’s always going to be a constant anchor to stay. Hero.
I’ve relived every single moment with Mikey for the last few nights as I thrash in my sleep, but Hero wraps me into his arms and brings me back into safe reality. Mikey is dead, and Hero and Raze have reassured me his body will never be found. I know in my heart he’s truly gone, but my brain can’t seem to shake the thought he is still lurking around every dark corner, watching me. Shit like this takes time, and that’s what I need to give myself. I need to heal mentally, physically, and spiritually. I won’t let Mikey haunt me for the rest of my life and I’m determined to win this last battle with his ghostly memory.
Hero has been my saving grace throughout all of this, but my brain still condemns him for not fighting for me. I understand his reasoning, but at the same time I resent his inaction. He knows letting me go out of mistrust and fear was the worst thing he’s ever done in his life and I can see the guilt and pain fill his hollow eyes after every nightmare. I know he blames himself for what happened to me, but in reality, the blame lies on us both. I lied to him and continued to do so the entire time I was here. Had I opened up to him, I would have been protected, but I would have been indebted to the club. I didn’t want that for them or for me. Hero and my relationship started out of lies and convenience for me, but what we had as two individuals who came together in a shitty situation was transcendent. I know that I need to work through my issues first before I pile on our rocky start into the mix, and he understands that. He’s patient with me and hasn’t pushed me to talk unless I initiate the conversation. I know he’s dying to know where we stand, but I can’t give him an answer until I know the answer myself. That, amongst my other reasons, is why I had to have time for myself.
I know Hero was pissed that Raze ordered him to go on a protection run for a local celebrity, but I needed time for me and to talk to Raze. I hadn’t felt up to telling him about Maj’s treachery to his club or me. I had to come to terms with the fact I would be signing the order to kill her, or in the least be kicked out of the club and Raze’s life. After lying awake most of the night, internally debating about it, I decided that today would be the day. He needed to know that the woman warming his bed was a fucking traitor. It would be revenge for me, but for Raze it would something else completely.
A soft knock raps on Hero’s door as Raze steps through the doorway.
“Hey, dollface, how are you feeling today?” he asks, carrying a vase of lilies. That’s the one thing I seem to have an abundance of since my return. Flowers and tears. I thought for sure Hero would complain about his room becoming a showroom for a florist, but he hasn’t said a word. It’s nice to wake up to these delicate and beautiful blossoms, and to watch the light creep across their petals during sunrise. Their soft and subtle fragrance has permeated the room, which Hero has bitched about. Apparently flowers aren’t a manly scent. I answered him the only way I knew how. I told him to go fuck himself. The flowers are mine, and they are staying. He, on the other hand, was more than welcome to relocate somewhere else.
Raze sits the vase next to me on the side table as he sits on the side of the bed. “Same old, same old, Raze. Busted leg and an overprotective and hovering Hero. Thanks for getting me some alone time today.” His hand grasps mine as he caresses it with a thumb. His calloused hands are rough against mine, but I just don’t care. I need the feel of his touch to reassure me of what I’m about to do.
“I heard through the grapevine that you wanted to talk to me while Hero was out. Is that knucklehead bothering you, Dani? I can send him out on a longer run if you need me to do that. It would do him some good I think to clear his mind on the road, but we both know he won’t leave you without a fight.”
A smile breaks across my face with the thought of Raze sending Hero out. “We both know he’d defy you if you ordered that anyway. It’s not him I need to talk to you about, Raze. It’s about something Mikey said in the cabin.”
He squeezes my hand at the mention of him. It’s likely a knee-jerk reaction from him, but it’s comforting.
“What about that cocksucker? You know you’re safe here, doll. Voodoo took care of your missing person’s report. No one is looking for you now.”
“I know I am, Raze. I need to thank Voodoo properly for everything he’s done. Without him, I’d be dead in that cabin.”
“We’d have found you, Dani. Do not for one second think we wouldn’t have torn this state apart to find you.”
“I know, Raze. I just need to tell you—,” I say hesitantly. Raze scoots closer to me on the bed and caresses my hand again.
“What is it, Dani? What is so important that you need to tell me alone? Why are you hesitating with me, doll? You know you can confide in me about anything.”
Tears well in my eyes as the words flow from my mouth. “I don’t know how to fucking say this, Raze, because it will change everything. Everyone will be affected by it, but it will hit you the hardest.” Sighing deeply, I force myself to reveal my horrendous secret.
“Mikey didn’t just track me down. Maj told him where I was. He had a bounty set on my head and she called in to collect it. I was found because of your wife.”
He sits silently as coldness fills his eyes. He looks away from me and releases my hand as he abruptly stands from the bed, heading for the door.
“I don’t want to cause trouble, Raze. I even debated on telling you for days, but I decided it was best you knew.”
“Dani, I knew what she did,” he surprisingly admits.
“Wait. You knew she turned me over to that bastard? Why didn’t you fucking say anything?” I yell at his turned back.
“Calm down, doll. I found out after we brought you home,” he says, pivoting to face me again. “I asked Maj for a divorce after the night at the club. She slept around behind my fucking back and what’s worse is I let it go on. She bolted the day Mikey’s crew came for you. I found a bank statement the day after we brought you home that had a fifty thousand dollar cash deposit listed. I had Voodoo track the account number and it linked back to Mikey.”
“Does anyone else know besides us, Raze? Does Hero know?”
Tears streak down his face and slide down onto his shirt, one drop at a time in quick succession. Seeing a man like Raze
cry sends me over the edge. I begin to bawl into my hands as Raze scoops me up into a hug, cradling me against his warm body. He holds me as we weep together before slowly pulling away.
“No one else knows besides myself and Voodoo I don’t want to tell you how, but Maj will never be seen again. I took care of it as soon as I realized the truth. “
“You didn’t,” I exclaimed. “Please tell me it wasn’t you, Raze.”
Shaking his head, he wipes away his tears. “That’s the fucked up part about all of this with her, Dani. I couldn’t do it. I loved that fucking woman for twelve years, and she gave me two wonderful kids, but when it came down to punishing her, I couldn’t fucking pull the trigger and kill the woman who I trusted the most.”
I rub my hand across his muscled back, but he jerks away from my touch instinctively before settling against the stroking motions of my hand. He’s just as broken as I am and his heart was ripped apart and left in a shattered mess around him. He deserves to be happy just as much as I did.
“You don’t always have to be the strong one, Raze. You just have to be the man these men need to lead them. You damn well know this isn’t a switch you can flip off and walk away from. Hell, you are preaching to the broken life parade queen right here, but we have to pick up the pieces and glue them back in a way that makes us happy again. We’ll get there, but even you know it will take time. Hell, it may not even be tomorrow, but it sure as fuck won’t last forever.”
He smiles at me as he releases his hold, placing me gently back onto my spot in the bed and just walks away. Deep down, those words were more for me than him, but he needed them just as much as I did. Settling back into bed, I pull my new Kindle off the nightstand and flip open the book I’ve been reading the last few days. Apparently, Hero had purchased it for me during my confinement period at the clubhouse but had forgotten to give it to me. He even loaded his credit card onto the account so I could one-click any books that I wanted. I’m pretty sure he’ll be pissed when he gets his statement next month. I’ve spent two hundred and fifty dollars in books the last few days. Reading has become my new relaxation technique. It helps me forget about everything just for a few hours and gives me a break from reality. It is a temporary fix, but it does the trick. I lie in bed reading for hours before another soft knock comes from the door.
“Dani?” a soft feminine voice calls from the door. The voice is so familiar, but I know it’s not one of the club girls. Hero made sure that they weren’t to even step foot in my presence until I specifically asked for them. As the door slides open, my heart stops. It’s Ricca. Her face is cut up and her arm is in a cast. She hobbles into the room, struggling and limping with each step. Throwing the sheets from my body, I slide my casted leg out of the bed. Pulling myself up with the crutches Doc gave me, I make my way to her. As we meet in the middle of the room, I grab ahold of her and pull her into a hug. Her ribs are poking out of her skin as I grip her tightly. We stand silently, embracing each other. Never once letting go. She’s a survivor just as I am. I don’t need to know the details of what happened to her. The anger I held against her for being homeless fades with each passing minute. Like Raze and I, the woman I hold in my arms was beaten, battered, and likely left for dead judging by the looks of her.
Life may have dealt us both a shitty hand, but knowing that I have an entire group of people standing with me dampens my anger. Life is too short to worry about the past. It’s the present and future that we need to learn to live for. Together and with this club, we’ll find our way again without anything stopping us from living happy lives. I had to win my freedom and pay for a life of peace with blood, but I will spend every single fucking day living my life the way I want it to be. Free and in love.
Two Months Later
“For the last time, Hero, I said no. Just drop it,” Dani yells at me.
“Why the fuck not, angel? You know it’s inevitable,” I retort in return. She keeps putting me off about my question, and I’m sick of waiting. Patience has never been a virtue of mine. Who am I kidding? I have no virtues. I’m still the bastard she fell in love with that night at Red’s, even if she did take her sweet ass time figuring it out that she wanted me.
“Because I fucking said no, that’s why. It’s two letters, Hero. Even you should be able to understand them.”
God, this woman is the most frustrating person on the fucking planet. I just need a fucking answer, and she thinks this play coy shit is cute. It’s not cute. It’s the most nerve-wracking fucking game she’s ever played with me. I thought for sure that bringing her out to the beach on the bike would set the mood for her to change her mind. A beautiful view that paled in comparison to the beautiful woman lying next to me in the sand. The only thing that could make this day better was her being naked underneath me and a fucking goddamn answer to my question.
“Just give me a reason why you won’t answer. There has to be some fucking crazy ass reason why you won’t fucking marry me.”
She stares holes through me. Oh shit, we’ve moved into pissed Dani territory. Good thing I like it when she’s pissed because even when she frowns, she’s sexy. Fuck, this woman kills me no matter what mood she’s in. She already has my balls tucked neatly in her purse but she won’t fucking be mine. It took nearly a month to bring my angel back to life. I’d like to think my cock helped with that, but she did it on her own. Well, she and Ricca did. They started going to a survivor support group at the local YMCA a couple of times a week. Apparently talking about this shit with strangers helped her more than talking about it with me. Thinking back about the fight we had about her going to that quack still makes my cock stir. She actually threw a lamp at my head before attacking me and fucking the ever-loving shit out of me when I suggested I would be better suited as her therapist. After that night, I had decided blind rage sex is by far the best sex Dani and I have ever had. It’s like she goes completely feral and animalistic. Sometimes I catch myself purposefully pissing her off to reap the rewards later. I know that is a little twisted, but the things this woman can do to my dick with her mouth and pussy in anger makes all the fights worth it tenfold.
“How is no not enough for you? You’re not ready to get married. You’re letting this honeymoon phase cloud your better judgment, biker boy,” she quips, rolling on her side to shut me out.
Two can play at this game, Dani. Sliding closer to her, I roll her on her back and climb over her, pinning her hips into the beach towel and sand with my own. I kiss her neck and trail my kisses down her belly as she moans with each tender kiss. She can deny me all she wants, but her body is screaming that it wants my cock. I brush my lips against the thin fabric covering her now erect nipples while she tries to pretend she doesn’t like this, but she can’t hide her smile.
“You can keep telling me no, angel, but you see how your body responds to me. It’s screaming yes. Why don’t you let your body do the talking for once and agree to marry me?”
She tries to use her hips to buck me off of her but I dig my feet into the sand, sinking her farther down into the sandy beach. She wiggles underneath me playfully. Oh, angel, I know what you’re doing.
“Waking up the monster cock isn’t going to get you out of answering me this time, angel. I’ll get the answer I want today, I’m sure of it. In fact, I’m guessing that before we even leave this beach, you’ll say yes.”
She laughs in my face as she wiggles again. “You’re so delusional, Hero. No means no. Didn’t they teach you that in school? I can say it in several languages if you prefer.”
Sliding the fabric of her bikini top to the side, I draw her taut nipple into my mouth. I tease it, licking circles around it and biting it lightly. Her head falls back as I grind against her apex. She enjoys the sensations before sounds of the waves crashing against the beach bring her back to reality.
“Hero, we’re in public. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she says, trying to slap sense back into me. “Someone might be watching us right now.
&nb
sp; “Who cares if someone’s watching, Dani? I want you, and your body sure as hell wants me even if your pretty little mind decides to be stubborn.”
“You’re fucking crazy, you know that, right?” She laughs as I slide the other side of her bikini top off, placing a lick around her nipple. It pebbles against my tongue. Dani is beautiful as it is, but when her body responds to me like this, it skyrockets her to a new dimension of beauty. Taking her nipple back into my mouth, I resume my teasing of her. She moans and begins to rub her pussy against me. The thin fabric I cursed for showing too much skin as we left the clubhouse this morning has now become my best friend.
“Do you want me to make you cum on this beach, angel, knowing anyone could see us?” I whisper against her nipple. Licking her once more, she moans.
“Fuck,” she breathlessly moans as I bite her nipple lightly again. “It’s so wrong, but I fucking want you to make me cum.”
“Say please, angel.”
“Fucking please, you asshole.”
“Tut tut, my angel is angry. Maybe I won’t let her cum now. She’s not behaving as an angel should.”
Anger flares in her eyes. Bingo. The reaction I wanted is back. “Fuck you, Hero!” she yells.
“Oh, angel, I’m about to do just that.” Kissing trails down her abdomen, I stop just short of her pussy. My tongue dances along the skin of her inner thigh as her breath becomes ragged. I slide the wet fabric of her bikini bottom to the side, exposing her soaking pussy to the world. Running a finger through her wet folds, I draw her taste into my mouth. She watches me intently as I moan, rubbing her juices onto my lips and licking her taste from them.
