by K. V. Rose
“No.” My answer is short, to the point, my chest heaving. “I don’t. Let me go and carry on with your night.”
“Don’t you want to know how we knew you were still in the city, Riley?” Benji purrs. “You see, the job I do, it requires I keep tabs on a lot of people. I know about you, Riley. I even know Adam went to your condo. Had to be hauled off by security. You always did know how to fuck the boys up.” He leans closer to me, and whispers in my ear, “But I’m not a boy. And I know why you’re here. Why you have to be here.”
“If you don’t let her go, I swear to God Benji, I will—” Caden doesn’t have to finish because Benji does.
He lets go, and I pull back, stumbling in my heels, but I catch myself against the wall of the alley. I dust my hands off and glare at Benji, who is smiling at me.
“You have no idea. You think you know?” I take a step forward, and Benji seems surprised at my gall. Hell, I’m surprised too. He’s intimidating. “If you really did know, Benji,” there’s venom in the way I say his name, “then you wouldn’t be cornering me in an alleyway. You have no fucking clue.” This time, I push past him, and he doesn’t stop me.
My eyes flash at Caden. “Thanks for stepping in. I really appreciate it,” I say sarcastically before I walk away.
I get lost in the crowd, take a few deep breaths. I think about the creeps in this city. Creeps I never really had to deal with before, not outside my mother’s walls. Before…when she wasn’t who she is now. I never dealt with them because I knew Jack and Caden would. At one time, I thought Rolland Virani would, too.
At one time, I came to him, unintentionally. I had run from Mom’s, from a man there, a man who I knew meant to hurt me. And Mom had been too high to care, to even notice. And I ran right into Rolland Virani’s arms, looking for a place to stay the night.
That was a mistake.
Everything with the Viranis had been a mistake.
I shake it off. Or try to. Since starting at Campbell, moving to North Carolina—a move that took a lot of persuading on my part in regard to Rolland’s leash on me—it’s been easier to forget. To pretend I’m not under Rolland’s control, maybe for the rest of my life. Sometimes I want to say Fuck it, and just let him use the blackmail he holds against me. But I never have.
For Caden.
I would tear myself apart, am tearing myself apart, to keep it from him. It would break him. It’s bad enough he had to see the video. He doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes, I think I do. This is my eternal punishment for Jack’s death. Caden thinks I got away with murder.
I didn’t get away with it.
I’m still paying for it.
I stop at a busy crosswalk, and then I hear an engine revving and someone calling my name. I look up, see a black Infiniti right beside me, the window down, and Caden sitting behind the wheel at the red light.
“Get in,” he calls, a command in his words.
I shake my head. Not this shit again.
“Riley.” His eyes darken, and I find myself taking a step forward, even though my mind tells me to stay where I am. “Get in.”
The walk isn’t far. I could be at the condo in five minutes. In fact, the drive will take longer. But for some reason, because my body has always been good at betraying me, my legs move, and I open the door and slide into the leather seat.
I slam the door closed and Caden takes off, expertly weaving in and out of traffic. We don’t speak, and ten minutes pass, and the condo I’m staying at is long gone. The windows are still down and the summer night rushes in. Music is playing in the car, Bring Me the Horizon, why you gotta kick me when I’m down.
They used to be our favorite band. Not that we talked about it. But I heard him playing them in his room. I know he heard me, too.
I don’t dare look at him. Not until we’re out of the city, on the highway, and I need to know where the fuck I’m going.
“Why did you pick me up?” I ask him.
He doesn’t look at me, and his jaw clenches. But he doesn’t say a word.
I roll my eyes and sigh. “Why did you pick me up?” I ask again. He’s always been this way. He only says something when he wants to, and he’s never seemed to feel awkward ignoring me, or anyone else, for that matter. It used to drive me wild when I was at his parents’ house. He and his friends would pretend I didn’t exist some days, while others, he’d barge in his brother’s room and tell him to calm the fuck down.
The silence still is driving me wild, but no matter how I still feel about him, I should not be in his car, going fuck knows where. If Rolland knew, he’d kill us both.
Once, I think Rolland wanted me to be Jack’s. Because when you lock up your possessions, you know where they are. You can always watch them. But after I left him, he was glad. It meant he didn’t have to be so careful, not if he didn’t want to. And Rolland never wanted to be careful.
Before I can ask again where we’re going, Caden exits off the highway, and I look into the darkness around us and realize with a start I recognize where we are.
Lake Jordan.
I used to sneak off to Lake Jordan, a lot. Me and probably half of our school. University students, too. Tyler and I loved that place. Jack never cared for it; he didn’t like to get dirty.
This exit has nothing but the lake, and a gas station which is the only light visible around us as we drive into the darkness. Caden has still said nothing.
“Where are we going?” I ask, staring at him.
For the first time since I slid into his car, he glances over at me, his brow furrowed, both hands on the wheel.
“Don’t you recognize this place?” he asks me.
“Of course I do. But why are you taking me here?” I swallow past the panic in my throat. I trust Caden. At least, I trusted him. But we haven’t spoken, haven’t seen one another since his brother’s funeral. I don’t know what kind of person he is now.
I was there when he got the call.
I had been in his lap when he got the call.
Immediately, he had blamed me. For the video. For sending the video. For Jack’s death. I don’t know exactly who sent it. I’m pretty certain, even though he denies it, of course. But it could only be him.
And aside from it being the last text he received on his phone, I know Jack watched it because of the note left behind. One that will probably haunt Caden for the rest of his life, feeding his anger toward me. Just like those three last words will haunt me for mine, feeding my anger toward someone else entirely.
I know Rolland didn’t think Jack would do what he did. At least, I don’t think he thought that. He was a monster, is a monster, but Jack was his own son. Surely, if he could have guessed…I shake my head, rub my hand over my face and look around, trying to pay attention to my surroundings.
We pull into the dark forest that surrounds the lake, and I’m shocked to find that in the gravel lot we aren’t the only car. There is one other, lights off, no one inside that I can see. It’s a black Range Rover, and it’s weird to see someone else here so late during the summer. But we’re here, so it’s not like I can judge. Probably rich, asshole college kids. As if they actually need an escape.
Caden shuts off the engine, stares straight ahead at the thick trees. It’s so dark, I can barely make out his profile, only see the light blue of one of his eyes.
“Why did you take me here?” I ask again. My words seem loud in the silence of the forest, the cool night air coming in through the cracked windows.
Slowly, he turns his head to look at me, his eyes piercing, on mine. “Why did you come back?”
It’s a fair question.
I hadn’t been to the annual summer party recently. I skipped the past three. I made it to my senior year of university without being coerced by Rolland to be anywhere near Caden. But this time, he amped up the threats. It had been a few months since I saw him in the flesh, and he wasn’t letting me go so easily. He pulled the strings. I think part of him wanted to see me under the same roof as his s
on. To see what would happen.
I swallow and break my gaze with Caden, looking out into the darkness. For a moment, I don’t say anything, and he’s utterly silent beside me. There’s not much between us, just the center console, the cup holders. His car is spotless, as it was that night.
But it feels like we’re just as far apart as we are when I’m in the States, nearly 1000 miles away. There’s so much he doesn’t know. So much I will never, ever tell him.
“I don’t know. It was a mistake.” I answer his question, whispering the words but trying to keep my voice even. Steady.
He laughs. It’s short, bitter. Part of me wants to grab his hand, the one resting on the center console. I want to feel his callouses beneath my own fingers. I want to talk to him, really talk to him, about Jack and why it isn’t what he thinks it is. I want to tell him that I didn’t mean to fuck them both over. That his dad pushed me, was still pushing me. That I wasn’t here to punish him. That I had to be here. I was in his dad’s noose, waiting for Rolland to hang me, my feet barely reaching the ground.
I want to tell him that he’s not the only victim. That Jack isn’t, either. I want to tell him all those fights he heard between me and Jack, they were nothing compared to what really happened. Nothing. And that night we had together…I would have denied my own heart for the rest of my life if it meant Jack was still here and Caden didn’t loathe me. At least, I think I would.
“A mistake, Riley?” he asks quietly, and I can feel his gaze on me, but I can’t bear to look at him. “Is that what you call what you did? A fucking mistake?”
I still don’t look at him. I squeeze my eyes shut, feel the lump in my throat. I won’t cry. I’ve spent so many of the past three years on the verge of tears because of this family. I won’t let them fall here, in front of him.
“Look at me,” he snarls.
I don’t.
He reaches between us, cups my chin in his hand and jerks my head his way. “You can’t stand to see it, can you?” His eyes are narrowed on me, the blue violently bright in the darkness. “You can’t stand to see what you’ve done. Yet you have the fucking audacity to come to my parents’ house—”
“I didn’t want to be there!” I manage to choke out, and he lets me go, rearing back. “I didn’t want to be there and I’m so sorry.” I swallow back a sob, manage to keep my eyes dry. “I’m so sorry, Caden, I…” I trail off, not sure what else to say. There’s nothing I can say to fix this. This isn’t planning and scheming and dreaming, like we did that night for those few precious hours. Momentarily, I’d been happy. I had walked into that party broken, and walked out with him, happy.
This isn’t that.
This is broken pieces that will never fit back together.
This is so much blood on the floor we could swim in it.
There’s no saving this.
“Take me back.”
He still hasn’t said anything, but I can hear him breathing. Softly, but not quietly. Like he might be choking, or fighting back rage, trying to claw it back into place.
“You’re sick, Riley. Do you understand that?” He’s looking at me with nothing but hatred and it pierces something in my heart. I’ve tried to forget this. This thing between us, only to see that after all this time, there was nothing to forget.
Because there’s nothing there at all.
“Run. Like you always do. Run, and fuck up someone else’s life just a little more.”
I get out of the car. Because I can’t stand to be so close to him and yet so damn far away. I get out, and even though it’s stupid and reckless and impulsive, I do run, and I don’t look back.
He doesn’t even bother to call after me.
Fifteen
Present
She’s always been wild.
It’s what I loved about her. What I knew Jack could never keep up with in the long run, no matter his threats and screams and fits. Hell, he didn’t keep up with her even in the short run either, and as soon as I think that, I feel it again. That hatred, ice-cold and all-consuming. And the guilt. The guilt never fails to eat me alive.
I watch her run and remember when I longed to chase her. Chase her from my brother, from her mom, from her entire life. I wanted to chase her until she was all alone and I was all she had. I would have protected her. I would have looked out for her. Fuck, I did. That’s how she ended up in my arms that night. Shocking the shit out of me, my face heats at the memory. She deserved better, is what I thought then. She didn’t deserve for me to take her in a hotel room, one rented just for that purpose.
Now, I’m glad we were interrupted by that phone call. Because now, I think she didn’t deserve it at all.
But it’s dark as fuck out here, and Benji is somewhere out here too, waiting for her. She thinks I took her here to be alone, or to scare her off into the darkness. I guess the last one is true, but this is only the start. And yet even after all this time, even after everything she’s put me through, after everything she’s still putting me through, the thought of someone else hurting her makes me feel physically ill.
I think of Benji and want to punch him in the face, break his nose against my knuckles. I know he won’t actually hurt her. At least, I think I know that. Before he went to prison, I would have said no, of course not. They didn’t spend much time together. She always seemed a little scared of him and my other friends when she saw them around the house.
But Benji wouldn’t have hurt her then.
Now, though, I don’t know what Benji would or wouldn’t do.
Especially after he’s been drinking. Which is my fault. I pushed him to.
I get out of the car, leave it unlocked, just in case she gets there before I can find her, and run after her. Only her light brown hair is visible in the darkness and when she rounds a bend in the trees, she’s gone, and I run faster.
I don’t dare call out her name because I don’t want her to think I care that much. I tell myself I don’t. I don’t care at all. If she were to get hurt out here, if Benji were to find her first, well…she would deserve it. In fact, it would be the least of what she deserves.
But even still.
Suddenly, I can’t see her at all. She was there one second, her long hair streaming behind her, and then she’s not. She took off her heels, and I don’t see them either, which means she’s carrying them, but how she could have just disappeared like that…
I stand still, looking in all directions, heart thudding in my chest.
Riley and her stupid fucking games. They were always the most dangerous kind.
I take a few steps forward, see beyond the trees ahead the lake glimmering under the stars.
To my right, deep in the thick of the trees, off the footpath, I see her. She has her back against a thick trunk, facing away from me, her hands behind her, clenching the tree, as if she’s using it to hold her up.
I remember her in the sex club, falling into me.
I shake that memory away, the satisfaction I felt watching her watch Adam. She hadn’t even been hurt. She had seemed relieved.
I don’t think about that.
Instead, I come closer to her, on silent steps. I might be tall, but years of wrestling has given me a strange grace, too, and I use it to my advantage now as I sneak up on her.
She shifts a little, exposing more of her back to me.
Three more steps and I’m right behind her.
Without warning her, I reach a hand around her, cover her mouth. She struggles, just for a moment. But when I jerk her body in front of mine, pressing her ass against me, she stills.
She knows it’s me.
We stand just like that, me covering her mouth with one hand, the other wrapped low around her waist, closing any space that might be between us. I feel her breathe beneath me, and my fingers dig into her waist, into the thin fabric of her dress.
She never used to wear dresses.
As I hold her here, in my hands, I think of how much I despise her. How much she took from
me. And yet I can’t let go. Right now, I can’t let go.
I lean over her, my lips to her ear.
“Are you scared, Riley?”
She shakes her head.
“Tell me,” I whisper. “Tell me you aren’t scared.”
She starts to speak, but I press my hand tighter against her lips, and she stops.
“Answer me, Riley,” I taunt her.
She squirms against me, and I feel my cock harden. I press into her ass, feel her push back. I can’t keep the smirk off of my face, and I’m glad she can’t see me in the dark. It’s bad enough she can feel what she still does to me.
My hand over her dress moves lower, until I feel her smooth, soft skin beneath my fingers. I squeeze her thigh and I hear her whimper, her breath against my hand.
“Do you like that?” I ask her, and she nods.
My fingers crawl up her skin, until they’re between her thighs, right over her lace panties, and she presses into my cock again.
I bite back a groan.
I’ve tried other women. I’ve tried to move on. I really, really have. No one can say I didn’t. Being my dad’s son has always afforded me certain privileges and being the CEO of a rising tech company has given me many more. Women like money. Hell, everyone likes money. They like power, too. And fame. I’ve used it all, tried to fuck my way past her.
It hasn’t worked.
It’s so quiet around us, so dark. No one except Benji would hear her moans here. No one else would hear her scream my name. I briefly wonder where he is, but I’m so wrapped up in her, I don’t dwell on it. If he sees, he sees. It wouldn’t be the first time he saw me fucking a woman.
I spread her legs with my hand, position one away from the other.
“Don’t move,” I command, and she stills in my arms.
My hand moves down from her mouth to her throat, and she whimpers again. I clamp down hard against her neck, and she’s silent.
My tongue finds her skin and I’m sucking it between my teeth, that hollow between her neck and her shoulder, and she arches her back. She smells so good. I bite down, hard.
“Don’t move,” I say again, my voice barely more than a growl, lips moving over her skin.
