Jill

by Jay Hughes

  I wondered what she meant when she said "home."

  Klinger and I suffered alone well into the night. Once, I looked out the back door, hoping I'd see her prancing up the steps.

  Sometime around dawn, the clatter awoke me from a form of slumber. No, Maud ... I can handle this one.

  I opened the back door.

  There stood two green fellows with spots of black hair on their heads, each about four feet tall. "Come with us."

  "Let me make sure my affairs are in order." What the hell was I talking about? I ran for my coat. Klinger hid under the bed. "Don't piss on the couch while I'm gone!"

  I followed the two little green men into the alley. At worst, they'd present me with what was left of Jill. At best...

  At the sycamore, they stopped and turned. I was in my house slippers, which don't maneuver well on slick alleys. I caught up. Winter is a bitch on guys who come out without wearing coats. I need to find a pair of boots like they wear.

  "Come."

  Somehow, in a haze of green, yellow, red, white and ... a dizzying spin ... I felt like I was air ... soft ... spinning ... and in a room. Dark, warm, empty. It encircled me and drew me in. Closer, closer ... warmer ... silent.

  "This way," he pointed.

  I followed. "Is this your ship?"

  "You'll know everything soon," he said. He turned. "Are you all right?"

  I looked around. I felt my chest, arms, hips ... everything in place. "Yeah." I followed him down a short corridor, past some whirring machines and blinking things. We went into a dark room. I could hear breathing.

  "Can you see?" the man asked me.

  "It's dark, but ... well, can I have some light? Where am I?"

  He pointed to the corner. "Jill?"

  No reply, just breathing, as though she were in a deep slumber.

  The other little fellow joined him and turned on a dim light that cast weak shadows around the gray room, which seemed devoid of furniture, except for the bed and a little table next to it.

  "Is she ... all right?"

  He ran his hand along Jill's forehead and looked back at me. He seemed weak, frail ... about what I'd expected him to look like based upon my conversations with Jill.

  A runt.

  He smiled. "She seems to have contracted a form of rhinovirus."

  "Is that dangerous?"

  "You refer to it as the common cold."

  Wondering if that was a big deal to a person from another world, I tried to think of what I could do next. "You have a cure?"

  Nobody has a cure for the common cold.

  "We've treated it. She has other problems, however, that we can't address. It's her ... time."

  I nodded. Of course. Mix that with a cold and you come up with a sick woman. "When will she be better?"

  "You don't understand. She's never had this virus before." His weak voice barely carried through the room.

  I could tell he was worried. I presume he could tell I was worried. "Let's let her rest," I suggested.

  "Would you like to go back home now?"

  "Home? Where am I?"

  "Aboard our vessel."

  "Which is where?"

  He made a circle with his hand. "Far, far out in space."

  "How far out?"

  He laughed a soft laugh. "My supposition is that you would not comprehend the distance."

  "Then, may I look around before you send me back?" I looked around the little room. "You people don't go in much for decorating."

  "We aren't people."

  Sorry, runt. "Can I see Earth from here?"

  "You could, but it would look like a bright star."

  Wow, that far out?

  He led me down a corridor to a larger room with a row of tables and blinking lights, video screens ... standard fare aboard an intergalactic space vessel. It did not have see-through plastic floors or tall clear tubes or whirling disco lights ... it was just dull gray.

  Quiet.

  Not at all like home.

  I wondered how Jill had made the adjustment to my lumpy old couch and disjointed kitchen cabinets.

  "There isn't much to see," he said. The other fellow was in the background, monitoring something. I chose not to pay any attention to him. "Step over here," he said. His voice was not much more than a whisper. Is he always this quiet?

  I looked up at the sycamore tree and ... I was just down the alley from the house.

  How in hell do they do that?

  I assumed it was some kind of hyper-space elevator.

  Gotta get me one of them things, Klinger.

  I thought back to the summer when Jill had more energy than I did.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  She bolted into the house around eight in the morning. "Where did you put the choochinawa leaf?"

  "Klinger ate it."

  "He did not. Here it is, under the newspaper." She picked up the front section. "I look like a frog. Destroy this publication!"

  I looked up from the crossword puzzle. "What's a five-letter word for female?"

  "Goochus."

  "That's six letters."

  "Goochus means bitch in my language. Let's go treat Betty for her illness. It's also seven letters. That is, if we had letters."

  Sorry I can't spell. I got dressed, tried to get a cheap feel from her, failing ... and followed her out the door, across the street to the Fawthorp residence, home of degenerate mayhem.

  "Bring hot water," Jill told Herb.

  Herb grunted. He takes orders better than I do.

  Jill tossed the choochinawa leaf, a brown thing with long stringy ends, into the water. She stirred it.

  "Am I going to drink that?" Betty asked in a way you'd expect an old person to react.

  Jill smiled. "Sit."

  Betty was already sitting in her wheelchair. She follows orders better than Herb does. "I am sitting."

  "Stretch out your legs." Jill dropped her hands into the water and let them sit there a few seconds. Then she rubbed them on Betty's knees. "This will feel warm to the touch."

  Betty closed her eyes. "I can feel it."

  "It's Jill's hands, Betty. They've been in hot water." I was on top of this game.

  "Move your legs," Jill whispered. She doesn't talk to me in that tone of voice. With me, it's ... AGAIN! Jill's fingers moved against Betty's knees, massaging, tweaking. "Move your legs faster."

  "Herb!" Betty squealed. "Herb, it helps! The pain is gone."

  "Is this temporary relief?" I asked. I also leaned toward the power of suggestion over the reality of a cure.

  Jill nodded. "For now. I wanted to see if she reacted. She does. I'll have an ointment prepared. This should help you."

  Betty's gaze gave me the shivers.

  How do we market this shit?

  Jill stood and smiled down at Betty. "You should feel better in a few hours."

  "I already do."

  Jill looked at me. "Take me home and fondle me!"

  I smiled at Herb, who was probably wishing Jill had said that to him. Herb smiled at Betty, hoping she felt well enough soon enough to fondle him. All of us were about to be fondled in some form or another.

  Reverend Zeke, there are miracles.

  ***

  "Can we grow this stuff here on Earth?"

  Jill shrugged. "You may already have it in some form. We're looking at it in Brazil."

  "Brazil? Who's in Brazil?"

  "Another ship."

  "Well, excuse me ... I didn't know you had another ship."

  "I said we did."

  "I don't suppose you told our government."

  She shook her head. "That's only for plant research. No human contact. My ship has a different mission."

  I sat on the porch step, staring up at the late-morning sun, wishing the temperature would drop ... wishing Jill would just ... fondle me ... wishing I had more answers to the million questions ... and coming up with only five-letter words. Crazy, weird, silly, goofy, boobs ... pussy. "I thought you wanted me to fon
dle you."

  "I changed my mind."

  Women.

  "Wanna go over to Water Falls to the festival?"

  "Ooo, yes! I want my ring."

  "Jill, I was just kidding you about that."

  "I don't get a ring?"

  "Let's go get a hot dog ... and ride the Ferris wheel."

  "You have a dog. I want a ring."

  "But not a Ferris wheel. We can see the Earth from fifty feet in the air."

  "I've seen it from a lot farther out than that. I guess I will let you fondle me first, then take me to the festival."

  I led Jill into the bedroom, closed the door to keep prying Klinger out ... sprayed some pine scent around the room and ... fondled her.

  "Again!"

  ***

  We pulled into Water Falls around three just as the sun had begun baking the sidewalks. At the edge of town sat the SummerFest. Babes. Beer gardens. Fun.

  We meandered the grounds, drawing more looks than the one-eared woman in the side show.

  "I want to throw the ball," Jill said.

  We found the game that, no matter what you do, you can't knock down three stuffed monkeys. The carnie proprietor can do it, but you can't. Jill knocked down seven of them with one fling.

  "I didn't know you were left-handed," I said, fluffing up the foot-high Teddy bear.

  "I want the ring now."

  We found the big glass case. I cashed in five bucks to get enough quarters to last awhile and started fishing, steering the little steam shovel through the sand.

  "Left!"

  I steered left.

  "Right."

  I stopped. "You want to do this?"

  "Get me the ring, Jay!"

  Eighteen quarters later, I came out with something plastic that looked like a ring.

  "It's plastic," she said. "I can't wear it."

  "I knew that."

  "I want a ring."

  "We have to get engaged first."

  She frowned. "I don't understand. Just get me the ring!"

  "You have to fondle me first."

  ***

  At the top of the Ferris wheel, I convinced her that a kiss was necessary. At the bottom of the Ferris wheel, the crowd had gathered. Water Falls had heard of Jill and the crowds were legion.

  I wasn't sure if she grasped the concept of fame, American-style, but she did seem to like the attention the children were giving her. The adults seemed more confused than awed. Fun was had by all and lots of photographs were taken.

  "What do you eat?" one kid snarled.

  "Children," Jill said.

  He ran.

  "You don't really eat kids, do you?"

  "Are you a monster?"

  "Do you glow in the dark?"

  "Can you see through walls?"

  "Did you come to take over the world?"

  "Where's your ship?"

  "How come you don't have pointy ears like Spock?"

  "Is the force with you?"

  "How many dilithium crystals are on your ship?"

  "Are you the devil?"

  ***

  Not quite.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  My angel was ill.

  If days are measured in years, I spent a century wondering if and when I'd see Jill again. Would it be all right if I brought flowers next time? Or candy.

  What were their names? Frick and Frack? That will do. Not unlike Klinger, they won't come if you call them.

  Was it Monday?

  No, Tuesday.

  Forever went past at light speed, doubled back and took its own sweet time about it.

  I shoveled the pile of papers off to the edge of the table, studied today's requests, threats, long distance calling plans ... and tried to make sense of it all. I was to blame, wasn't I? I had to get her out in public, in the middle of winter ... right in there with a crowd of drunks ... wine, whiskey and a smack on the jaw.

  When Klinger barked at the back door, that meant only one thing. Uygio and Poolian, also known as Frick and Frack. I couldn't tell the difference.

  "Come with us."

  Same drill, same whirling lights, same warmth. You get used to it.

  ***

  "Hi."

  She smiled.

  "You feeling better?"

  "No."

  "At least you're awake."

  "I'm not doing well, Jay."

  "You aren't ... gonna ... you bitch! You'd better not!"

  She breathed in ... as though she had been saving it up for this last ... gasp. "I hurt." It sounded like a plea.

  "Nobody dies from a cold, Jill!" I stood up and walked around in a circle, staring at one little man, then the other. "Help her!"

  "She needs something we can't give her."

  "I can go to Walgreens. They got everything there!"

  "No medicine can help her."

  I stared at the ceiling, then down at Jill, whose ashen green face seemed to blend into the dim light of the room. "What, baby?"

  "I want to see Klinger again before I go."

  I looked at the two little men. "Would that be possible? I mean ... for a dog to come out here?"

  They looked at each other. One of them yawned. Seen one dog, ya seen 'em all. "I suppose."

  Supposing didn't matter. "Take me back for the dog." I knelt down and kissed Jill on the end of her funny green nose. "You aren't contagious, are you?"

  "Yes, but you'll survive."

  "So will you. Klinger misses you."

  "I miss him."

  ***

  I wrapped the little guy up in an old blanket, just in case ... and somewhere near the sycamore tree ... Klinger left Earth for the first time.

  Dog-leg left at the purple planet, Klinger ... pedal to the metal ... and he didn't get excited about it. "Been here before, eh, buddy?"

  He licked my face. Dog-breath.

  ***

  Something was clicking on and off, on and off ... it was attached to Jill's arm.

  "We're monitoring her," the little man said. "We need to document her death."

  That's a warm bedside manner.

  "Document her death?" I stared at him, then down at Jill, whose weak smile seemed to broaden just a little when she saw me holding Klinger.

  Klinger wormed in my arms. I put him down. He ran for the bed and hopped up alongside Jill, crawled up beside her and licked her square on the chin.

  Click, click, click ... click clickclickclick clclclclclcl ... tttttttttt-ttttttt-ttttttt.

  "Something is happening," the little man said. "The dog must be doing it."

  I caught my breath. "Weird!"

  "I don't understand. Something must be wrong with the monitor."

  "No fuckin' way, Frick. Jill, how ya feelin'?"

  She sat up. "The buzzing in my head is going away. I'm just warm or something."

  "How's her heartbeat?" I asked.

  He studied the machine, frowned, tapped it for some reason and backed away. "It's stabilizing. She seems to be breathing easier now."

  "Jilly," I said, "feel like fondling me?"

  "Not yet." She stroked Klinger's back and ears. "I missed you, you little fellow."

  Klinger wagged his tail and nuzzled up under her chin. It was a wet lick, like the ones I give her.

  I squeezed her hand, and she juried up the strength to squeeze mine. "Moo-pa?"

  "Moo-pa," she whispered. "Kawee-na-cho."

  I stood and gathered with the look-alikes. "Let's leave them alone for a few minutes. You folks wouldn't understand about this ... having no animals and such ... but there is evidence that a dog can have an effect on the soul."

  "The soul?"

  I stumbled for a better word. "Emotion, inner self. Peace, something like that."

  Frick nodded. "You think she just needed the warmth of the animal?"

  I shrugged. "Whatever ... it's working. I hope."

  "We'll monitor her after you leave. Should the dog remain?"

  "He'll piss on the front of the couch. If that
doesn't bother you, sure. He likes bread and gravy when he can get it."

  "What's gravy?"

  "Flour, eggs, some bacon fat ... anything you got lying around. Better yet, I can send up some of his private surprise. I get it in fifty-pound bags."

  "He'll piss on the couch, you say."

  "Frick, he's a dachshund."

  Frick nodded. Frack nodded. They knew.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Jill had always seemed immune to our frailties. She had all but cured Betty of arthritis and had given me something for the pain in my back after we decided to fondle on the front porch swing.

  "Fine mess you have me in," I said. "The president is coming tomorrow and I have a bent back. Why did you shove me down that way?"

  "Again!"

  I looked up at the street light. "Herb and Betty can see us."

  "Again!"

  She sat on the swing and rocked. I kept time with it. Tongue in, tongue out. Lick a little, wait ... lick a little. This story does contain some graphic sex, so bear with me.

  Back, wait ... forward ... almost got it there, girl. "Hold still!"

  "Lick me, Jay!"

  "Hold fuckin' still, Jill."

  A still Jill will get a thrill.

  She just wrapped her long legs around my neck and brought me in. "Do it! I want another orgasm, now!"

  "My back hurts."

  "I can make it better. Now, lick me!"

  I had no choice. She had me trapped, with my nose stuffed up her wet snatch. I just nibbled around and sucked on her clit until she started quivering ... shaking ... jerking ... suffer, baby.

  "Moo-pa."

  "That was quiet."

  "It was perfect. I'm finished now."

  Lucky me.

  Then she took me into the house and rubbed something on my back that looked like it had come from a jar of rancid mayonnaise. I was walking upright again within a few minutes.

  "Again!"

  "I thought you were finished."

  "Jay!"

  It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

  I have learned to accept my fate.

  ***

  Jill finished showering, went back to her ship for her official meet-the-leader uniform and left me with morning CNN.

  "The president is taking a detour from his campaign junket today," the announcer said, "to stop off in the little town of Coffee Creek, Indiana, where he will be the first world leader ever to meet with a being from another planet."