Killian sighs and says, “I won’t, but I really think you should just talk to him.”
“And go through this humiliating experience knowing how he feels? Hard pass there buddy. I should have known better, you know? This is my fault, anyways.”
“I doubt Alex will see it that way.”
“But you don’t know that for sure. And it’s such a cliche girl thing to do, break up with a guy just to fall for him again. Thank God I have you and Lila to set me straight.” I hop up from the couch. “You’re seriously the best, you know?”
“No,” he grumbles. “I don’t know. I really think you’re overthinking this. Alex could like you.”
“No, he couldn’t. I’m just the girl who broke his heart and then tried to be his friend again. I can’t believe he doesn’t just keep on hating me. I know I would if I was him.”
“You’re being overly dramatic about this. I’m serious, Grace, go talk to him.”
I flap my arms similar to how Lila did. “And say what?”
“How about you’re sorry?” Killian shrugs. “That’s always been the hardest thing for either of you two to do. Neither of you like admitting your wrong, and I get it. Being wrong absolutely sucks. But I would rather stick a knife in my eyeball than not tell Lila I was sorry if I knew it would fix things.”
I guess that was the kicker - would it fix things?
It takes a lot more than just saying your sorry to fix something. It’s not like I knocked a useless vase over and busted it. I broke someone’s heart, made it to where they never wanted to date again. I made him never want to put a chance on love again.
That realization is the nail in the coffin.
Alex couldn’t like me. He didn’t know how to after everything I did.
I was the asshole, not him.
“You okay?” Killian squints at me. “You’ve got this whole face going on that looks like you’re about to cry or maybe scream at the top of your lungs. Probably both if I had to wager a guess, but I’m kind of hoping I’m wrong.”
That makes me have a wobbly smile again and I suck in a deep breath through my nose. “I’m not going to cry or scream at the top of my lungs. I’m just done, you know? Done.” I move off the couch and towards the door. “Thanks.”
“But I didn’t even help,” Killian protests. “I didn’t even get to say–”
“You’re the best! I’ll see you later.”
I walk back towards my own apartment and silently get dressed, leaving my textbooks by the door since it’s Sunday and nobody likes to do homework on a Sunday. After a moment, I grab the car keys and head out towards the parking lot.
I’ve been up so long that the sun is finally deciding to show itself in soft colors across the sky. It doesn’t take me long to navigate through town, heading towards my grandparents house that I’ve been avoiding. Part of me dreads seeing my grandfather in his chair, knowing he doesn’t have long. It’s the whole reason I put off going home.
But the other part has me feeling the sadness down into my bones. I need to be that little girl who can run home just a little bit longer, to push through and cry in my grandfather’s lap about the stupidity of boys.
And football.
They’re practically one in the same in my life anyways.
Chapter Seventeen
Alex
Killian shoots another glance at me from where he’s running on the treadmill. It’s across from my machine I’m currently contorting my body on to do upside down sit ups. Each time I come up in the air, arms folded tightly across my chest, he gives me this look like he’s pitying me. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why.
“Okay,” I finally manage and tug out one of my earbuds. “Why the hell are you looking at me like my dog just died and nobody bothered to tell me?”
Killian pinches his lips together. “I’m not supposed to say.”
“I don’t have a dog, it was a joke,” I huff. “So out with it.”
“I kind of promised I wouldn’t say anything,” Killian sighs.
“What do you mean? What the hell are you talking about?”
He mulls something over in his mind. “Okay, does it count as promising if I didn’t actually promise anything, but the implication that it was a promise I was agreeing to was still there?”
“I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”
I go to put the earbud back in my ear, determined to drown him out for the rest of our gym session, but he goes and says, “It’s about Grace.”
That gets my attention and I abandon the earbud again. “What about her?”
“She came over on Sunday.”
“Okay?”
“At four in the morning.”
My mind conjures up a bunch of things that could lead her to Killian’s place that early, and they all have me wanting to strangle my best friend.
“Get the murder look off your face, it wasn’t like that. I would never do that to Lila,” he scowls. “I fucking love her.”
I know that. I really do, but it doesn’t stop the jealousy from coursing through my veins.
“Anyways, Grace was upset and apparently Lila couldn’t deal with her and made her come talk to me.” He points at his own chest with a look of confusion. “Me, like I know how to help with girl problems.”
“What girl problems?” Did my voice sounds rough? I was trying to go for nonchalant.
“I guess guy problems would be more accurate,” Killian rolls his eyes. “Just answer my question so I don’t feel like I’m betraying some secret trust thing.”
It takes me a minute to rack my brain for the question he’s talking about. The whole promising without promising debacle. I mull it over, trying to sound as calm as I can be as I speak. “Well, if you tell me is it going to make the problem worse or better?”
Killian gives me the evil eye. “I don’t know which way it’ll go for you.”
What’s that supposed to mean? I scowl. “What the hell, man. I can be calm.”
He laughs in my face. “Yeah, you look super calm while telling me with your eyeballs to get to the damn point.”
“Whatever. Just tell me.”
“First, do you like her?”
“Does Alex like who?” Ian butts into the conversation, walking over with a towel around his neck.
“Grace,” Killian supplies.
Ian snorts. “Was that a serious question? Of course he likes her.”
“I mean as more than friends,” Killian says.
My nostrils flare out. “Why? Does someone else like her?”
Killian sighs dramatically. “Would it kill you to just give me a straight answer? Do you like Grace, as in want to date Grace? Yes or no.”
My jaw ticks. Do I tell them? Do I even want to tell myself? I guess that’s the real question, wondering if I can handle it. What happens if it doesn’t work again? Or I’m left standing all alone?
Then what?
“I’m not telling you,” Killian sighs.
“Why not?” I frown.
He waves his arms as he continues a steady pace while jogging. “Because you can’t admit it to yourself, so there’s no way in hell I’m breaking my non-verbal promise to Grace if you don’t know what the hell you want.”
Not true, I know exactly what I want. I want her.
I just can’t say it out loud. Like it’ll jinx my feelings and everything will be shot to shit.
“This is ridiculous, you realize that right?” Killian says. “We all know you like her. Like her as in willing to date her. Something you haven’t done since her. And if you’re scared, cool. We can deal with it. But keeping all this shit bottled up isn’t good for anyone. Least of all you.”
“He’s right,” Ian sighs. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious you two got a thing going on. You’re both being chicken shits. Don’t make me wager another bet just to get you two to talk.”
“I mean it did make them friends the first time,” Killian shrugs. “Maybe that’s their thing, t
hey like to win at bets.”
“I can hear you two yapping, you know,” I interject.
Killian gives me a mock scowl. “Yeah, we know. But you’ve been quietly trying to pull your head out of your ass over there and I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
“How does Lila put up with you?” I sigh.
“My winning personality and I give some awesome cuddles,” Killian deadpans. “Quit changing the subject.”
“I like her, okay?” I grunt. “Now shut up.”
“Did you hear what he just said?” Killian shouts until the whole room is staring at him. “He fucking likes her! Was that so damn hard to say?”
Yes. I grunt.
“You need to do something to win her back,” Killian says.
“Oh, like in those chick flicks!” Ian snaps his fingers and points at me. “Girls love that crap.”
“Why do I have to do anything?” I scoff. “Maybe she should be pursuing me, did you ever think of that?”
Killian looks down at his feet a second too long.
“What did you do?” I frown.
“It wasn’t me,” Killian puffs out air. “I swear. She just started talking all crazy and wouldn’t hear me out. She talked herself out of it and wasn’t going to listen to a word I was saying.”
“Talked herself out of what?” I ask wearily.
Killian curses then points at me. “Don’t fucking make me regret telling you this.”
I nod, stomach filling up with lead.
“She likes you.” He looks up at the ceiling. “I don’t know why she likes your miserable ass, but she does and then she went and talked herself out of it. So, yeah, you have to do something about it.”
My legs stumble out of the machine and I prop myself up against it. Sag against it really. She likes me? Grace Hart likes me. It’s like the room is spinning but I know it’s perfectly still. The earth just moved beneath my feet and I don’t even care because she freaking likes me.
“Well?”
I can’t say anything, every intelligent part of my brain quit functioning as those two little words spin around and around inside my mind.
Ian shoves my shoulder, effectively cutting off the daydream I had going on of grabbing Grace and crushing her to my body and not letting go.
“Why the hell did she talk herself out of it?” I demand, suddenly focused on that aspect alone.
“I don’t know, maybe because you’re a miserable ass?” Killian shrugs. “Who knows.”
“Well what did she say? Specifically,” I push.
“I don’t know, man. It was too early in the damn morning for my brain to work right.”
“Maybe you misunderstood her then,” I shake my head. “Maybe she doesn’t like me.”
“It was four in the morning, my brain wasn’t fully awake but I can hear just fine. She likes you. God help me in why, but she does. And then she went a little bonkers and decided it was a terrible idea.”
“You had to of said something,” I frown.
Killian sighs. “I might have told her that you were an action kind of guy. You know, you just say what you mean so no one has to play games.” He points accusingly at me. “Which is a lie because you’ve been playing games with her since she showed up. So that’s your own fault.”
“So she thinks because I haven’t blurted it out that I don’t like her?” I scowl. “That’s ridiculous. Who just walks up to someone and says shit like that?”
“Uh, you, dumbass,” Killian scoffs. “For the past four fucking years, that’s all you do to girls on campus.”
“But not to her.”
Killian waves his arms again. “How am I supposed to know that? I just told you that she likes you and you want to tell me about how I’m wrong for trying to help without even wanting to help? This is why I don’t meddle in people’s business. It’s way too exhausting.”
“You’ve done nothing but meddle!” I growl at him.
“Because you’re being a freaking idiot and won’t pull your head out of your ass! Quit being a dumbshit and just talk to her!”
Ian, who’s been standing there quietly, suddenly starts to laugh his ass off. “You two sound like a couple of bratty teenage girls arguing over who has the better winged eyeliner.”
“Who even says that?” I scoff.
Ian shrugs. “I have a sister, remember? I know shit. Just talk to Grace already, goodness.”
“It’s not that simple,” I sigh. “I don’t know how to talk to her anymore. I know how to be an ass to her because it’s practically built into my system to sabotage anything involving her.”
“I mean, I can only tell you what I would do,” Killian shrugs. “Get the girl.”
“Agreed,” Ian nods. “You need to get the girl.”
“I need a plan,” I say. I always work better with a plan, then I can’t mess it up.
“Okay, here’s your plan. You ready for it? Talk to her!” Killian shouts. “Stop being a wuss and go talk to her. Just man up, blurt it out, spell it out on a cake and deliver it to her. I. Don’t. Know. Just do something before I lock you two in a room together so you can sort your shit out.”
“Fine,” I grunt and shove my hands in my pockets. “I’ll go talk to her.”
“Now,” Killian nods. “She’s been probably going batshit since Sunday, you’re half a week behind schedule, dude.”
“Go get ‘em!” Ian hollers after me as I make my way out of the locker room. I’m too nervous to shower, maybe the stink of my sweat will keep her at bay so I know when to call it a day if she doesn’t reciprocate.
All the way over to her apartment, I think about what I could say that would make her hear me out. Not make her laugh in my face or cringe when she hears that I like her. That I want to be with her. Be something together.
God, I sound like a girl right now.
Grace’s apartment gets closer to me and I start to slow my pace. I’m not going to chicken out, but I’m freaking out on the inside. Killian was right when he said I know how to be upfront with girls, but how to be upfront with this girl, I have no idea.
And it’s killing me little by little on the inside.
Chipping away at my tattered heart that just wants the chance to love her again. To prove that she’s not above football. That she doesn’t have to come second to my dream since she understands it. That’s all sixteen year-old me wanted.
To love her and love the game.
I’d figured out a way to do it back then, and I could figure out a way to do it now.
All it would take is a matter of getting her to understand that as well.
Relationships had to be fifty-fifty. There had to be some give with some take. She needed to know that she could count on me wherever, whenever. And that this wasn’t about my ego or my reputation, but solely about her.
Grace Hart was a good person to the bone. She deserved the world and so much more. And I wanted to be the one to give it to her. And so help me God, I wasn’t leaving her be until she knew that.
It was time to stand up and say the words.
My hands start to sweat as I wait for the white walk sign to light up across the street from her apartment. My heart thudding in my chest in time to my racing pulse. A vein in my forehead was popping out, showing outward sign of stress.
As soon as the little white stick man lit up, I practically sprinted across the street and up the side of the building. I couldn’t contain the adrenaline, couldn’t keep my body calm enough to not bang on the door like a madman.
It only look a few seconds for the door to swing open. Grace stood there in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, a capped highlighter tucked behind one of her ears. She looked so cute standing in front of me.
“Alex?”
Chapter Eighteen
Alex
“Alex?” Grace repeats my name, but everything that I want to say gets lodged in my throat. She reaches out her hand to tap me on my chest. “You alright?”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. I do
n’t know why I say it, just that it needs to be said.
Grace furrows her eyebrows. “Okay, but why?”
Why indeed. I don’t have an answer to that. I don’t even know what I’m doing. Whatever words that had been willing to spill out take a backseat as my mind goes blank.
“Alex?” Grace waves her tiny fingers in front of my face. “I was kind of studying. I don’t mean to be rude, but if you don’t need anything then I don’t know what to tell you. Why are you here?”
“You.” Finally. I manage to push the word out.
Grace blinks slowly. “Me?”
“I need to talk to you.” I peer over her head. “Is Lila here?”
“No. She’s at the studio doing some art thing. Do you want to come in?”
“Yeah, that would be good.”
She juts open the door with her hip, giving me a little more room to squeeze through into her apartment. I feel like I’m staring down at her, which I am, taking up too much space in this little room. On the couch is a pile of notebooks and loose papers with her handwriting all over them.
I tilt my head back, trying to wrack my brain for a way to say this without stumbling over the words. “I think we need to talk.”
“You already said that,” Grace hums and shuffles the papers out of the way so we can sit down. “What do we need to talk about?”
“I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
Her face falls.
“Shit, no. I didn’t mean it like that,” I sigh and scrub my face. “That didn’t come out right.”
“You’re making me worry.”
Screw it, I’m just going to say it. Who cares if it’s not romantic or some shit. “I like you.”
Grace’s eyes narrow at me, searching my face to see if I’m lying. I’m not. “Why?”
“What do you mean why?” I half-laugh. “You know damn well why.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Grace.”
“Alex.”
She’s teasing me. I know it, and the smile filters across my face before I can stop it. “I tried not to, you know? Because of…” I trail off.
The Wrong Girl_Hanson University_Book Two Page 12
