by Shelly Bell
“I’m sure it was just a prank. They probably would have swerved at the last minute if you hadn’t gotten me out of the way.”
She might be right, but he had a bad feeling about it.
“Thank you for”—she dropped her hands and her gaze to her lap—“everything.” She sucked her lower lip between her teeth and exhaled. “I’m just gonna go.”
His protective nature clawed its way out. “You’re still shaking from your panic attack. You’re in no condition to drive right now.”
She grabbed the door handle. “I’ll be fine. It doesn’t last long. I’ll just wait in my car until it stops.”
He began to reach out to stop her, but immediately snatched back his hand and locked the doors. “Someone just tried to run you down with a car, Dreama. I’m not going to let you sit out here all alone.”
She turned her head toward him, flames in her eyes again. Only this time it wasn’t passion but anger in them. “I don’t need a keeper.”
“I know you don’t. That’s not what I’m suggesting.” He hadn’t meant to imply that she couldn’t take care of herself. “It’s just part of who I am, I guess.”
She released the door handle and smirked. “Bossy?”
Pandora’s box had already been opened. Might as well discuss what was inside.
He made sure to look in her eyes as he revealed the truth about himself. “Dominant.”
Any remnant of embarrassment Dreama had over her panic attack quickly faded as she tried to pretend hearing Cash call himself a Dominant hadn’t caused her pussy to clench. The word had never sounded better than coming from his lips.
“If you’re a Dominant, then why were you being whipped?”
“I hired a Dominatrix, Mistress Naomi, to train me to be a Dominant. I met her tonight. She’s been in the lifestyle for thirty years, and like me, she’s not only a Dominant, but a sadist.”
She shuddered, but not from revulsion. The only thing better than a Dominant was a sadistic Dominant. Her tongue felt thick in her mouth. “Have you always known what you were?”
“Since college.” He tapped his fingers on his thigh and the divot between his brows made a reappearance. “Maddie wasn’t only my wife. She was my submissive. But we were young. I didn’t have a lot of experience with it and when she got pregnant…” He sighed. “Anyway, someone gave me the card for Club X. I wasn’t going to come, but then I thought I’d at least see what it was like.”
Dreama wanted desperately to ask him to finish telling her about what happened when Maddie got pregnant, but judging by the change of subject, he obviously didn’t feel like sharing. She didn’t blame him. It had to be painful to talk about everything he’d lost.
Regardless, it was clear Cash was a relative newbie to BDSM. Dreama had more than a decade of experience, and he was a Baby Dom about to embark on his journey of exploration. Some lucky sub was going to reap the benefits from it, but it wouldn’t be her.
She rubbed her fist over the burn in her chest. “You’ve never been to a club before?”
“No. You?”
“A few, but not Club X.” She decided to leave out that she’d been in a couple collared relationships and had played with dozens of partners. This conversation wasn’t about her. “So, what did you think?”
He tilted his head. “It was definitely…eye-opening.”
That was one way of putting it. Even with all her experience, she’d witnessed things at Club X she’d never seen before. Like Cash. Naked. “You didn’t look as if you were enjoying the whip.”
“Not even a little.” He laughed. “But now that I know how it feels, the sadist in me is looking forward to being on the other side of it. Naomi has agreed to train me on how to use the whip and other impact toys.”
He gave her a wicked smile that sent shivers running through her now-warmed-up body. It promised long, sweaty nights filled with sweet agony at his large, capable hands. She missed that kind of pain. Unlike her scars, it was a pain that led to escape and release.
“Cold still?” he asked, mistaking the origin of her shiver for a temperature-related one.
“No.” She needed to get out of that car, go home, and spend some time with her vibrator before she did something crazy like masturbate in front of him. Again. “Cash, I want you to know that my problem with touch and my panic attacks won’t affect my ability to fulfill my duties as your parole officer.”
He reared back, deep lines etched on his forehead. “I never thought it would. Nothing about tonight changes how I see you. I won’t tell anyone about what happened in or out of the club.” He paused briefly as if considering what to say next, then began tapping his fingers on his thigh. His eyes softened and his forehead smoothed. “But you should know—”
“Stop.” She shifted in her seat, holding up her hands. As much as she wanted to hear he felt the same way, it would make it much harder to resist him. “Please, don’t finish what you’re about to say. Once it’s out there, we can’t take it back, and I don’t want to lose my job.”
Nodding, he didn’t speak for a long time. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his sexy corded throat. “Couldn’t you pass my file to another person in your office?”
For a moment, she considered it. Just because she wasn’t his parole officer didn’t mean she couldn’t help him. But to reassign his case, she’d have to go through Meg, who would undoubtedly want to know why. That was a can of worms she didn’t want to open.
Even if he wasn’t her parolee, any relationship between them would still be frowned upon by the parole office. And if she was honest with herself, she didn’t want to give up his file. “Possibly, but I don’t want to. When I returned to work after visiting you at the shelter, my boss, Meg, reprimanded me because of the call I made to Stephen Browner.”
“Dreama, I’m sorry. I never—”
“Don’t apologize. You didn’t ask me to call him. That was all on me.” If she had the chance to do it over again, this time knowing the trouble she’d get into with Meg…she’d still do it. “Meg doesn’t like me. She never has. She’s just looking for a reason to fire me. I know I should play it safe and not stir up trouble, but Browner wouldn’t have tattled on me if he didn’t have something to hide. If there’s a chance that you were railroaded into taking a guilty plea for any other reason than it was the best option for you to take, you should know about it.”
He squinted and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want you getting into trouble with your boss over some slim hope.”
What else did she have but hope?
She had an idea of how to keep Meg from knowing she was still looking into Cash’s case and at the same time, mend old wounds. “Give me time to do a little more digging. I won’t mention your name, but I’m going to talk to a friend of mine who might be able to help check Browner out for us. In the meantime, I need you to order your medical records from the hospital and talk to witnesses who saw you drinking that night.”
“You’re risking your career for me,” he said softly. “Why?”
She made him a promise. “Because guilty or innocent, you deserve to know the truth about what happened that night. And we’re not going to stop until you do.”
TEN
Dreama walked up Jane’s driveway with a wrapped gift under her arm. It was the least she could do for her godson, considering she hadn’t seen him in more than a year. Before that, she’d been a constant presence in his life from the time he was born. She’d been there when Jane delivered him, given him bottles at midnight, changed his diaper hundreds of times, and had rocked him to sleep against her chest.
She hadn’t seen him since he was four months old. What would he look like now? Was he talking yet? What was his favorite food? She should know these things, but she’d been a coward, avoiding Jane, Ryder, and Maddox since going to the physical rehabilitation center after her long hospital stay. She’d talked on the phone with Jane, but it wasn’t the same. She’d been a bad godmother and a terrible fri
end. That was why she’d been shocked when Jane had not only agreed to Dreama’s request to come over to their home tonight, but also had invited her to stay for dinner.
Guilt choking her, Dreama knocked on their front door. Their pug, Otis, started barking to announce to his owners they had a visitor.
She had an ulterior motive for coming here. She needed a favor from Ryder, Jane’s husband, but to be fair, it had only served as a gentle push to get Dreama to do what she’d been too chicken to do. She missed Jane and Maddox. It was time to apologize and beg for forgiveness.
The door swung open to a pissed-off-looking Ryder McKay.
Apparently, she’d have to get past Jane’s gatekeeper first.
She’d actually known Ryder before Jane. He was best friends with Tristan, Dreama’s cousin Isabella’s fiancé. Both Tristan and Ryder had been regulars at the play parties Dreama had attended, although thank goodness she’d never played with either of them. In fact, Ryder had thrown several of those play parties here at his house before Jane and Maddox had moved in. Tristan and Isabella had met there. Dreama wondered if the basement was still outfitted as a dungeon.
Ryder was a good guy and had proven himself to Dreama more than once. He’d not only saved Jane and Maddox from Jane’s lunatic grandfather, but he’d also been the one who’d found Dreama right after the attack. He’d started CPR on her when he couldn’t find her pulse. He’d saved her life.
Looking at Ryder’s gray eyes, she was thrown by an overwhelming sense of familiarity. There was a whisper in the back of her mind, telling her there was a reason for that déjà vu, but she couldn’t put a name to it.
He peered over his shoulder and moved in front of the door, closing it a bit. “Before I let you in, I need to say something.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“I know she hasn’t said anything to you, but you hurt Jane. For a long time, she felt responsible for your attack. It didn’t matter that you told her she wasn’t. Other than a few phone calls here and there, you ghosted her. She blamed herself and it took a long time to convince her that your disappearance had nothing to do with her. She was so excited when you called her today and told her you wanted to see her, but I won’t allow you to come in here and get her hopes up only to crush her again.”
Her throat ached with regret. She hated that she’d hurt her best friend. “We all make mistakes, Ryder. I’m sorry I hurt her, but I’m here to apologize and see if we can repair our friendship. I promise I won’t hurt her again.”
He shrugged and smiled. “That’s good enough for me. Come on in. It’s good to see you, Dreama.”
She stepped into the house, seeing at once how much had changed inside. There were toys scattered in the entryway and framed photos of Maddox on the wall. She crouched to pet Otis between his ears. “It’s really good to see you, too, Ryder.”
Jane came out from the kitchen and stopped as her gaze fell on Dreama. Tears shimmered in her eyes.
“Hi, Chickie,” Dreama said, using the nickname she’d always used for Jane. Her gaze fell on Jane’s stomach. Jane’s humongous stomach. Okay, now Dreama was getting teary. “Oh. Wow. I’ve missed a lot. Why didn’t you tell me during one of our phone calls?”
“I wanted to tell you in person and I didn’t think we’d go that long without seeing one another.” Jane put both her hands over the basketball-shaped bulge. “I’m eight months.”
Because of the hysterectomy, Dreama would never have the chance to carry a child inside of her, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have the capacity to love other people’s children.
She’d been terribly selfish in staying away from Jane and Maddox.
That behavior ended now.
Dreama was going to be an aunt again. She smiled as she pulled Jane into some semblance of a hug, both laughing when Jane’s huge belly prevented them from getting close.
Jane had a glow to her that had been missing during her previous pregnancy, and Dreama bet it had everything to do with the fact that she had Ryder with her this time.
“You look beautiful,” Dreama said. “Any morning sickness?”
Jane led Dreama to a couch and they both sat. “Oh yeah. It’s just like it was with Maddox. I keep saltines and lemon candy on my nightstand. But my cravings are completely different.”
Dreama put the gift on the coffee table in front of the couch. “You mean you don’t make Ryder run out to Taco Bell at eleven at night like you did to me?”
“Ugh.” Jane made a sour face and stuck out her tongue. “Meat makes me want to hurl. I’m on a complete dairy kick this time. If I could live in a cheese shop, I would. Did you know they make chocolate cheese?”
Dreama loved chocolate and cheese, but somehow, the idea of chocolate cheese didn’t sound at all appealing. She took Jane’s hand and squeezed it, tears blurring her vision. “I missed you. I’m so sorry I haven’t been here for you.”
“I won’t lie,” Jane said, squeezing it back. “You really hurt my feelings.”
“I never, not once, blamed you for my attack. That’s not why I’ve been avoiding you.”
“Why, then?” Jane asked. “Is it because Maddox reminds you of what you lost?”
Dreama glanced down at the floor. The loss of her uterus and her ability to carry children didn’t make her feel any less of a woman. “No, I’ve made peace with that. It has more to do with something else I lost.” She looked Jane in the eyes. “My bravery.”
Jane frowned. “Dreama, you’re the bravest person I know.”
“But that’s just it. After the attack, I wasn’t brave at all.” She blew out a breath. “I developed a phobia. If a man touches me or if I even think he’s going to, I have a panic attack. I can’t even hug my own father.”
“Dreama, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that must be like. If you had let me, I would’ve been there for you. I’m still here for you.”
She leaned over and laid her head on Jane’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Jane sniffed. If it was anything like the last time she was pregnant, Jane would cry over the smallest of things. “I’ve missed you too.”
Just then, Dreama heard the sweetest voice in the world.
“Mommy?”
She turned her head to the left of the couch and there was the little boy she used to rock to sleep at night. He had his mother’s dark hair, but the rest of him was all Ryder.
“Hey, baby,” Jane said, opening her arms wide as Maddox toddled into her. She angled Maddox to face Dreama. “This is your auntie Dreama. Remember all those pictures of her I showed you?”
He shyly peered up at her. Dreama wanted to grab him and hold him tight but realized that might scare him. Thankfully, the idea of it didn’t scare her. She was happy to learn her phobia didn’t extend to male children. She snatched his present off the table and handed it to him. “Hi, Maddox. I brought you a gift.”
He immediately let go of Jane and with her help, unwrapped his present. It didn’t take long before he saw what the paper concealed. His gray eyes lit up with excitement and he started clapping. “A fuck. Mommy! A fuck!”
The doorbell rang and Ryder strode past them to answer the door.
“Yeah, baby. A truck.” Jane’s cheeks reddened. “No matter how many times we tell him it’s ‘truck,’ he refuses to call it that. Can you believe fuck was his first word?”
Dreama giggled. “With Ryder as his father? Yes. I absolutely believe it.”
Ryder returned with another man by his side. “Dreama, have you ever met my brother, Finn?”
“No.”
Except for their gray eyes, the two men looked nothing alike. From what Jane had said, Ryder and Finn shared a father but had different mothers. Ryder was tall with dark hair and olive skin while Finn was shorter with reddish-blond hair and paler skin. Both were handsome, but in her opinion, neither came close to Cash’s rugged good looks.
Huh. Why she’d compared the three men, she had no idea. Guess she just had Cash on
the brain.
Finn approached the couch and thrust out his hand to her. Dreama’s heart shot off like a rocket going to outer space.
Jane immediately jumped in to protect her, swatting Finn’s hand out of Dreama’s way. “Dreama doesn’t touch men.”
“Yeah, I don’t want to catch any cooties,” Dreama quipped, trying to remove some of the awkwardness from the situation. She shook her head. “No, seriously, I have a thing. I developed a phobia of a man’s touch. Don’t take it personally.”
Finn didn’t hesitate. “I don’t.” He also didn’t ask for details.
Dreama wasn’t the only one wounded in the evil plot of Jane’s grandfather, Ian Sinclair, to steal Ryder’s kitchen automation software. Sinclair had killed Finn’s wife, Jane’s mother.
“Weren’t you out of town for a while?” she asked Finn as Ryder dragged two chairs from the dining room and placed them across from the couch. Jane had mentioned in one of their few conversations that Finn had taken off the night his wife died.
Finn shifted in his seat, his shoulders raised. “Last week.”
“Are you just visiting or—”
“Finn bought a house not too far from here,” Ryder said, grinning.
There was a temporary lull in the conversation where she’d expected Finn to elaborate. When he didn’t, she chimed in. “That’s great. I’m sure Maddox is happy to have his uncle home.”
“His uncle and his aunt,” Jane said, rubbing Dreama’s shoulder. “Maybe soon he’ll have one more uncle home with him.”
“You found your brother?” Dreama asked.
“No,” Ryder said. “We had a lead but the track grew cold. All we have is a birthdate.”
As the four of them made small talk about the weather and the latest political news, Dreama wondered what would be the best way to bring up Cash’s case. She couldn’t help feeling he should be here, sitting among them. He’d like Ryder and Finn. Considering they were raised by a ruthless and somewhat heartless father, they’d turned out surprisingly normal. With their father now dead, the multi-billion-dollar empire he’d left behind was theirs, but Ryder still lived in the same two-thousand-square-foot home and Finn was dressed in a pair of well-worn Levi’s and a plain black T-shirt. They might be obscenely rich, but they didn’t live like it.
