by Rae, Nikki
Slipping him into my mouth, I let the tip of his length touch the back of my throat. It took more effort to remain calm and breathe, but I distracted myself with moving along with him, following his pumping hips as he plunged in and out. He was slow initially, making sure I was comfortable before he picked up the pace. It was impossible not to think about how he had taken a much different part of me in the same way. I shuddered with my own wave of excitement as his actions became more fervent.
I could feel how desperate he was becoming. It was another emotion he’d never given me before. He never begged for anything—at least not with me. I’d given him a reason to do so; become weak for me, to lose that control over himself and anything else for the blissful few seconds he’d already shown me more than once.
I wanted more.
He audibly gasped when I pulled away, not touching him at all anymore. For a moment, we locked eyes. Mine were filled with greed, satisfaction, and lust; his torn between begging and telling me we should stop.
Then, he opened his mouth, bottom lip slightly trembling as the water cascaded down his back. “Please,” he whispered. I pretended I didn’t hear him and my chest swelled with a certain kind of joy when he realized he needed to speak up. Now his eyes begged as much as his torn, raspy voice. “Please, Doe. Don’t stop.”
I acted like I was contemplating his request. He still had to make it sound like an order, even now, but I chose not to torture him anymore and pulled him to me again.
Master Lyon fisted my hair as if he was afraid I would stop again, pushing and pulling more forcefully as he growled and leaned against the wall even more.
I was the weak one every day of my life—whether I outwardly showed it or not. With Master Lyon, and all he was beyond my Owner, I could be someone different. I had come to realize what a gift it could be, experiencing all of the firsts that would have otherwise belonged to someone else. I wanted to do and be that for him. I wanted him to surrender to me in all the ways I had him. Most of all, I wanted him to remember me. Even if I one day faded from his mind, this part of his body would always be bonded to me. He wouldn’t be able to forget me or the fact that I would spend every day in a Wolf’s cage. Likewise, it wouldn’t matter if I wore the Wolf’s collar, that his chains would bind my body. Master Lyon didn’t need any of that to prove he Owned me. He always would.
Before my mind could wander any farther, I focused all my attention on the moment. How thick and strong the muscles of his thighs were under my palms as he thrust in deliberate movements. His smooth length against my lips, in my mouth. I soaked in his scent of cloves and the lingering soap in the shower. I listened to his breathing quicken and burned how his fingers felt on my head as they curled, as tense as the rest of him. And that look. I wanted to remember this most. His closed eyes, parted lips, expression between pained and content as his brow furrowed. I could tell in the same way I could with my own body that he was close to that edge of release. I’d made balancing that much more difficult. Still, this beast within me wanted more.
It spurred me on; my head and tongue moved on their own, my body taking over with its need for more. I set a new rhythm and he kept up, everything else charging along with it: His breathing became ragged and he tensed even more. Moving closer, I ran one hand up and down his hardness as I used my mouth in the same steady rhythm, prolonging the contact.
Almost immediately, he slammed into me with so much force I was afraid I would choke and that would put an end to things, but at the sharp sound of my poorly concealed gag, he only pressed on, allowing me to breathe here and there as he moved both of us.
I could feel him becoming harder, and though I’d never learned this, I knew what it meant. I tried to speed up, push him off that cliff and fall with him. But he was pulling away, jerking my head backwards so I stared up at him.
Without looking at me, he released my hair so he could brace himself on the wall behind me. For an agonizing three seconds, all we did was breathe, the only sound the spray of water. In the wake of all the electricity buzzing through my head, the tightened muscles and burning skin, the air around us was charged with nothing but static.
My hands were still on his thighs, but the part I wanted most was as far away as possible. It couldn’t be over. We weren’t done. I wouldn’t let him deny me this.
Lunging forward, one hand gripped him as my mouth traveled close behind. This was no longer about him. This was about me, and I wouldn’t let him take away this moment without a fight.
“Stop, Doe.” Though his voice was stern, it sounded strained. He didn’t really want me to stop. He just felt like he should; keep his control a few seconds more.
I kept hold of him, trying to recreate the timing we’d once had and failing.
He moved completely away, nearly making me fall over without the support of his body. He stood straighter, so I stood as well, refusing to let him take more than two steps backwards.
“Did I do something wrong, sir?” I didn’t sound the least bit beneath him and we both heard it.
Master Lyon turned away from me so I couldn’t see him. “No.” His voice was little more than a jagged breath.
I swiped my drenched hair from my face and he watched me out of the corner of his eye. I didn’t know what I was feeling. Rejected, angry, unfathomably sad? All of these emotions were there, but there was something else. Some vice twisting everything within my chest; it made my hands tremble and breathing almost impossible.
“I…I don’t understand.” My voice cracked, difficult to hear through the water and even more so with my pounding pulse.
A heavy sigh and he ran his hand through his wet hair. Once again, he wouldn’t look at me.
“Your transfer is scheduled to take place two days from now. We leave tomorrow.”
It was as if he’d shoved me; I had to brace my back against the stone. He came closer and there was nowhere for me to run. Arms wrapped around me and I was against his chest. There was no lust in the action; the fire had cooled the second he opened his mouth. He rested his chin in the crook of my shoulder, body shielding me from the majority of the water. I couldn’t move. I didn’t accept his embrace, but I couldn’t fight it either.
“I can’t.”
The only thing that would leave my lips was, “Why?”
He stroked the back of my neck until my forehead was against his shoulder and I didn’t object, unable to react in any way. “I want you, Fawn.”
I gulped down any words I could have said.
“You aren’t aware of just how much.” I heard him lick his lips. Swallow. “If I lose myself in you now, I won’t be able to do it, Fawn. I would fail.”
When I couldn’t think of anything to say, he slowly released me, turning to retrieve his towel from the rack and wrapping it around his waist, concealing every secret part of him, the door I’d unlocked now slammed shut.
I stared at him, wide-eyed, arms still slightly raised in the embrace he’d so abruptly ended. He was back to the Owner now—the Master; of me and himself.
“Shower and then go back to bed, Doe,” he said. “Marius will wake you before we leave.”
He left me under the heat of the water and I stayed there until I could no longer hold back the tears. That was it. The end of this chapter, the cracking of the spine as the page inevitably turned.
Ten
Master Jäger, overjoyed with the idea of finally having me back, had insisted on a grand affair for the occasion of my transfer. When Marius told me this on the way to my room, I thought it odd. For something so illegal within the Order—let alone with a blacklisted Member—he sure was flaunting the fact. It didn’t surprise me. He wasn’t a smart man, and at least when I’d known him, he wasn’t a careful man either. Status had been the only thing keeping him from some sort of humiliation, demotion, or excommunication within the Order.
They left me to myself the entire morning. I was to pack, but there was nothing I wanted to bring with me. Anything from this life would hav
e to be left on the plane anyway; Jäger wouldn’t let me keep it. Instead of wasting my time, I dressed in comfortable clothes that I picked out myself. I stood on my own bed and opened my own window to stare outside at the lightening sky. I imagined this would be one of my last sunrises, and I wanted to watch the entire thing from start to finish. When it was over, so would this phase of my life. I felt as if I were transforming along with the darkness, changing from blue to a blinding orange.
Marius had come back in at some point, but I didn’t know how long he’d been standing there before he announced his presence. “You should dress warm, Miss.”
Like Master Lyon and I, it seemed it made him more comfortable with what was about to occur of he too stayed in his role. I found it easier to handle as well. I didn’t know how helpful it would have been for my resolve had he acted like the Marius I had seen last night.
I looked down at the simple sweater and jeans I’d paired with it, the boots Master Lyon had given me waiting by the door. I stretched the deep maroon fabric in front of me. “Is this okay?”
The contrast between the simple question and the acidity of what it was really asking made my breath catch in my throat.
“I—I mean, am I expected to wear something specific?”
I wasn’t prepared for the tears as I gazed up at him and he quickly shut the door behind him. He wrapped his arms around me gently, as one would a stranger, which only made my crying worse.
I was unprepared when he kissed my forehead. It made me look back up at him and I saw a certain fire behind his eyes as his hands moved to either side of my face. Master Lyon’s words from last night rang in my head: “Shall I call Marius back in to fuck your throat while my cock is buried deep, in this pretty little ass?”
He held me close, waiting patiently for me to catch my breath.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked, reaching up to wipe away the tears. He prevented me from doing so with the lower portion of his arms as his knuckles did the job for me.
“There now,” he said as if dismissing me, yet he didn’t back away. “We don’t need to disobey our orders, do we?” He whispered the last part.
Mr. B gave me a smile, but I saw the same hopelessness I’d seen on Master Lyon’s face this morning. I expected it looked no different on me.
That day Master Lyon had marked me with his beautiful flowers, I’d read about something called circling roots. While a tree grows in a confined space, the roots tangle and spiral around each other until the tree can no longer get what it needs to survive.
I imagined we were each one of these roots, fighting one another to survive while at the same time unable to stop it all from happening because we would always be attached to the same tree. We were the ones who could work together to choke off what fed its leaves and branches, but right now we had to soak up everything, wait for the right time.
Keeping one hand on my shoulder, Mr. B reached into the closet and took out my coat. He helped me put it on, buttoning it up to my neck when my fumbling fingers couldn’t. Then he sat me on the bed and tied on my shoes, the same reassuring constriction around my feet that Master Lyon had given when he’d taken me outside for the first time.
“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing,” he finally said when he was all done, helping me back to my feet.
I sniffled. “You must not know many people,” I joked with no humor in sight.
Again, he kissed my forehead, this time in place of saying anything to convince me of what he’d said. He stroked the hair away from my face while making it appear like he was only reaching for my hood. He whispered in my ear, “He won’t leave you there.” I heard him swallow hard at the same time I gulped. “And if he did, I would bring you back myself.”
The conviction in his voice made goose bumps spread across my skin even under the warmth of the coat. Then, as quickly as he had come closer, he backed away and flipped the hood over my head. He adjusted his posture as if slipping into a different skin. Offering me his elbow, he stood as the professional I’d come to know.
I looped my arm through his and we started down to the foyer, where I could see my Owner waiting by the door. He wore a dark blue coat and leather gloves. There was a bit of snow in his well- groomed hair and neatly trimmed beard.
Master Lyon acted as if I wasn’t there, staring through me and straight at Mr. B.
“We’d better hurry,” he said without so much as a glance in my direction. “The storm will hit in a few hours and we need to be in the air and clear of it before then.
As if it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, Mr. B said, “You’re right, sir.” He gave him a slight bow before walking past me and then my Owner, out the door.
Master Lyon’s eyes slid to me as if he had all the time in the world. “Have you been crying, Doe?”
I didn’t know if he was concerned or trying to determine whether I’d disobeyed him. Apparently, I couldn’t answer fast enough, for he strode towards me in two steps, pinching my chin between his thumb and forefinger.
I stared up at him, fear spiking along with the odd impression of guilt. He turned my head slowly from side to side, studying my face.
He sighed as he roughly let me go, only taking away his hand and not moving any more than that. For a while, he said nothing, then one corner of his lip turned upward and he secured the hood over my head, making sure the clasp at my throat was snug. “You were doing so well.”
My Owner’s palm settled between my shoulders, yet he’d never seemed farther away. He guided me to the door and didn’t say anything else until we were out in the quickly-whitening landscape. A sleek black limo waited for us in the circular drive, Mr. B opening one of the doors as the idling car hummed.
When we were no more than a step away from the heated interior, Master Lyon gripped my arm, halting me. “No furniture for the rest of the day,” he said loud enough for all three of us to hear, which made my cheeks flush with embarrassment. It was as if he were exposing me to Mr. B even more than when he’d seen me naked and tied up.
Master Lyon nudged me harder than necessary and it eliminated the remaining distance between me and the car. As he walked around to the other side, Mr. B helped me inside so I wouldn’t slip on the icy cobblestones.
I had to crouch to adjust to the space as my Owner sat on the warm, heated leather. I took a seat on the floor. The limo wasn’t the longest, so my back touched the backward facing seats while the toes of my boots grazed Master Lyon’s in front of me.
I’d figured Mr. B would be driving, but then I remembered the vague image of a driver when I’d first arrived to Lyon Estate. I stared at my knees while trying to sit as comfortably as possible with my arms around my legs. It didn’t take me long to realize the heat had been turned to a setting that mostly warmed the upper half of the car and its passengers. The only place I could feel it was the very top of my head.
I looked up at Master Lyon at the exact moment his eyes landed on mine, smirk in place as he took in the fact that I’d realized this. As the remaining car door was filled with Mr. B’s torso and he sat down, the door shut behind him and the car started to move. It didn’t fully strike me until then. How this was happening all too fast and yet painfully slow.
I tried to keep my trembling breaths as quiet as possible, but it became more and more difficult as my body demanded air.
I’d gotten so lost in this wave of panic and concentrating on not letting is show that I hadn’t realized someone was snapping their fingers until at least the third or fourth time.
My eyes shifted to my Owner, who was still speaking with Mr. B and not even glancing in my direction despite how I was no longer trying to keep quiet. Instead, a single finger pointed to the floor and I crawled to his side, knocking my knee against the door as I sat down in front of him and he absentmindedly nudged me so my back was against his seat and I could feel the warmth of his leg on my arm. Though he didn’t give me any words of encouragement, his hand found my hair and s
oothed my raw nerves.
Eventually, I calmed enough to take full breaths and slow my heart to a steadier rhythm. He didn’t make me feel weak for having to lean against him; he didn’t acknowledge my silent scene at all. Slowly, my pulse evened out and I could hear what the two men were discussing in French. Unfortunately, it seemed their conversation was coming to an end.
“You should have told me,” my Owner said, and I couldn’t guess what he was talking about.
Mr. B didn’t respond and the rest of the drive was silent. I got used to the swaying of the car, the humming vibration of the wheels beneath me and the white noise of the air as we cut through it. I allowed my mind to wander, but not anywhere too familiar. I didn’t envision driving through the countryside in a wide circle; that we would end up back at Lyon Estate. Instead, I imagined I wasn’t even in a car, but riding my horse into the woods with no destination. The sun shone bright but didn’t hurt my eyes. It warmed my body and chased away the chills. The iridescent coat of the horse I was to call mine glittered and shifted into all the colors of the rainbow as we strode through the trees.
I imagined the sky was the purple of the lilac flowers I’d seen in the greenhouse, almost unnatural in its vivid hues. If I concentrated hard enough, I could smell the damp earth, the blades of grass after it had been watered.
I made sure I stopped visualizing these things before I fell into sleep, slumped against my Owner’s leg. Images like that could be comforting while awake, but once I slipped past that threshold, if I brought these pretty pictures with me, they would grow claws and tear me apart quicker than any Member in The Order.
***
The limo stopped what I estimated to be an hour later, and we boarded the private plane I’d seen before, but it seemed now that a completely different person had experienced it. Master Lyon trailed behind Mr. B and I but disappeared before he’d even shown me to my seat.
