by Clare Revell
“No,” Jim said, noticing the Bible that Jack was carrying. “Maybe you’re just the person we need. Lou wants proof that God loves her and knows how she feels.”
Jack looked at Lou.
She looked at him then down at the plate. “I just can’t get past the fact that He could let this happen if He isn’t picking on me. Or other bad stuff. If God is really out there...”
“Oh, God is out there, Lou,” Jack said. “And He knows how you feel.” He moved the table out of the way and sat next to her on the bed. He handed Lou his Bible. “Psalm 88,” he said. “Read it and then tell me that God doesn’t know how you feel.”
Lou flicked through it and found it.
“Read it aloud,” Jack told her.
“I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like one without strength. I am set apart with the dead, like the slain who lie in the grave, whom You remember no more, who are cut off from Your care. You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavily on me; You have overwhelmed me with all Your waves. You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief. I call to You, Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to You—”
As she read, her voice wavered and tears blurred her vision. She struggled on, but eventually her voice broke.
Jack took the Bible from her and continued to read from verse thirteen. “But I cry to You for help, Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before You. Why, Lord, do You reject me and hide Your face from me? From my youth I have suffered and been close to death; I have borne Your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; Your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken from me friend and neighbor—darkness is my closest friend.”
Jack stopped reading. The silence was only broken by Lou’s sobs. He put the Bible down and took her in his arms. “You see, even God knows where you are coming from. Jesus Himself felt alone and separated from God. Remember how, on the cross, He quoted Psalm twenty-two, ‘My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?’”
Jim reread part of Psalm 88:8. “You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them.”
“I’ve managed that one,” Lou sobbed. “Haven’t I?”
“You tried,” Jim agreed.
She glanced up at him.
“But it’ll take way more than one of your bad moods to get rid of us. You see, we love you and don’t like to see you unhappy. When you’re sad, it makes us sad, too.”
Jack held her tightly, her tears soaking his shirt. “And God loves you, too. John three sixteen says so.”
“I know that one,” Lou said quietly.
“I guess you know Psalm twenty-three?” Jack asked.
She nodded. “The Lord is my shepherd.”
Jack smiled. “My pastor always says that goodness and mercy are the sheepdogs.”
She frowned. “Sheepdogs?”
“Jesus is the shepherd, I’m the sheep, and if goodness and mercy follow me, then that makes them…”
“Sheepdogs. I get it. That’s clever.”
“What about Malachi four verse two?”
Lou shook her head. “No. Never been one for reading the Bible. Couldn’t even tell you where that book is.”
“But for you who revere My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays. And you will go out and frolic like well-fed calves,” Jim read.
“Can’t leap anywhere, can I? I can’t even walk,” she sighed.
“It doesn’t just mean literally leap,” Jack explained. “God leads us from darkness into light, sickness to health, bondage to freedom, cold to warmth, stuntedness to growth, inactivity to usefulness, and joylessness to joy. Because He loves you.”
Lou shook her head. “Not me. I’m not good enough.”
“Especially you,” Jack told her. “In Matthew nine verse thirteen Jesus says, ‘For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” He looked across at Jim. “There’s a list in the front of my Bible. Would you read them please?”
Jim nodded. He pulled out the piece of paper and looked at it. “Fourteen of them,” he said. “Do you want me to read them all?”
“Leave the last one for now.”
Jim opened the Bible and read Jack’s list. As he read, Lou’s sobs diminished, and she listened, really listened.
When he finished, Lou looked at Jack. “But will God want me? I mean, what good am I to anyone now?”
Jack smiled. “Lou, do you know the story of the prodigal son?”
“Yeah. He ran away and spent all his father’s money.”
“When he came home, did his father yell at him or refuse to let him back in the house?”
“No.”
Jack said, “He ran to his son. He came to him, met him on the road, even though the son had hurt him badly by running away and disobeying him. Then he threw a huge party for him because the son he thought was dead was alive and had come home. He never stopped loving him. Your mom still loves you, doesn’t she, even though you ran away?”
“She says she does.”
Jack looked at her. “Your mom met you on the runway. According to General Merrick, she all but ran out there as soon as she knew your chopper was inbound. She’s living on the base, hardly left your side the first couple of days, unless the doc threw her out or I made her lie down and sleep. Now if that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”
Lou looked at him in amazement. “Even after I was horrid to her?”
“Especially after you were horrid to her. Likewise, your Heavenly Father loves you. Why should He turn His back on you now?”
“Yeah, but I’ve done religion all my life. It doesn’t mean anything. You’re different though, Jack. Despite everything you told me earlier about your wife and son and your leg, you still believe in a loving God. You talk like it means something, like Jesus is real to you. Like you have hope. Where is this hope?”
Jack looked down at her. “To put it simply,” he began, “there is only one hope—Jesus. God loves you with an everlasting love. We’re not just flesh and blood, we have a soul. But unlike our body, the soul is eternal. God made it like that because He wants a relationship with us. Not just for the few years we are on the earth, but forever.” Lou glanced at Jim. He nodded, agreeing with what Jack was saying.
Jack continued, “Jesus loves you. He loved you enough to die on the cross to pay the price of your sins for you. There is nothing you have done nor can ever do that will stop Him from loving you or wanting a permanent relationship with you. But it has to be all or nothing. No half measures. He wants all of you, all the time. A daily two-way relationship. He’s waiting for you now.”
She frowned. “It can’t be that easy, surely?”
“Yes and no,” Jack said. “Life isn’t easy. There is no magic cure. I still have bad days now when I miss Billy and Erin, or have flashbacks about Will, but I have God to get me through them. He’ll do the same for you if you ask.”
Lou looked at him. “I want that for myself,” she said.
Jack nodded. “Let’s pray,” he said. He led them in prayer.
Jim joined in.
Then Lou, stumbling over her words and interspaced with sobs, confessed her sins and accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. Afterwards she looked up at Jack, a sense of peace flooding her heart and mind. It was as if the clouds were beginning to break—a tiny ray of hope peeping through on a stormy day.
15
Lou looked up as Jack finished praying. “Thank you, Jack.”
He hugged her tightly and leant her back against the pillows. “It’s not gonna be easy,” he told her. “You need to work hard at it. Read the Bible and pray every day. At least once.”
“I realize that,” Lou said. “I don’t have a Bible though.”
“There is a Gideon
New Testament in the drawer next to you. It’s got suggested readings in the front of it. It’ll do until you get one of your own.” He smiled at her. “You’ll also need to work on your physio and follow the doc’s instructions to the letter. If you want this prosthesis, you have to earn it and learn to walk again. I’ll be here though, every step of the way.”
Lou nodded then groaned. “Your jokes are as bad as Jim’s.”
Jack looked surprised. “Joke?” he queried.
“Prosthesis…learning to walk again…every ‘step’ of the way,” Lou said.
Jack grinned. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, kid. There’s a whole lot more where that came from. And get used to it. Because as long as your mom wants me around, you get me too.”
Lou grinned back. “Oh joy.” She glanced across at the table. “I suppose the tea is cold.”
“As it should be.” Jack winked.
Lou pulled a face. “No, tea is hot. With milk and sugar in it.”
“I’ll get you another,” Jim said. He looked across at Jack. “Thank you,” he said.
“It’s what friends are for.” Jack smiled.
“You’ve gone above and beyond that today,” Jim told him. He looked at Lou. “Do you want anything else or just the tea?”
“Can you ask if the others can come in for a bit? I’ve pushed them away for too long. We could teach Jack how to play Phase 10. But I’d like to see Mum first.”
“I’ll ask. The doc might want you to rest though, but I’ll go ask.”
Lou watched as Jim went over to Dr. Andrews’s office and spoke to her. He shot her a thumbs-up across the ward and left. Lou looked at Jack. “About this morning,” she began. “I really wasn’t trying to run…”
“It’s forgotten. Let’s just move on.”
“OK. Thank you. Airman Ryder isn’t in too much trouble, is he?”
“No,” Jack said. “I dealt with it.”
Dr. Andrews came over. “How are you feeling?” she asked, shoving a thermometer in Lou’s mouth and taking hold of her wrist.
Lou grinned. “How do I answer with this in my mouth?”
“Ack, don’t talk with your mouth full,” Jack said. “It’s rude.”
“Sorry, Uncle Jack.”
“And stop with the uncle.”
Dr. Andrews removed the thermometer and read it. “Normal,” she said. “So’s your pulse. Are you up to more visitors? You’ve had a busy day.”
“I’ve shut them out for too long,” Lou said. “What time is it?”
“1945. Not too late.” She jotted things down on the chart and hung it back up. “OK, they can visit for a while, but I don’t want them staying too late.”
Mum came across, carrying a tray of tea. “I brought three,” she said. “Figured Jack might want one.”
“Only if his is cold,” Lou said quickly.
Jack rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Nicky, but I was going to leave you ladies to it.”
Lou shook her head. “You don’t have to go, Jack.” She held out her arms to her mother.
Mum put the tray down and wrapped her arms tightly around Lou.
Lou hugged her tightly, crying hard. “I’m sorry. I hurt you so much. I can never make it up to you.”
Mum hugged her back. “You don’t have to. You’re my daughter. I will always love you. No matter what. Jack told me how down you’d felt. Why didn’t you tell me things were that bad?”
“I couldn’t. There was no one I felt I could trust. And after Jack dragged me to the canteen to make me eat, I hated him.” She looked at Jack. “You knew how I felt about things, but ignored my wishes. That’s why I couldn’t tell anyone at all, because you grown-ups just wouldn‘t understand. I didn’t understand my feelings myself. So I couldn’t explain them even if I could find the words or someone I thought I could trust. All I knew was that I’d had enough and felt you’d be better off without me.”
“I’d never be better off without you,” Mum told her. “I love you.”
“I know that now.” Lou glanced over at Jack. “But I don’t hate you anymore, Jack.”
“Glad to hear it,” Jack said quietly.
“I’m sorry I ever felt that way. You did me a favor, even though I didn’t see it at the time. I owe you one. You saved my life in lots of ways.”
Mum said, “Promise me you will talk to someone.”
“I start counseling tomorrow,” Lou said. “General Merrick gave me no choice.” She smiled at Jack over Mum’s shoulder. “But I would have done it anyway. A friend suggested it. Well, Uncle Jack…”
Jack rolled his eyes, trying to look fierce, but his chuckle gave him away. “I have asked you repeatedly not to call me uncle, kid.” He handed her one of the mugs. “So, are you going to come to church with us on Sunday, assuming I can sneak you past that guard dog of a doc over there?”
“Guard dog?” Lou frowned slightly, then the penny dropped. “Oh, yeah, she said you were a horrid patient who did anything he could to avoid seeing her.”
“Did she now?”
“Quite funny actually. Big guy like you afraid of a little woman like her.”
Jack laughed. “Don’t let her hear you say that. Besides, she has a large assortment of very big needles.”
Lou nodded. “And feeding tubes, apparently.”
Mum laughed with them. “Why church? You said church wasn’t your cup of tea and you wouldn’t go if I paid you. Unless Jim went, then you’d go.”
Lou smiled. “That’s something else that Jack did. He helped God find me.”
Jack shook his head. “God knew where you were all along, kid. I just gave you a shove in His direction.”
Mum hugged Lou again, taking care not to spill the tea. “That’s wonderful, sweetheart. I’ll have to buy you a Bible, because I don’t suppose you kept yours.”
Lou shook her head. “Maybe you and Jack could choose one together,” she said.
Jack took hold of her mum’s hand. “We’d like that.”
Jim tapped on the door. Jack beckoned him in. He nodded and came in, followed by Staci, Ailsa, and his parents. With the ever-present Sergeant Peterson and Staff Sergeant Chaney close behind.
Lou hugged Bill and Di, not having seen them since she’d gotten onto the base. She chatted with them for a few minutes, then looked at the others. It still amazed her that they wanted anything to do with her. But then love didn’t ask questions. It was just there.
“So who’s that on the door?” Staci asked, tossing the cards onto the table by Lou’s bed.
Lou looked up. “That’s Sergeant Whitlock, my escort.”
“You have an escort now?” Ailsa said. “What did you do?”
Lou shrugged. “I just decided that if you can’t beat them, join them. Why should you guys have all the fun? Besides, if my escort is going to follow me everywhere, then she can push the wheelchair.”
Jim shook his head and laughed. “You are a card, you know that?”
Lou poked out her tongue at him. “Actually, these are cards. I’m a person.” She waved the pack at him before turning out all the cards and shuffling them.
Jim groaned. “Jack, we unleashed a monster,” he said in a stage whisper. “She found her sense of humor.”
Staci played along, throwing her hands up in horror. “Oh no, not her sense of humor. I thought you’d thrown that overboard along with the phone.”
“It was in with the logbook,” Lou told them. “Page forty-seven, paragraph three, line six…” She broke off as Jim tossed a pillow at her. She caught it and tossed it back. “So are we playing cards or just trading insults all night?”
Jim grinned. “I can multitask and do both.”
“Rubbish,” Staci said. “You’re a man. You can’t multitask.” She got up and, with Ailsa’s help, pulled over all the tables she could find and put them together over Lou’s bed.
Sergeant Peterson and Staff Sergeant Chaney sat over with Sergeant Whitlock by the door.
Lou glanced at them and then lo
oked at Jim. “No one is gonna go anywhere tonight,” she deadpanned.
“Just pretend they’re keeping someone out rather than us inside,” Jim laughed.
“Sounds good to me.” Lou dealt the cards. She picked hers up and explained the rules to Jack. She glared at her cards. How was she supposed to do two sets of three with ten cards where no two numbers were the same? “Nothing changes,” she said.
After a couple of hours, Dr. Andrews announced the end of visiting time. She chased the others out. Mum and Jack stood to go with them.
Lou said, “Mum?”
Mum turned. “Yes, love?”
“What’s going to happen now?”
“With what?”
“Ailsa, for one thing.”
Mum looked at Jack. “I’ll catch you up. Wait for me in the mess.” As he nodded and headed out, she sat down on the bed. “Well, Bill and Di have said that Ailsa can live with them if she wants to. She’s eighteen, so she won’t have to go into foster care or into the system at all. They’ll tell the authorities she’s not dead, get her passport sorted with the embassy here. Then they’ll go back to England.”
“Go back to England?” Lou’s stomach fell. “Jim and Staci too?”
Mum smiled. “Of course. They’ll live with their parents until they go back onto the mission field. Di is talking about taking Staci with them next time. It’ll be up to Jim if he goes with them. And that depends on if he has a job and where he’s working.”
Tears burned Lou’s eyes, irritating her. “I don’t want them to go.”
“Sweetheart, there isn’t anything we can do about it. You know them staying with us was only temporary.”
“Are we going back with them?”
“Jack’s asked me to stay here. And for the moment, that’s probably for the best.” She held up a hand as Lou started to object. “While you’re in here and being treated...”
“Can’t they do that at home?”
“We don’t have a home,” Mum said. “I told you that already.”
“Oh, right…yeah.” She sucked in a deep breath. “So that’s it then. They go back to England and I…I’m alone again.”
Mum’s fingers were warm against Lou’s face as she tucked her hair behind her ears. “No, honey, you’re not alone. Not anymore.”
